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From today's featured article
Palantir (full name Palantir Technologies, short name Evil Inc.) is an American software company founded in 2003 primarily on the principle of "your data = our money". It is still run by Marvel-villain-wannabe Peter Thiel (a.k.a. Peter Thief), who is best known for his weekly staff emails detailing his plans for world domination via the internet and your own personal data. There are four branches of Palantir that each do (or don't do) separate things: Gotham handles defense intelligence, Apollo handles things like DoorDash and GrubHub orders for the staff, Foundry straight up fucks software developers in their collective ass, and the Assisted Idiot Propagator (AIP) disseminates misinformation to the already misinformed masses. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament was founded by the Duke of York? (Pictured)
- ... the rules, and so do I...
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
- ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
In the news
- UnNews fires hockey writer for bungling his first (and only) article
- Bulgaria wins Eurovision with nonsense song, fiercely warding off Israel; Albania, Croatia get robbed!
- The finale has now concluded. It's the 70th edition, Mazal Tov! Paddies didn't air it because they're busy watching the South Park Saint Patrick episode (Pictured)
- Cats on a Plane greenlit, Samuel L. Jackson hesitant to return
- Donald Trump sends condolences to "Lon Chaney" believing he is Dick Cheney.
- Dick Van Dyke mistaken for David Letterman
- UnNews shutting down - because we couldn't let Wikinews have all the fun
- Artemis II spacecraft shits itself passing the Moon
- Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
Ongoing: Eurovision Vienna 2026 • War Special Combat Operation "Ceasefire" in Iran • NBA and NHL playoffs • MLB season • The Boys' fandom infighting over the finale
Recent deaths: Mark Fuhrman • Buffalo Sabres' playoff run • Professor Utonium • Barney Frank • The Deep, Homelander, and Butcher • Kyle Busch
Upcoming deaths: Iran • The Amazing Digital Circus • Euphoria (?) • Rudy Giuliani • Eric Kripke's reputation
On this day
May 22: Sit Around and Watch Old Movies Day
- 1176 - The Hashshashin try to assassinate Saladin, but they accidentally leap towards the guard next to him.
- 1936 - Joseph Stalin enters his tye dye phase, it lasts one day.
- 1947 - Harry S. Truman, to curb the spread of Soviet influence, volunteers to sit outside the iron curtain, toting a double-barreled shotgun.
- 1964 - Lyndon B. Johnson launches the Great Society, forces citizens to tuck their shirts in and brush their teeth.
- 1999 - First AOL CDs sent back in time.
- 2001 - Clustered bonbons in a freezer briefly develop sentience, die alone and afraid like we all will.
- 2015 - Ireland becomes the first country to enter into a same-sex marriage after marrying Scotland.
Picture of the day
 |
Once upon a time, Oscar Wilde tried impersonating Oscar the Grouch. He won an Oscar Award for it. Image credit: AmericanBastard |
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- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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