… here is a video of Taylor Swift and her panties. It starts around 1:06. You’re welcome, but also, what’s wrong with you?

Oh, the whimsy and utter delight that LeAnn Rimes always stirs up inside me! Her startling beauty always makes me reminisce of days gone by, of the times of yesteryear when my 11-year-old self would run a nice hot bath, light some candles, and relax to LeAnn’s Sittin’ on Top of the World*. So it’s fitting that LeAnn would post this lovely photograph to her Twitter, because what better way to see such an ethereal force than with those well-loved fairy wings and that timeless pose?

Man. That was exhausting. I’m going to have to go giggle at those ridiculous pictures of Courtney Stodden and regroup before I can even think about bringing you any more news.

*Yes, that actually happened, and yes, I’m as ashamed of it as you think I am.

I know, I know, I was super worried about it too, that when Taylor Momsen finally turned 18, she would stop being so dark and intense, and instead of doing things like f*cking for Satan she would pick up knitting or turn into a cat lady. But we have no cause for all that worry, because darling Taylor just did an interview with Elle, and she’s still our little angel!

On her impeccable fashion sense: Honestly, most of my clothes I’ve had for a long time, or a lot of it is vintage and I modify it and change it. So I kind of wear the same things over and over, variations of them. Along the way [on tour I might] buy something cool; if not, I’ve got a plethora of versions of the same things.

What she brings on tour: I tend not to bring a lot. [Just] a lot of black eyeshadow, and dry shampoo because a lot of the time you don’t have time to wash your hair or shower, it’s very chaotic. So black eyeshadow and dry shampoo and I’m good to go. I love the Bed Head black eyeshadow. If I can’t find it, whatever works, whatever is the blackest eyeshadow I can find.

When asked if she prefers writing, recording, or performing music: I love it all. They’re all very different: Writing is a very tortuous process, but, you know, I would say one of the most rewarding at the end; I love recording, it’s a completely different mindset from being on tour. But anytime you have an opportunity to play music, whether it’s in the studio or on the road, it’s the best thing in the world.

On acting: I quit acting, actually. I quit Gossip Girl and now tour and am in a band and that’s pretty much all I want to do. Hopefully I’ll be able to only do that for the rest of my life.

Oh, Taylor.  Words cannot describe what you mean to me.

Last night, I got a headache, so I took a couple aspirin. Then, a couple hours later, I got a tummy ache, so I took some Pepto-Bismol. A few hours after THAT, I took some Benadryl because I was itchy and stuffy from allergies. Just a few hours later, my BFF called to see if my boyfriend and I wanted to go get some happy meals. So what I’m trying to say is that I’ve had a real loopy day.

And then, in what felt like a cruel, directed attack on my senses, Lady Gaga decided that today was the day to post her new music video, featuring mermaids, Gaga in drag, Gaga in minimal makeup, and what I can only interpret as some creepy human robot who has no right being seen by me in this state. Needless to say, I didn’t love it.

What about you guys?

I don’t know why I even talk about this dumb bitch anymore. I know calling someone a “dumb bitch” isn’t very nice, but you know what? This dumb bitch totally deserves to be called a dumb bitch. If you don’t get that about drug-buying Lindsay Lohan, well then. I just don’t know what to tell you.

Anyway, this is her latest gore-soaked photo shoot courtesy of Tyler Shields, and it’s really not all that different from the rest. In this case, however, I just hope that no stupid assholes decided to drop a few g’s on it like last time.

Also, you should be pretty proud of your old girl, Sarah, here – this is my first Lindsay Lohan piece in almost three weeks. That’s, like, longer than Lindsay’s longest sober streak, you know?

And she’s positively glowing with giddiness and happiness. This, seriously, makes me so happy for her. The early few weeks of pregnancy are always so blissful; you break into alternating tears of joy and tears of apprehension, your family showers you with adoring glances, you feel that special glow down in your loins, and nothing – nothing – beats it.

But just you wait, Hilary Duff. Wait ’til the morning sickness settles in and you can’t eat anything but Cheez-Its and whole milk. For days at a time. Wait ’til you start breaking out in lovely pimples (or are they hives? The world may never know) and your boobs swell up to three times their normal size so fast that … never mind, girl. I’m not going to bore you – or horrify you – with the specifics of what’s to come, so I’m just going to say “good luck,” and you look positively great. For now.