Welcome to the show! While A is shovelling ferret shit at the shelter, I'm shovelling Walker shit on the tube. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it...
5:40- Started flipping through the channels on the cable guide trying to figure out what channel or channels will be carrying this thing. Info button says: “A cruel and sadistic leader from another planet wreaks havoc on the people below while a small group of rebels desperately fights back.” Oh, wait… That’s “V.” Better TiVO that anyways just to be sure…
5:45- Got the basement set up for this. Giant Formica table full of fresh Diet Cokes, stack of Wheat Thins, bite tool to keep me from swallowing my tongue and a fresh vial of atropine for when the environment gets too toxic. All set!
Last night, the Missus and I saw some snaps from the Fox News interview with Walker. Anyone else notice that when he’s caught in mid-sentence and he looks kind of lost, he wears kind of a strange and indescribable look on his face? It’s like the look Johnny Drama had on his face when Brooke Shields had him fired for rubbing her with his boner.
5:50- Brushing up on my news of the day. Seems Gov. Bob McDonnell, R-Virginia, told CBS he’s supporting what Walker’s doing. This seems an awful lot like the kid in my class who told me I graded her paper wrong because she “showed it to other students and they agree you corrected things that didn’t need to be corrected.” Nothing like consensus-building among people who a) have no say in the matter and b) are probably as bad at this job as you are.
5:55- Brian Williams previews a story noting that there is new evidence that brain tumors might be linked to cell phone use. Hmm…
5:57- The rabbit is trying to chew through the cage right now. I think she senses a disturbance in the force.
5:59- We are told this is a “fireside chat” style piece. While A hit this earlier about not needing to parrot this idea, in my case, it’s an accurate term. My fireplace is out of work, unable to do much and if I attempt to get it moving, the fireplace guy says it’ll probably burn down my house. Decorative, but pointless. Dangerous if it’s doing something. Yeah, that about captures the Walker administration right now.
6:00- This thing is launched…
The news anchor says that Senate Democrats have been gone 14 days. The graphic says six days. This is going well already…
Decided to watch this in regular vision, as Walker is scarier than hell as it is. No need to crank up the HD for this one. He arrives wearing the standard Republican uniform: flag pin, red tie and assholic smirk. Walker in pure form, has the word “pray” show up in the first 23 seconds.
Walker notes that “Wisconsin is showing the rest of the nation how to have a passionate and yet civil debate about our finances.” Translation: I can’t get these fucking hippies out of my building, so I’ll note that this is likely a learning experience.
6:01- Immediately upon taking to the air, Walker says that he respects the government workers: “I really do!” If you have to say “I really do” chances are it’s pretty low likelihood that you really mean it.
Walker says he’s read an email from an educator, but then said this: “I listened to the educator from Milwaukee who wrote to me about her concerns…” What are the odds the email was read to him? 3:1? 3:2?
6:02- Walker dodges on the issue of collective bargaining. He also says it’s not aimed at unions. He also said it’s probable he’d eat a child if it would balance the budget. I only made one of those things up. He also just used the word “Rheddick” which either was supposed to be “rhetoric,” or “Reddick.” I’m voting for Reddick.
6:03- If you took “jobs,” “worker” or “taxpayer” in the Scott Walker Drinking Game, you’re drunk already. Has anyone told him that public workers have jobs and pay taxes? Can we get Cullen Werwie on that?
6:04- He keeps focus on premiums and how other people are paying more. He also found one union worker who is “forced” to pay dues. She apparently rode in on a unicorn and offered him gold from the leprechaun she captured.
Walker notes that he has a sibling, thus trying to combat the rumor he’s the Manchurian Candidate. His brother and sister-in-law are “typical middle-class family” people who would love benefits like public workers. Nothing like the “my brother says so” argument.
6:05- Keeps focus on the budget. Keeps playing up the contribution to the pension and health care. Fails to note that this has been granted to him by unions and quickly moves along to the “but wait… there’s MORE!” part of the program. Apparently the word “comprehensive” is now a euphemism for “big-ass load of shit that will likely be bad for everyone except the people who helped elect me via huge campaign contributions.”
He brings up his efforts to kill unions and stop pension problems as a county exec. Anyone notice that he brings up his county government service people? Ever notice that he fails to mention the massive shit storm that happened with the pension, as he dragged his feet for two or three years?
6:06- Walker throws Doyle under the bus, saying that the last bill he passed was something where it was passed in one day and it raised taxes. Anyone tell him it didn’t lead to the chaos he’s seeing or a camel showing up at the Capitol building?
He also refers to the Democrats “hiding out.” I’m waiting for him to put out a call for them to “fork over the loot.” Or something else from a 1930s gangster movie.
I also think I just broke the bite gag.
6:07- He makes a second reference to “out-of-town” protestors, in this case specifically calling out Chicago and Nevada. Apparently he thinks all the protestors are being bussed in from those two outposts. Wonder where the hell those two choices came from. That’s like showing up at the checkout counter with a bible, a chainsaw and a bottle of KY. Not exactly coherent or cohesive.
6:08- You don’t have to like the outcome or the vote. Nice. In other words, show up and get your ass kicked, chicken! Get over here, bitch! Why does this suddenly sound like 3 O’Clock High?
Walker threatens layoffs. Its like “Nice employees you’ve got here. Hate to see them get shitcanned…”
6:09- Walker uses the word punt. How long until we get a “run to daylight reference?”
Walkerism: “The children of the single mother from Wausau that I referenced earlier before.” I find myself reaching for the atropine.
Anyone notice that his eyes look like the weird thing from “Dreamcatcher?”
6:10- Closing time: “May God richly bless you and your family and may God continue to bless the state of Wisconsin. And for all you atheists and agnostics out there, to hell with you. You probably didn’t vote for me anyway… “
TV Anchors set the stage for Mark Miller. Anyone notice how many times the media have had to note that they’re coming to us from “an undisclosed location.” It’s like they’re in a cave and Al Jazeera is filming this.
6:11- Live shot of Mark Miller. He’s got a Wisconsin flag. Wonder who smuggled it to him. I think the over/under is at 642 at the number of times he’ll use the word “rights.”
6:12- He’s about as smooth as tartar sauce. You think he might have practiced this a few times. If he could look any more ill-prepared or more furtive, he’d be in the Law and Order interrogation room. Then again, if I were stuck wearing the same pair of socks and skivvies for six days, I probably wouldn’t be on my A game either.
6:13- Weird moment: Miller tells us that the state workers gave Walker the money and that “this is a compromise that any good politician, any good leader could see.” Miller then says the governor should recognize this. OK, which half of that is correct?
6:14- No sense Miller or the Dems are coming back any time soon. This could be ugly as hell. On the plus side the pizza joints on the square and newspapers are making serious money on this deal. Maybe that’s what Walker meant about increasing private economy.
6:15- TV goes to a “chopper cam” shot of a protest in a candle light vigil. The graphic says it’s Madison. The anchor thinks it’s in Elkhorn. Why the hell do we need a chopper shot of either?
TV promises more. I stopped watching them repeat what both sides have just said.
If George W. Bush had “Mission Accomplished” then Scott Walker just had “Nothing Accomplished.” It’s pretty clear the Dems are staying put, the bill will rot on the deck and that this isn’t going anywhere good any time soon. The longer people have to dig their trenches in trench warfare, the better dug in they get.
Tonight, the shovels are flying.
Thanks for watching.
Doc