Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

After a couple of months of dealing with unemployement I’ve found out a job. But it’s not truly what I’m looking for so my plan is to keep it until the end of the month and then look for something else. The only good thing is that I don’t hold any kind of debt.

I think that I wanna work like a freelance on my area under my own rules. But I’m not the kind of person to record a stupid TikTok or even create a site on ig or similar sites, lately I’ve been about my digital footprint too.

On the otherhand I really like to stick on a routine but when unemployement hits sometimes it’s hard to keep the track of it too. But I’m trying to do some kind of exercise, maybe run at least.

The funny thing is that from time to time I got some kind of migraine which is unbearable.

But life is full of hope and I believe in happier times again.

I've been very frustrated with myself as of late. I've been in a position where I have been forced to give promises to other people that I can be better. I don't like lying to people and being dishonest so it's been really hard for me to try and be something I feel like I can't promise myself to be. Don't get me wrong I do want to be a better person and have been trying to be better. I have put efforts to fixing my flaws but they have all been in vain. For example, let's say I have a deadline, i force myself to wake up early in the morning so i can try to get things done and have more time for myself but I cannot bring myself to get on my laptop and do the actual thing. It's really frustrating because I can't bring my body to do the things I need to get done. I don't particularly enjoy what I study but I have a passion to be decent at whatever I am doing. Things are not going well for me and to a level, I'm really lost on what I can do for things to change. Ideally, I take a gap year or whatever and get to rethink everything but I feel not entitled that privilege of being able to slow down. In a sense, I feel like even if I take charge for myself nothing about my situation will change. I think I've let go of the hope that kept me going and just letting life take me where i deserve to be.

My life is a mess.

I don't feel like I deserve calling it that way since a lot of people would point out that I don't match the criteria to complain.

Since when do I need to ask for permission to feel miserable? So, here I am, complaining somewhere that I won't feel judged.

Well, as I mentioned, my life is not exactly ideal.

I am studying to be a doctor. This is the root of my misery.

I was a very artistic, introspective child that had a clear inclination towards math and physics and still am. I loved physics, I was also good at it. On the other hand I always hated biology, I found it uninteresting.

I wanted to become an architect but my father wanted me to become a doctor. He didn't exactly force me, but I couldn't disappoint him, he is the person that I love the most in this world. I wanted to be an architect like him, we could work together and continue his firm.

I started studying for med school, I couldn't believe it that I was actually doing it. I always screamed that I would never become a doctor and well, there I was fighting hard for something I never wanted.

I didn't get in. I felt devastated. I got into another university , a nice one, but it wasn't med school. I considered that my happiness required med school which is a dumb thought as I later realised.

I tried again. I did it to prove myself that I have freedom. I won't submit to my fear, my exhaustion.

I got in but I felt miserable. I was happy my effort paid off but I lost a year of my life, my teenage years and my dreams.

The first months into med school I seemed to be doing great. I had friends, I was doing good at uni, I was partying, I was dating someone. Internally I was crying. My father realised it, the only one who finally saw it, and told me that he shouldn't have pressured me ever and that it is never late to just do whatever I want for once.

I won't abandon med school, it is kind of late. Maybe after it I can study something I actually like. It isn't exactly that I hate it, but I feel like I killed that young child that had hopes and dreams in its eyes. This is what I did! I betrayed myself for nothing. I may have compromised in my life but that's enough. I can't live like this anymore, no.

I miss my old ones. The only person I cared about left me and now I have an exam period threatening me. I couldn't focus this semester since I was mourning my failed relationship and my life in general. I feel so alone and misunderstood. Most of my connections here seem shallow and I don't want to make the ones I trust worried about me.

You get one life and I decided to live it that way, a way that didn't fit me, I already knew it, I way that doesn't include the people I love.

Why.

I can't understand why.

Even if I could I don't know if I would be peaceful. The problem isn't the explanation, I don't care about it anymore, I don't need answers, I just can't stand living a life being strangers with someone I genuinely cared about.

Well, let's get into the story.

I was always a shy girl, academically focused with low confidence. I had an awkward phase when I was a teenager but in highschool I got over it. However, I was never used to getting attention, so I was always anxious and didn't find myself worthy to be liked by anyone romantically, even though I always appreciated myself as a person in general.

I was really pressed to get into a certain university I never wanted, just because it was the best one, resulting in having not time to develop a personal life as a teenager and severe anxiety. However, when I finally got into that damn university I was too worried that I was totally inexperienced. I felt an urgency to just date someone to learn a few things, I was also curious.

Long story short, I met out of nowhere a guy with whom I had instantly an insane chemistry with. I didn't expect to find someone that would have actual depth. We could spend hours talking about everything, from abstract ideas, our deepest fears, to random silly things. We started dating after a while. Even though I liked him and he seemed respectful and interested I was always extremely worried and anxious about everything. I never trusted him and couldn't easily express my feelings. I seemed normal, friendly and possibly reluctant though. After some time I started falling for him, I genuinely cared about him and was sure that I wanted something serious. At the first stages of our dating phase I had avoidant tendencies and tried to find ways out but after calming myself down I realised that I wanted to stay. This was the first bell that maybe I had feelings. He had no idea I was that worried. When I care about someone I start panicking because it means something, I have recognised this pattern in myself.

However, knowing myself and how easily I can panic and leave, I decided that since I was sure I liked him to just do everything at a slower pace just so we can prevent doing anything impulsive that ruin our connection or his opinion of me. I wanted to understand what we were exactly. I wanted my time.

Well, I decided to tell him that, which turned out to be a stupid idea because he started panicking. After that he was distant and I was even more worried. I just thought that this whole time he was just pretending things and I was stupid. He reassured me that nothing was wrong, but I am not that naive, it was obvious things were not the same. He distanced himself saying he had some other problems, so I gave him space since he asked for it and that was it. I never bothered him again. I respected his decision.

I figured he didn't want a relationship but I learnt from a mutual friend some time after everything that he was with someone else.

I was devastated that I had lost that special connection. I just wanted him to smile, even if that meant that I wasn't with him.

I tried to heal, I thought I had managed that, until recently. I started dating a new guy but it isn't the same in a negative way. He seems a nice person but we don't have that spark we had with the other guy.

Sometimes I think that maybe our timing was bad or that I was too self protective, I couldn't relax. I just feel like I shouldn't have lost this person. We had a connection I never had with anyone else. I can't do anything about it. The worst part is that this feels unfinished. I just want to have a second chance with him, maybe at a time where we are both ok mentally. During the time we were dating I wasn't ok. I felt like I was betraying myself by choosing a profession I never wanted and had really depressive thoughts. Everything was also new , unstable. Now I am fine, I started using the verb 'want', I am not that shy and insecure. I feel like I am finding myself. I miss him genuinely.

It isn't just that he was my first real romantic connection, this felt unique. I am really careful with people, I don't easily fall for people, but he was something else.

I don't believe in fate, but if life let me meet him just so I lose him, then this is a joke. I can't have met him by accident. This must lead to something, I want him in my life in whatever way.

But he doesn't seem to reach out so it doesn't matter anyway. I will continue my life. I don't have another choice. I have to be respectful to myself and him.

Im not rich by any means but I really love spoiling my friends and family when I can, if I have something that they think is cool, they can have it! If they want something in a game, or want something drawn, hey ill buy it for you! Oh your short on money- Hey! no worries i can cover for you! Its like I cant even function without thinking of other people, im buying myself a sweet, and im just instantly like "oh so and so would like it" then buy some for them which theyre always happy about and it like makes me feel good and all but i just feel like this energy never comes back to me :( No birthday gifts, no christmas gifts (aside from my lovely parents getting me some :D), when im a bit short on money and i need some help everyone awkwardly looks the other way, when i ask them to pay me back for something I told them theyd have to payback they either a, get super defensive and call me spoiled or B, say theyll get to me and never do. I know the solution is just save up and stop spending money on people who obviously dont care about you! but i feel so unfufilled if im not using money to make somebody happy, i know its selfish but I like who dosent want someone to remember their taste and the things they like :,,(( at this point I think I just need to level up and get a boyfriend to spoil the life out of 😭😭

Sorry for the crappy wording

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

I never thought I’d end up here, but here I am, dreading every single morning when my alarm goes off. I hate my job. There, I said it. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a phase, that everyone feels like this sometimes, but it’s been almost a year, and nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

The work itself isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but it’s tolerable. The real problem is the people. My boss is one of those micro-managers who has to be involved in every tiny detail. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ll spend hours on a project, only for them to nitpick and make me redo the whole thing for no real reason. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like all my effort is pointless.

Then there’s the office culture—or lack of it. Nobody talks to each other unless it’s about work. Lunch breaks feel like detention, with everyone silently eating at their desks or scrolling through their phones. I tried to make friends when I first started, but everyone already seemed to have their little cliques. After a while, I just gave up.

What really gets to me, though, is the constant pressure. It’s like they expect us to give 110% all the time, but they don’t give anything back. Overtime is practically mandatory, but don’t expect a “thank you” or even acknowledgment for staying late. And forget about a raise or promotion—that’s a pipe dream. It’s hard not to feel bitter when you’re working so hard and getting nothing in return.

I keep telling myself I should just quit, but it’s not that simple. I’ve got bills to pay, and the job market isn’t exactly booming right now. Plus, there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps asking, “What if the next job is just as bad—or worse?” It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle where I hate my job, but I’m too scared to leave.

Even at home, I can’t seem to escape it. I’m constantly checking emails or stressing about the next deadline. It’s like my job has taken over my entire life, and I don’t know how to take it back. My family keeps telling me to just hang in there, but they don’t understand how draining it is. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to even think about applying for other jobs, let alone pursuing something I actually enjoy.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of work. Or maybe I’m being ungrateful because at least I have a job. But then I think about how miserable I am, and I can’t help but feel like there has to be more to life than this. Doesn’t there?

If anyone else feels this way, I’d love to know how you’re coping—or if you’ve managed to get out, how did you do it? Right now, I just feel stuck, and honestly, it’s hard to see a way forward. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something’s gotta give.