Alt Text: Videogame Wisdom You Can Apply to Real Life
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By Lore Sjöberg
- September 17, 2010 |
- 7:00 am |
- Categories: Current Affairs, Games
A University of Rochester study indicates that people who play action-packed videogames possess better decision-making skills. But, of course! My own years of playing videogames have made me much better at making decisions.
For instance, if I have some sort of household task where I could do a quick, slapdash job that will have to be redone sometime in the future, or a thorough job that will last much longer, I can instantly decide to go play videogames instead.
Or if I’m in traffic and someone swerves into my lane, and the only way to avoid running into them is to turn into the oncoming lane and risk an even bigger accident, I can instantly decide that I wish I had stayed home and played videogames instead.
I’ve even learned things that apply to situations other than playing videogames, wishing I was playing videogames, or picking the next videogame to play. These lessons mostly apply to responding to attacks by some combination of mutants, aliens and terrorists — if we’re ever invaded by mutant alien terrorists, I am the savior of mankind — but I think they’re also handy guidelines for living in general.
Life Lessons Gleaned From Videogames
Always check behind waterfalls. There’s always something cool back there.
If a door is protected by elaborate security devices, you can probably get through it eventually. If it’s just locked, however, you’re screwed.
It’s generally best to shoot anyone you see. You usually can’t hurt people unless they’re your enemies.
Doctors and other medical professionals are unnecessary. There are always other ways to recover from multiple stab and/or gunshot wounds, like first-aid kits or food or sometimes just standing still for a few seconds.
Never try to do anything, cooperatively or competitively, with strangers unless you want to be called by many vile and contradictory racial and sexual slurs.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with floating words telling you to use the left control stick to walk.
There is no evil so debased and amoral that you can’t team up with it in the sequel.
There are some things in life you can’t control, like yourself during cut scenes.
Even if you accomplish something extraordinary and heroic over the course of dozens of hours, there’s still a bunch of busywork to do before you can call yourself 100 percent successful.
There is no reason not to break anything that can be broken.
If you talk to people for more than 30 seconds, they start repeating themselves.
Even in a major crisis, with people imploring you to do something immediately, you have plenty of time to wander around peeking into corners and exploring. You’ll know when something really has to happen immediately, because a timer will appear and start counting down.
There’s always room to improve your skills and hone your talents by killing more people.
Once you’ve saved the day, one option is to enter an arena and fight other people who also have saved the day. The other option is to save the day in the exact same way against tougher enemies.
If you’re ever lost and directionless, with no idea what to do with your life, look up the walk-through on the internet.
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Born helpless, nude and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjöberg eventually overcame these handicaps to become a space marine, an orcish warchief and a rotund Italian plumber.
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“If you talk to people for more than 30 seconds, they start repeating themselves.”
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This is true in real life, too; it’s just not so immediately obvious.
LMAO…but I’m at work so I’m really not though…but great article!
“if you’re ever lost and directionless, with no idea what to do with your life, look up the walk-through on the internet.”
Surprisingly this is not bad advice. I have been working my house a lot lately and found that searches like “change outlet walkthrough” work just as well as “Ocarina of Time walkthrough”
“If you talk to people for more than 30 seconds, they start repeating themselves.”
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This is true in real life, too; it’s just not so immediately obvious.
Thanks for demonstrating your (repeated) point. The title of the article already mentions that you can apply ALL of these tips in real life. Good thing you’re here to elighten those of us without basic reading comprehension skills. Do your co-workers start wandering off or looking at their watches 30 seconds after you start talking? Now you know.
“Good thing you’re here to elighten [us]”
Sometimes strangers take the time to insult you in a generally degrading manner, rather than resort to contradictory racial/sexual slurs.
Usually they use slurs though…
Here’s one that bothers me:
You’ll never be called a thief, even if you break into everyone’s home, rifle through all their things and take their potions and life savings.
Here’s one that’s prolly true for a lot of gamers: You’ll be placed in many sexual situations. You will never actually have sex.
It doesn’t matter how long or boring your day was, you can always get home and relax playing video games. It doesn’t matter how tired it was to kill random people or complete missions, you can always get your character to return to the safe-house and play video games.
Take note, studies had shown that Internet Gamers are more depressed than normal people.
@kd9280
“Call me a treasure hunter or I’ll rip your lungs out!”
This is more like “Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Final Fantasy.”