Bronx Zoo Lion Cubs Are Ridiculously Cute, Should Stay Away From Florida

Bestiality is still legal in Florida, as lawmakers have once again failed to pass a law banning it.  The ban was added to an agriculture bill that didn’t pass.  A separate bill addressing only bestiality never made it to the House floor because, as Rep. Mary Brandenburg (D-West Palm Beach) explained, “It is yucky.”  Bestiality has been technically legal in Florida since 1971, and you’d think (yuckiness and all) they’d have passed a law by now.  Back in 1971, the Florida Supreme Court ruled the 1868 bestiality law was invalid on the grounds that it was void for vagueness, meaning the language of the law wasn’t specific enough.  The law banned the “abominable and detestable crime against nature, either with mankind or with beast” without specifying what an “abominable and detestable crime against nature” actually was.  After all, dressing cats in little outfits is pretty detestable.  Also hilarious.

Nine Alternate Jobs For Lindsay Lohan With Photoshops

For the sake of this article, it’s important that you, the reader, understand the fact that I am sexually attracted to Lindsay Lohan (even in her present fragile state of existence) and I one hundred percent realize how that reflects on me as an individual…but still I just don’t give a sh-t. I can’t really defend or even justify the reasoning behind my raging boner adoration for Miss Lohan, it’s just there burning in my loins. It’s the familiar concept that Woody Allen romanticized in ‘92, “The heart wants what it wants.” only we’re not discussing an affair with my lover’s daughter -sorry. To further understand my plight, you must also factor in the detail that I live in Los Angeles, so on any given day I have a 1-in-3 chance of either running a flat tire, getting robbed or sleeping with Lindsay. Just being a part of that intercourse lotto makes her that much more desirable and venomous in my eyes.

I stress the source of my unbridled loyalty to further vindicate my concerns over Lindsay’s well-being. Lately it seems that not a day limps by where we’re not alerted of Lohan’s latest misadventure. From her rumored jail sentencing, to her accused theft, her family malfunctions and, as of recent, her outstanding debt, with so many influences from so many outside forces, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to aid milady in securing her future finances.

The Definitive Guide to Telling New Hampshire and Vermont Apart

In this image, the states' outlines are inverted. Because really, who gives a crap?

New England. It’s scary and foreign to most Americans, like health care for prostitutes. Most of us know that the American Revolution started in New England, but the region toiled in obscurity for over 200 years before briefly returning to the country’s attention in 2004 when the Red Sox won the World Series — at which point the lovable underdogs became a bastardized version of the Yankees with more annoying fans.

Yet even in the age of Wikipedia, the notion of our nation’s northeastern-most states as a collective is confusing. Take New Hampshire and Vermont, for example. Both in New England. Both heavily wooded. Both shaped like pork chops. It’s easy to confuse the two. That’s why this handy guide is all you’ll ever need to tell them apart.

Cellphone: It’s Not a Boom Box

The '80s Have Returned!

The boom box is actually an important phenomenon, so much so that there are serious academic papers that mention their social importance. They were important to spreading rap, breakdancing, and urban culture, offering hi-fi stereos in compact packages and easy duplication of cassettes to spread the music. They were status symbols, they were keys to distribution, they helped create mixtape culture…we owe a lot to our poorly-soldered, stereo shoulder-friends. Boom boxes helped give us Tupac, The Roots, Mos Def…Will Smith…50 Cent…let’s just stick with Tupac, Mos Def, and the Roots, OK?

Lights, Camera, Fiction: 20 Videos That Define the Fanboy Phenomenon

"Honey, you go get the nachos, I don't want to miss what's next."

Once upon a time, in a Canadian suburb a few hundred or thousand miles away from you, teenager Ghyslain Raza dared to exhibit his Jedi worthiness for what he then thought would be a private video. Wielding a powerful golf ball retriever, Ghyslain whirled about, striking fear into the hearts of Sith Lords throughout this galaxy and those far, far away. And thanks to four of his d-ckhead schoolmates, that video essentially revolutionized the Internet. Forever to be known as “Star Wars Kid,” Ghyslain’s flopping and twirling and heavy breathing were immortalized on YouTube.

Tales of a Facebook Orphan -or- what to do now that my mom unfriended me?

I recently suffered a tragic loss: my mother. I am now a Facebook orphan.

"Please, sir, I want some more."

It came as a shock. One day we were happily chatting to each other, pitching in to help raise a barn, hell, we even smuggled Thai gems together! But then, just a few days ago, tragedy struck.

It started out as a normal day. I posted a humorous Facebook status and went to work. A few hours later I snuck a look at my page and found a message from my mom. Apparently, she had taken offense to my update, and unfriended me. Just like that. (Even though my status was soooo funny.)