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Showing posts with label Shirtless man. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shirtless man. Show all posts

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Paperback 733: Waterfront Blonde / Gordon Semple (Beacon B352)

Paperback 733: Beacon B352 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Waterfront Blonde
Author: Gordon Semple
Cover artist: Fracé (!?) (see signature just left of Beacon icon)

Yours for: $12

Beac352

Best things about this cover:
  • She was everything shirtless Carrot Top wanted … the body of a goddess, the eyes of an old-school extra-terrestrial, the smoking habit of a young Selma Diamond …
  • I thought the "Bawd" was the go-between / pimp. Yes, "a woman in charge of a brothel." So she's … half in charge of a brothel?
  • Love the bikini—appropriate attire, as the room appears to be underwater. 
  • I like how the cover copy reads like poetry/verse. Speaking of … 

Beac352bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • Epic Sleaze Acrostic!
  • Seriously, someone worked long and hard on this. OK, maybe not "long," but … someone *worked* on this, is what I'm saying.
  • Best word in the whole poem: "practically" (line 4)
  • Mmm, "velvety charms." They're magically delicious! (I assume)

Page 123~

She chuckled, gave his hair a rumpling, then went to the door and saw a pocket-size Venus attired in a nautical costume that did full justice to her hips and formidable bosom. The Venus flashed an insouciant smile. "Mrs. Marsh, no doubt?"

They don't call Gordon Semple "The Faulkner of Sleaze" for nothing. Actually, they don't call him that at all, but they should.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, July 12, 2013

Paperback 670: Sangaree / Frank G. Slaughter (Popular Library G100)

Paperback 670: Popular Library G100 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Sangaree
Author: Frank G. Slaughter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not for Sale (gift to the collection from Laurie Gagne)

PopG100

Best things about this cover:
  • Before the gas engine, water-skiing was a tedious sport, full of failure and shirtlessness.
  • I've seen this artist's work before. I feel like there are at least a small handful of covers from this period that feature variations on this exact scene—nude female swimmer, boobs buoyant but modest, being looked down upon by startled/probably aroused man. Don't recall ever seeing this hand gesture before, though. "Yo, Sangaree! Little help?"
  • Perspective here seems off. She'd have to be 6-10 feet back in the water, but that rope looks about 18 inches long.
  • "Sangaree! Sangarah! Sangaree! Sangara-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha..."

PopG100bc

Best things about this back cover:
  • Me? How far will *I* go? I'll need some context. Also possibly some liquor.
  • Translation–"taunted him with her nakedness" = "was naked"; "taking" = "raping" (see picture).
  • Opening intro / teaser page: "I'LL HAVE YOU NOW!" ... "Toby Kent, starved these long months for even the sight of a woman, undid the straining bodice of the wench's gown. Beneath it, as he had guessed, was nothing but the magnificently-breasted body of the girl who called herself Dolly Lake." I was going to use "buoyantly-boobed" earlier, but "magnificently-breasted" is so much classier.

Page 123~

"The next ball," said Gabriel casually, "will be just two inches lower. Will you back up now or take it up your snout?"

The greatness of this line really depends upon the kind of "ball" you're imagining.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Paperback 566: Sin's Child / Tony Calvano (Sundown Reader 619)

Paperback 566: Sundown Reader 619 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Sin's Child
Author: Tony Calvano
Cover artist: No idea

Yours for: $20

SR619.SinsChild
Best things about this cover:
  • I love boobs as much as the next guy (or gal), but those things are horrifying. Massively dimorphic and nipple-less and two-toned. Actually, I could probably acclimate to the boobs if I could get past the face, which is an interesting combination of ashen, drunk and judgey: "Chyaaaa ... you guys call that 'shirtless fighting'? I'll show ya shirtless fighting ... just lemme pull my underwears out of my crack and I'll shows you guys ... [burp] ..."
  • "Your Warrior 3 pose sucks, maggot! Hiiiiya!"
  • "Yeah, yeah, you can fly, Bill, I get it. Could you just, I dunno, fly *that* way ... away from me. I gotta go rescue Suzy."

SR619bc.SinsChild

Best things about this back cover:
  • Answering the question: what causes shamelessness?
  • "OK, I can care for you, but ... well, I gotta take you somewhere, and you're not gonna like it."
  • Face of Evil. Yes. That is an apt description of what I witnessed on the front cover.

Page 123~
"When two people are in love, when they've committed themselves to each other ... Nothing they do in the name of that love is wrong ... there is no such thing as perversion. If it strengthens that love, if it enhances the final ecstasy of that love ... Can you understand that, angel?"
"I think so. Only ..."
"No qualifications, kitten. Either you accept the whole package [!] or you don't. What do you say?"
I'm somehow imagining this happening on a game show stage, with the audience shouting variations on "Take the package!" or "Noooooooooooooooooo!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. many thanks to Doug Peterson for continuing to send me nutso stuff like this...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Paperback 545: The Marauders / Michael McGann (Jove 10150-8)

Paperback 545: Jove 10150-8 (PBO, 1989)

Title: The Marauders
Author: Michael McGann
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $6


Jove10150.Marauders

Best things about this cover:
  • Countdown to a gay porn movie shoot in 5, 4, 3 ...
  • Russell Crowe, Joe Piscopo, Some Weasel Face, Eric Roberts, Lorenzo Lamas, and ... That Bald Asian Guy are ... The Marauders!
  • If you think those guns aren't cock substitutes, just check out how bachelor #3 is holding his. He's stroking its balls / presenting it to you on a platter / begging you to admire it.
  • "We used to have shirts, but our bodies were so hot they just burned away. Now all we wear is this fire-retardant kevlar stuff. Marauders!"
  • I want one of these patches to sew onto my ... I'm gonna say 'underwear.'
  • "From the Creators [plural] of The Guardians" ... and yet it's written by Michael McGann [singular]. One shape-shifting, multiple-personalitied, gun- and gay-porn-loving guy.
  • After a nuclear war, wouldn't these guys be a little ... anti-climactic, actually.



Jove10150bc.Maraud


Best things about this back cover:
  • Nothing.
  • KGB Chairman, ha ha! Good call, 1989. Way to predict the fyooture.
  • "There's a first time for everything—especially death" is an unintentionally great line. Pearls of wisdom, compliments of ... The Marauders!

Page 123~

The two men walked out of the car. Jack looked over his shoulder. "Buddha? Can you loan me your rifle for a moment?"

In case you were wondering what they were gonna call That Bald Asian Guy. Now you know.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Paperback 533: End Zone / Don DeLillo (Pocket Books 78282)

Paperback 533: Pocket Books 78282 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: End Zone
Author: Don DeLillo
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $8

PB78282.EndZone
Best things about this cover:
  • Way outside my normal collection timeframe, but the cover (and author) caught my eye—seemed memorable / remarkable—like the last thing you see before you get strangled (to death, presumably).
  • I like that it's a novel about football, but the cover only barely suggests this (title, font, "New Gladiators").
  • That's the opposite of "Fear Hand"—most mid-century covers have a victim POV, with woman reacting to some kind of impending attack. Here, the attacker (in a context that can be only dimly imagined).



PB78282bc.EndZone

Best things about this back cover:
  • Dang, high praise for a novel I've never heard of.
  • "Is God a Football Fan?" is a pretty good tagline.
  • So much for your Nostradamian powers, Cincinnati Enquirer.

Page 123~
"Gary Harkness. Good name. Promotable. I like it. I even love it."
"Thanks."
"Relax and call me Wally."
"Right," I said.
If anyone ever says "Relax and call me Wally," you're gonna want to end the conversation quickly and get out of there.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Paperback 517: The best of ROCKY and the complete ROCKY II / Fotonovel Publications (nn)

Paperback 517: Fotonovel nn (1st ptg, 1979)

Title: The Best of 'Rocky' and the Complete 'Rocky II' 
Author: Uncredited
Cover artist: Movie still

Yours for: $9


Foto.nn.RockyIandII
Best things about this cover:
  • Here we see Rocky moments before he is eaten alive by a hungry pack of extras from "Free to Be You and Me"
  • You can pay in Pounds Sterling or American Dollars. "Special Edition!"
  • I like the Rocky figure inside the "Y" of Rocky II, though it looks less like a boxer than a guy wearing oven mitts being held up at gunpoint.



Foto.nnbc.Rocky
Best things about this back cover:
  • "At last!"—something no one ever said about a Fotonovel.
  • "ROCKY II picks up where ROCKY leaves us"—what a novel concept in sequelry!
  • How does he get his right-bottom lip to do that!? It's freaky. Stroke-ish.

Page 123~ (there are no page #s, so I'm just guessing here)


Foto.RockyII


I don't think Adrian is frightened so much as ashamed. It's one thing to get knocked down, and quite another to cower and present your junk to the camera in such a self-abasing fashion.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Paperback 500: Gladiator / Philip Wylie (Avon 216)

Paperback 500 (!): Avon 216 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: Gladiator
Author: Philip Wylie
Cover artist: uncredited student of the male physique

Yours for: $11


Avon216.Gladiator

Best things about this cover:
  • Hugo was very self-conscious about his gigantic red nipples.
  • Mr Clean: The Innocent Years
  • Sorry, ladies—this genie is happy to grant wishes. Just not yours.
  • This cover is one of Avon's experimental "cut-out dolls" series—putting ladies' heads on Steve's well-oiled, musclebound torso provides hours (or at least minutes) of family fun.


Avon216bc.Glad

Best things about this back cover:
  • Lusty and Vigorous! Shakespeare approves. "Quite!"
  • "Huh, I can sleep with any woman I want, but somehow it's not satisfying. I wonder what the problem is ... I'm going down to muscle beach to see what the other shirtless guys think."
  • "Complete love for Hugo however was hidden behind a closed door"—It Sure Was

Page 123~

Mr. Shayne chuckled. "Some of my spears were already made into plows, and it was a great season for the harvest, young man—a great season."

"We aren't talking about farming anymore, are we Mr. Shayne?" squeaked Hugo.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Paperback 462: In Search of Sin / Gil McDonald (Saber Tropic 915)

Paperback 462: Saber Tropic 915 (PBO, 1965)

Title: In Search of Sin
Author: Gil McDonald
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


sabtr915.searchsin

Best things about this cover:
  • "Mission ... accomplished."
  • "Don't mind me kids. I'm good. Carry on."
  • "Did somebody order a debonair voyeur?"
  • Whenever Steve went out spying on his wife, he always brought along HAL-9000 for backup.


sabtr915bc.searchsin

Best things about this back cover:
  • Quite possibly the best back cover opening line I've ever read.
  • As good as the first line is, the second line is equally bad. Passive voice, kids ... it's a killer.
  • If you want to kill your boner, just read this back cover. Nothing unsexier than clunky, amateurish writing about sex.

Page 123~
"I take it you're off on some half-baked idea of your own about how to catch these people," he continued, as his cigar again jabbed the air savagely.
Fly paper and swatters were fine for some people, but for Captain Gregory, nothing was so satisfying as taking down a pesky fly with a lit cigar—foolish appearance and inefficiency be damned!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Paperback 437: Substitute Sinners / John Dexter (Sundown Reader 614)

Paperback 437: Sundown Reader SR614 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Substitute Sinners
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

SR614.SubSin

Best things about this cover:
  • From the author who brought you the klassic "A Thousand Beds" (1967) comes ... this!
  • "Your regular sinner is out today. I'm your substitute sinner: Charlene."
  • Her hair = mastodon tusks
  • Love the admiring grin on Joe Handsome Pool.
  • So you just walk around holding that towel in place all day?
  • Joe emerges from his private pool forest while Angela executes a perfect head-first slide into third base and Charlene holds a tutorial in obi-tying. This is an eclectic and talented bunch. Who knew Esalen could be such fun?

SR614bc.SubSin

Best things about this back cover:
  • I really want to know whose job it was to tourettically shout out pseudo-sexual nonsense phrases for these BOLD! ital. BOLD! back covers. I should have a special tag just for this type of cover. Too bad there's not a Nobel Prize for Unintentionally Goofy Sex Poetry.
  • "No one can outfox me from my sex ambush," bragged Chick, nonsensically.

Page 123~

"Suppose I had you hypnotized, gave you a gun, and told you to shoot George. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, you would refuse the command and either wake up or remain asleep without any action. But if I told you George was a ravenous grizzly bear about to attack you and you family, you would shoot the hell out of him."

At this point, George, who had come to this retreat solely for the promise of outdoor naked hot-tubbing, became understandably worried.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, July 1, 2011

Paperback 432: World Without Women / Day Keene and Leonard Pruyn (Gold Medal s975)

Paperback 432: Gold Medal s975 (PBO, 1960)

Title: World Without Women
Author: Day Keene and Leonard Pruyn
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $21

GM975.WorldwoWomen

Best things about this cover:
  • You do *not* want to fuck with the Council of Floating Lady Heads!
  • Staring at your own crotch while the Council ogles / passes judgment is really the most humiliating part of the punishment.
  • "I'm sorry, ma'ams. I really am. Can I get off the hot coals now?"
  • The old lady up top does not approve of our reading trashy fiction like this! Look at her judging eyes! Shut up, old lady! I'll read what I want!
  • Leonard Pruyn? This makes me think that (the prolific) Day Keene started this one and half-way through was like "This kinda sucks. Hey kid, what's your name? ... Leonard? OK, Leonard, you wanna finish this book up for me? I'll give ya ten bucks."

GM975bc.WorldwoWomen

Best things about this back cover:
  • France's law is perhaps the most idiotic. If there are really so few women left, then the streets must be a massive sausagefest, with the women presumably somewhere secure. Who cares if a dude wants to go out for groceries at 7?
  • I'm sure all this future-shock is supposed to be, uh, shocking, but actually this back cover is phenomenally dull and does Nothing to make me want to read the book (unlike the front cover, which manages to make even a putrid miasmic future hellscape look kinda sexy).

Page 123~
"All right, you male bastards," she said quietly. "You want a woman. Here's one."

The Marine lieutenant snatched up one of the phones on the desk and tried to get through to the guard tower. "Shoot, you dumb gyrenes, shoot! Aim at the crowd! Fire over her head!" he pleaded, then realized he was shouting into a dead phone.
In all sincerity, this is good. *This* makes me want to read. "Leonard Pruyn, For The Win!" (it rhymes ... I think).

P.S. "gyrenes"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, March 25, 2011

Paperback 396: A Thousand Beds / John Dexter (Companion Books 521)

Paperback 396: Companion Books 521 (PBO, 1967)

Title: A Thousand Beds
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not for Sale (Donation to the collection from Doug Peterson, god bless him)

CB521.1000Beds

Best things about this cover:
  • A cover that answers the question: are there *female* Oompa Loompas?
  • I can't even begin to imagine what I'm supposed to be imagining is going on here.
  • Her forearm stand is OK, but she needs to extend up through her feet, tuck her tailbone, and look down between her hands. Also, lose the hipster dork with the baby oil.
  • Few things less sexy than the entire above-the-neck area on the kneeling lady. Her hair appears to be modeled on a toilet paper dispenser.
  • I'm giving this shame-stunt a 7. It's memorable, in its way, but there's a general aura of ennui that hangs over the whole scene. If you're going to do shame-stunts, I think your heart should really be in it. Also, though I can't hear her, I'm gonna say that kneeling lady was a little pitchy.

CB521bc.1000beds

Best things about this back cover:
  • Love this back cover style: "WEIRD PHRASE... nonsensical sexed-up text ... WEIRDER PHRASE!" You can find it on a Lot of sex paperback back covers in the late '60s.
  • "VICE VOTES!?" I mean ... that's not even suggestive. It's like it was generated by a Mad Libs, came out stupid, but they ran with it anyway. Makes about as much sense as "VICE PENCILS!" or "SHAME STEREOS!"
  • "Mark Vista had left his mark on every woman worth having" — it takes a lot to gross me out, but I think this line did it.
Page 123~ (fingers crossed... uh ... oh boy—gonna have to quote at length here ... and introducing: footnote comments)
Then I almost shot through the ceiling. Sally had slipped her moist tongue into my armpit [1] and was making swift circular motions. Her tongue stiffened as it darted into the bottom of one armpit after the other [2], whipping the hair into a wet lather [3].

I longed to take her head and take it to fuzzy-wuzzy land [4]. She'd probably think it was an ice-cream cone [5]. But in the meantime, what was the rush? I knew before the hour was out I was going to get my ashes hauled by this classy broad [6].
  1. [!]
  2. [how many armpits does this guy have!?]
  3. [Is there an award for "Most Nauseating Sex Writing," because winner winner chicken dinner]
  4. [How is this *less* offensive than "my cock?" Dear lord!]
  5. [Because it's freezing and conical?]
  6. [The absolute funniest word in this whole quotation is "classy"]
Now imagine reading ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-TWO PAGES OF THIS. What was the market for this!? How could this work as one-handed reading? Wouldn't the constant laughing wreck the mood?

Wow.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Paperback 387: The Great Houdini / Beryl Williams and Samuel Epstein (SBS T 76)

Paperback 387: Scholastic Book Services T 76 (12th ptg, 1970)

Title: The Great Houdini
Authors: Beryl Williams and Samuel Epstein
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: not for sale

SBST76.Houdini

Best things about this cover:
  • Houdini simply would not let Run-DMC show him up, chain-wise.
  • Access to Houdini's junk was so highly prized that he had to lock that shit down. For real.
  • Houdini used a wormhole to travel through time. He ended up in the year 2024. Unfortunately, his clothes ended up in 1863.

SBST76bc.Houdini

Best things about this back cover:

  • Worst back cover ever. I got nothin'.

Page 123~

Whenever he entered a new city he went straight to the police headquarters, to challenge the authorities to lock him in their strongest fetters and their safest prison cell.

I'm surprised this did not get him severely beaten on a regular basis, especially if he showed up dressed like he is on the front cover. Cops have real work to do, jackwad.

~RP

Thanks to Jami for sending this book my way. And I repromise to be more prolific.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Paperback 369: Just For Kicks / Donna Powell (Satan Press 111)

Paperback 369: Satan Press 111 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Just For Kicks
Author: Donna Powell
Cover artist: [Gene Bilbrew]

Yours for: $50

Satan111.JustKicks

Best things about this cover:
  • His eyes! His teeth! His lopsided ribcage!! His ankle!!! Dear lord make it stop!
  • Those women are fantastically grotesque. A disquieting combo of hot & weird & malproportioned
  • I can't tell if they are flirting with him or about to kill him. Veronica seems only seconds from bringing that drink smashing down on the mummy's head...

Satan111bc.JustKicks

Best things about this back cover:

  • A drug-fueled, sex-soaked road trip to Mexico sounds fun. The "indignities and perversions they are subjected to" while "prisoners" ... that could go either way.
  • "Ironic"—HA ha. Yes, when I looked at the front cover, my first thought was, "O. Henry!"
  • The condition of this book is &*^%ing unreal.
Page 123~ (pleasebeawesomepleasebeawesomepleasebeawesome)

"This place gives me the willies," she glanced toward the stage where the Shetland was still lunging away at the diminutive red-head. And she still looked bored.

Uh ... oh. Oh my. That's ... something. Yet somehow the comma splice in first sentence is bothering me at least as much as the horse-on-girl action.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Paperback 368: Voodoo Planet & Plague Ship / Andrew North (Ace D-345)

Paperback 367: Ace Double D-345 (PBO & 1st ptg, 1959)

Title: Voodoo Planet / Plague Ship
Author: Andrew North / Andrew North
Cover artist: Ed Emshwiller / Uncredited [Ed Valigursky]

Yours for: $13

AceD345.Voodoo

Best things about this cover:
  • In the future, cell phone earpieces will be silly, cumbersome contraptions that double as coffee makers.
  • "Golly, these black vikings are a lot less primitive than I thought!"
  • Love the squiggle-edged script on the title. You can really feel the voodoo.

AceD345.PlagueShip

Best things about this other cover:

  • "The Galaxy" ordered their destruction!? Wait ... "their?" Him and the bird?!?!
  • Bird: "Run, Steve, Run! They'll never understand our love!"
  • That is the longest, slimmest, most slowly tapering rocket I've ever seen.

Page 123~

And yet the hunting Hoobat was sure that the invading pests were within.

This book clearly had merchandising potential. I want a hunting Hoobat action figure to put between Batwoman and Samurai Jack on my bookshelf.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Friday, August 27, 2010

Paperback 345: Devil Ray, Devil Woman / Seymour Shubin (Beacon 167)

Paperback 345: Beacon 167 (PBO, 1960—Australia ed.)

Title: Devil Ray, Devil Woman
Author: Seymour Shubin
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: not for sale (gift of Doug Peterson)

Beac167.DevilRay

Best things about this cover:
  • "Do you like my hair up, or ..." "Yeah yeah, sure, now are you gonna get naked or not?"
  • OK, which is it? A Flaming Story or a Sophisticated, Dramatic Tale. I got no time for this wishy-washy in-between crap.
  • "To Most" is my very favorite part of the cover copy. I mean, "in search of forbidden excitement" makes so much more sense, but any reasonably qualified copy writer could come up with that. It takes a true master of whatthefuckery to rephrase it so that we're left wondering not just what the excitement is, but for whom it is not "forbidden" but entirely licit.
  • She has a nice figure. I'm just sayin'...
  • I hope she's standing well away from the bed, bec. otherwise she is a giant or that smoking (!) hot guy is criminally diminutive.
  • That's one slab of a bed.
  • Worst title! "The woman, she is a like a Devil Ray, in that she is devilish, and ... Devil Ray has the word "devil" in it, so ..." Imagination!

Beac167bc.DevilRay

Best things about this back cover:

  • Ugh. It's a text bloodbath back here.
  • So this is an ordinary soft-core sex novel, with stock footage from a Jacques Cousteau special? I can't wait.

Page 123~

"Sure no one a beer?" and now Tony was in the doorway.

I swear to you that I have typed that exactly as written, character for character.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

PS I *thought* I'd seen this cover somewhere before. Well, I hadn't, but here's something close: Paperback 63, Variation on a Theme:

BERJAYA

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Paperback 340: Youth Against Obscenity / Sharron Michelle as told to Rex Nevins (Saber Books 106)

Paperback 340: Saber Books SA-106 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Youth Against Obscenity
Author: Sharron Michelle as told to [!!!?] Rex Nevins
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $25

Saber106.YouthObsc

Best things about this cover:

  • All this female flesh and I'm somehow obsessed with the driftwood (!?)
  • These ... I'm gonna say 'triplets' ... have very nice bodies but scary alien faces.
  • Love the cross-legged guy—just havin' a cig, checkin' out the view...
  • "As told to" is perhaps the richest, awesomest thing about this cover. "Mmm, authenticish."

Saber106bc.YouthVsO

Best things about this back cover:


  • If you made it through that second sentence (let alone the whole description) with even a fingernail still clinging to the main idea, you're a better (wo)man than I am.
  • How is this description simultaneously massively detailed and exceedingly vague?: Crusading against "something?" Selling photos to "a segment of the public?"
  • "Of whom..." It's like an earnest 14-yr-old wrote this.
It should be said that there are hand-written / cursive marginalia all over this book—2nd page has the beginnings of a detailed synopsis (breaks off mid-sentence [!?]) and first page has one-line rating: "VVVG perhaps the best of my 30 books"—seriously, this book's owner Really liked this book. Like the person who wrote the back cover copy, this book's owner also comes across as an earnest 14-yr-old.

Page 123~

Danny looked at Betty again, only this time his eyes took in her hair, breasts, legs, and buttocks, all at once.

It's an well-seasoned leerer who can take in breasts *and* buttocks "at once."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Monday, May 24, 2010

Interlude — 2 books I "borrowed" from the BPOE in St. Maries, ID

Come on, how was I *not* supposed to take these?:

BERJAYA
Best things about this cover:

  • So ... it's about a vengeful virgin? Why not just call it that?
  • I'm not sure I'm convinced that Mr. FancyShirt QuaintPinky could make a door explode like that. Seriously, look at his "grip" on that gun. It's like he's drinking tea or something.

BERJAYA
Best things about this back cover:
  • "Reifel" — from the Dept. of Unimaginative Naming

BERJAYA
Best things about this cover:
  • When grilling Nick Carter, make sure his massive barrel chest is well basted.
  • "Just a second Nick, I'm almost at the next level of 'Missile Command'..."
  • That Nick Carter head/logo is the smuggest, douchebaggiest look achievable by a human face.
BERJAYA
Best things about this back cover:
  • WHEN was it acceptable to break "assassination" between the first and second Ss???

Page 123~

from "Assassination Brigade":

He fired, and the bullet chipped off a piece of pavement about an inch away from me. By then, I had Wilhelmina in my own hand. The man only had the opportunity to snap off one more shot before I had steadied the barrel of my Luger and put a bullet in his belly.

In case you missed that — he named his Luger "Wilhelmina." God save me from ever finding out what that particular relationship is like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Monday, May 17, 2010

Paperback 314: The Reign of Wizardry / Jack Williamson (Lancer 72-761)

Paperback 314: Lancer 72-761 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: The Reign of Wizardry
Author: Jack Williamson
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Yours for: $15

BERJAYA
Best things about this cover:
  • Satan conducts the Stygian Philharmonic!
  • It's one bad-ass demon who can shoot skulls and naked ladies out of his armpits...
  • Is "the Unknown" a genre?

BERJAYA
Best things about this back cover:
  • OK, how many walls are we going to encounter in this book? Three? That is a terrible pair of bold headings. Are the walls the same in both headings? And who's saying that mystery "quote" in the middle?
  • "The man they called 'Captain Firebrand' ..." — that sounds apocryphal. In fact, that sounds like a male stripper.

Page 123~
But the hairy pirate caught his arm again. "I wish you wouldn't leave me, Captain Firebrand."
Two words: Hairy. Pirate.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Paperback 313: Night Walk / Bob Shaw (Banner B60-110)

Paperback 313: Banner B60-110 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Night Walk
Author: Bob Shaw
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Yours for: $15

In honor of Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

BERJAYA
  • "Pwn3d!"
  • Toothpicks: Now in "Giant Arachnid" Strength!
  • Colors are incredibly striking / horrifying. And the design is simple but gorgeous. Memorable.

BERJAYA
  • Love that the green on these eyes matches the mystery-green on the front cover.
  • "Emm Luther" — subtle!
  • This sounds like a combination of "King Lear" and "The Stars My Destination." That is, it sounds good.
Page 123~

"I'm sorry about this bit of nonsense," Tallon said. "I suppose you feel like a kid hiding in a hollow bush?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Paperback 312: Conan / Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter (Lancer 73-685)

Paperback 312: Lancer 73-685 (PBO collection, 1967)

Title: Conan
Authors: Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Offered without comment, in honor of Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

BERJAYA
  • OK, one comment — that is some serious MMA shit going on between Conan and the Phantom of the Apera

BERJAYA
Two more Frazetta covers in coming days.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]