Mock, Paper, Scissors

In a change of pace from the sexism of the last Bad Ad, I thought that serving bananas was just the ticket. Cross your legs gents, the comments might get ugly.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

News that will drive you to drink

Default, here we come!

• Sad trombone - The GOP does not have enough votes to pass their plan to cripple the economy; their caucus is badly fractured as the Teabaggers are calling the shots. (Washington Times)
• It’s Dead, Jim - …but no one told Eric Cantor that they don’t have enough votes, so he’s running around telling the mouth breathers to quit whining and vote for Weepy’s plan, dammit! (Politico)
• …and meanwhile - President Carebear says he will vetoe Weepy’s plan if it makes it to his desk. (USA Today)
• Healthy Habits – Mickey-D’s will start adding fresh fruit (and losing the carmel dipping sauce), reduce the salt, and make smaller portions of fries to kids’s Happy Meals, you know, to offset baby’s first stroke. (LATimes)

Regards,

Tengrain

I don’t know why, but whenever I think about the manufactured political hysteria about the deficit, I keep thinking about the story of King Solomon splitting the baby in half. Only in this version of “shared sacrifice” or whatever the neat turn of phrase is that President Obama used last night, instead he says “No problem, it’s not my baby.”

One of the strangest moments on Twitter was watching the tweets float past of really decent progressive people being caught up in the moment. They were sticking by what President Carebear said without thinking about what he said. I know it was a huzzah for our side moment, but did they realize they were cheering him on while he said that he offered the dismantling of the New Deal and the social safety net to the GOP?

I’m all about poking fun at the GOP mouth breathers and the D’oh-rcs, but I think we have to remember that the baby will be cut in half if we win without making our opinion known. After all, it is not his baby.

Call your representatives and tell them NO DEAL to slashing Social Security and Medicare. Let’s stop this thing now.

Regards,

Tengrain

(She’s the CBS News Capitol Hill producer, in case you were wondering.)

Jeebus. President O’Bachmann? But more importantly, is that really a campaign rallying cry? Are these the issues that drive the mouth-breathing bedwetters to vote for a lunatic?

(A clue: Yes.)

(Via RawStory)

News you can use all day

• Friends helping friends - Hey guys, remember yesterday when Gawker filed a lawsuit against helicopter enthusiast New Jersey Governor Chris Christie for denying them records of the governor’s meeting with paranoid gelatinous mass Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes and was told to go away? Me Neither! Anyway, Christie’s office has released details about one meeting–it was already published in New York Magazine. (NYTimes)
• Speaking of Fox - Nobody knows the trouble Rupie’s seen, but MurdochLeaks wants to find out. Yup, a new WikiLeaks-style, um, wiki debuted this weekend to gather news of Rupert’s nefarious deeds. (MurdochLeaks)

• Fox again? – Free-range conspiracy theorist and former Fox gibbering head Glenn Beck says about the shootings in Norway:

  “There was a shooting at a political camp, which sounds a little like the Hitler youth, or, whatever. I mean, who does a camp for kids that’s all about politics. Disturbing,” said Beck on his syndicated radio show.

  I guess he forgot about Teabagger Re-education Camp.

  (Guardian UK)

We’ve been invited to a wedding!

My google map is broken. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

Thanks!

TexBetsy

Oh, Katie Schwartz, I cannot wait for your response!

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D)

News that will drive you to drink

• Little Blue Boxes - Serial adulterer and blow job aficionado Newt Gingrich was seen walking into Tiffany’s with high-priced call girl his orally-fixated wife Callista, and being ushered into the private back room. This wouldn’t be such a big deal except that he put on his campaign disclosure forms that he closed his $500K line of credit. Smells bad, eh, Newticles? (Politico and The Note)
• Little tinfoil hats - The California Republican Party (a 12-step for Onanists? Yes) has invited a 2012 Goat Rodeo contender to be their featured speaker at the state convention. Yup, Bachmann-the-Nut will be in the Golden State convention in Los Angeles. Will Marcus be praying away the gay in nearby WeHo, or just on his knees at the Mineshaft? (California Republican Party)
• Pot calls Kettle black - Reality TeeVee Star and comb-over expert Donald Trump called human insomnia cure Tim Pawlenty a phony. (Politico)

Football is back!

I’m still reading, listening, etc. to see if the players got screwed or if this was a fair deal.  Unlike congress, where we KNOW the workers & retirees will get the shaft in the debt talks.

p.s. Go Giants!

…jokes.

A member of the Royal Australian Air Force was seriously burnt when a portable toilet exploded in central Queensland this morning.

The airman was using the toilet about 9.30am when he lit a cigarette, a Department of Community Safety spokeswoman said.

–Tengrain

(Sydney Morning Herald)

News you can use all day

• Stick a fork in him, he’s done - Unethical wingnut puppet-master Rupert Murdoch has to make a choice between saving his empire or saving his son (buzz cut serial liar James). Buh-bye, James! (NYTimes)
• Man Bites Dog - Notorious gossip blog Gawker is suing anger-management candidate New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to get to the bottom of his political ties with gelatinous wingnut Roger Ailes. Christie’s office denies Gawker access to any emails or other correspondence claiming “executive privilege.” At the time that the records request was rejected Ailes told Gawker through a representative, “Whatever the governor wants to do is his business.” (NYTimes)
• Your tax dollars at work - “A year-long military-led investigation has concluded that U.S. taxpayer money has been indirectly funneled to the Taliban under a $2.16 billion transportation contract that the United States has funded in part to promote Afghan businesses.” (WaPo)

Oh, and it seems that strange orange hued drunkard Weepy might be more worried about retaining his Speaker of the House gig than trying to reach an agreement to prevent a default and a world-wide economic collapse.

–Tengrain

“…or the economy gets it.”

Rgds,

Tengrain

AP Photo/David Dupree via NYTimes

NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y. (AP) — Gay-rights activists Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd were legally married the very first moment they could be during a midnight ceremony at Niagara Falls that ushered in same-sex marriage in the state and marked a pivotal moment in the national drive for recognition.

More, please.

–Tengrain

(NYTimes)

All the contributors here at Mock, Paper, Scissors have taken off our snark caps–for a brief moment–to express our shock at the news coming out of Norway. We offer our sincere condolences to the families and friends of the victims, and we hope that they find some peace.

We also condemn the actions of the assailant. The Norwegian police have a suspect under arrest, the same person who is alleged to have blown up a building in Oslo is alleged to have killed a huge number of children and young people at a summer camp.

We don’t really know what happened, and the news for the most part is still sketchy with a lot of speculation. We do know that many major news organizations quickly jumped to the conclusion that it was an act of Islamic Fundamentalist Terror, only to retract their earlier stories.

Please join us in pausing to remember that terrorism can happen anywhere, and that terrorists are not limited to any ethnicity or religion. Prayers and thoughts for the victims and their families and friends are heartily welcomed and encouraged.

Honorary Scissorhead Bill Maher explains the 2012 Goat Rodeo GOP’s fascination with pledges (no, not the Frat kind, but they probably are fascinated by them, too).

Rgds,

TG

I’m back from vacation, and say! Does anyone know where I can buy one of these fat-reducing belts?

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Dimitrios)

News you can use all weekend

• Mooselini^® expects her second or third grandchild, depending. So congrats to theocrat Sarah Palin for yet another colossal, massive, abstinence education FAIL. Anyway, Track knocked up his bride before she was his wife, it seems, having learned nothing from his younger sibling Briskett and whoever Trig’s parents are. (Hotsheet)
• Alaska’s other loser, infamous neck-beard (not the one who writes bible verses for the NYTimes, the other one) Joe Miller has dropped his poor sport lawsuit against Senator Lisa Murkowski and will pay legal fees for his failed attempt to overturn the election. (CNN)
• 2012 Goat Rodeo now includes water enthusiast The Double Rainbow Guy. (Mashable)

Apparently, hot enough for a dog to try to bring its pool into the house.

Yikes.

h/t Tom Myer

Stay cool scissorheads, and please check on your neighbors who may need assistance.

Hey there scissorheads.  Remember how I became unemployed against my wishes this past spring? It my have gotten lost in the shuffle of keeping track of my “trashed” discs, surgery, post-op, etc.  Anyway, this afternoon I go back to work at a better job, at least for the next three weeks, and hopefully for a whole lot longer.

I start on Monday with a brand new ESL class of HS kids from other countries (mostly Japan) who will be exchange students in the US this fall. A little academic and social English jump start before they meet their us host families.

Going in this afternoon for W-2 forms, to meet the academic director, see the classroom, etc.

This is the perfect job for me, and they seem FAR more interested in my professional abilities than in whether I can carry a pile of books from one room to the other.

Here’s the story:

Read the rest of this entry »

From Scissorhead Mike Flugennock, as he says “This cartoon is in solidarity with the arrested Anons in the USA and with Anons worldwide… because ideas are bulletproof.”

News that will drive you to drink

• High school drop out and billionaire REO Speedwagon fanboy John-Jon Huntsman’s campaign manager (wait a minute? He has a campaign?) suddenly quit. The new campaign manager is the Communications Director. Lotsa luck with that! (The Fixx)
• Inspite of all the rumors (that he is gay, that he is cheating on her with a member of his administration), notable bottom-of-the-deck dealing theocrat Texas Governor Rick Perry’s wife, Anita, is encouraging him to run for Preznint. (WFAA)
• Anger-management dropout and frequently arrested for public sex, one of the “brown ones” of the Bush crime family George P. Bush wants his father, Jeb, to run for Preznint. (The Daily Caller)

News you can use all day

Atlantis lands and the US Space Shuttle program ends.

• There were 5 winners of last night’s Twitter Town Hall for the 2012 GOP Goat Rodeo: the ones who didn’t show up. (Weigel)
• Bachmann-the-Nut gets a note from her doctor to skip P.E., er, to say that her headaches are no big deal. (The Blog At Poo Corner, the most intellectually dishonest rest stop on the information super highway)
• “Good doggie!” UK Prime Minister David Cameron just did the equivalent of Cokie Roberts’ patented “both sides do it, too” as he suggested that all the newspapers be investigated for phone hacking, not just Murdoch-owned papers. (NYTimes)

News that will drive you to drink

• Location, location, location - that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum is moving to Iowa! Yes, Frothy is packing up all the little Santorums (including pickled baby Gabriel? Yes) and moving them all to Iowa to be his campaign staff until the straw polls are over, and he can go back to being just another Santorum stain on the pages of history. (Politico)
• Eat your vegetables - successful baby mill operator Bachmann-the-Nut reveals that her favorite food is… Wait for it… Celery. Marcus, however, did not say that he likes to suck the cream filling out of a Twinkie. (The Brody Files)
• Stockholm Syndrome, redux- Notable hostage President Carebear says he would be willing to be held hostage by the GOP again and would “accept” kicking the can down the road today for a debt bargain tomorrow, that might include the draconian measures from the so-called Gang of Six. (LATimes)

Big haired American lowlife Phyllis Schlafly looked at the 2010 Census, and did not like what she saw: that over 40M people are living below the poverty line. In St. Ronnie’s America this cannot be true, or Jeebus would weep.

So Schlafly turned her rheumy eyes to the details of the census, and lo! she saw the flaw in their findings. The poors had coffee pots and teevee machines, and many of them living in Rick Scott’s swamp kingdom of Florida had air conditioning!

“These are not poor people,” she did not screech to herself, as she daintily nibbled on the wee liver of a new born puppy, “here in Satan’s Hallow Missouri if you have these things you are rich indeed.”

So Schlafly commissioned her flying monkeys to discredit the findings of the US Census. You gotta read this thing, it is so venal and mean spirited.

(Heritage Foundation)

News you can use all day

• Cue up Winguttia exploding heads in 3… 2… 1… Healthcare panels (Death Panels? Yes, maybe) are advising that birth control be covered in all plans. And the trogs are saying it is taxpayer funding of abortion, muddying the waters about contraception. (WaPo)
• Luck be a lady tonight! Now that teh NY gays can get hitched starting Sunday, the city is having an open lottery for distributing the 764 licenses that they can issue. So straights and gays ( maybe named Marcus? Yes.) have an equal shot at taking the plunge. (NYTimes)
• When push comes to shove it- Campaign staffers for Bachmann-the-Nut (allegedly) roughed up a reporter who was asking her about her debilitating migraine headaches. (Allegedly caused by all the voices in her head talking at once? Yes.) (HuffPo)

For when, you know, Barbie is having a girls night out with Midge.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D)

News that will drive you to drink

• Public Policy Polling handicaps Bachmann-the-Nut’s chances to secure the nomination in the 2012 Goat Rodeo. Shorthand: if any other Xristian Xrazies enter the race (especially Mooselini) they eat away at her support.
• Human insomnia cure and former Bachmann-the-Nut campaigner Tea-Paw continues to say that The Nut isn’t qualified for office because she has no experience. No explanation for why he supported her Congressional campaigns. (LATimes)
• Rick Santorum, that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter is piling on The Nut, too (Eww, gross). Says Frothy:
  

  We have the President of the United States scaring seniors by saying they might not receive their Social Security checks. We have Minority Leader Mitch McConnell wanting to cede authority to the President, and we have Michele Bachmann playing politics instead of providing real leadership in the debt limit debate,” Santorum said in a statement. “I think America has seen enough grandstanding and political posturing in Washington. Since 1990, the debt limit has been raised a total of $10.1 trillion, but nearly half of that increase has occurred since September 2007. This is a serious issue and the American people deserve it to be handled that way.”

  (Politico)

Oh,yeah, Rupert Murdoch got pied.