Paperback 921: Nine and Death Makes Ten / Carter Dickson (Pocket Books 335)

Paperback 921: Pocket Books 335 (2nd ptg, 1946)

Title: Nine and Death Makes Ten
Author: Carter Dickson
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $12-17 (condition: stunning, unread)

Best things about this cover:

• Amazing Moon-Skull almost makes up for terrible, awkward title that sounds like somebody counting change.
• Somehow, the cursive-script author name following the contours of the cranium reads Adorable. Rules of Pictorial Menace, #28—never make your death skull wear a cute word hat!
• This book is in near-perfect condition. Slight fraying of the perma-gloss is the only sign of wear. Bright and tight and shiny, like it wasn't anywhere close to 70 bleeping years old!

Best things about this back cover:

• Again with the problematic naming. Good luck stopping me laughing with a ship name like "Edwardic!"
• "Douse that light!" sounds like the title of an Edwardian rap anthem.
• I shared this book with my UPS guy. I hope that was OK.

Page 123~

"I want you to stop actin' the fool," continued H.M., calmly sighting with another quoit ... 

Carter Dickson is not wasting all those hours of nautical terminology research, so suck it up, landlubbers.

~RP

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Paperback 908: Six Seconds to Kill / Brett Halliday (Dell 8001)

Paperback 908: Dell 8001 (1st ptg, 1970)

Title: Six Seconds to Kill
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: photo

Estimated value: sentimental, at best ($10?)

Best things about this cover:

• This is either the story of the world's most efficient lady assassin or the story of a lady executive determined to squeeze all the joy she can out of the world's shortest helicopter layover. Pilot: "You need to be back here in six sec—" Lady: "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"
• I feel sorry for the model. That can't have been an easy pose to hold. Not in those nutso clog-heels.
• I bought this book in a vintage clothing store in Minneapolis, MN.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ladies and gentlemen—my new business card.
• Also, ladies and gentlemen—my new bride. (My wife will understand. She had a good run.)
• I love this classy lady: "I will drink [yes] and fuck [you go, girl] and kill Ed Meese [of cour— ... wait, what?]"

Page 123~

Shayne set the handbrake and got out. Understanding suddenly that she was about to be taken prisoner, she scrambled for a shotgun lying on the grass. Shayne kicked it away, pulled her to her feet and thrust her into the car.
"The fight's over. You're all by yourself, as far as I know."

I like the part where he set the handbrake.

~RP

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Paperback 904: Redburn / Herman Melville (Anchor A118)

Paperback 904: Anchor Books A118 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Redburn: His First Voyage
Author: Herman Melville
Cover artist: Edward Gorey (!)

Estimated value: $9

Best things about this cover:

• Well, it's a Gorey, so there's that.
• Sooooo much erotic tension.
• His shirt is so red it hurts my teeth.
• Barefoot! Adorbs.
• Look at the rounded serifs on the "U" and "N"; again, adorbs.
• I want a big checklist of all Gorey's cover art work. I don't actually want to see the covers ahead of time. I just want to know the titles to hunt for, so when I finally discover them, my joy can be fresh.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, nothing, so ... moving on.

Page 123~

"What was not wrong then, is right now," said Max; "so, mind your eye, Buttons, or I'll crack your pepper-box for you!"

OK that's as good as any hardboiled tough-guy film noir dialogue I've ever heard, even though I think he's just making phrases up.

~RP

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Paperback 872: The Baited Blonde / Robinson MacLean (Dell 508)

Paperback 872: Dell 508 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: The Baited Blonde
Author: Robinson MacLean
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• Mike had his own special way of taking a woman's pulse.
• Mike was never very good at dancing.
• Mike always had trouble getting the store mannequins into naturalistic poses.
• You do *not* want to fuck with Mike's hookah. You just don't.

Best things about this back cover:

• Middle East Mapback! With the Suez Canal inset! Hot.
• "How 'bout instead of Iran … a sad strip club?" "Go for it!"
• Screw you, Cyprus! No pink tint for you!

Page 123~

And after you open a can of salmon you got to do something. 

Best motivational poster caption ever. If you don't use this line today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life, something is wrong with you.

~RP

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Paperback 869: N Or M? / Agatha Christie (Dell 187)

Paperback 869: Dell 187 (1st ptg, 1947)

Title: N Or M?
Author: Agatha Christie
Cover artist: Gerald Gregg

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• Norm!
• The cigarette is puzzled. "What the hell does 'NORM' mean?" it wonders.
• Design on this is so bizarre. Everything's laid out at odd angles, the cigarette ashes have an eerie, vermiform look to them, and the whole thing kinda looks like a white whale with "NorM" tattooed to the side of its face is trying to fight the scourge of smoking by devouring all related paraphernalia in its sight.
• Gerald Gregg is a cover artist god. As early, non-sexy paperback covers go, his weird abstractions are my favorite.

Best things about this back cover:

• Mappington! Backington! These never get old.
• If you call your place "Smuggler's Rest," the cops *are* going to find you.
• "Road." LOL. Thanks, map!
• If the devil doesn't live at Sans Souci, he will soon.

Page 123~

"Friends of friends of yours, I think you said?" Tommy suggested mendaciously.

Tommy always was a mendacious little bastard. I've always said that about him.

~RP

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Paperback 835: Butcher's Dozen / John Bartlow Martin (Signet 909)

Paperback 835: Signet 909 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Butcher's Dozen
Author: John Bartlow Martin
Cover artist: Harry Schaare

Estimated value: $12-$18


Best things about this cover:

• "Larry, are you… are you even trying? I feel like I'm doing all the work here. Would you lift for real, please? My calves are freezing."
• Larry's a sucker for a left boob. "She's dead, Larry. Give it a rest."
• Oooh, the *authorized* abridgment! I've been looking everywhere for this. Said no one.
• "Torso Murders!" It's about a guy who really hates Greek statuary.

Best things about this back cover:

• Never The Completely Sane Butcher. Not once. Unfair to butchers!
• Whoa, "dismembered his victims in a sadistic, sex-crazed frenzy" is pretty gruesome stuff. Lady on cover appears to have all her limbs, so maybe she's not dead after all. You're off the hook, Larry. Sort of.
• Dude looks like a lecherous psychologist.

Page 123~

On February 8 Klansmen and bootleggers clashed in the center of Herrin, and Caesar Cagle was killed. (Art Newman later claimed that one of the Shelton boys had put a pistol to Cagle's ear and, when he started to turn, said "Oops, too late," and shot him; this cannot have been quite true, since Cagle was shot in the chest.)

If by "cannot have been quite true" you mean "cannot have been true," then yes.

~RP

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Paperback 827: It Ain't Hay / David Dodge (Dell 380)

Paperback 827: Dell 380 (2nd ptg, 1949) (reprints Dell 270)

Title: It Ain't Hay
Author: David Dodge
Cover artist: [Gerald Gregg]

Estimated value: $30


Best things about this cover:

• Kind of a big deal.
• Not just the best Gerald Gregg cover, but one of the best covers of all time.
• The book that answers the question: why was Dartmouth always coming in last in crew?
• Also the book that answers the question: is it hay?
• It's hard out there for a ferryman. So Charon devised himself a backrest.
• The ferry is also a coffin that is at least partially powered by weed that creates smoke art of hot naked ladies. I dare you to find a weak link in this cover.

Best things about this back cover:

• Of course it's San Francisco. Would've been a real surprise to turn this book over and find a map of downtown Orem.
• "Mexican Waters" … which are somehow on land.
• This map is super awkward. Why is the "California Coastline" part even here? Do we really need all that coastline just to have a tiny number pointing to mysterious "Mexican Waters?" It's like the map designer was, I don't know, high or something.

Page 123~

The main building, perched at the tip of the spit, was surmounted by a huge painted sign: THE BREAKERS—Coca Cola, Beer, Mixed Drinks, Sandwiches, Chili Beans, Sea Food Dinners—DANCING—Cottages For Rent—Souvenirs—Fishing Tackle—SWIMMING.

~RP

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Paperback 787: The Man Who Never Was / Ewen Montagu (Avon 640)

Paperback 787: Avon 640 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Man Who Never Was
Author: Ewen Montagu
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• Exciting to imagine Ghost Major—riding the seas, thwarting the Nazis.
• Less exciting when you find out "the man who never was" was actually an "anonymous corpse" that doesn't reanimate or nothin'.
• This cover manages to be clever without being particularly interesting or exciting.

Best things about this back cover:

• More visual riffs on The Invisible Man theme.
• Silly Germans—Tricks are for Victorious Americans!
• "Operation Mincemeat" sounds like a WWII-themed Looney Tunes short featuring Sylvester and Tweety Bird.

Page 123~

An attempt at an immediate thrust into the area of SALONICA and THRACE need not be reckoned with.

And that's how Major Martin avoided the clap.

~RP

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Paperback 779: Million Dollar Murder / Edward Ronns (Gold Medal 110)

Paperback 779: Gold Medal 110 (PBO, 1950)

Title: Million Dollar Murder
Author: Edward Ronns
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• His head is decidedly not in proportion to the rest of him. I imagine his voice is helium-ridden. "Throw me the flashlight," he squeaked.
• There is a genre of cover painting wherein dead women are draped backwards over pieces of furniture (beds, couches, etc.), of which this painting is a close cousin. Coming back toward the camera, tits high and mighty. It's disturbing, though I guess if I just imagine she's sleeping … less so.
• The cover copy *sounds* good, but really, really lacks logic.

Best things about this back cover:

• Early paperbacks were terrible at this back-cover stuff. Except Dell. Mapbacks heal all wounds.
• "A list. A list of things one might find in a cheap thriller. A list where the last item is long and convoluted. And murder times infinity."
• Edward Ronns is really Edward S. Aarons. Or vice versa. I forget. (I was right the first time)

Page 123~

Broom said: "You're learning. About the birds and the bees, I mean. Take the bees, for instance. The queen bee, especially. You know much about the queen bee, Sam?"

"You're driveling," Sam said.

"Look," Broom eructed, "if you're not going to take these apiology classes seriously, you're never going to be able to write an adequate epic simile. So shut up and listen!"

~RP

PS Fear Hand!

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Paperback 778: The Old Man / William Faulkner (Signet 692)

Paperback 778: Signet 692 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: The Old Man
Author: William Faulkner
Cover artist: jonas

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• I like how they're both posing and flexing but there's no audience. "Don't I look like the Lancôme girl…?" "I went to GNC and then the gym so …" The ocean gave no reply.
• I was certain this was "The Old Man and the Sea." This book proves that Faulkner was (exactly) half the writer Hemingway was.
• I'm not feeling either violence or terror. I'm feeling people working on their tans.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Psst, I'm down here. Bottom left corner. Fuckers nearly cropped me out of my own author photo."
• "Desultorily" is a great word. Pretty sure I just read it in John Barth's The Sot-Weed Factor, also in relation to a character's university education. 
• Faulkner's "stint in Hollywood" famously included co-writing the screenplay for "The Big Sleep" (with Leigh Brackett and that other guy whose name I always forget). 

Page 123~

When he saw the River again, he knew it at once.

Sorry. It was that, or a sentence that's about 90 miles long. No thanks.

~RP

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Paperback 776: Ill Met By Moonlight / Leslie Ford (Dell 6)

Paperback 776: Dell 6 (1st ptg, 1943)

Title: Ill Met By Moonlight
Author: Leslie Ford
Cover artist: Gerald Gregg

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Ew, that red. Seems like the title should be "The Band-Aid Was Insufficient."
• I keep reading this "I'll Met …" and thinking "that's not grammar."
• Surely one of the dullest of Dell covers. In their defense, it is a Very early Dell, and I'm not sure they knew exactly what the hell they were doing yet.
• I don't think the eyeball-in-the-keyhole was ever this big again. Love it.

Best things about this back cover:

• Cursive? Really? Could you not afford a font-ist? Or a second color?
• Those are some gigantic sailboats.
• Who is this "Jo" guy? "Jo Village," "Jo Dock" … aw crap, that's a "T"! $&%^ing cursive!

Page 123~

"And then when he came to, days later, he was married to her. I suppose he did the decent thing."

~RP

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Paperback 766: Cruise Nurse / Joan Sargent // Calling Dr. Merryman / Margaret Howe (Ace Double F-101)

Paperback 766: Ace Double F-101 (PBO / 1st ptg, 1960)

Title: Cruise Nurse / Calling Dr. Merryman
Author: Joan Sargent / Margaret Howe
Cover artist: [Robert Maguire] / Uncredited

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Even on dumb, forgettable nurse fiction, Maguire's art is Gorgeous (at least I think it's Maguire—at least one bookseller attributes it to him; she Definitely has Maguire Hair)
• I want to go where she's going.
• For some reason I'm finding both the title font and the seagulls incredibly charming. In fact, the whole thing shouts "60s good-time fun" so hard that I'm having a hard time disliking anything about it, including overdressed waving dipshit there.

Best things about this other cover:

• Well … DARE HE!?
• Ah, the tale of a magnanimous doctor who deigns to screw the nurse everyone thinks is a whore. What a dreamboat.
• I like to think she just punched Dr. Merryman really hard in his right arm.
• "Calling Dr. Merryman … come in Dr. Merryman … we are still unable to locate the bottom half of your body … please stand by …"
• Don't pay …. the Merryman! ('80s music reference for y'all!)

Page 123~

"Elise thinks I'm a beauty," Clay said plaintively.

Try saying "Clay said plaintively" five times fast. Go ahead. I'll wait.

~RP

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Paperback 738: The Lady in the Lake / Raymond Chandler (Pocket Books 389)

Paperback 738: Pocket Books 389 (4th ptg, 1947)

Title: The Lady in the Lake
Author: Raymond Chandler
Cover artist: [Tom Dunn]

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Not my favorite cover, but I love the movie tie-in angle. Audrey Totter died just last month.
• It's a pretty, evocative cover—I like the way the bubbles and her hair float up in soft curves. I also like how her bright purple dress pops against the blue/yellow/green-ness of the rest of the cover.
• Ten years later, this cover would've been way more sexed-up, which I realize is a morbid thing to say about a cover featuring a corpse, but … you know I'm right.

Best things about this back cover:

• Gah. Nothing. 
• I like "susceptible blondes," but "moves with the speed and general effect of a well-aimed bullet to its suspected target" is noxious, for more reasons than I care to go into.
• If these scans look a little odd, it's just the permagloss, which is fraying (book still in excellent condition, though)

Page 123~

"Women are always leaving their handkerchiefs around. A fellow like Lavery would collect them and keep them in a drawer with a sandalwood sachet. Somebody would find the stock and take one out to use. Or he would lend them, enjoying the reactions to the other girls' initials. I'd say he was that kind of a heel. Goodby, Miss Fromsett, and thanks for talking to me."

So *that's* what he meant by "The Long Goodbye"—it had an "e" on the end, unlike all his other goodbys, which, apparently, didn't.

~RP

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Paperback 712: The Fair and the Bold / Donn O'Hara (Graphic Giant G-222)

Paperback 712: Graphic Giant G-222 (PBO, 1957)

Title: The Fair and the Bold
Author: Donn O'Hara
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• I  buy her as The Fair, but aside from his choice to wear burning ships as footwear, I don't really see him as The Bold. 
• "The Fair and the Dude We Saw at RenFest '12 Last Summer"
• I am 99% certain that dancing lady is a near-perfect reproduction of some Rita Hayworth picture I've seen ... somewhere.

Best things about this back cover:

• Here, the sword takes on its full phallic implications.
• "... his blazing cannon, his murderous sword—and his penis, for which the first two things were pretty obvious metaphors."
• I love how happy she is. It's very sweet, if not terribly sexy.
• I also like guard dude who is going to get to hear it all. 
• You know what's fun to say? "La Cacafuego!"

Page 123~

The movement dislodged the blanket, which slithered off Bakkerzeel's knees to the floor. Fletcher saw that the man had no feet—only blobs of bandage at the ends of his ankles.

Well that took an unexpected and horrific turn. Poor Baker's Eel.

~RP

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Paperback 711: The Velvet Doublet / James Street (Perma Books M-4005)

Paperback 711: Perma Books M-4005 (1st ptg, 1954)

Title: The Velvet Doublet
Author: James Street
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• "Hey! Can you grab that velvet doublet!? ... There! ... No, there! It's right ... [sigh] Damn, I'm gonna have to jump in..."
• Just what you've been waiting for: an accidental belated Columbus Day tribute!
• I do love a cover with animated hands—they really do add emotional dimension to a painting.

Best things about this back cover:

• My second-favorite word on this cover is "Lepe" and my first-favorite is "wenched"!
• I'll take "MARAELA" for all her potential power as a crossword answer.
• Screw the doublet, kid. You want the doubloon. DOUBLOON! Ask Columbus. He'll know.

Page 123~

Acros beamed the lordliness of his trade as he showed me the tiller and let me feel it and pointed up to a small opening in the quarter-deck and through this I saw a speck of sky and a bit of sail, and nothing more.

The first half of this sentence *really* reads like sea-porn.

~RP

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Paperback 710: The Deluge / Leonardo da Vinci (Lion Books 233)

Paperback 710: Lion Books 233 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Deluge
Author: Leonardo da Vinci
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• If Leonardo had lived the 1950s and written B-movies: this.
• She's a maniac, MAAANiac ... 
• Steve tried valiantly to rescue all the damsels on Mount Severe Shaving Injury.
• This is exactly how I imagined the 16th century.
• "I get it, Lydia—your boobs are magnificent. Can't we please get off this rock now!?"
• Please check out his left hand. Now good luck purging it from your nightmares.

Best things about this back cover:

• I give this a C- for vagueness.

Page 123~ [This is from L's notebook, and it's quoted in a lengthy editor's note.]

And the surface of the earth having become at last a burnt cinder, all earthly nature shall cease.

Charming.

~RP

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Paperback 695: Passage to Samoa / Day Keene (Gold Medal 823)

Paperback 695: Gold Medal 823 (PBO, 1958)

Title: Passage to Samoa
Author: Day Keene
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $14


Best things about this cover:

• Roger was inconsolable when he found out they weren't going to Disney World
• Roger was fastidious about thread-count.
• Jerry Orbach IS ... Roger IN ... "Passage To Samoa"!
• "They followed the random pink arrows ... to Death (or Murder or Love ... one of those)!"

Best things about this back cover:

• An inside look at Roger's circulatory system reveals that he is all fucked up.
• If that phony count doesn't have a sweet pencil mustache, I will be gravely disappointed.
• Roger liked his sex the old-fashioned way: bundled.

Page 123~

Janice protested. "But you can't kill us for nothing. What on earth is back of this, anyway?"

"Well, I'll tell you now, Miss Hart," Hines grinned. "It's this way. Me and Sven and a certain other gent got tired of being poor. So—"

Hanson bellowed, "Shut up, you fool. It's none of their business."

I like how honest and ingenuous Hines is. "Uh, we wanted money, 'cause we didn't have none, so ..."

~RP

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Paperback 670: Sangaree / Frank G. Slaughter (Popular Library G100)

Paperback 670: Popular Library G100 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Sangaree
Author: Frank G. Slaughter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not for Sale (gift to the collection from Laurie Gagne)


Best things about this cover:

• Before the gas engine, water-skiing was a tedious sport, full of failure and shirtlessness.
• I've seen this artist's work before. I feel like there are at least a small handful of covers from this period that feature variations on this exact scene—nude female swimmer, boobs buoyant but modest, being looked down upon by startled/probably aroused man. Don't recall ever seeing this hand gesture before, though. "Yo, Sangaree! Little help?"
• Perspective here seems off. She'd have to be 6-10 feet back in the water, but that rope looks about 18 inches long.
• "Sangaree! Sangarah! Sangaree! Sangara-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha..."

Best things about this back cover:

• Me? How far will *I* go? I'll need some context. Also possibly some liquor.
• Translation–"taunted him with her nakedness" = "was naked"; "taking" = "raping" (see picture).
• Opening intro / teaser page: "I'LL HAVE YOU NOW!" ... "Toby Kent, starved these long months for even the sight of a woman, undid the straining bodice of the wench's gown. Beneath it, as he had guessed, was nothing but the magnificently-breasted body of the girl who called herself Dolly Lake." I was going to use "buoyantly-boobed" earlier, but "magnificently-breasted" is so much classier.

Page 123~

"The next ball," said Gabriel casually, "will be just two inches lower. Will you back up now or take it up your snout?"

The greatness of this line really depends upon the kind of "ball" you're imagining.

~RP

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Paperback 593: A Death at Sea and The Time of Terror / Lionel White (Ace Double F-155)

Paperback 593: Ace Double F-155 (1st / 1st, 1961)

Title: A Death at Sea / The Time of Terror
Author: Lionel White
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited (illeg. sig.)

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

• Elena bitterly regrets her decision to put two slugs in Steve and dump his body off the pier. That, or she has a toothache.
• Why did all the boyfriends she killed have to return as demonic sea ghosts? It all seemed terribly unfair.
• Opera gloves! Hot. 
• If you squint and tilt your head a little, you can sort of see what Steve's head would look like on her body. Also, if you imagine Steve away, you can imagine Elena has one terrific scar just under her left collarbone.

Best things about this other cover:

• "What the!?!? Oh, it's just a demonic merry-go-round horse. I gotta get my nerves under control."
• I am distracted and mildly irritated by the definite article in the title.
• Author's signature visible but not legible, just under demon horse hoof. Always frustrating to have a signature but not a clear attribution.
• Not a fan of this hat style, whatever you call it. Brim's too small, and it's sitting too high up on his head, esp. in the back. I dig the gloves, though. Very professional.

Page 123~ (of The Time of Terror)

"It begins with Marko," Terry said. "Rudolph Marko—he was the key to the whole thing. I'll start with him. But first I'll have a drink of that rum. I'm forming a taste for it."

Priorities. Nice.

~RP

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Paperback 576: The Day the Sea Rolled Back / Mickey Spillane (Bantam 14597-5)

Paperback 576: Bantam 14597-5 (1st ptg, 1981)

Title: The Day the Sea Rolled Back
Author: Mickey Spillane
Cover artist: Maroto (?) — book is illustrated (!?) by "Maroto"

Yours for: $16
Best things about this cover:

• In honor of Hurricane Sandy (and just because it's next in line), I give you: the opposite of a storm surge!
• I assume that chest is full of Cheerios 'cause no way that kid lifts it otherwise.
• I'm weirdly in the middle of the latest Lemony Snicket book (gorgeously illustrated by Seth), which features a strange ex-sea landscape like the one suggested here.
• Unless Hammer is about to emerge from behind that boat skeleton and put some .45-sized holes in those kids, I don't think I want to read this book.

Best things about this back cover:

• Mickey Spillane: Stud.
• If you ever wondered what it would be like if Mickey Spillane wrote a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book ... well, first of all, you are alone, and second of all, here you go!
• Bar code! Well there's an unwelcome stylistic development ...

Page 23~ (it's only 119 pages long)

They scrabbled for footholds in the irregular crevasses of the ballast rock, then got past them and hauled themselves to the top by grabbing hold of the thumb-thick sea grasses.

Nothing good was ever "thumb-thick." Nothing.

~RP

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