At the start of August, I decided to join Blaugust 2023 and begin to blog. I finally wrote a blog post for the first time. Even though it’s far from perfect, somehow it made me feel a lot better. I am really glad I made the first post and setting up my blog, slowly but surely.
Remember what I said about the time when I made a blog for the first time? It’s true that I was overwhelmed with many settings and functions that were difficult to grasp at that time. When I was racking up my brains on how to set up a blog, the blog competition that I wanted to participate in was already closing its registration. I was saddened because I could not get a chance to win a new laptop, which was the grand prize of the competition. I do regret that I was taking too long with the blog setup, because I really want it to look proper. In the end, it was already too late…
I did not get the new laptop I wanted, because I was too scared that I won’t make any good results for the competition. I did not even begin to write my first blog post back then. So maybe…this is lesson no. 1 for me: Just start already!
Just start by make your own content first, be it writing, drawing, making videos, or such. To be fair, I do think a lot when begin to make my own content. I still want to make it interesting and less cringy, after all. Then again, as a beginner, I am still learning.
However… I wish I can take my own advice seriously. I am still struggling with my own doubts, depression, burnouts, rumination, that kinds of stuffs (to this day, I still am). Furthermore, I’m also still regretting about not getting a new laptop from the competition. But I am having no regret for setting up my own blog for the first time, though.
At the time of writing, I still feel like a hypocrite. Because there are things I tried to do for the first time, like blogging (this), video editing, drawing… Some worked, some doesn’t. I am often telling myself that I am willing and eager to try something new, but… Deep down, there are some sorts of fears. A fear of making mistakes and embarrass myself, over and over again. Especially on the internet, where some people almost always remember your past mistakes and keep making a fuss about it. There’s also a fear of failure. I feel like…no matter how hard I try, I just keep failing over and over again.
However, these are the mistakes and failures that I can correct. Something that I can improve over time. I am grateful to live in a condition where mistakes can be corrected and failures can lead to better routes or ideas, because not all of us have this kind of living condition.
There are times when I feel like I hit a roadblock, again and again. I often think to myself:
‘What if this path isn’t meant for me?’
‘Why did I keep failing, no matter how much I tried?’
‘What if I never get what I want, or even what I need?’
Things I mentioned above becomes merged (dang, it almost always stings when I use or read this particular word) into a fear of trying.
As I grow older, I admit; I’m definitely not become the wiser. At least, not yet.
However, as long as we never try, we never truly know if it works or not. Don’t think too much on the upcoming result, because in the end… You tried. That’s all that matters.
I wish I can take this piece of my own advice as well.
Riel's Nest 
