Paperback 978: Pemmican / Vardis Fisher (Cardinal C-253)

Paperback 978: Cardinal C-253 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Pemmican
Author: Vardis Fisher
Cover artist: Daniel Schwartz

Estimated value: $7-10
Condition: 7/10

[from the Laura R. Braunstein Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• The only thing scarier than her fright makeup is her linebacker hands. Look at those meat claws, dear god!
• Why would you kneel in the river like that? Serious question.
• Her mouth! We get it, she's "savage," dial it back.
• I do like the way the light shines off her hip.
• Chief Wahoo on Cleveland Indians uniforms. Dakota Access Pipeline. This dehumanizing shit must be exhausting.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, the "savage white girl" trope. See Natalie Wood in "The Searchers."
• I wish this were titled "A Virile Young Scotsman, or, The Debauchery"
• Rawboned! The bones of this book have not seen fire! Like sushi, are these bones!

Page 123~

"Coming!" he whispered.

He whispered with an exclamation point? Wow. Graphic.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 939: The 13th Immortal / Robert Silverberg // This Fortress World / James E. Gunn (Ace Double D-223)

Paperback 939: Ace Double D-223 (PBO / 1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The 13th Immortal / This Fortress World
Author: Robert Silverberg / James E. Gunn
Cover artists: [Ed Valigusrsky / Ed Emshwiller]

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• Look familiar? (see Paperback 938)
• On line at the Genius Bar: "It won't reboot."
• I wanna do a coffee table book of old scifi art called "When Robots Looked Cool."
• Actually this one only looks cool above the waistline. Down below, things are a little spindly.

Best things about this other cover:

• You do not want to make an illegal throw-in in space soccer. The penalty's pretty harsh.
• Love the guy's double fear-hand (which are really shock-hand, but I'm gonna say "close enough").
• The nose-high black latex suit really completes the "Intergalactic Sexual Sadist" look.

Page 123~ (from The 13th Immortal)

One crushing fact rolled down on Kesley like a shock wave. One fact.

Please enjoy this eternal cliffhanger.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 923: Crime-Craft / ed. Anthony Boucher (Corgi S488)

Paperback 923: Corgi S 488 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Crime-Craft—as demonstrated in fifteen topline stories by The Mystery Writers of America
Editor: Anthony Boucher
Cover artist: Oliver Brabbins

Estimated value: $30

Best things about this cover:

• My kingdom for a corgi who fetches books
• That is possibly the most generic hard-boiled face of all time
• Angry Military Dude's Face, brought to you by Nike
• This book is gorgeous, bright, square ... and English. How it ended up in the US, at a university book sale, I do not know.

Best things about this back cover:

• That is ... pretty low-frills
• The one thing this bland back cover does is highlight how nice that Corgi logo is
• Look for the Corgi dog ... which you will be able to identify as a Corgi only by the proximity of the letters "C O R G I," so ... look for those too.

Page 123~ (from "The Fuzzy Things" by D.B. Olsen)

"Keep the child's ears covered," Miss Rachel told Dorothy. She met Mr. Thackley's frantic stare. "The sea cliff," she said softly.

This is some creepy, gothic stuff. Also, that last sentence is pretty, in a lilting, iambic kind of way. "'The sea cliff,' she said, softly...."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 904: Redburn / Herman Melville (Anchor A118)

Paperback 904: Anchor Books A118 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Redburn: His First Voyage
Author: Herman Melville
Cover artist: Edward Gorey (!)

Estimated value: $9

Best things about this cover:

• Well, it's a Gorey, so there's that.
• Sooooo much erotic tension.
• His shirt is so red it hurts my teeth.
• Barefoot! Adorbs.
• Look at the rounded serifs on the "U" and "N"; again, adorbs.
• I want a big checklist of all Gorey's cover art work. I don't actually want to see the covers ahead of time. I just want to know the titles to hunt for, so when I finally discover them, my joy can be fresh.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, nothing, so ... moving on.

Page 123~

"What was not wrong then, is right now," said Max; "so, mind your eye, Buttons, or I'll crack your pepper-box for you!"

OK that's as good as any hardboiled tough-guy film noir dialogue I've ever heard, even though I think he's just making phrases up.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 898: Seminole / Theodore Pratt (Gold Medal 635)

Paperback 898: Gold Medal 635 (2nd ptg, 1957)

Title: Seminole
Author: Theodore Pratt
Cover artist: Jack Floherty [signature]

Estimated value: $7-10

Best things about this cover:

• Full frontal is cool if a. the woman is "native" or otherwise of color and b. you airbrush the nipple into virtual nothingness.
• Nothing says "sexy" like a slave auction! Seriously, this cover is infinitely gross.
• Mr. Top Hat Akimbo in the background knows it's gross. He and his bow tie are having none of it.
• If you're wondering whom the auctioneer is pointing at, just wait ...

Best things about this back cover:

• Wraparound!
• Sky looks even more insane back here. It's like Captain Cogitation there is summoning storm clouds with his mind. And his pointing pal is saying "Oooh, that one looks like a bunny."
• This painting is much, much better with the native slave auction cropped out of it.
• Just watched "Key Largo" and I'm pretty sure those two Native Americans that killed are called "The Osceola  Brothers." This Osceola was a leader of the Seminole resistance during the Second Seminole War.
• At least this novel seems to know what the white man is a "marauder."

Page 123~

Indians lay in water with lily pads over their faces to hide from the white soldiers. Seminole children were buried in pits to their heads, which were covered over with palmetto to conceal them.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 894: Death Has Many Doors / Fredric Brown (Bantam 1567)

Paperback 894: Bantam 1567 (3rd ptg, 1st thus, 1957)

Title: Death Has Many Doors
Author: Fredric Brown
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Estimated Value: $20-25

Best things about this cover:

• Gah, stupid late-'50s covers with their newfangled love of "text," crowding out the good stuff. Painting is great, but more of a smudge-sketch than a fully realized painting. I like covers that give the art Real Estate.
• She's like a suggestion of a sexy backlit lingerie lady. Like, I get it, but I don't feel it. His pasty enigmatic leering face is wonderful, but that tower of Fuchsia Letters is crowding him.
• Fredric Brown could Wrrrite. He has bouts of hackneyed sucking, but when he's on, he's sharp and dark and hilarious.

Best things about this back cover:

• HA ha. Arrows! That gave me a genuine laugh. When in doubt--->arrows.
• So … it's warm then?
• I read "The Screaming Mimi" this past winter. Recommended.

Page 123~

I said, "This is John Smith. I want Charlie's address." "You mean my brother-in-law? I don't know where he is, Mr. Smith." I said, "Fine. I'll send a couple of the boys out some evening to see you. I won't mention which evening. We wouldn't want coppers around." He said, "Huh?" and sounded properly scared and excited.

See. Good.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 793: The Roman Way / Edith Hamilton (Mentor Books MD213)

Paperback 793: Mentor Books MD213 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Roman Way
Author: Edith Hamilton
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Not sure why I own this. I mean, it has none of the sexual promise of "The Greek Way."
• Apparently ancient Rome was populated predominantly by very boring zombies who loved statuary.
• Seriously, this looks like a very badly programmed MMOG.

Best things about this back cover:

• The thing I admire most about the ancient world is all their stars were so big they only needed one name, like Cher or Beyoncé.
• What a bewitching, haunting, slightly frightening author photo.
• "… who on her ninetieth birthday was made an honorary citizen of Athens." Sadly, she did not survive the notoriously brutal "jump in" ritual.

Page 123~

Virgil sees no reason why cattle disease is not a subject for a poet.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 775: Slaughter Street / Louis Falstein (Lion Books 172)

Paperback 775: Lion Books 172 (2nd ptg, 1957)

Title: Slaughter Street
Author: Louis Falstein
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• I resent how small they've made the painting here. It's ***ing Robert Maguire! You don't reduce Maguire to a 3x2 in. box, you bastards!
• Is that "Fear Hand," "Sexy Pose Hand," or "I lost 3 quarters in the couch cushions Hand"?
• His hand is super-veiny and emotional.
• "I'm hit! Your fierce, shameless love … it does nothing!"

Best things about this back cover:

• Nice repurposing of front cover art. Hand and gun really stand out in this version.
• Oof, if that simile is any indication of the kind of writing I'm signing up for, no thanks.
• Plot actually sounds half-interesting. "And it was no question of being a squealer" = "He was gonna rationalize, then squeal, then rationalize some more."

Page 123~

He nudged his father as Mike Fortugno took the rostrum to greet the assembled in the name of The Block.

I imagine that The Block is some kind of wrestling deity, and I don't want to be told otherwise.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 763: Ten North Frederick / John O'Hara (Bantam F1554)

Paperback 763: Bantam F1554 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Ten North Frederick
Author: John O'Hara
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• Wow, this is a strong entry in the Shittiest Cover Ever contest.
• "Oh, Steve. Hold me in your pea green embrace!"
• I like how the title is reinforced by the door in the background. Wait, did I say "like"…?
• I almost like her messy painted dress and the curvaceous alien legs of the … let's call it a "hat stool."

Best things about this back cover:

• Honestly, they couldn't make this book more boring-sounding if they tried.
• Wait, go back to the "sweetheart" part … now change it to "buxom mistress" … yes, that's better.
• So it's about a guy with a hat and cane who doesn't get to be President. I love John O'Hara, and I'm sure the book is fine, but I'm gonna require a sexier come-on than JOE CHAPIN.

Page 123~

"Ever see a fellow named Guyon Bardwell? He lived on Staten Island, and I imagine still does."

"Bardwell. No, I don't think so, although I did go to Staten Island this year. It's a beautiful place."

Staten Island? The one in New York? OK, if you say so.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 762: Case of the Cold Coquette / Jonathan Craig (Gold Medal 645)

Paperback 762: Gold Medal 645 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Case of the Cold Coquette
Author: Jonathan Craig
Cover artist: George Mayers

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Cold? Maybe if she put her shirt back on …
• Oh, *that* kind of iceberg. The ones that are beautiful and are thawed by money. I was thinking of the ones that are made of ice and float in the ocean and are thawed by the rays of the sun. But I get it now. Good analogy.
• If you're looking for your right shoe, lady, it's under the bench … there … toward your left … no, not in the corner—down … straight down … are you even trying? 
• Seriously, what is she doing? Some kind of weird half-naked bench yoga?

Best things about this back cover:

• "I'm a cop." Original!
• Champagne tastes … but caviar guts-on-the-track!
• We get it. Cold, thaw, etc. Give the metaphor a rest; I think it's tired.
• I always say, the best leads are succulent leads. Like aloe. A great lead, aloe.

Page 123~

"The mark is so hotted up he can't think straight."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 752: French Model / Cecil Barr (Beacon B133)

Paperback 752: Beacon B133 (1st pb, 1957)

Title: French Model
Author: Cecil Barr
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: Not For Sale (part of the Doug Peterson Collection)


Best things about this cover:

As Doug said to me as he handed me the book: "Motorboat fail."
That guy is *totally* a Cecil.
"Starring Darrin's boss from "Bewitched" and a *very* grown-up Marcia Brady!"
His trousers are gigantic.


Best things about this back cover:

• Far, far sexier than the cover...
• ...Until you start reading the words. That's a whole lot of yuck, very very fast.
• As far as future possible aliases go … I call dibs on "Shockproof Daffodil"

Page 123~

"I'm going to watch you dress, Daffodil. Is this what you're going to wear? It's ravishing, of course, but only you could wear it. What arms, my dear, and I say, what legs! No wonder old Amy—don't rush it, darling, have a heart. Do you mean to say no soutien-gorge? But of course not. Let me—don't be a fool, Daffodil, what are you afraid of. Firm as little rocks. Ugh, you darling! I'm not one of Amy's sort, more's the pity, or what a time I should be having."

My French is a little rusty, but allow me to translate: Daffodil's lady friend/maid is watching her dress and feeling her up while wishing out loud that she was a lesbian (like the mythical "Amy") so she could … watch Daffodil dress and feel her up? It's not clear what Amy would be doing, but one imagines she'd be avoiding laughably unsexy phrases like "Firm as little rocks" and "Ugh, you darling."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 744: Wild Town / Jim Thompson (Signet 1461)

Paperback 744: Signet 1461 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Wild Town
Author: Jim Thompson
Cover artist: Robert ***ing Maguire!

Yours for: $65


Best things about this cover:

• It's pretty much the quintessential cover. It's the first book I brought home (almost 20 years ago now) that made me feel like I had committed; I was really doing this; I was a collector. I got into paperback collecting because of Polito's Thompson biography, with its B&W repros of all Thompson's Lion paperback originals from the '50s. The idea that I actually owned a first edition J.T.—however mauled (and it is mauled)—was mind-blowing to me. I spent more than I should have, as I often did when buying books from my earliest dealer (what's up, Kaleidoscope?), but I Did Not (and Do Not) Care. 
• Robert Maguire is the greatest paperback cover artist of all time and I will fight anyone who says otherwise, despite my being highly averse to violence of all kinds. That is how much I care about this subject.
• I'm not even sure how you *get* a book to tear like that. It's like some drunk person decided to see if he could tear it in half, after failing to get anywhere with the phone book, and then got distracted immediately after starting. Gash runs from spine to dead center of the cover and appears to affect many of the first pages. The effect on readability, however, as well as overall book tightness, is nil.
• "Are you suffering from migraines brought on by stress, hormones, or the occasional dead guy in your oil field?! We've all been there, right ladies?"

Best things about this back cover:

• Put up or shut up, Job!
• Hey look—competent, genuinely engaging cover copy! Huzzah.
• It's your classic sheriff-meets-beautiful-tramp-of-a-wife story. I'm sure it all ends well.

Page 123~

Her head moved irritably against the pillows. She took a deep breath and held it; then, slowly let it out again in a quiet sigh of surrender.
"All right, Bugs," she said. "All right, darling. You don't trust me, but I'll still—"
"Out with it!"
"I want you to kill him. I want you to kill my husband!"

So, spoiler alert, I guess.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 712: The Fair and the Bold / Donn O'Hara (Graphic Giant G-222)

Paperback 712: Graphic Giant G-222 (PBO, 1957)

Title: The Fair and the Bold
Author: Donn O'Hara
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• I  buy her as The Fair, but aside from his choice to wear burning ships as footwear, I don't really see him as The Bold. 
• "The Fair and the Dude We Saw at RenFest '12 Last Summer"
• I am 99% certain that dancing lady is a near-perfect reproduction of some Rita Hayworth picture I've seen ... somewhere.

Best things about this back cover:

• Here, the sword takes on its full phallic implications.
• "... his blazing cannon, his murderous sword—and his penis, for which the first two things were pretty obvious metaphors."
• I love how happy she is. It's very sweet, if not terribly sexy.
• I also like guard dude who is going to get to hear it all. 
• You know what's fun to say? "La Cacafuego!"

Page 123~

The movement dislodged the blanket, which slithered off Bakkerzeel's knees to the floor. Fletcher saw that the man had no feet—only blobs of bandage at the ends of his ankles.

Well that took an unexpected and horrific turn. Poor Baker's Eel.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 666: Dark Quarters / Stella Hampton (Fabian Z-117)

Paperback 666: Fabian Z-117 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Dark Quarters
Author: Stella Hampton
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• "Uh, yeah, I got a letter here addressed to "Sidewalk"—that you?"
• "... newspapers were her bed; her hair, a badger pelt." 
• "Dark niches" HA ha. Subtle.
• "As a child, dancing for her grandparents earned her shiny pennies ... but as a young woman, she earned naught but DARK QUARTERS."

Best things about this back cover:

• Mmm, early Fabian books had such an awesomely low-rent, DIY vibe. 
• Victims of their own success—"So many of you want the sleazy, badly written books we produce that we can't keep up w/ your orders! Long live barely literate perverts!"
• This is from the era before publisher Sanford Aday got convicted of trafficking in obscenity—when the end matter of his books was chock full of long disquisitions on free speech and obscenity laws, and clippings of news about Supreme Court decisions, etc. Also, he occasionally documented his own legal struggles: "... the jury acquitted as to the book Rambling Maids and voted nine to three in favor of The Strange Three and Turbulent Daughters!" Take that, Ulysses!

Page 123~ (nah ... way too boring ... here's p. 27)

"Put your hand on my breast, Steve. You want to, don't you?"

"Yes, but ..."

"Just a little,—feel it like it's something you've never felt before."

"Squeeze it like a pastry bag, you cowardly bastard!," she cooed.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 627: When Strangers Meet / Robert Bloomfield (Pocket Books 1171)

Paperback 627: Pocket Books 1171 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: When Strangers Meet
Author: Robert Bloomfield
Cover artist: Robert Abbott (is this the same guy as "Robert Abbett"—experts, please advise)

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• The palette on this thing is insane. It's like the painting is badly rusted. I love it.
• I love how the cover is dynamic and violent but his eyes are still and icy and looking right at you.
• Not usually a fan of cursive fonts, but this one has a combination of sass and formality that I really like. 
• Everyone dressed better in 1957.

Best things about this back cover:

• I love how they tell you the amount down to the penny.
• One lasting impact that "Rocky IV" had on the world is that I can't take the name "Dolph" seriously.
• It's a crossword solver's delight through the middle of this cast: ANSEL! NELDA! ODON! Those are all names built for heavy grid action.
• How can you not love the word "hoofer"?
• Apparently there was a time when one could be a "mysterious young uranium prospector" and no one would bat an eye.
• If Odon Kovach "crossed the border illegally, the first question that presents itself is: which border, exactly?

Page 123~

But his gross, florid features revealed nothing of his thoughts. He was still taciturn, still dour and surly.

Robert Bloomfield scored in the 87th percentile on his SAT Verbal. Or so I'd infer from this passage.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 567: The Whipping Boy / S.E. Pfoutz (Popular Library 821)

Paperback 567: Popular Library 821 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Whipping Boy
Author: S.E. Pfoutz
Cover artist: that guy that did a lot of Popular Library covers in the '50s ... always wore a shirt ...

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

• The tragic stair-falling scene from Mickey Spillane's final novel: "Mike Hammer: The Big Knee Replacement"
• Meanwhile, in the background: "I'd like to cross your color line, baby." "I ... don't know what that means. Please leave." "Oh, alright. Hey, do you think I'm OK to drive? Here, smell my breath, haaaaaaaaaaaah..."
• I feel like the author's name is some kind of code I'm supposed to break.
• This is the most unracial racial cover ever. "Did we say 'color line'? We meant big, bold primary colors—the blue THE, the red WHIPPING ... it's about a boy who likes to make whipped cream. Why do you have to make everything about race?"

Best things about this back cover:

• "I ... I can't decide. Do I stay with midget Vulcan or run off with black Jerry Seinfeld?"
• "A talented young Negro," HA ha. "Wow, you are really good at being Negro."
• Why would you go with "piercingly honest" when "frank" is so much more concise? "Frank" novels should just call themselves "frank" and quit hiding behind these flowery euphemisms. This message brought to you by Proud Frank Americans for Frankness. Thank you.

Page 123~

"Don't get funny with me, lover boy," said the creature, leering. "I know your kind from way back."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 559: The Promoter / Orrie Hitt (Beacon Books 142)

Paperback 559: Beacon Books BB142 (PBO, 1957)

Title: The Promoter
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: Walter Popp

Yours for: $20
Best things about this cover:

• "So ... you're here for the free Tai Chi lesson?"
• I love his smugfuck face: "What can I say? It's like the tagline says, I love my work."
• I like her. I really hope she takes all his money and leaves him tied up and half-naked in that room.
• Love the trash can peeking out from around the corner. Just in case you thought this story was classy.
• "On the surface she was all smooth legs and orange sweaters, but deep down inside, she was ... the Teen Temptress of Trash Town."

Best things about this back cover:

• ZZZZZZZddZZZzzzzZZZZZZZap!
• Oh, you crazy kids and your cellar clubs (!?!).
• "Cellar club" sounds like a serial killer's euphemism for "place where I keep the bones of my victims."
• "His best weapons were women ... sure, they're a little cumbersome, but once you learn to swing one you can do some Serious damage."

Page 123~

Nothing further was known about her until she had appeared in the city, five years previously, and had set herself up in the model agency business. Her credit rating vouched for the fact that she had been successful—No one had any outstanding bills against her. Her association with Andy Willis who, by the way, was from Billings, Montana, had been a routine thing.

People forget there was a time in American history when being from Billings, Montana was considered fascinating and exciting, possibly because that time never actually existed.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 557: The Eight of Swords / John Dickson Carr (Berkley G-48)

Paperback 557: Berkley G-48 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Eight of Swords
Author: John Dickson Carr
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

• First things first: that dress is Hot. 
• Apparently he did *not* mean "Eight of Spades" and did *not* appreciate being interrupted. 
• The perspective here is weird, creepy, and visually arresting. I like this cover despite its being one of the more aggressive examples of the weapon-to-crotch motif. 
• Maybe he's just tickling her. Or maybe she's not real and we're witnessing some strange sword-painting technique. 
• Maguire is my favorite cover artist of all time. I love how he didn't even bother finishing this painting. "Uh, Mr. Maguire, sir, were you going to finish this painting, or ..." "YOU DON'T TELL BOB MAGUIRE WHEN HIS PAINTINGS ARE FINISHED. BOB MAGUIRE TELLS YOU!"

Best things about this back cover:

• The N.Y. Herald Tribune makes Mr. Carr sound like a mystery rapist.
• I like Dr. Gideon Fell because his name is a complete sentence.
• Strangely, the thing I like best about this cover is the font on the publisher's address.

Page 123~

Spinelli's lip lifted in a sardonic quirk. He sniggered. "Hey, are you a dick?" he asked.

If you like sardonic sniggering, this is your book.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 540: Meet Morocco Jones / Jack Baynes (Crest 1957)

Paperback 540: Crest 195 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Meet Morocco Jones (in the Case of the Syndicate Hoods)
Author: Jack Baynes
Cover artist: maaaaaybe Barye Phillips (uncredited)

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Who's the private dick who takes advice from the half-naked lady on his shoulder? "Morocco Jones!" Ya damn right.
• "Morocco, I'm hungry" "Shut up, Shoulder Girl. Can't you see I'm stalking syndicate hoods?"
• There is so much Fail happening here. Title fail (the putative title is actually just a lead-in/tagline, whereas the actual title is represented as a weak little subtitle). Art fail (where's the rest of my painting, Captain Stingy McWatercolor?!). Hyperbole fail ("The best book that's ever been written or will ever be written!").

Best things about this back cover:

• "Helluva" is simply a great "word."
• Morocco Jones "takes his place among the heroes of tough-guy fiction." Notice they don't say which place. Kind of backing off from that front-cover braggadocio, aren't you, copywriters?
• Is there such a thing as "the edge of lightning?" If so, can it be said to be "sharp?" If the answer to either of these is 'no,' can Morocco Jones' mind be said to really 'exist' at all? (philosophers will come to know this as the "Morocco Jones Dilemma")
• "And whose morals ... well, he liked to masturbate in public so ... yeah, the less said the better."

Page 123~

"Who are they, Carson?" Thurm asked gently.
"Skull Kronsky, Duke White, and Solly Cogen."
"Bad, bad boys," Thurm said softly. As bad as some of the Syndicate killers. Lije is not going to like this, Carson."

Jack Baynes, fresh off a correspondence course in "Naming Your Fictional Characters," goes berserk. P.S. I call dibs on the pseudonym 'Skull Kronsky.'

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 488: The Case of the Constant Suicides / John Dickson Carr (Berkley G-60)

Paperback 488: Berkley Books G-60 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Case of the Constant Suicides
Author: John Dickson Carr
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

• Well, Dr. Gideon Fell, alright. Fell to his death!
• Nobody painted Paperback Women better than Robert Maguire. Nobody. Nobody. I mean, this is some of his least interesting work, and it's still awesome. He also has the greatest paperback cover artist signature. Regular as hell. You could set your watch by that thing.
• This is the story of one woman's painful obsession with the phallic tower that would not love her. Or her painful battle with head lice. Or her painful attempt to follow a rudimentary yoga DVD.

Best things about this back cover:

• How 'bout people just stop staying there. Looks like a shit place to sleep, anyway. Case closed! You're welcome.
• Coincidentally, I'm in the middle of an Agatha Christie novel right now. It's telling that she doesn't praise his writing, but his ability to baffle. I've heard 4-year-olds tell completely baffling stories.

Page 123~

"Angus might well consider himself, in the hard-headed Northern fashion, a useless encumbrance."

Poor Angus is "stony broke," "overwhelved (sic!) with debts," and has an ex-mistress named Elspat. She used to tease him about his "useless encumbrance." Hence *ex* mistress.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]