Paperback 950: The Screaming Cargo / J.M. Flynn // The Bullet-Proof Martyr / James A. Howard (Ace Double F-130)

Paperback 950 (!): Ace Double F-130 (PBO / 1st ptg, 1962)

Title: The Screaming Cargo / The Bullet-Proof Martyr
Author: J.M. Flynn / James A. Howard
Cover artists: Uncredited / Uncredited

Estimated value: $10
Condition: 7/10

Best things about this cover:

• Screaming babies in the cargo hold? Jeez. Grim.
• Love the Telly Savalas-esque skyward-looking guy. "Who loves you, screaming babies?"
• Cool font. Cool tie. Weird lambada-on-the-tarmac.

Best things about this other cover:

• This looks like someone's intense hate-drawing diary. Ugly, dumb, red.
• Why is the eye candy so tiny? The visual equivalent of burying the lede.
• Her left arm is the dumbest thing I've seen in 950 paperbacks worth of posing. "How's that, baby? You like it when mama puts just one arm in her jacket? Yeah, you like it." What the hell?

Page 23~  (there are no p. 123s) (from The Screaming Cargo)

She was more girl than woman. She wore her hair in a pony tail—soft dark hair. She wore a too-tight blouse and short shorts, and she had a face that might've been innocent a few weeks earlier.

A few weeks earlier ... you know, before she took up knitting. Nobody comes back from that, man. Nobody.

~RP

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Paperback 918: Call for the Saint / Leslie Charteris (Avon 526)

Paperback 918: Avon 526 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: Call for the Saint
Author: Leslie Charteris
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• Tied-up lady's expression: "So, uh, are we gonna do this or aren't we? .... guys?"
• This looks more like ballet than a legit needle take-away. What is that showoff one-handed bullshit? With that dramatic right hand? WTF, Saint?
• Would-be assailant is both racially and genderly ambiguous. I'm going with Philippine woman, but that's a (needle) stab in the dark.
• This cover has needle *and* bondage, so it's priceless, no matter what the market dictates.

Best things about this back cover:

• She's got quadrilateral eyes!
• Needle me once, needle me twice!
• No shapely rags for you, missy!
• "Almost screamed"? Not sure if her voice didn't quite there, or if she thought better of it, and went for demure statement instead.

Page 123~

"Killed? De Champ? Why, he'll moider de bum!"

Had to read this a few times to get it. I figured De Champ was a French dude.

~RP

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Paperback 916: In a Lonely Place / Dorothy B. Hughes (Carroll & Graf nn)

Paperback 916: Carroll & Graf (unnumbered) (1st thus, 1984)

Title: In a Lonely Place
Author: Dorothy B. Hughes
Cover artist: [movie stills] [colorized!]

Estimated value: $25 (prices All over map on this ... up to $136???!)

Best things about this cover:

• Not really in my main collection. More ... collection-adjacent. But it's Dorothy Hughes and it's got film noir stills on the cover and its *immaculate*, so I'm throwing it in.
• Library Sale FTW!
• If you ever thought Bogie would be sexier with cobalt contacts and pink lip gloss: here you go!

Best things about this back cover:

• Nothing to see here, except the comically phallic name of DIX STEELE.
• I do like the font on the title, actually. Monumental.

Page 123~

She hadn't been to bed!

Egads!

~RP

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Paperback 913: One More Unfortunate / Edgar Lustgarten (Bantam 360)

Paperback 913: Bantam 360 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: One More Unfortunate
Author: Edgar Lustgarten
Cover artist: Bernard Safran

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• "I was Mr. Arm Veins 1938, 1939, and 1941. Don't ask about 1940. Here, drink this."
• "First, let me show you this here invention I come up with. I call it, 'The Butt Scratcher'...."
• Wow, when he rolls up his sleeves, he really Rolls Up His Sleeves.
• That knife-arm, everything about it, is really striking. And yet I'm weirdly mesmerized by the torn wallpaper patch (authentic seediness!) and her shoes, which I really wish I could see in profile. And closer up.

Best things about this back cover:

• Young Ronald Reagan was not allowed to ride the children's choo-choo train. Would / he / die?!
• I love how the issue here isn't the horrific fate of Kate Haggerty, but how her horrific fate might reflect on Captain White Man.
• Damn evidence. Always with the mounting.

Page 123~

He gave his answer in loud, almost truculent tones.

Ooh, I like that. I think I'm gonna steal it. "Almost Truculent: The Rex Parker Story"

~RP

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Paperback 872: The Baited Blonde / Robinson MacLean (Dell 508)

Paperback 872: Dell 508 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: The Baited Blonde
Author: Robinson MacLean
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• Mike had his own special way of taking a woman's pulse.
• Mike was never very good at dancing.
• Mike always had trouble getting the store mannequins into naturalistic poses.
• You do *not* want to fuck with Mike's hookah. You just don't.

Best things about this back cover:

• Middle East Mapback! With the Suez Canal inset! Hot.
• "How 'bout instead of Iran … a sad strip club?" "Go for it!"
• Screw you, Cyprus! No pink tint for you!

Page 123~

And after you open a can of salmon you got to do something. 

Best motivational poster caption ever. If you don't use this line today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life, something is wrong with you.

~RP

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Paperback 856: Dividend on Death / Brett Halliday (Dell 617)

Paperback 856: Dell 617 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Dividend on Death
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Estimated value: $10-12


Best things about this cover:

• Mike Shayne fights back against Obama's Death Panels.
• "*That's* no thermometer!" cried Mike Shayne.
• It looks like he's trying to do some gun hackysack and she's like "WTF!?"
• His tie is awesome. Did he fall from the sky?

Best things about this back cover:

• How much for the alliteration classes?
• "a flock of kisses from a hot-mouthed blond"—"Her kisses were like feverish sheep…"
• Dr. Pedique has the cure! Or so I imagine.

Page 123~

She gazed at him disdainfully. "What gave you the idea you were such hot stuff? If you haven't anything else on your mind, I'll ask you to go. I won't weep any salty tears if I never see you again."

"Only freshwater tears for you, sailor. Now scram!"

~RP

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Paperback 808: The Golden Blade / John Clou (Graphic Giant G209)

Paperback 808: Graphic Giant G209 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Golden Blade
Author: John Clou
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $12

Best things about this cover:

Ron Weasley fantasizes about gutting that lousy scar-faced pretty boy.
Easily the best painting you'll ever see of a shirtless caped redhead admiring his primary phallic symbol. (Secondary phallic symbol safely sheathed on right hip)
I am not a fan of these big dumb historical romance montages, but if you gotta do it, yeah, go with Robert Maguire. Grace and beauty of his painting will soften the overwhelming cheese of the subject matter.
Everything about that woman is improbable. Actually, I would change that to "probable" if you just moved her indoors. There's no way she's that artfully, nakedly posed out there in the dirt of the battlefield.


Best things about this back cover:

• Everybody dance now.
• "Enough with the hip-shaking. Fill my goblet and then polish my sex boots, woman!"
• I like the blue-skirted lady, or, as I call her, The Mead Whisperer.

Page 123~

The day after Cholan's party arrived at the cave. Juji went hunting. He was pleased that Gesikie offered to accompany him, for he wanted an audience to acclaim his skill with the bow.

This page also features Jhotuz, Kisil, and Temujine, in case you're interested.

~RP

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Paperback 798: Circle of Fear / Alice Brennan (Monarch Books 476)

Paperback 798: Monarch Books 476 (PBO, 1964)

Title: Circle of Fear ("A Monarch Juvenile Novel")
Author: Alice Brennan
Cover artist: Lou Marchetti

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• "Inside the Sordid World of Valet Parking!"
• Chivalry's hard. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to defend a girl and ended up shoving her into the path of an oncoming car.
• "They learned that asking questions is always a terrible idea so just shut up, listen to your parents, and accept the world as it is, kids."

Best things about this back cover:

• "Step aside, Susan. I got this." [screeeeeeeeech]
• Wow. This is less "exposition" and more "randomized list of ingredients."
• Wow, that last line really … tells you the dictionary definition of fear. Yes it does. Informative stuff.

Page 123~

She gave him a misty smile. "You could've been killed," she told him. "Stan, I want you to promise me you'll never get involved in something like that again!"

"Oh, Mom," he said impatiently, "who's going to miss a little chunk of ear?"

~RP

PS sorry for the long hiatus. I'll try to cram a lot of Sensation in your face this week, before heading out again next weekend (though just for a week this time).

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Paperback 727: Lie Down, Killer / Richard S. Prather (Crest 255)

Paperback 727: Crest Books 255 (3rd ptg, 1958)

Title: Lie Down, Killer
Author: Richard S. Prather
Cover artist: Darcy

Yours for: Not for sale (donation to the collection from S. Jacob)


Best things about this cover:

• "I said 'Lie *Down*'!"
• Despite the deplorable violence, like this cover. There's an interesting dynamic quality. I like motion. This is why James Avati leaves me Cold.
• I thought he was beating a woman, but then I looked at the neck region and realized he's merely defending the world against some horrible alien with pincer-claw-face. Seriously, no way those are earrings. They're claws. It's like a skeleton baby is trying to escape from her neck.

Best things about this back cover:

• I assume that last line of dialogue is supposed to be accompanied by ominous music, 'cause on its own it's pretty anti-climactic.
• "That woman gag," also the name of the BDSM supply store down the street.
• Love hate and murder—Prather's got you covered.

Page 123~

Steve straightened and looked around at them. Margo was looking at Gross, but Gross kept his eyes—and the .45—steadily on Steve. Steve pulled himself to the divan and sat on it ,his mind beginning to function.

Steve was always happiest when his mind began to function. A rare, fleeting pleasure for Steve.

~RP

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Paperback 694: Stop This Man! / Peter Rabe (Gold Medal 763)

Paperback 694: Gold Medal 763 (2nd ptg, 1958)

Title: Stop This Man!
Author: Peter Rabe
Cover artist: Darcy

Yours for: $14


Best things about this cover:

• A great, brutal cover marred only by the stupid slab of yellow Erskine at the top.
• Love the unfinished quality of painting toward the bottom, the obvious dilapidation on the ceiling, the dynamic use of perspective, the framing of his left hand in the dead middle of the page, the believable fear on her face, the simple, understated, off-center title ... all fantastic.
• Not sure what that shirt's made of though? Taffy?

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, is it "could not put this book down," or, as the cover clearly states, "couldn't put this book down." I call bullshit.
• I love (sarcastically) how this book basically belongs to Erskine Caldwell now. Sorry, Peter Rabe. I know it must be tough to get shown up on your own cover(s) by a 3-to-1 margin, but that's show business. Gotta move product.
• The NYT review clearly has no appreciation for how much I like "the lurid modern crime thriller."

Page 123~

They put handcuffs on the Turtle and put him in a police car. Then they drove him downtown, to the office of the FBI. The Turtle didn't say anything during the long ride. He didn't think that funny talk would make any difference any more.

Aw, c'mon, The Turtle, you're not trying hard enough. Do your Nixon impression!

~RP

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Paperback 655: A House in Naples / Peter Rabe (Gold Medal k1337)

Paperback 655: Gold Medal k1337 (2nd ptg, 1963)

Title: A House in Naples
Author: Peter Rabe
Cover artist: Lu Kimmel

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover: 

• "Heh, I like to watch, heh heh."
• She's like a soap actress looking off-stage to read her next line.
• She appears to be kneeling on a twin bed that is in the middle of the room, dressed in some kind of summery get-up. None of this makes any sense. 
• And here I always thought the "Spillane vein" was a euphemism for "penis."

Best things about this back cover:

• Jeez, stamp more shit on it, why don't you? I didn't wanna read the text anyway.
• First sentence of that fourth paragraph ("She was leaning...") was written by someone who should not be allowed anywhere near words.
• Actually, I think an Italian-to-English translator-bot did this copy. It's just tin-eared and awful.  

Page 123~

Charley watched the yawl heel and take a close, steady course. He was sure the guy at the wheel was a Sardinian. They can handle a ship when they're half dead. 

Chapter-closing line. I quite like it.

~RP

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Paperback 636: You Can't See Around Corners / Jon Cleary (Popular Library 497)

Paperback 636: Popular Library 497 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: You Can't See Around Corners
Author: Jon Cleary
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $16


Best things about this cover:

• Furious that Steve doubted her ability to see around corners, Beverly grabbed Steve's tie and then plunged her left hand into the back of his skull.
• I'm assuming that's Frankie McCoy back there on the park bench, 'cause I have a hard time seeing this awkward earnest pinhead as a "hoodlum." Looks more like a teaching assistant.
• I am a big fan of her dress, and of the idea that she is about to throw him to the ground, Judo-style.

Best things about this back cover:

• Double Fear Hand!
• Why did he give his money to horses? They're notoriously bad investors and lack opposable thumbs with which to hold money.
• It's like that dude's having a hard time deciding who to shiv: the giant leprechaun or the blue-haired 8th-grader.

Page 123~

She faced him and he got a good look at her. He was glad he had come over: she had not spoken, had not accepted him, yet he was already seeing beyond the dance hall, seeing what might come later, tasting her potentialities. She was blonde but Nature had been aided; her eyes were frank and with long lashes, the best feature in her round, slightly plump face; she was tall and big and high-breasted, her body alive and strong, earthily sexual in the tight green dress. The night should be interesting.

First, "frank"!

Second, if you ever want to kill a mood, or add a creepy vibe to any situation, just use the phrase "tasting her potentialities."

~RP

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Paperback 627: When Strangers Meet / Robert Bloomfield (Pocket Books 1171)

Paperback 627: Pocket Books 1171 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: When Strangers Meet
Author: Robert Bloomfield
Cover artist: Robert Abbott (is this the same guy as "Robert Abbett"—experts, please advise)

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• The palette on this thing is insane. It's like the painting is badly rusted. I love it.
• I love how the cover is dynamic and violent but his eyes are still and icy and looking right at you.
• Not usually a fan of cursive fonts, but this one has a combination of sass and formality that I really like. 
• Everyone dressed better in 1957.

Best things about this back cover:

• I love how they tell you the amount down to the penny.
• One lasting impact that "Rocky IV" had on the world is that I can't take the name "Dolph" seriously.
• It's a crossword solver's delight through the middle of this cast: ANSEL! NELDA! ODON! Those are all names built for heavy grid action.
• How can you not love the word "hoofer"?
• Apparently there was a time when one could be a "mysterious young uranium prospector" and no one would bat an eye.
• If Odon Kovach "crossed the border illegally, the first question that presents itself is: which border, exactly?

Page 123~

But his gross, florid features revealed nothing of his thoughts. He was still taciturn, still dour and surly.

Robert Bloomfield scored in the 87th percentile on his SAT Verbal. Or so I'd infer from this passage.

~RP

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Paperback 584: The Delicate Ape / Dorothy B. Hughes (Pocket Books 422)

Paperback 584: Pocket Books 422 (1st ptg, 1946)

Title: The Delicate Ape
Author: Dorothy B. Hughes
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• I have not read this book, but I dearly hope that this cover is some kind of surreal metaphor and not an actual scene from the book. 
• Who would pick this book up based on its cover? "Hmmm, I've always been curious about apes who are also sexual sadists and aesthetes ... I guess I'll give this a try."
• Love the flag motif against the camouflage background. It's like some horribly ill-conceived army recruitment poster. (Upon closer inspection, it's actually a camo-colored map of the world)

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, if you want to know what this book is about, that first paragraph really isn't going to help you much.
• I think the cover is a depiction of "a seductive force in evil hands." 
• I assume the information he has, the information everyone wants, is data on the disastrous consequences of a flower diet in the ape population.

Page 123~

"He's an old man. Something could happen."

"These opportune events do not often occur." Watkins scooped a spoon of ice cream. 

Spy's gotta eat.

~RP

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Paperback 553: One Monday We Killed Them All / John D. MacDonald (Gold Medal s1177)

Paperback 553: Gold Medal s1177 (PBO, 1961)

Title: One Monday We Killed Them All
Author: John D. MacDonald
Cover artist: Bill Johnson

Yours for: $18

Best things about this cover:

• One of the greatest titles in pulp fiction history
• Disturbing, fantastic cover. I have no idea what's happening. It's like the men are a loosely affiliated mob of zombie hunters who have decided to use the woman as a human shield. But the men seem kind of shambling and zombie-like themselves.
• "On the seventh he rested"! – "Attention, Citizens of Brook City: Monday is the new Sabbath. Stop working immediately or We'll kill you all. . . thank you."

Best things about this back cover:

• This copywriter is not good with the metaphors. I don't think walls harbor cores, and if the wall itself is made of hate, isn't the "steaming evil" inside kind of redundant? What did you expect to find inside the wall of hate? Bunnies?
• Pictures says: "Yes, *that* John D. MacDonald" and "Don't hate me because I'm rugged" and "I think you mean Ross Macdonald, asshole."

Page 123~

Harpersburg State Prison erupted into overdue violence on the following Tuesday.

Tuesday? But what about Monday? I was promised killing on *Monday*!

~RP

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Paperback 551: God's Little Acre / Erskine Caldwell (Great Pan G148)

Paperback 551: Great Pan G148 (1st thus, 1958)

Title: God's Little Acre
Author: Erskine Caldwell
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $23
Best things about this cover:

• The Professor and Ginger never did see eye to eye.
• It's like they're having a clenchedmouth-off and she's winning—though it looks like the judge in the background there is about to call "illegal use of boobs." We'll see...
• Zeke likes to watch.
• I think she was overcome by Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" and had to be shaken out of her rockin' reverie before she tore up all the hay bales.
• Zeke, on the other hand, is immune to Bon Jovi's charms.
• Movie tie-in! 

Best things about this back cover:

• Wow, they sure picked a dramatic scene for this back cover. And by "dramatic" I mean "one that showcases Tina Louise's tits to the fullest."
• Chivalry isn't dead, it's just horribly, horribly mutated.
• "Gusty vitality"??? Did they mean "gutsy"? Did they conflate "gutsy" and "gusto." "You know, the vitality of his writing ... it's got a ... windlike quality to it ..."

Page 123~

Ty Ty put one foot inside the room and leaned against the door-frame. He watched her roll and unroll her stockings and hang them over the back of the chair. She got up quickly and stood at the foot of the bed.

I *knew* creepy, overt, unwelcome voyeurism was going to figure prominently in this book. The cover artist did his job well.

~RP

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Paperback 550: Yesterday I Died! / John Cooper (World Distributors Nn, 1951?))

Paperback 550: World Distributors Novel (no #) (PBO? 1951?)

Title: Yesterday I Died!
Author: John Cooper
Cover artist: Sure, why not...

Yours for: I have no idea ...


Best things about this cover:

• Him: "Yesterday Day I Died!" Her: "So I smell!"
• Gun v. Nipple face-off.
• Has she got an 8 1/2 x 11 pad of paper in her pocket? 
• Awkwardly positioned gunman wonders "Am I in frame now? How 'bout now?"

Best things about this back cover:

• One of three Awesome ads in this thing.
• Charles Atlas promises you "fresh blood" if you join him and his vampiric children of the night.
• "Joy-killing ailments" is a great phrase. 

Other ads!

• The crossword constructor in me really wishes APAL had caught on.
• How is that drawing of that dude supposed to relate to my quitting smoking. Frankly, it's creeping me out and making me want to light up.
• Hey, "S.A.E." — more crosswordy goodness!

• First, I thought it said "I am Bam-Bou!" and thought "awesome name for a guru." Then I thought it said "Make Money By Growing Babies" and thought "that's ... a new angle."
• It's a well-know scientific fact that bamboo release spores in the form of pound coins.
• The Orientalism here is epic—the sexy East will lay bare her secrets to the hungry eyes of the horny West!

Page 123~ (This Book Has No Page Numbers!?!?!)

So ... Random Page~

Lugs O'Malley said suddenly, "For Pete's sake, Champion ... do something. If you're gonna blow us all to hades with the bomb ... well hell, let's go. But don't forget, you go too."

First, give it up for 'Lugs O'Malley,' which belongs in the Corney Gangster Name Hall O' Fame. Second, who says (uncapitalized!?) "hades" in this context? Normally, I would say: the person who thinks "hell" is a curse word. But ... the next sentence ...

~RP

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Paperback 511: Sinful Wife / Ray Damon (Chariot Books 172)

Paperback 510: Chariot Books 172 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Sinful Wife
Author: Ray Damon
Cover artist: Uncredited (back cover = photo cover)

Yours for: Not For Sale (donation from Doug Peterson)


Best things about this cover:

• "Look, Steve, I like you, but briskly rubbing my nipple with the butt of your gun is just not doing it for me."
• I wish she were standing up so I could see her underwear better (without all the messed up perspective). It's kind of cute.
• Is she a doctor? It looks like she just flopped back on the bed and threw open her lab coat in a fit of passion. Or dyspepsia. Her facial expression is kind of enigmatic.

Best things about this back cover:

• Here's Stella showing off the lamp that earned her a 2nd place ribbon in the "Most Ridiculous Novelty Lamp" competition at the county fair. She also received an Honorable Mention for "Biggest Damn Lampshade Anyone's Ever Seen."
• I'm sure she's very sexy under that Grandma's-MuuMuu of a nightgown.
• Is there anything that lamp can't do. I'm pretty sure it tells time, and possibly provides shelter for a small family. 
• And the award for "Most Uses of the Verb 'Come' on the Back Cover of a Paperback" goes to ...

Page 123~

The gear shift was a big lever jutting up beside me with a button on top.

"I'll thank you not to talk about my penis that way," exclaimed Steve.

~RP

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Paperback 501: The Candy Kid / Dorothy B. Hughes (Pocket Books 845)

Paperback 501: Pocket Books 845 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: The Candy Kid
Author: Dorothy B. Hughes
Cover artist: Edward Vebell

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

• I guess he didn't care for the package.
• "I said, 'Where's the candy, kid!?' I want my fuckin' Reese's back, right now!"
• Some of the best upside-down face art I've ever seen.
• I like that dude's suit.
• Check out the Fear Hand (Extreme Edition) on his lapel!
• Getting Jane to swallow her pills was always a chore.

Best things about this back cover:

• I think the guy on the cover misread this as "Never Balk At Strangling Women"
• Jo Aragon needs to buy a vowel, specifically an "e" to put on the end of his first name.
• If you want to end your teaser paragraph with a bang, I suggest the adjective "tampered-with" be nowhere in sight.

Page 123~

He woke up on coffee and a hamburger.

He rolled over to find Sylvia standing in the doorway, a horror-struck look on her face. "When you said you 'loved food' ... well ... I ... [sobbing] ... a hamburger!? A plain old hamburger!? Is that how easily I'm replaced!?"

~RP

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Paperback 479: The Torrid Teens / Orrie Hitt (Beacon B294)

Paperback 479: Beacon B294 (PBO, 1960)

Title: The Torrid Teens
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $50

Best things about this cover:

• Home. Run.
• Too many great things to list. The title! The garters! The menacing shadow men! I mean, I realize that this painting depicts what appears to be a sexual assault in progress, and obviously sexual assault is bad, but as sensational covers go, this one is gold. 
• This book should be called "Everyone's Hands Were Awesome." A triad of terrifically expressive hands.
• "You told ma you'd be home for dinner at 6, and as you can clearly see from my visible watch face, it's almost 6:30. Why must you succumb to vileness and the twisted desire to stay out past dinner time?"

Best things about this back cover: 

• One of the ugliest line drawings I've ever seen on a paperback cover. Reeks of Dickensian squalor. 
• I think he's trying to do this trick where he lights a match using only his teeth and her breast.
• Why does honesty always have to be so brutal? What did we ever do to honesty?

Page 123~

"The kids in the gang were pretty good to you," he said. "They could have told the cops you were with them on the rumble, but they didn't. That could have hurt you a lot and I don't think it would have made your mother very happy."

Little did he know that her mother was actually a long-time subscriber to "Rumble Fancier" magazine.

~RP

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