Girls like Aly Michalka may be a dime a dozen in glamorous big cities, but I don’t live in such a gleaming metropolis. I live in a much, much, more dark and depressing place where women have “morals” or draw attention to themselves by screaming and kicking when you try to drag them into your car. Which is why it is perfect that Aly likes to vacation in the middle of the woods. Jobs already done.
(Editor’s note: fuck ^^^ that’s pretty creepy)
Formally famous basketball star Dennis Rodman just got back from North Korea. Yeah, that North Korea. He went on a trip sponsored by Vice magazine, HBO, and, (bizarrely), The Harlem Globetrotters. The cross-dressing, obnoxious, Rodman hung out with ruthless third generation dictator Kim Jong-Un. He said of the boy despot, “You have a friend for life“. Fucking really? The horrible thug that keeps his people in abject poverty and threatens to destroy the U.S. while he whacks himself off below camera? Sure, Rodman was once a great player but even then I wondered if his abilities were worth how thoroughly annoying he was. Why, of all basketball stars, they chose this chunk of dick cheese is beyond me.
There’s nothing worse than the first few minutes of a porn film. So, we’re going to show you just that.
I’m not sure who is calling this a ‘sex tape’, maybe the people trying to get you to buy it, but unless you’d say ‘Jenna Jameson made a thousand sex tapes’, or want to run with the headline, ‘Ron Jeremy caught banging young hospital nurse in new sex tape’, then this is not a sex tape, it’s just a porn.
And, yeah, you can see the whole thing for yourself if you want downloading here. Please don’t fucking yell at me when it gets removed. Or do.
Filled with her bastard baby, the future fatty and soon forgotten Kim Kardashian has been shaking off rumors that she plans to sell off her future baby conceived through sweaty butt sex with Kanye West (a double miracle of conception as it was Kim who was plugging Kanye up the ass). We started those rumors, so I think you can call them dubious at best.
By the time Kim gets to divorce trial in May with the NBA baller who didn’t realize he was signing off to be her next cuckold paycheck, she’s going to look like a fucking aircraft carrier, complete with sailor jag-off lining the walls of her sleeping quarters.
Photo credit: AKM/GSI
There’s no real reason to complain about Emily Ratajkowski, except maybe for the fact that you and I will likely never bang her. And I don’t mean together, I mean, either of us, alone, ever.
This chick used to be a teen actress on iCarly and some other stupid shows, realized how meaningless that crap is unless you’re the star making bank, and went promptly into sexy modeling, including some nude photos and amazing spreads like this one in GQ Turkey. Why Turkey? Who the fuck knows? And, do you care? Thanks to the Internet, I didn’t have to run the risk of getting Midnight Expressed for my travel weed in an Ankara airport.
Photo credit: GQ Turkey
Marc Anthony probably got sick to shit of seeing Jennifer Lopez having sex with, and buying Range Rovers for, her 20-something gay backup dancer So he decided to top her by picking up 22-year old Chloe Green, the chunky big boobed heiress to the British Topshop clothing store fortune, and he took her to Disneyland with him and the kids to show JLo that he was both banging a girl half his age and also letting that same chick take care of JLo’s kids.
Marc Anthony might be a weasel-faced skinny bitch looking man-boy with a Megan’s Law mustache, but this was a power FU.
Photo credit: FameFlynet
Here’s the truly fucking annoying voiced TMZ photo-story if you care:
Nobody gave a crap that supermodel Heidi Klum had allegedly been cheating on Seal, her husband of seven years, with her bodyguard and current boyfriend, because she’s 39-years old and still looks better than 99% of the women on this planet. And her vagina might as well be the gates to Heaven, because Seal only just started dating again and his new girlfriend is so average that nobody gives a crap who she is or what show she’s on.
But how much do people love Klum? Enough that they’re ready to correct nature’s mistakes and finally kill Joan Rivers.
Photo credit: Splash
Kelly Brook and Katie Price (AKA Jordan) are both English models who are only recognized because they have giant tits. However, while Brook’s breasts are natural, Price’s have come as the result of ridiculous plastic surgery. Regardless, they’re both famous and wealthy, and naturally that means that they hate each other.
Price fired shots earlier this month in her column in The Sun, as she called Brook a “heifer”. Brook countered this week by making fun of Price’s plastic surgery, and this is all stupid because they should just have sex.
Photo credit: Splash
