Margaret and Helen

From Helen:

Margaret, that man is so stupid if he threw himself on the ground he would miss. And in that ridiculous hat he looks like something the dog is hiding under the porch. Honestly honey, I just don’t like him. He makes my ass itch every time he opens his mouth. 

At the same time thousands in Brazoria County were being told literally to get out now because a levee had been breached, Trump was declaring job well done and commenting on the size of the crowd that showed up to hear him talk. My God that man thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.  At one point he actually marveled about how famous the FEMA director was becoming on TV as if FEMA Director Brock Long should be paying attention to his Neilson ratings.

Look, I don’t care what shoes Melania was wearing and I don’t care that Trump didn’t do any photo shots with victims. I don’t even care that he’s selling that USA hat he was wearing for $40 dollars on his own website. Ok. Maybe I care a little bit about that. I mean how shameful is this man? I’ll give $45 to shove it up his ass. But I digress…. What I do care about is our president has the vocabulary of a third grader and the empathy of a tree stump.

While in Texas, Trump actually said this about Harvey. “It sounds like such an innocent name. … But it’s not innocent. It’s not innocent.” For the love of God what the hell does that even mean?  Is he going to pardon it now? It’s a hurricane not a Jimmy Stewart movie. I guess going forward all Hurricanes should have Latino names so we can be certain they are bad hombres. Hurricane Carla, now she was a real bitch… 

Please tell me I wasn’t the only one screaming at the television today. 

But you know what is most telling about this whole situation? It’s the number of Trump supporters who were bitching to me on the internet that “at least Trump showed up because Obama was playing golf during Katrina.” Hey asshats, Obama wasn’t the president during Katrina. Bush was. And for the record, then Senator Obama volunteered in Louisiana during Katrina.

Excuse me but I need to digress again…

Listen up Republicans of all shapes, sizes and limited educational backgrounds. Obama gave you expanded access to healthcare while turning around the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression. Trump has given you accolades for Nazis and ten new coal mining jobs. Pull your goddamn heads out of your asses and think about that.

And to the idiot who showed a picture of Michelle Obama supposedly shopping three days after Katrina… oh Lord give me strength… She wasn’t the First Lady then and that picture you’re showing everyone is Condoleezza Rice not Michelle Obama.  Please. Before I die. Please. I want to meet one member of Trump’s base who doesn’t have a white sheet and hood hanging in the closet. Just one.

Now. What was I talking about again?  Oh yes…

My prayers go out to everyone affected by this storm. I have no doubt that when the rains finally stop, Texas will recover thanks in large part to the hard work of first responders and government officials both local and national. I hold out hope that we learned from past mistakes and will handle this disaster better than Katrina. I’m far from a diplomat. I’m old, cranky and prone to cusswords.  But even I am smart enough to know you don’t celebrate victory while an entire city is under water and it’s still raining. 

And to add insult to injury, I just read that ten days before Hurricane Harvey made landfall, President Trump signed an executive order eliminating an Obama-era rule called the federal flood risk management standard. What might you ask is that? It was a rule that asked agencies to account for climate change projections when they approved spending on infrastructure projects. Yep. That rule is now gone. Meaning we’ll all be here again long after that fool is gone.

The man is deplorable. I mean it. Really.

From Margaret:

The only thing presidential about that visit was the plane. 

Dear Family,

I look forward to seeing you all for Thanksgiving.  This will be my last Thanksgiving as the head cook and bottle washer.  Next year, God willing, I will sit back and relax while the next generation takes the lead.  Until then, you’re going to have to humor me one last time.

As always you can leave your electronic devices in the basket by the door and I suggest you do the same with your political opinions.  My turkey has both white and dark meat.  That means at my table you can be someone who voted for Donald Trump but you do not need to be someone who acts like Donald Trump.   If you don’t heed my warning, you’ll get the store-bought pies Gertrude brings rather than my homemade ones.

This year I learned that it takes all kinds.  For that reason, I am broadening my horizons and opening my mind to the fact that some of you have certain dietary concerns.  So listen close.  If you are avoiding fat, sugar, sodium or gluten you should be concerned.  If you are vegetarian, I think you might be able to forage enough on the table to make a meal.

We have two new babies in the family.  What a joy.  The back bedroom is the perfect get-away for naps, but an inside trashcan is the wrong place for dirty diapers.   Put your disposable diapers in a trash bag and take them all the way to the can outside.  Thanksgiving is on a Thursday and the trash truck doesn’t come until the following Tuesday.  That’s six days of smell I do not need.   Double bag them and bury them deep so I don’t see them.

Football is on all day long.   The television is not.  When the meal is ready the set is off, and it doesn’t go back on until the last person is done with their meal.  God forbid we actually talk to one another.

Kids come in all shapes and sizes.  Guess what?  So do cups.  If your child isn’t going to finish their first drink, then they don’t really need a second one do they?  I am not a woman who likes to waste food – liquid or otherwise.   And speaking of otherwise, plates should be full at the beginning and empty at the end.  Take a little of everything you like as long as you plan to finish it.  Once everyone has had the chance to eat, you are welcome to go back for seconds.

You were all so kind to offer to bring something.  I was so kind as to say bring nothing at all.  But if you insist on arriving with a dish, make sure it is table ready.  I have two ovens and four burners.   All of them will be in use.   Turkey and stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes with cream and butter, sweet corn, green bean casserole, candied yams, peas in sour cream, cranberries, homemade bread,  apple and pumpkin pies.  Honestly.  What else is there to bring?

Cloe, I am tired of fighting with you, dear.   Feel free to bring that disgusting dish you call Jell-O-salad.  I question if it is really either.   Honey, no one is going to eat it so make sure you have the appropriate container to take it back with you.  I don’t need that left-over mess staring at me every time I open my fridge.  However, if you want to make it with orange Jell-O this year, we can call it Trump Dump and at least laugh with you rather than at you.

Mary, honey, you’ve given me a goodly number of great grandchildren.   Precious gifts from heaven, each and every one, especially that middle one who looks the spitting image of your late Grandfather.   But honey, you and your husband made the decision to have all those children and, therefore, you must suffer the consequences.  Parenting is a full-time job.  You don’t get to take time off when you get to my house just because it’s a holiday.  Little feet stay on the floor and off the furniture. Red drinks and other liquids that stain should either be avoided or consumed outside.  My nice things stay out where I can see and enjoy them.  Your children’s hands stay off.  “Yes” is not the only word in the dictionary.   There is also “No” and “Because-I-said-so” (all one word).  But for the love of God, you have to mean it when you say it.

I don’t know what a selfie is.  I don’t pose for the camera anymore because the camera doesn’t love me anymore.  If you want a picture of me, take one off the wall. If you do get one of me this holiday, spare me.  I don’t need to see it unless you have one of those appy things that makes me look 50 years younger and 50 pounds skinnier.

I love each and every one of you and I am so glad to have yet another holiday together.  Come hungry and leave full.  Hug one another because you can.  Argue if you must, but then agree to disagree.  Try something new or let go of something old.  Give more.  Take less.   Oh hell.  Listen to me rattle on like I am some sort of philosopher.  Screw it.   Come for the food and stay for the company.  Everything else can be made better with gravy.  I mean it.  Really.
(Note:  The death of Margaret has been greatly exaggerated.)

Margaret, maybe we have this all wrong.  Maybe the big news didn’t happen on Tuesday.  Maybe it was Wednesday.  They say Trump woke a sleeping giant, but maybe that giant didn’t wake up before the election.  Maybe it woke after the election when we all finally realized that everything we hold true and dear about this nation can indeed be taken away. Maybe, just maybe the sleeping giant is actually the millions  who trusted in hope and love instead of those who walked into a polling booth and secretly voted for hate and fear.

I saw a map today of voters age 18-25.  The map was shockingly blue from coast to coast and even in the middle.  Could this be true?  And if so, how do we ensure those voters don’t become jaded?

I am not sure what is next for Margaret & Helen but we are not dead yet.  And I’ll be damned if we go down without a fight. We’ll promise to try and hold on until 2020 if you promise to hold on with us. 

First up, 2018 midterms.  We’ll be here.  Will you?

Whomever we are and whatever color we are, and whatever age we are, and whatever gender we are, and whatever sexual preference, religious belief, city or town, church, mosque or synagogue… we are awake now. And this is our country.

We are battle worn but not battle weary.  Someone has to watch that skunk Trump and keep him in line.  And someone has to watch the Republican powerhouse and make sure they don’t overreach.  Our elected Dems need us now more than ever. 

Wake up!  Wake up! I mean it.  Really.

Dear Hillary,
We are so proud of you. Take some time off, dear. We’ll take it from here.  
Dear Readers of Margaret & Helen,

Our greatest work starts now. If you have a neighbor who has been targeted this election, hug them and remind them that this is still their America too. If you have a neighbor who voted for Trump, congratulate them on their win and then move on.

In their wisdom, the Founding Fathers prepared us for this. Call your local Democratic office today and ask them how you can get involved. Washington moves mercifully slow. We have two years to take Congress away from this man and four years to restore our dignity.

Our Democracy is stronger than one man and one election. This grand experiment we call the United States has not failed. It has just begun. 

Today we heal.

Tomorrow we act.

2018 we correct.

2020 we redeem.

We broke it and now we must fix it. The world is counting on us.  I mean it. Really.

Margaret, I love you.  We will survive, but now it is up to the next generation.  If we raised them right, they will find the good in people and this country will find a way forward.

 It is my hope that my daughters will one day see a woman as President.  Like Hillary, we have fought the good fight for the right reasons.  That spirit does not die tonight.  It lives on in the next generation of strong, confident, smart women. Thank you Hillary. I wish we could have broken that ceiling together.

Hang in there.  I mean it.  Really.