Paperback 208: Beat Not the Bones / Charlotte Jay (Avon PN286)

Paperback 208: Avon PN286 (6th ptg, 1970)

Title: Beat Not the Bones
Author: Charlotte Jay
Cover artist: Uncredited (come on, someone must know this...)

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Let's start with the title ...
• Because honestly, I'm not sure where to begin ...
• Beat Not the Bones! - for if you do, the Psychedelic South American Tree God will alight on your head with mind-altering fury!
• Revealed!: the secret of soprano Alma Gluck's outstanding voice!

Best things about this back cover:

• "Hair-raising" is not an effective qualifier of or follow-up to "persuasive." I mean, really - how do you en-dash your way from "hair-raising" to "persuasive?" That is nuts, New York Herald Tribune.
• "Proceeding?" It's not a trial. Horrible blurbs! Hey, I have a new blog tag.
• Civilization = innocence = sanity. Nice.
• "Rumors whispered suicide" - yes, when you play it backwards, the American version of Fleetwood Mac's most popular album does just that. And to think, Judas Priest and Ozzy Osbourne got all the bad press.

Page 123~

"I'm not at all well," he stated. "Fever always put my nerves on edge and those damn Kerema dogs come over and root up all my vegetables."

~RP

Paperback 176: The Irish Beauty Contract / Philip Atlee (Gold Medal D1976)

Paperback 176: Gold Medal D1976 (PBO?, 1966)

Title: The Irish Beauty Contract
Author: Philip Atlee
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Well, Joe Gall, obviously. Look at his tough-guy mug up there in the corner. "I Approve This Counterespionage Adventure"
• I was hoping and praying that the picture of Joe Gall in the corner meant that there was some TV show or something that featured his character ... but no. Not that I can see. Just some model ... ? Which is weird. I want to say "unprecedented." It's like they want you to think he's some kind of TV star, or that the book might be a TV tie-in. I guess that was a selling point in the 60s.
• The tagline for this non-existent TV show would be someone saying: "You've got some gall!" and then Joe would turn and smile knowingly into the camera. Magic!
• I'm guessing the dead girl is the "Irish Beauty." I say this because of her lush, cascading red hair. Something tells me those ruins are not in Ireland. Meanwhile, our hero is dressed oddly like Joan Crawford. Cross her with Norma Desmond descending the staircase at the end of "Sunset Boulevard." Now cross that with Frankenstein's monster. That's our hero.
• Love the blurb from Chandler. Legitimacy! The quote kind of trails off there. There's a longer one inside that continues: "... the hard economy of style, the characterizations ..." but that one trails off too. I'll be kind and assume that Chandler doesn't introduce a "but" in the next phrase.

Best things about this back cover:

• Joe Gall montage! See the many sides of Joe Gall! Wry look, followed by slightly less wry look, followed by the same look at a slightly different angle, followed by the cool pleasures of Chesterfield, followed by exhale. Joe Gall!
• "The Nullifier," HA ha. Best name ever. It's very non-terrifying.
• Joe is not afraid of "hairy ones." I've heard of guys like that. I think they are called "bears." Or "cubs," I forget.

Page 123~

Screw that, here's page 1, line 1:

"You're most depressing," the Irish Beauty said. She was nude except for a solar topi and a riding crop.

Topi (n.): A pith helmet worn for protection against sun and heat.

At least I assume he means the pith helmet. The other "topi" is an antelope.

~RP