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Showing posts with label slm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slm. Show all posts

Friday, September 16, 2016

Paperback 973: The Road's End / Albert Conroy (Gold Medal 231)

Paperback 973: Gold Medal 231 (PBO, 1952)

Title: The Road's End
Author: Albert Conroy
Cover artist: [Barye Phillips]

Estimated value: $17-22
Condition: 8/10

GM231
Best things about this cover:
  • No joke, this dude looks eerily like 22-year-old me. Leering ladies in my doorway, not so much.
  • "There were too many women in his life"—you'd think at least one of them would help him clean that sty.
  • This appears to be some post-apocalyptic tale of drought, where water is money so you keep it close at hand and never wash anything.
  • Where ... did his fingers go? Fear claw!

GM231bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • "Curved feminine flesh" is less sexy-sounding than this book seems to think it is. More meat cut than sexpot.
  • "Who are you?" he asked. "And who am I?"—finally, a sleaze paperback that reflects the then-current trends in existentialist philosophy.
  • "I found a pasty man and put him in the shed. Can we keep him, mom? Can we!?"

Page 123~

My knee came up automatically and sank into his groin. And again. And again.

OK, I'm out.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Paperback 917: The Fall of the Dream Machine / Dean R. Koontz // The Star Venturers / Kenneth Bulmer (Ace Double 22600)

Paperback 917: Ace Double 22600 (PBO / PBO, 1969)

Title: The Fall of the Dream Machine / The Star Venturers
Author: Dean R. Koontz / Kenneth Bulmer
Cover artists: Jack Gaughan / John Schoenherr

Estimated value: $20

AceD22600
Best things about this cover:
  • That water slide needs cleaning. Badly.
  • I love the incongruous whimsy of the polka dots. It's like the ghoul faces are all angrily thinking "What Is This Silliness!?!?!"
  • Q: What do you get when you cross Edgar Winter with a blow-up doll?

AceD22600b
Best things about this other cover:
  • When Car Grilles Attack.
  • Tentacled floating beast ripping apart stupid flimsy human ... Now *that's* a scifi cover!
  • Galactic Haystack had some minor psychedelic rock hits in the late '60s. Then they joined a cult. I hear the lead singer's a hedge fund manager now.
Page 123~ (from "The Fall of the Dream Machine")

The man's face disappeared in a spray of unmentionable things.

This conjures up either terrible carnage or a man being assaulted by lingerie.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Monday, October 26, 2015

Paperback 912: Coming of Age in Samoa / Margaret Mead (Mentor M44)

Paperback 912: Mentor M44 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: Coming of Age in Samoa
Author: Margaret Mead
Cover artist: jonas

Estimated value: $10-15

MentorM44
Best things about this cover:
  • Striking design. Love the stylized monochrome foliage against the stark white backdrop.
  • They seem like they're having fun.
  • This probably shouldn't remind me of John Travolta and Uma Thurman dancing in "Pulp Fiction," but it does.
  • The most important difference between Samoan society and our own is No Nipples ... For Anyone!

MentorM44bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • I enjoy mentally changing "earnestly" (in Dorsey's review) to "salaciously," "lustily," "hornily," and the like.
  • Freud!?
  • "The domain of erotics." I want to go to there.
  • I read "primitive heart-stirrings" as "primitive heart-strings," because it's nicer.

Page 123~

People forgave her violence and her quarrelsomeness for sheer mirth over her propitiatory antics.

She got away with shit 'cause she was fun to be around and sometimes bought the drinks. (You're welcome)

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Paperback 875: Live and Let Die / Ian Fleming (Perma Books M-3048)

Paperback 875: Perma Books M-3048 (1st ptg, 1956)

Title: Live and Let Die
Author: Ian Fleming
Cover artist: James Meese

Estimated value: $75-100

PermaM3048
Best things about this cover:

  • The world's most ruthless diving coach doesn't want to hear your bullshit about the Chinese judge having it in for you.
  • "Scrooge McDuck had to go on vacation. You deal with me now."
  • You'd think with all those gold coins, he could afford a nicer office. Something less in-a-cave.
  • Just in case you didn't notice: this cover is all kinds of fabulous.


PermaM3048bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Tee-Hee. No, I'm not laughing, that's his name. His name is Tee-Hee. Tee-Hee. OK, now I'm laughing. Keep up!
  • No reaction shot from Bond. I assume he just stiff-upper-lipped it, then bagged a leggy stewardess/assassin, then had a martini.
  • "Take Mr. Bond to Central Perk … introduce him to Ross and Phoebe. You're job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA, Mr. Bond."


Page 123~

Soon they were over Miami and the monster chump-traps of the eastern seaboard, their arteries ablaze with neon.

Monster chump-traps! Nice phrase, Mr. Fleming.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Paperback 842: The Captive Women / Walter D. Edmonds (Bantam 708)

Paperback 842: Bantam 708 (3rd ptg, 1950)

Title: The Captive Women
Author: Walter D. Edmonds
Cover artist: Denver Gillen

Estimated Value: $8

Bant708

Best things about this cover:
  • Something about "Squat-o" there gives the whole cover a wacky feel. Like this is going to be some kind of domestic comedy. I'm pretty sure he's saying "What is it with dames these days, Fred!?"
  • Fred is nodding knowingly. "I know, man. My captive woman keeps maxing out my credit card. I'm like, 'Damn, babe, how many damn pairs of moccasins do you need?'"
  • What is Fred gripping? Is it a gun? If so, follow-up: how long were guns back then?

Bant708bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • $8.64 with tax.
  • This is called "The Captive Women" because "Delia's Gone" was taken.
  • Does the relative handsomeness of the "buck" mitigate the slavery somehow? I would've guessed 'no.'

Page 123~

While they slept the woman and the girl went through their packs, exclaiming at the worn out moccasins and the mending to be done and showing each other the best pelts.

Fred was right, man. These broads are crazy for moccasins.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, October 3, 2014

Paperback 822: Human? / ed. Judith Merril (intro by Fredric Brown)

Paperback 822: Lion Books 205 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Human?
Editor: Judith Merril
Introduction: Fredric Brown
Cover artist: Rafael DeSoto [R. DeSaint??] [signature in bottom right corner, hard to make out—I read it as "R. DeSoto" because Rafael DeSoto is a famous cover artist. The Internet Speculative Fiction Database has "R. DeSaint," but I can't find any other mention of such a person on the Internet, so …?]

Yours for: $18

Lion205

Best things about this cover:

  • And that's when the 2213 Miss Glotron-X swimsuit competition got a little weird …
  • "Um … sir? … your mankini top … it's just … if you could … maybe pull it … a little …"
  • "This device allows me to speak to my own jugular veins directly!"
  • "'Human?' The game show where you … decide what the answer to that question is. Are you ready, Bill? Let's bring out our first set of subjects!"
  • Bill does not look confident. Or else that's just his "ill-fitting mankini-bottom" face.
  • I'm all for body modification, but I think I draw the line at chicken-fishing.


Lion205bc

Best things about this back cover:

  • don marquis is the e. e. cummings of paperback scifi anthologies.
  • Some heavy hitters in there. Also, Graham Doar. "My friends call me 'Trap'!" Sure they do, Graham.
  • Just how many anthologists are there, Boucher? That's about as ringing an endorsement as "Sammy Hagar is among the very best Van Halen frontmen."


Page 123~
Immediately the room seemed to shake itself; things wavered uncomfortably; then I realized Drip was astigmatic.
~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Paperback 808: The Golden Blade / John Clou (Graphic Giant G209)

Paperback 808: Graphic Giant G209 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Golden Blade
Author: John Clou
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $12

GraphG209
Best things about this cover:

Ron Weasley fantasizes about gutting that lousy scar-faced pretty boy.
Easily the best painting you'll ever see of a shirtless caped redhead admiring his primary phallic symbol. (Secondary phallic symbol safely sheathed on right hip)
I am not a fan of these big dumb historical romance montages, but if you gotta do it, yeah, go with Robert Maguire. Grace and beauty of his painting will soften the overwhelming cheese of the subject matter.
Everything about that woman is improbable. Actually, I would change that to "probable" if you just moved her indoors. There's no way she's that artfully, nakedly posed out there in the dirt of the battlefield.

GraphG209bc

Best things about this back cover:

  • Everybody dance now.
  • "Enough with the hip-shaking. Fill my goblet and then polish my sex boots, woman!"
  • I like the blue-skirted lady, or, as I call her, The Mead Whisperer.


Page 123~

The day after Cholan's party arrived at the cave. Juji went hunting. He was pleased that Gesikie offered to accompany him, for he wanted an audience to acclaim his skill with the bow.

This page also features Jhotuz, Kisil, and Temujine, in case you're interested.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Paperback 804: The Grass is Singing / Doris Lessing (Bantam 1045)

Paperback 804: Bantam 1045 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: The Grass Is Singing
Author: Doris Lessing
Cover artist: Fletcher Martin

Yours for: $15

Bant1045

Best things about this cover:
  • OK, there are several remarkable things about this cover, but I'm somehow most struck by the "Painted by" credit! Attribution! Credit! So useful! Why aren't all paperback covers like this!?
  • If you want an iconic picture for "The White Gaze," Here You Go!
  • Doris Lessing won the Nobel Prize in Literature, so I assume the writing quality here is a grade or two above "Mandingo."

Bant1045bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • "Mounting tensions" WINK WINK
  • "The one sin no white woman in Africa dares" … based on the cover, I'm betting on "Sloth."
  • Technically "Brave New World" had already come, twenty years earlier. Still, I love how excited this book is.

Page 123~

Then followed a time of dull misery: not the sharp bouts of unhappiness that were what had attacked her earlier. Now she felt as if she were going soft inside at the core, as if a soft rottenness was attacking her bones.

The horrible days before Boniva.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Paperback 778: The Old Man / William Faulkner (Signet 692)

Paperback 778: Signet 692 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: The Old Man
Author: William Faulkner
Cover artist: jonas

Yours for: $9

Sig692

Best things about this cover:
  • I like how they're both posing and flexing but there's no audience. "Don't I look like the LancĆ“me girl…?" "I went to GNC and then the gym so …" The ocean gave no reply.
  • I was certain this was "The Old Man and the Sea." This book proves that Faulkner was (exactly) half the writer Hemingway was.
  • I'm not feeling either violence or terror. I'm feeling people working on their tans.

Sig692bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • "Psst, I'm down here. Bottom left corner. Fuckers nearly cropped me out of my own author photo."
  • "Desultorily" is a great word. Pretty sure I just read it in John Barth's The Sot-Weed Factor, also in relation to a character's university education. 
  • Faulkner's "stint in Hollywood" famously included co-writing the screenplay for "The Big Sleep" (with Leigh Brackett and that other guy whose name I always forget). 

Page 123~

When he saw the River again, he knew it at once.

Sorry. It was that, or a sentence that's about 90 miles long. No thanks.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, May 2, 2014

Paperback 770: The Man Who Japed / Philip K. Dick // The Space-Born / E. C. Tubb (Ace D-193)

Paperback 770: Ace D-193 (1st ptg / 1st ptg, 1956)

Title: The Man Who Japed / The Space-Born
Author: Philip K. Dick / E. C. Tubb
Cover artist: Ed Emshwiller / Ed Valigursky

Yours for: $25

AceD193b

Best things about this cover:

  • Jackie gonna be *a* severed-headball sta-ar!
  • When college pranks go awry. "We said 'japery,' Jackie. 'Japery.' You call beheading the dean 'japery'!?"
  • The best, and I mean the Very Best, part of this cover is the teeny arm waving goodbye / pleading for help from beneath the jagged stick pile.


AceD193a

Best things about this other cover:
  • Death was their pilot, fear their fuel, underground hot-oil wrestling their passion!
  • Hey, you've got to hide your love away! (from the flying pestle-wielding space golems)
  • "Halt! Halt! Freddie Mercury wants his boots back! Remove the boots at once or face extreme golem-pestle interrogation enhancement!"

Page 123~ (from The Space-Born)

He stared at the knives in the hands of the searchers.

"Wait … those aren't knives," Tom whispered to Jerry. "Those are just pestles. I say we run for it!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Monday, October 14, 2013

Paperback 710: The Deluge / Leonardo da Vinci (Lion Books 233)

Paperback 710: Lion Books 233 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Deluge
Author: Leonardo da Vinci
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $15

Lion233

Best things about this cover:
  • If Leonardo had lived the 1950s and written B-movies: this.
  • She's a maniac, MAAANiac ... 
  • Steve tried valiantly to rescue all the damsels on Mount Severe Shaving Injury.
  • This is exactly how I imagined the 16th century.
  • "I get it, Lydia—your boobs are magnificent. Can't we please get off this rock now!?"
  • Please check out his left hand. Now good luck purging it from your nightmares.

Lion233bc-1

Best things about this back cover:
  • I give this a C- for vagueness.

Page 123~ [This is from L's notebook, and it's quoted in a lengthy editor's note.]

And the surface of the earth having become at last a burnt cinder, all earthly nature shall cease.
Charming.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Paperback 690: Go Down, Aaron / Chris Davidson (Ember Library EL376)

Paperback 690: Ember Library EL376 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Go Down, Aaron
Author: Chris Davidson
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert Bonfils]

Yours for: Not For Sale, partly 'cause I just wanna keep it, partly because I'd feel guilty profiting in any way from this thing (probably worth something north of a C-note)

EL376

Best things about this cover:
  • The title is ... amazing. I mean, if you can ignore completely the horrible Nazi / gay erotic nexus for, like, one second, you have to appreciate the wordplay involved in that title. Changing "Moses" to Aaron ... punning on the phrase "Go Down" ... playing "Third Sex" off of "Third Reich" ... seriously great.
  • The painting is also fantastic in its composition. I mean, again, horrible, but just the way the naked man is framed by the Nazi's legs, the way the Nazi's crotch is illuminated / represented by steel bars, the details on the uniform (belt, gun, trousers, whip (?), boots ...). And all in an unusual Green. Jaw-dropping.
  • This is among the most flat-out outrageous books in my collection. It takes "Sleaze" to 11. It's also in astonishing condition. I'd rate it 9/10, condition-wise.

EL376bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • Yuck.
  • What's the difference between a "deviate" and a "deviant"?
  • I'm trying to imagine finding any of this arousing. Not judging, though. Different strokes, as it were.

Page 123~

"The Master requests your presence in the study, sir," the servant informed Aaron.

Hmmm, this is a kind of prison I'm not familiar with.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, May 10, 2013

Paperback 639: Kothar and the Wizard Slayer / Gardner F. Fox (Unibook nn)

Paperback 639: Unibook nn (1st ptg, 1970)

Title: Kothar and the Wizard Slayer
Author: Gardner F. Fox
Cover artist: Jeff Jones

Yours for: $5

UnibookNN

Best things about this cover:
  • Behold the mystical wonder of the medieval PowerPoint presentation.
  • Redhead: "Now if you'll direct your attention right ... here." Gremlin: "Eh! Oh! Eh! What the hell?!"
  • Protip: Do not interrupt a gremlin during his morning shower, for that is when he lip syncs and dances to Katy Perry.
  • Maybe having your two main characters turn their backs on the camera isn't the greatest idea, visual interest-wise.

UnibookNNKotharBC

Best things about this back cover:
  • Choose from our vast selection of Kothars!
  • And, in the most shocking Rose Ceremony ever ... it's Frostfire! Sorry, Lori.
  • In my best Norman Bates voice: "A boy's best friend is his sword." 

Page 123~

Red Lori was there, coming from the building door, with Phordog Fale and Nemidomes at her elbow. In the background shadows he could make out Cybala, hiding. 

I see this author comes from the Get High And Utter Random Syllables school of character-naming. In other news, the official progression of fail is now Fail, Epic Fail, Phordog Fale.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Paperback 604: Alien Horizons / William F. Nolan (Pocket Books 77928)

Paperback 604: Pocket Books 77928 (PBO, 1974)

Title: Alien Horizons
Author: William F. Nolan
Cover artist: Vincent DiFate

Yours for: $8

PB77928

Best things about this cover:
  • "Yo ... little help?"
  • I'd like to humbly request a reverse-angle version of this painting, thank you.
  • "This book will ram your brain like a runaway shopping cart"—Ray Bradbury

PB77928bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • "Where's the 'z' key on this thing? ... oh, well, I'll just use '2' ... looks fine."
  • Rod Serling liked to SCREAM his blurbs.
  • There are a suspicious number of ellipses in these blurbs ...

Page 123~

Fred Baxter stared at the cat, who stared back at him from the damp yard, its head raised, the yellow of the night moon now brimming in the creature's eyes. The cat's mouth opened.
"It's sucking up the moonlight," Fred whispered.

Fred's wife nodded slowly and turned toward the bed, despair filling her heart as she realized Fred would fail his veterinary board exam yet again.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Paperback 599: Wild Drums Beat / F. Van Wyck Mason (Pocket Books 977)

Paperback 599: Pocket Books 977 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: Wild Drums Beat
Author: F. Van Wyck Mason
Cover artist: Richard Cardiff

Yours for: $7

PB977

Best things about this cover:
  • "Uh ... he was like this when I found him."
  • "Shhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting wabbits..."
  • Real men make snow angels "Indian-style."
  • Margery made the rather large mistake of trying to ride the Black Horse of Death sidesaddle. 


PB977bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • "Renegade trapper" would look great on a business card.
  • Random trivia: Googling ["scalp-hungry"] returns 4100+ hits. So ... it's an adjective with a life beyond this cover.
  • Remember when men's courage and women's love could solve world problems? And now look at us. Lousy Obama.

Pag 123~

He nodded, mimicked the shadow of his head wrought black and distorted upon the lean-to's roof.

Grammatically, I'm not really sure what to do with this (how do you mimic a shadow that you yourself are creating?), but I do love a good lean-to reference.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker at Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Paperback 589: Summer Widow / Florence Stonebraker (Beacon B394)

Paperback 589: Beacon B394 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Summer Widow
Author: Florence Stonebraker
Cover artist: Al Rossi

Yours for: $10

BeacB394

Best things about this cover: 
  • "First the pelicans, now this!? Damn you, oil spill!!!," raged Steve.
  • "Your abdomen, it's so hot ... like ... like warm asphalt ... seriously, what the f*&^ is this?"
  • The black Sharpie assault on this woman's torso may be the single lamest act of censorship on record.
  • Florence Stonebraker ... she sounds like a real ... stonebreaker.
  • Every girl's gotta have a pair of beach heels. Or just one beach heel, I guess.

BeacB394bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • Time On Her Hands / Men On Her Mind / Sand On Her Butt
  • Oh, "tucked." That says "*tucked* away at a summer resort ..." How disappointing.
  • "What followed was ironical and bitter" is a sentence you should work into every story you tell for the rest of your life. It's a lapel-grabber.

Page 123~
She tried to fight. But what was the use in trying to fight an avalanche of insensate lust?
The guitar moaned. 
She screamed ...
Never mind the seeming impossibility of "insensate lust," I can't help thinking about what this monstrous woman is doing to that poor, poor guitar.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Paperback 563: Canterbury Tails / Bjorn Peters (Adam's Gay Readers 148)

Paperback 563: Adam's Gay Readers 148 (PBO, 1986)

Title: Canterbury Tails
Author: Bjorn Peters
Cover artist: yes

Yours for: ... well, I can see exactly one copy of the book on sale, at ebay, for $103, so ... $1,000,000 (or best offer)
AGR148.CantTails
Best things about this cover:
  • I assume this is a modern version of the Nun's Priest's Tale, since that tale centers on a cock.
  • As a friend of mine noted, *that* sandwich will not fit in *that* lunchbox (p.s. that's what she said).
  • I love fall weather—cold enough for a down vest, hot enough for a shirt unbuttoned all the way below the navel.
  • I love how the artist captured the expression on sandwich guy's face precisely at the moment he realizes what his co-worker is suggesting. [Needle scratching on record!]
  • After yet another unsuccessful audition for Village People '86, Raymond needed the comfort that only a fellow hard-hat could provide ...
  • "Bjorn" is funny on many levels. Most notably, its first two letters.

AGR148bc.CantTails

Best things about this back cover:
  • Really? "Surey?" That's your name? Are you sure? Or sorry? And what kind of circus font is that?
  • If this is Adam's Gay Reader #148, how bad, HOW BAD do I want Adam's Gay Readers #1-147!?

Page 123~ (drum roll, please)
Having Jim's cock filling my mouth, and mine filling his, made me feel closer to him than I had ever felt to anyone.
The word "literally!" comes to mind. Understatement, thy name is Bjorn Peters! [slow clap => standing ovation]

P.S. this sample is not atypical. Virtually every sentence of this book is this unintentionally awesome. Who knew words like "gullet" and "starchy" (!?) were erotic!? A revelation. Five stars.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, August 31, 2012

Paperback 555: The Saracen Blade / Frank Yerby (Cardinal C-124)

Paperback 555: Cardinal C-124 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: The Saracen Blade
Author: Frank Yerby
Cover artist: James Meese

Yours for: $10

Card124.Saracen
Best things about this cover:
  • Steve was quick to anger when people insulted his empty-swimming-pool harem. "It's a spatial commentary on the ways the traffic in women occludes ... oh you did *not* just roll your eyes at me! En garde!" 
  • Steve erupted in anger when the judge of the No T-shirt Contest gave him only a 5.
  • MC Hammer closes in on the man who stole his pants. "Please, Hammer ... don't hurt me."
  • There is a paperback cover phenomenon I call "black hand"—it's a subset of "mystery hand." The mysterious / exotic Other reaches in from the margins ... oh you did *not* just roll your eyes at me!
  • This cover follows the old paperback cover art maxim: bondage must enhance boobage.

Card124bc.Saracen

Best things about this back cover:
  • It's slightly unusual to have to have the back cover relate the scene depicted on the cover. It's highly unusual to have the back cover *tell* you that's what it's doing (possibly because it seems insultingly redundant)
  • "And even when he did think—which, admittedly, wasn't often—..."
  • Compound adjectives can be things of beauty. Then there's "adventure-crammed."

Page 123~
"You're not a stranger," Gautiette said mildly, "and I shall need your aid. The truth of the matter, good Pietro, is that Toinette has disappeared..."
"It's a hairspray, it's a perfume, it's a home perm, it's ... Toinette!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Monday, August 20, 2012

Paperback 550: Yesterday I Died! / John Cooper (World Distributors Nn, 1951?))

Paperback 550: World Distributors Novel (no #) (PBO? 1951?)

Title: Yesterday I Died!
Author: John Cooper
Cover artist: Sure, why not...

Yours for: I have no idea ...

WorldDistrNn.IDied

Best things about this cover:
  • Him: "Yesterday Day I Died!" Her: "So I smell!"
  • Gun v. Nipple face-off.
  • Has she got an 8 1/2 x 11 pad of paper in her pocket? 
  • Awkwardly positioned gunman wonders "Am I in frame now? How 'bout now?"

WorldDistrNnbc.IDied

Best things about this back cover:
  • One of three Awesome ads in this thing.
  • Charles Atlas promises you "fresh blood" if you join him and his vampiric children of the night.
  • "Joy-killing ailments" is a great phrase. 
Other ads!
WorldDistrNn.Ad1

  • The crossword constructor in me really wishes APAL had caught on.
  • How is that drawing of that dude supposed to relate to my quitting smoking. Frankly, it's creeping me out and making me want to light up.
  • Hey, "S.A.E." — more crosswordy goodness!


WorldDistrNn.Ad2

  • First, I thought it said "I am Bam-Bou!" and thought "awesome name for a guru." Then I thought it said "Make Money By Growing Babies" and thought "that's ... a new angle."
  • It's a well-know scientific fact that bamboo release spores in the form of pound coins.
  • The Orientalism here is epic—the sexy East will lay bare her secrets to the hungry eyes of the horny West!

Page 123~ (This Book Has No Page Numbers!?!?!)

So ... Random Page~
Lugs O'Malley said suddenly, "For Pete's sake, Champion ... do something. If you're gonna blow us all to hades with the bomb ... well hell, let's go. But don't forget, you go too."
First, give it up for 'Lugs O'Malley,' which belongs in the Corney Gangster Name Hall O' Fame. Second, who says (uncapitalized!?) "hades" in this context? Normally, I would say: the person who thinks "hell" is a curse word. But ... the next sentence ...

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Paperback 549: Passion Panamania / J.X. Williams (Leisure Books 1203)

Paperback 549: Leisure Books LB1203 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Passion Panamania
Author: J. X. Williams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $28

LeisB1203.Panamania

Best things about this cover:
  • When the women's beach volleyball team says "Closed Practice," they mean "Closed Practice."
  • I'm a bit worried for that guy. I mean if he were shirtless and she had a whip, that would be one thing, but pantsless, spread-eagle, and she's got a knife? No. All the boobs and butt cheeks in the world aren't going to make this situation erotic.
  • What is her right hand doing!? Please don't say "anointing the sacrificial lamb."
  • Winner: Frondiest Cover of 1967.
  • A Latin Lesbos, eh? So ... and island ... in, let's say, the Caribbean ... Well, there's Jost Van Dyke, but I'm gonna say "too spot-on."

LeisB1203bc.Panama

Best things about this back cover:
  • Yeah, if you're having marital troubles, just go camping. Works like a charm.
  • Um, question? What is "the PASSION PANAMANIA"? Because, grammatically, it seems to be some kind of miasma or disease or sea god.
  • "And the swapping and sharing could begin..."—so it's some kind of convention for Beanie Baby collectors? No, wait: "no conventions" ... I'm stumped (which is what the guy on the cover is going to be saying in 3, 2, ...)

Page 123~
They understood each other too well to waste words. Maria said, "We all—all five of us—took part. But only one—not me—did the terrible thing you know about. We others were as surprised and felt as horrible about it as you do—I swear it, _mi amiga_!—but we just stood there as she—Oh, _madre_, it was so awful, the blood..."
Dear god, who is jacking off to this!?!?!

~RP

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