while at work today, a thought came… what is Stephanie Ng doing? It seems like a lot of people already have clear goals… but yet, I still feel like I’m doing a whole bunch of things that don’t really lead me any where.
What is my “core”? When I think of the things my friends like and do, it seems like they know what it is they like and don’t like. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same.
Some people like sports, accounting, music, ministry, art, coding… etc. But when I think of it… it seems like there isn’t anything that particularly stands out for me. I mean, I like “SOME” music, “SOME” sports, “SOME” technology, “SOME” of many MANY things, but I don’t think I have a “REAL” specific hobby or interest. It seems like most of my friends already have SOME mission in life, but I feel like I am just wandering around… wandering in circles.
These thoughts actually scare me… how do I see myself in 5 years? 10 years? I have absolutely no clue…
Prior to graduation, I had such big plans, I had clear goals, yet, I was not able to achieve not even ONE of them… so for the past 3 years I have tried to be “normal and simple”. You know the typical: find an “average” job, find an “average” relationship and get married, settle and have kids… (I didn’t mean to make it sound so depressing) but apparently “normal and simple” do not exist within me… I feel that… if I can’t even be simple and “average” how can I expect myself to achieve different things.
Every time I attempt to be “normal” something bad or weird happens… it has to go wrong. I tried applying for “normal” jobs, but I wasn’t able to get one. I tried to find a “normal typical” relationship, and it didn’t work out.
I feel like I’m stuck in some sort of vacuum, no matter how hard I try to run in one way or another, I am still stuck.
I just want to say “I just want to be simple and normal… What must I do to get this???”
ok… maybe simple… but not too normal?
I don’t know. I don’t know who, what am I… it feels that when God was making plans for everyone, He missed me… and now, I am someone without a direction.
Simple Thoughts 
