Paperback 755: A New Kind of Orgy / Con Sellers (Novel Book 6094)

Paperback 755: Novel Book 6094 (PBO, 1961)

Title: A New Kind of Orgy
Author: Con Sellers
Cover artist: "posed by professional models"

Yours for: Not for Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection


Best things about this cover:

• No more togas and vomitoria—it's … a new kind of orgy!
• "OK, people, we're inventing a new orgy here, so … um … First, everyone push your boobs together. OK … that's … yep, get in there … just … ouch! … OK good … alright, this is pretty hot, right? … Now … let's see … hey, wait, don't fall asleep yet, you two!"
• "Feel all strange and squirmy" … Did she drop the pronoun 'cause she's intoxicated? Or is that a command? "I said 'Feel strange and squirmy!' FEEL IT! Don't make me shake my big, now bared bosom at you!"

OK, now for the really good part: Imagine what the author of a book like "A New Kind of Orgy" might look like. Go ahead, imagine it. I'll wait … OK, you got a clear image? Well, did it look anything like this? (warning: brace yourselves):


Best things about this back cover:

• Con Sellers, satanic grave-robbing phys ed teacher.
• Con Sellers, alcoholic sweater fetishist.
• Con Sellers, collector of trinkets, smoker of weed.
• Con Sellers, proud holder of service medals, male fiction writing medals, and other shiny things he keeps in his home dungeon basement.
• "He's done everything from —" HA ha. Fill in the blank! Even the cover's like "Yep, whatever crazy-ass shit you can imagine, Con Sellers has Done It."
• That smile … it stays with you … trust me.
• Count Chocula, retiree.
• I have never not laughed when looking at this picture. Never. Not once.

Page 123~

Mai gave him a smile. "Nothing to nobody—I know that rule, too. I just don't want you to get hurt, Pio."
"Me? Get hurt?" His laugh was high and brittle. "That ain't the way it goes, baby. It's the other guys that get hurt."

"How do you think I got my medallion collection, baby? Service to my country? [high and brittle laughter] Oh, Mai, you adorable kid, you. Go fetch me my lounging sweater. And all the weed you can carry."

~RP

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Paperback 684: Hired Nympho / Big Bob Tralins (Novel Book 5077)

Paperback 684: Novel Book 5077 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Hired Nympho
Author: Big Bob Tralins (best, author, name, ever)
Cover artist: photo cover + beta version of PhotoShop?

Yours for: Not for Sale [part of the Doug Peterson Collection]


Best things about this cover:

• Can't get past the hair. Just can't. Hideous.
• I do like the fact that I have, multiple times, misread Big Bob Tralins' other titles, e.g. "Seduction Salmon," "Passion Position," etc
• Big. Bob. Tralins. That was someone's name.
• Arrow, haha. "Read this next," says the redundant arrow.

Best things about this back cover:

• Simple and to the point. Elegant. Being honest when I say this is one of my very favorite back covers. Of all time.

Page 123~

I grinned. They were both compacts, the low-slung, economy size, one blonde, the other redhead. Miniature five-footers, but stacked!

I can really picture these women. Sadly, what I'm picturing looks like a cross between a car and a sub sandwich.

~RP

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Paperback 622: Willing Women / Connie Sellers (Novel Book 5019)

Paperback 622: Novel Books 5019 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Willing Women
Author: Connie Sellers
Cover artist: Uncredited

From The Doug Peterson Collection (recent acquisition)


Best things about this cover:

• Here we see Novel Books testing out its novel strategy of just printing the title of the book wherever there's blank space. "What's the name of that book again? I forgot."
• "CARNAL ORGY"?! Why, that's my favorite kind of orgy! How did you know?
• "Our wigs come in blond, flaxen, and molded rubber. You like?"
• Man, the closer they come, the more nightmare-inducing they get.
• This cover is being photobombed by the closest lady's left boob. Photoboobed.
• The condition of this book is nearly flawless. Square, bright, unread.
• "(Wheaton)," HA ha. Big time!

Best things about this back cover:

• Nothing sleazes up a photo like eye bars.
• I like how I'm supposed to believe that "Masae" is just another name, like "Margaret" and "Sara."
• The best, and worst, phrase on this, or any, book, is "piece of female."
• P.S. Great dane.

Page 123~

Her mouth slid back and forth on the muzzle, tongue loose, lips spread. Her body arched, shuddered as her hips rotated. She crushed the barrel harder between her breasts and moaned.

Um ... I have read this passage several times, and I am not joking when I say it *appears* that she "makes love to" a shotgun. You do *not* want to know what the moment of climax looks like. Do. Not. Want. I, sadly, cannot now unknow it.

~RP

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Paperback 618: Easy Women! / Orrie Hitt (Novel Books 5065)

Paperback 618: Novel Books 5065 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Easy Women!
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: photo cover

From The Doug Peterson Collection (new acquisition)


Best things about this cover:

• Strangely, the part of all this nutso text that made me laugh hardest is "... ON IT!"
• So ... they're a bunch of lazy welfare queens, but they have orgies 24/7?! They sound ... industrious, at the very least. 
• That 10,000,000 number is less impressive when you consider he wrote about 100,000 books.
• I love the design on this, in the way that I love completely inexplicable things. I've never seen text obscure my view of the action quite so much as it does here. I think people are making out next to the blond woman's left cheek ... but who can say?
• I love how the one book Orrie Hitt has been dying to write is probably the one people have been least dying to read. "You know what this sleaze paperback needs more of? Ayn Rand." Said no one ever.

Best things about this back cover:

• Hang on, let me get my reading glasses and a cup of cocoa.
• I need to get ahold of "Animal Broad" and "Giant Orgy" asap.
• "Novel Books: Books for men who really like being men with other men in a way that is "virile" but *completely* not gay."
• I love how it's all "man" this and "man" that re: welfare, but of course the book is all about sluts.
• "You'll applaud his condemnation of their 24 hour-a-day orgies!"—oh, OK, so it's not a solid 24 hours of orgying, but one hour of orgying a day for 24 days. That's a *much* more reasonable orgy schedule. 

Page 123~

He had learned the meaning of power that night in Emily's room [1], the raw power of anger [2], and when he had reached home he had found love in his wife's arms, a wife who had smelled of scotch but who no longer drank [3].

[1] 50 Shades of Orrie!
[2] Uh oh ... someone go check on Emily.
[3] So either she started drinking again or some Scotch-slathered brute 24-hr-orgied her. You can guess which scenario I prefer.

~RP

P.S. the spine reads "A NOVEL BOOK / IS A MAN'S BOOK!"—At this point, I'm surprised they didn't just cover the whole book in cocks.

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