Gun to my head, a few years ago, I would’ve chosen my breasts.
They were the part of me that drew attention first; from others, and then eventually from myself. Funny how years of being described or admired for one part of your body can shape your psyche.

I went from loving my breasts and showing them off, to hiding them and seeing them as a reminder of something heavier. Something that wasn’t fully mine.

Now, my breasts no longer feel like the most attractive or intriguing part of me. That honor goes to my hips.

Maybe it’s because of how my body has changed; fuller, more defined. Or maybe it’s because my hips don’t draw the same kind of attention or comments my breasts once did. My hips are quiet. They’re not as popular, and that’s exactly why I love them. I love them for me.

This love isn’t sponsored by outside noise or validation. It’s private, rooted in self-recognition. When I loved my breasts, it was partly because other people loved them too — or at least noticed them. I can see that now. And I’m glad I’ve learned to deconstruct that — to stop loving parts of myself through the lens of the male gaze.

So, here’s a little ode to my hips:

My hips sway like memory
They remind me I’ve lived

grown

stretched into womanhood
Full

Grounded

Certain
No one ever compliments them
and that’s how I know they’re mine
Loved without permission
They hum with quiet maturity
not age

but knowing
The kind that lives in the curve
the rhythm

the truth.
Shakira said hips don’t lie
Mine don’t whisper either
They speak fluently in woman.

This was one of the hardest prompts to answer back when I was doing my video journaling. It forced me to dig deep, not just into memory, but into the roots of how I came to understand sex myself.

Sexuality is broad. It is a spectrum, fluid and often hard to name. But to answer this question honestly, I will try to give it words. Sexuality refers to the quality or state of being sexual-the mix of feelings, thoughts, attractions and behaviors we hold towards others.

From as far back as I remember, I always knew what sex was. I grew up surrounded by adults — mostly men - in a shared compound. Nothing ever happened, but I could sense it. I could tell they were having sex. Even before I understood the details, I recognized it as something ordinary, woven into the rhythm of adult life. It never felt mysterious or shameful; it just was.

I remember being in school, looking around at my classmates and thinking, “These are the people I’ll be having sex with one day? Not gonna happen.”

That thought still makes me laugh, but it’s one of my earliest memories tied to sex ; not curiosity, not fear, but a quiet knowing of what it was, paired with a sense of distance from it.

Growing up, I found myself drawn to women. That felt natural, uncomplicated, like breathing. Things only got confusing when I reached senior secondary school and had my first boyfriend. And honestly, that’s when the chaos began - men bring confusion, lol.

Looking back, when I can see that even my mothers words played a part in shaping how I saw sex and relationships. I remember her once saying, ‘‘men will always leave.’’ It was awful to hear, but it stuck with me. It planted this quiet fear that intimacy with men might always end in loss. So I learned early to guard myself.

Those early messages and memories built my beliefs around sex: that its natural, yes, but also emotional terrain that can be tricky to navigate, especially when the world teaches you to distrust your own desires or to brace for abandonment.

Now, as an adult, I’m still unpacking all of that. The little girl who sensed what happening around her has grown into someone who can name what she feels, question where it came from, and make peace with it.

This was my reflection for today’s prompts.

As I sat with my friends, sipping on my drink, I couldn’t help but think about the topic that had been brought up earlier in the night. We were celebrating my graduation, and as we chatted about life, the topic of sugar daddies came up. I voiced my curiosity about not having one and mentioned how I could put the money to good use.

My 40-year-old male friend chimed in and said, “Maybe it’s because you’re too smart. I actually like my women dumb.”

I was taken aback by his comment, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, surrounded by successful, intelligent men, and yet, one of them preferred a partner who lacked intelligence. It was a paradox I couldn’t wrap my head around.

As I sat there, sipping my drink and trying to process my friend’s comments, it became apparent to me that his views were not uncommon. Society often perpetuates the idea that women cannot be both intelligent and attractive, which is not only a ridiculous notion but also a harmful one.

It’s frustrating that, in the year 2023, there are still people who believe that a woman’s intelligence is a hindrance to a successful relationship. As if being smart somehow makes you less desirable. But the reality is that intelligence should be celebrated, not suppressed. It’s an essential part of who we are as human beings, and it’s something that should be appreciated and valued in a partner.

Despite the progress that women have made in recent years, there is still a long way to go before we achieve true equality in all areas of life, including relationships. Many men still hold archaic views that place women in narrow categories, unable to see us as the complex, multifaceted individuals that we are. It’s not only limiting to women but to men as well, who are missing out on the many benefits of being in a relationship with an intelligent, capable woman.

For me, my intelligence is not something that I’m willing to compromise. It’s an integral part of who I am, and I refuse to dim my light to fit into someone else’s idea of what a partner should be. I’m proud of my accomplishments and the hard work that has gone into achieving them, and I want someone who values and respects that part of me.

In conclusion, my friend’s comments may have been hurtful and offensive, but they have also shed light on a broader issue that affects many women. We should not have to choose between intelligence and attractiveness, and anyone who thinks otherwise is simply missing out on all the wonderful things that come with being in a relationship with an intelligent, capable woman..

However, I refuse to compromise on my values and intelligence just to fit into someone else’s idea of what a partner should be. I am self-reliant and independent, and I refuse to change that for anyone.

It’s a shame that some men still view intelligence as a hindrance to a successful relationship. But for me, it’s a non-negotiable aspect of who I am. I refuse to dull my shine to fit into someone else’s narrow-minded view of what a partner should be.

So, to my 40-year-old male friend and anyone else who thinks like him, I say this: Intelligence should be celebrated, not suppressed. And if you can’t appreciate that aspect of a person, then you’re missing out on a lot more than just a sugar baby.

As a young woman who is attracted to older men, I know that my preference may seem strange or taboo to some people. Let me start by saying that I’m not looking for a sugar daddy or someone to take care of me financially. That’s not what this is about. It’s about the connection that I feel with older men who have similar qualities to my father.

However, I am aware that my attraction towards men who resemble my father is a result of the Freudian Oedipus complex.

According to Freudian psychology, the Oedipus complex is a psychosexual stage that occurs during the phallic stage of development in which a child, usually a boy, has unconscious sexual desires towards their parent of the opposite sex and sees their same-sex parent as a rival. While the concept is widely debated, I can recognize that my attraction to older men who resemble my father could be a manifestation of this complex.

Growing up, my father was my role model and someone who I looked up to. As I entered my teenage years, I began to notice the similarities between the qualities I admired in my father and the qualities I was attracted to in older men. They were confident, stable, and had a sense of security about them.

I know some people may think it’s weird to be attracted to someone who looks like your father, but for me, it’s not about physical appearance. It’s about the emotional connection and similarities in personality traits.

As I explored my attraction to older men, I came to realize that the qualities that I sought in these relationships were similar to those I saw in my father. While this realization may seem strange to some, I have come to understand that my attraction toward these men is a subconscious way of fulfilling my unresolved desires toward my father.

I often wonder what these unresolved desires may be. Could it be the fact when that my dad stopped treating me like his little princess as I hit my teenage years, and I started looking for that treatment with older men around me? Funny but I hope it makes sense and I am not alone in that area.

Of course, it’s important to acknowledge the challenges that come with this kind of attraction. The generation gap can sometimes be difficult to navigate, and there may be differences in lifestyle and interests. But for me, the emotional connection I feel with these men and the fulfillment of my subconscious desires make it worth the challenges.

For me, being with an older man is exciting and fulfilling. There’s something about the experience and wisdom that comes with age that is attractive to me. I love learning from their life experiences and hearing their stories.

While some people may view the Oedipus complex as negative or taboo, it’s important to understand that it’s a natural part of human development. I believe that acknowledging and understanding this complex has allowed me to explore my attraction to older men and embrace the emotional connection that I feel towards them.

I understand that this kind of attraction may not be for everyone, and that’s okay. We all have different preferences and desires when it comes to relationships. But for me, dating older men who remind me of my dad is something that brings me happiness and a sense of familiarity.

So if you’re like me and have found yourself attracted to older men who resemble your father, don’t be ashamed or feel like you have to hide it. Embrace it and enjoy the connection that you feel. After all, life is too short to deny yourself the things that make you happy.

In conclusion, while the concept of the Oedipus complex may seem strange to some, I have come to recognize that my attraction towards older men who resemble my father is a manifestation of this complex. However, understanding and acknowledging this complex has allowed me to explore and embrace my attraction towards these men, and ultimately, find fulfillment in my relationships.

The taboo surrounding women discussing sex is a pervasive issue that has significant consequences for women’s sexual and reproductive health, as well as for gender equality more broadly. Despite the fact that sex is a natural and integral part of the human experience, women who talk openly about sex are often stigmatized and punished, while men who do the same are often praised.

Anyone with my WhatsApp number and really close to me knows that I don’t shy away from talking about sex on my WhatsApp status or rather broadly when we meet, I do that because I simply don’t have time to waste, I mean everyone has sex, we were all here because of intercourse. But all that comes at a price. I have lost count of the number of times people [mostly men] have ‘cautioned me’ on my liberty, some say, [and I find this very interesting] that I won’t be able to get a man that would actually like me for me, but rather than for what’s between my legs. Is there a truth to their words? Well, most men are attracted to me because of that, they don’t shy away from it, but it gets kind of annoying, and honestly makes it hard for me to date. But anyway, all that had me thinking about the double standards of talking about sex in society.

I have male friends who openly talk about sex on their various social media platforms, and they are either flattered by both men and women or get called sex experts, while I get called and looked at obscenely.

I decided to look at a few reasons why women are not more open about talking about sex, and I came up with a few.

One of the main reasons that women are discouraged from discussing sex is that it is seen as inappropriate or immodest. In many societies, women are expected to be sexually passive and to not express their own desires or needs. This double standard is often reinforced by cultural, religious, and social norms that view women’s bodies and sexualities as objects of male pleasure and control.

Another reason that women are discouraged from discussing sex is that they are often afraid of being judged or ostracized by their peers. In many cases, women who talk openly about sex are seen as promiscuous or sluts, and may be subject to ridicule or shaming. This fear of being judged or ostracized can be particularly acute for young women, who may feel pressure to conform to societal expectations of femininity and sexual behaviour. Now, this I relate to, women who talk openly about sex also have a higher chance of being raped, not just by strangers but by family, friends and even people they are in relationships with.

The taboo around women discussing sex has significant consequences for women’s sexual and reproductive health. When women are not able to talk openly about sex, they may be less likely to seek out information about sexual health and may be more vulnerable to sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancies. This lack of open communication can also make it more difficult for women to advocate for their own sexual and reproductive health, and to make informed decisions about their bodies and their lives.

Breaking the taboo around women discussing sex is crucial for gender equality and for improving women’s sexual and reproductive health. Women should be able to talk openly and honestly about sex without fear of judgment or stigma. By creating a culture in which women are able to express their desires and needs, we can help to empower women and to create a more equal and just society.

‘‘If we just told our partners that we were polygamous, things would be better. Instead of being accused of cheating or being a cheater.”

This is a statement that may raise some eyebrows but hear me out.

First, let’s define what we mean by “polygamous.” In this context, it refers to the practice of having multiple romantic partners at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. This is different from “cheating,” which is the act of being unfaithful to a partner without their knowledge or consent.

Human beings carry the biological imprint of polygamy.

I had a friend named Sandra, who had always felt a bit different from everyone simply because she was never quite satisfied with just one romantic partner and found herself constantly wanting to explore and experience different types of love and connection [ which I relate to].

Anyway, Sarah began dating multiple partners, each with their unique personalities and characteristics. She found that having multiple relationships not only made her happier and more fulfilled but also helped her to grow and learn more about herself. Sandra once told me that she found it absurd that people would often assume that she couldn’t possibly love more than one person at a time, or that her relationships were all just casual flings.

But why won’t they feel that way? Monogamy is a way of keeping people intact and in line. It became a norm that was backed up by religion and society.

But Sarah knew the truth, that being polyamorous meant that she could love multiple people at the same time and that each of her relationships was just as meaningful and special as any monogamous relationship.

I see Sandra’s story as a reminder that love is not limited to one person, and that everyone has the right to live their truth, in whichever way makes them happy.

Now, let’s talk about why being open and honest about our desires for multiple partners can lead to a better outcome.

For starters, it eliminates the need for secrecy and deception. Imagine living your life always looking over your shoulder, afraid of getting caught in a lie. It’s a draining and stressful way to live. By being upfront about our desires for multiple partners, we can eliminate that stress and focus on building healthy, consensual relationships.

Furthermore, it allows for open communication and the ability to set clear boundaries. When everyone is aware of the nature of the relationship, it’s easier to establish what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. This leads to less confusion and less room for misinterpretation.

But let’s be real, one of the biggest reasons why being open about being polygamous is better is because it eliminates the need to sneak around. Cheating is not only morally wrong, but it’s also just plain lame. Why waste time and energy trying to hide something that doesn’t need to be hidden?

Looking at Sandra’s story and the reality of how being polygamous is better than cheating, I conclude that being open and honest about our desires for multiple partners can lead to a better outcome for everyone involved. It eliminates the need for secrecy and deception, allows for open communication and the ability to set clear boundaries, and eliminates the need to sneak around. And let’s be real, it’s way more interesting and exciting than being a cheater.

There is nothing more that irritates me about a man than when he doesn’t make a peep during intercourse. Fellow sexually active women, how many of use get frustrated when we are with a partner like that?
Men, I am not saying that you must be a moaner for me to enjoy myself, hell you can yodel if you like, just know that a little bit of vocalization goes a long way in terms of adding to the overall experience. It is a way for me to know that my partner is enjoying himself, which in turn can make me enjoy myself even more.
But alas, it seems that many men are reluctant to let out so much as a sigh during intercourse, maybe they think it’s not macho enough or maybe they just have a really good control over their words and sounds [ if that’s the case, props to them]. But, whatever it may be, it’s a major kill during intercourse.
I recently came across a post on the internet that said that ‘men who don’t moan during sex are better in bed’, and I think that the more they claim that the more it becomes a cliché, and I call it total BS.
In case men didn’t know, women moan for 2 reasons: 1. They are enjoying themselves, 2. They are communicating their pleasure. You can ask people who don’t usually moan what the difference is between moaning and not moaning and they can tell you that it doesn’t make much of a difference and it is not a big deal. But for those who moan [ and their partners], can be a major point of connection. For those people, the moaning tells them if their partners are in pain or simply expressing extreme pleasure.
I asked my boyfriend about his opinion on this matter, after all, it would be nice if I had a man’s opinion on this. He gave me one sentence, ‘most men don’t moan because they are too nervous. I used that sentence to ask my other male friends. One said that men don’t moan if they are trying something new, [ ie, they are nervous], and he might worry how his response will affect the way you think about him.
Another reason which I call BS on is that a man might be too focused on pleasing his partner and that moaning doesn’t fit into his mind.
Yes. Both of the reasons given to me by the men I asked are BS.
But there is one thing I want to say, dear men, if you are reading this and you are guilty of being a silent partner in bed, please consider adding a little noise to the mix, trust me, it will be a win-win situation, you will feel more free letting go and enjoying yourself and your partner will get the added pleasure of hearing you enjoy yourself.
And ladies, if your partner doesn’t make a peep but you can speak up and let them know what you need. Communication is key in any relationship and that includes in the bedroom. Let’s make sex a more vocal experience for everyone!

When it comes to dating, I’ve found that older men are where it’s at. They say that age is just a number, and I wholeheartedly agree. From fancy vacations to mind-blowing coitus, my older boyfriends have certainly had the means to wine and dine me in style.

Let’s start with the getaways, I find it hard to sleep outside of my house, but that doesn’t stop my older men from taking me on all day getaways, it works for them, they are not spending a lot of money and they can also get back to their demanding jobs after spending 24 full hours with me, win-win [I think, lol].

They know how to wine and dine me in style, and I’ve been able to create memories that will last a lifetime. Plus, they’ve got the wisdom and life experience to make the most of every moment, whether we’re sightseeing or simply lounging on the beach.

But it’s not just the vacations that have been amazing. The coitus, oh the coitus. Let’s just say that older men have had plenty of practice and it shows. They know what they’re doing and they’re not afraid to take their time and make sure that I’m satisfied. Plus, they’re not shy about expressing their desires and that makes for a steamy and satisfying experience.

But it’s not all about the good times and physical pleasure, dating older men has also been a valuable learning experience. One thing I’ve learned is that older men often come with more baggage than their younger counterparts. They may have gone through a divorce or two, and may even have grown children. This can make for some tricky dynamics, especially when it comes to finances.

They’ve been around the block a few times and have a wealth of knowledge and life experience to share. They’ve taught me a lot about life, love and the world around us. They also tend to be more established in their career and financially stable, I personally think dating older me is me setting a bit of groundwork for the future, I mean, they are letting me in on certain life secrets through their experiences. I had an older boyfriend who told me secrets of his trade and how he gets to lobby and make money and invest in the right people and company.

I had one who had rules for everything, lol man thought he was part of the Mafia or something, he would say stuff like ‘Rule number 1 Doreen, don’t get too comfortable in the workplace, your boss and colleagues are not your friends’, what a fun guy he was, lol.

But, as with any relationship, there has been downsides. One of the biggest downsides I faced was when five months into a relationship, one of my older boyfriends when through a tough time financially, which meant my monthly allowance and weekly gifts were halted for a while. Funny thing was that I didn’t know at first, I just noticed a change in his behaviour, but honestly, I didn’t care, I thought he was playing one of his mind games with me. I came to find out through his friend who knew we were dating and I just kept thinking how his stress didn’t show.

I had to have and adult conversation with him about finances, [ which was honestly the last thing I wanted to do] and how to get back on his feet. Watching and listening to him talk made me realize that he really needed someone to talk to, he had kept a lot of things within him. That was one of the very first times that I cared about someone elses mental health state. The mental health state of a man, a grown established man can be so fragile, scary.

Another downside I learnt about dating older men is that they can be more set in their ways. They may have a certain routine or way of doing things that can be hard to shake. Old habits die hard, I can tell you that, and older men having already lived full lives before us. This can be frustrating at times. They aren’t always available for you to talk about your emotions and life, and most of them, having come from an older time, have different ways to process things, but I’ve learned to pick my battles and go with the flow. I remember complaining about my parents to one of them once and he looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘children of now-adays’, [ my chest still hurts from that lol].

Despite these challenges, dating older men has been a valuable learning experience. In all of my relationships I have seen the way stereotypes play out in their lives and how their mental health is often ignored especially when they have established careers. I’ve also learned a lot about myself and what I want in a partner, and I’ve had some amazing experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I can’t say much without giving away the identity of my old partners, but I can say this, dating older men can be a roller coaster ride with its own set of ups and downs. If you play your cards well, the experience can be exciting and enlightening, but bear in mind that it also comes with its own set of challenges. However, with open communication and patience, it can be a fulfilling and enjoyable experience.

As an online creator, I know all too well the struggles of trying to produce high-quality content while also trying to keep our data usage in check. And with the recent increase in data tariffs, it feels like the rug is being pulled out from under us.

But before we all throw our laptops out the window and swear off the internet forever, let’s take a step back and examine what this means for us as creators.

First of all, it’s important to understand that the increase in data tariffs is not just affecting creators, it’s affecting everyone who uses the internet. So, we’re not alone in this. But as creators, we do have a unique set of challenges that come with the territory. For example, we need to constantly be uploading and downloading large files, streaming video and audio, and engaging with our audience through social media platforms. All of these activities use up a lot of data, and with the new tariffs, it’s going to cost us more to do what we love.

But before we start panicking, let’s remember that as creators, we are a resourceful and innovative bunch. We are used to working with limited resources and finding creative solutions to problems. So, let’s approach this new challenge with the same attitude.

One solution could be to invest in a better internet package with more data. But that may not be feasible for everyone, so let’s explore some other options. We can start by being more mindful of our data usage. We can use tools like data compression and optimization to reduce the amount of data we use. We can also schedule our uploads and downloads for off-peak hours when the internet is less congested.

Another solution is to find alternative ways to share our content with our audience. For example, instead of streaming live on platforms like TikTok, Instagram or Facebook, we could pre-record our content and upload it to YouTube. This way, we can still engage with our audience, but we’re not using up as much data.

In conclusion, the increase in data tariffs is a challenge, but it’s not the end of the world for online creators. We are a resilient bunch, and with a little creativity and resourcefulness, we can find ways to keep creating and sharing our content with the world. So, let’s not let this setback stop us from doing what we love. Let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work!

As someone who has gone through a sexual detox, I can tell you firsthand that it can be a necessary and incredibly rewarding experience. But for those who haven’t undergone a sexual detox, you might be wondering: what exactly is it and why would someone do it?

Simply put, a sexual detox is a period of time during which a person abstains from all forms of sexual activity. This can include things like masturbation, as well as sexual contact with others. The length of a sexual detox can vary, but it’s generally recommended to take a break for at least a few weeks in order to fully reset and recharge.

Now, you might be thinking: why on earth would someone willingly give up something that feels so good? And it’s true, sex can be an incredibly enjoyable and beneficial activity. But just like anything else, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing.

For me, I found that I was relying on sex as a coping mechanism for various issues in my life. It was a way to numb out and avoid dealing with my problems head-on. But during my sexual detox, I was forced to confront those issues and work through them in a healthy way.

A sexual detox can also be a great opportunity to reconnect with yourself and your own desires. Without the distractions of sexual activity, it’s easier to tune into what you truly want and need.

So, if you’re feeling burnt out or disconnected from your own sexuality, I highly recommend giving a sexual detox a try. It might be challenging at first, but the benefits are well worth it. Trust me, you’ll come out on the other side feeling renewed and more in touch with yourself than ever before.