Paperback 962: The Case of the Smoking Chimney / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 6014)

Paperback 962: Pocket Books 6014 (3rd ptg, 1960)

Title: The Case of the Smoking Chimney
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: [Charles Binger]

Estimated value: $8-10
Condition: 9/10

Best things about this cover:

• She's got something of the saloon about her.
• Those gloves are off-the-chart hot.
• So weird how they've given the curtains that hourglass shape. Actually, the longer I stare at the whole curtain scenario, the more it starts looking like ... something else entirely.
• Text is as if written on surface of invisible floating sphere. Strange.
• Most gigantic artist signature in cover art history and Of Course it gets cut off.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ooh, I like this. It's a great, simple, quick way of visually representing the Big Red Text.
• Sideeye!
• "The story they told was clear and obvious." No need to give you details. Your brain is doing fine providing those on its own.

Page 123~

"Well, you see it's this way," Gramps explained. "I've always been interested in crime stuff."

I feel you, Gramps.

~RP

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Paperback 957: The Case of the Golddigger's Purse / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4505)

Paperback 957: Pocket Books 4505 (8th ptg, 1962)

Title: The Case of the Golddigger's Purse
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Estimated value: $6-10
Condition: 8/10 (shiny and unread but mildly, uh, storage-smushed in a couple places)

Best things about this cover:

• Honestly, this is ridiculous. It looks like she's somehow killed a fancy, jewel-encrusted parrot and is preparing to devour its carcass. The bones!
• There are precisely two great things about this cover: a. orange! and b. that left shoe and whatever story lies behind its location.
• I have never seen McGinnis's talents put to poorer use. A huge Perry Mason logo, but only a teeny tiny half-shod McGinnis girl?! Priorities, man.

Best things about this back cover:

• This way to dish!
• I'm guess a guy named Harrington Faulkner doesn't work at the docks.
• Now I ain't sayin' she a goldfish-digger...
• So ... Goldfish ... that explains the color. I think.

Page 123~

With every simulation of candid surprise, Dixon raised his eyebrows.

~RP

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Paperback 883: The Case of the Shapely Shadow / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4507)

Paperback 883: Pocket Books 4507 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: TCOT Shapely Shadow
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert McGinnis]

Estimated value: $8-15

[Donation to the collection from L. Gagne]

Best things about this cover:

• Ladies and gentleman, the greatest BitchFace™ in human history.
• If you want to know what it feels like to be a chump / sap / sucker, just stare at this cover.
• The sexy assassin was able to get very close to her targets by dressing as the Michelin Man.

Best things about this back cover:

•  Wow, this is as terrible as the front cover is fantastic.
• "Let's reduce her head to a single color tone, cut it in half, sever it from her body, and just ... sorta ... oh, I don't care, put it anywhere."
• I like the second Mrs. Theilman. "Look, Mr. Mason, stop being such a condescending prick and get the fuck out. Thank you."

Page 123~

"Now look here, Janice. If you were having an affair with Mr. Theilman, I want you to tell me about it and tell me about it now."

Look here, Janice, Perry needs dirty talk and Perry needs it now. Jesus, Janice. Come on.

~RP

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Paperback 861: The Case of the Cautious Coquette / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4527)

Paperback 861: Pocket Books 4527 (8th ptg, 1963)

Title: The Case of the Cautious Coquette
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: [Robert McGinnis]

Yours for: $10-12


Best things about this cover:

• Here's the thing about McGinnis women: dead eyes. They freak me out a level at the face level. At a certain other level (Not Pictured), I find them delightful. So, in short, this cover does little for me from a Great Girl Art perspective.
• From a Holy Crap Pink perspective, it's quite arresting.
• Also, from a hair perspective.
• Also, with the exception of a small tear on the back cover, this book is in like-new condition. Shiny and crisp. The pink is a pure '50s variety rarely seen in the wilds of today.
• Also, a "Girls With Guns" cover is a "Girls With Guns Cover"—I'll take it. Check out these other covers of the same title:

[Silly]

[Whoa!!! Winner]

And now today's back cover:


Best things about this back cover:

• Tire tracks! That's a pretty damned good design element, especially as a way of introducing the idea of a "hit-and-run."
• This is the last time in U.S. history that "$100.00!!" was presented as a compelling figure.
• Della goes next-level with her wordplay banter (from metaphorical "angles" to literal "curves"). And then the cover copy brings the imagery full circle back to the tire tracks. Well done, everyone.

Page 123~

"Della, run out and scout the corridor. Let me know if it's clear."

In case you were wondering who the badass was in this little relationship.

~RP

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Paperback 725: The Case of the Lazy Lover / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 909)

Paperback 725: Pocket Books 909 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: TCOT the Lazy Lover
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Clyde Ross

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• That dude has my ultimate respect. That is some top-notch lazy. Superfly PJs. Highball. Slippers. Smart green couch. He knows what he's doing.
• That look in her eye is not lust. It's not annoyance. It's jealousy. Jealousy of his Red Hot Lazy.
• I can't stop looking at her boobs, and yet I don't find them very interesting. What the hell?

Best things about this back cover:

• That "Gossip … / and Murder!" heading would look great on a t-shirt.
• Hmmm. I'm not sure we have the same definition of "crazy punchline."
• What does it mean to be "lazy about making love"? I'm quite sure the images in my head do not match whatever happens in this book.

Page 123~

Mason took the pass Lieutenant Tragg scribbled, and went over to the detention ward. After a ten minute wait, he was taken in to see Mrs. Allred, who had quite evidently been aroused from a sound sleep and had had no opportunity to put on her make-up.

Wow. That must've been really hard on Mason.

~RP

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Paperback 715: TCOT Perjured Parrot / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-379)

Paperback 715: Cardinal C-379 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Perjured Parrot
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Ric Grasso

Yours for: $8


Best things about this back cover:

• Woman distraught over loss of parrot attempts suicide by costume jewelry, gets tired, quits.
• "Maybe if I just lean here sultrily, my parrot will just fly back in the window."
• I unironically love her dress.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wait, I can't see Perry, WHERE'S PERRY!? Oh, there he is. Phew. Thanks, Giant Red Arrow.
• Not often you see the phrase "collection of guns at the public library." At least not where I'm from.
• Remember when people watched scripted television on Saturdays!? Good times.

Page 123~

"You're putting me in a very difficult position, Mason," Bolding said irritably.
Mason's voice showed surprise. "I am? Why, I thought you'd put yourself in it."

Perry Mason, Smug Dickhead-at-Law

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. This is one of 97 paperbacks I bought yesterday at the University Book Sale. "Bingeing" doesn't really get at it.

Paperback 504: TCOT Screaming Woman / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4523)

Paperback 504: Pocket Books 4523 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: The Case of the Screaming Woman
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

• From bottom to top: "Nice ... great ... lovely ... WHAT'S THAT ON HER HEAD?! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! KILL IT!"
• Looks like somebody ran over a sloth several times, and then dipped it in mustard and arranged it neatly on her head.
• McGinnis was one fine ass-drawer.
  I like how "Screaming" is kinda bouncing all over the place.
• Perry Mason *solves* the case ... spoiler alert!

Best things about this back cover:

• Rooftop antenna! Hot.
• Nice morphing of the arrow motif.
• "You're wife is either a part of this conspiracy or she's a fucking idiot. Take your pick."—Perry Mason occasionally enjoyed being a total dick to his clients.

Page 123~

"We followed the wet footprints on the linoleum in Derby's house from the shower to the front window, from the window to where he had gone to grab the towel, and down the stairs. We could, in other words, follow the handy man's route, step for step."

Ah, the handy man in the shower. Looks like Perry's got himself mixed up in the plot of some low-grade porn.

~RP

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Paperback 503: TCOT Sunbather's Diary / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4514)

Paperback 503: Pocket Books 4514 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: The Case of the Sun Bather's Diary
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• Among my favorite McGinnis covers. I love that he's got the gorgeous woman in a discernible context—great sense of setting and mood. Love her "what the fuck do you want?" stare, and her glasses, and the texture and angles of the wooden walkway, and her hair, to say nothing of the sun-shaped title.
• If you look at her ass (and why not?), it looks like this woman's bikini was originally somewhat larger, and pink, and then it was changed to skimpier, and black. Good choice. Love the little side-tie.
• Never was too sure what was supposed to be conveyed by that arrow inside the author's initials. "Perry Mason goes down ... to the beach? gets down ... to business? takes the elevator down ... to the cafeteria?"

Best things about this back cover:

• More arrows, pointing in random directions. "Perry Mason goes around ... the block to the deli?"
• Down to the penny. Back when pennies mattered, dagnabbit!
• OMG, is Perry Mason the killer!? I have to read this! (is what no one reading the back cover would say)

Page 123~

Paul put the receiver to his ear, said, "Yes. Hello," then listened for a moment, said, "The deuce!" then turned to Perry Mason.

"Okay, Perry," he said, "the fat's in the fire."

"What?"

Even mild-mannered Perry Mason found Paul's refusal to communicate in anything but old-time exclamations and idiomatic phrases exasperating.

~RP

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The P. Morrison Donations #11: TCOT Demure Defendant / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-323)

The P. Morrison Donations #11

Cardinal C-323 (2nd ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Demure Defendant
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Charles Peitz

Best things about this cover:

• Once again, the breasts act as if the dress weren't even there.
• How much vaseline is on this lens? Everything looks like it's been coated in margarine.
• "Sorry, your honor, I didn't hear you. I was just playing with these marionettes here, and, well ... yes, OK, I'll stop."
  That is one George Washington turkey leg tornado of blond hair.
• This title reminds me that I get "demur" and "demure" confused, which may be why I never use either.

Best things about this back cover:

• Fewer things are sexier than residuary legatees.
• Mosher Higley, who earned his name for his exuberance at '90s punk concerts.
• Erle Stanley Garnder has the signature of an insane person.

Page 123~

"The prosecution expects to prove that the defendant deliberately became a poisoner, a murderess, a blackmailer and became ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity."

Somehow "ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity" is a mess, metaphorically, but it's still awfully fun to say.

~RP

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The P. Morrison Donations #5: Case of the Duplicate Daughter / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4504)

The P. Morrison Donations #5

Pocket Books 4504 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: The Case of the Duplicate Daughter
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert McGinnis]

Best things about this cover:

• "OK, who threw egg at the wall!? I'm going to sit on these scones until somebody tells me!"
• Love the feather-fringed teddy, but it would be much hotter without the ornate pantaloons, which make it look like a giant tulip is swallowing her leg.
• "Come now, darling, you're far too old to be smearing the floor and wall with marmalade and then throwing flowers everywhere."

Best things about this back cover:

• Does this "down arrow" mean something, "duplicate"-wise? It's on the front cover, and the back cover, and the title page?
• OK, so now we know his client did *not* murder Vera Martel. Also, that his client is fond of giving his daughters slightly odd names. The only other place I've seen the name "Glamis" is in Macbeth (title character is "Thane of Glamis" at beginning of the play; he's promoted to "Thane of Cawdor" in Act I).

Page 123~

Judge Boris Alvord excused the witness and regarded Perry Mason with thoughtful speculation.

~RP

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The P. Morrison Donations #4: The Case of the Lonely Heiress / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 6027)

The P. Morrison Donations #4

Pocket Books 6027 (4th ptg, 1960)

Title: The Case of the Lonely Heiress 
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Best things about this cover:

• The people from PETA have learned to spraypaint *very* legibly.
• No idea who the cover artist is here, but he/she clearly doesn't have enough confidence in his/her GGA (Great Girl Art) abilities. She looks phenomenal, and really deserves to be taking up more front cover real estate.
• Maybe ease up on the orange jewelry a little, though.
• Cigarette holder! Chic!

Best things about this back cover:

• The answer is no, but only because I'm 42 and scrupulously honest.
• In case you didn't see Raymond Burr down there ... GIANT RED ARROW TO THE FACE!
• I wish the plot of this book was that Perry Mason led a double life, trolling for lonely women on the pre-internet, killing them, and then ending up having to solve the very crimes he committed. 

Page 123~

With the glaring overhead light out, Marilyn Marlow could see Lieutenant Tragg clearly now, a tall, somewhat slender, well-knit individual whose clean-cut features were a welcome relief from the heavy faces of the officers who had been leering at her.

Marilyn Marlow then said, with a predatory coyness, "You must be Humphrey Bolgard. They said you were well-knit, but—" She ran her eyes down the length of his frame and back up again "—well, there's knit and there's knit, and boy are you knit."

~RP

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Paperback 336: The Case of the Daring Decoy / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 6001)

Paperback 336: Pocket Books 6001 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Case of the Daring Decoy
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• The bottom 1/2 inch is horribly soiled; otherwise, this copy is close to perfect, and words can't describe how much I love this cover painting.
• Well, maybe they can. I think that if you look up "Hot Mess" in the dictionary, this picture is there. Sexy dissolution personified. All that orange, and the booze, and the smokes, and the stairway to nowhere, just add to the smoldering hotness of the whole scene. First rate cover art. Just wish I had an artist credit!

Best things about this back cover:

• Perry Mason looks like somebody's grandma. Pancake make-up much, grandma?
• Random orangeing of words. That's a new tactic.
• "Hell's bells!" is a great way to lead off your back cover copy.

Page 123~

"You knew her rather intimately, I believe."
"Are you making an accusation?"
"I'm asking a question."

Technically, you were making an insinuating statement, Perry, but ... I'll allow it.

~RP

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Paperback 184: The Case of the Haunted Husband / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4512)

Paperback 184: Pocket Books 4512 (11th ptg, 1962)

Title: The Case of the Haunted Husband
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: McGinnis or an imitator

Yours for: $8


Best things about this front cover:

• "Well, hello there, Tall, Dark and ... Immaterial."
• I think she is the one being haunted. Not to nitpick, but ...
• "Even after death, Steve was an abusive alcoholic asshole" - seriously, he's totally going to throw that miniscule, undead martini in her face
• I love McGinnis and McGinnis-esque women; I can never tell what age they are - they have young women's bodies, I guess, but there's a maturity to them that is world-wise and dead sexy. Women, not girls.
• This woman, while very hot, has some evolutionary defect, as her right "hand" is clearly some kind of withered, three-fingered claw / lizard appendage.
• The early 60's were all about the Down Arrow! Why, who can forget Paperback 181 ...?
• 
  

Best things about this back cover:

• Random arm!
• I question the editorial decision to leave back-cover readers with the word "stink" lingering in the air

Page 123~

"Did you examine the steering wheel of the car to see whether there were any traces of lipstick on it?"

Sometimes I like to put lipstick on my steering wheel ... you know, so I'll have someone (imaginary) to talk to on the way to work.

~RP