Paperback 971: Convict Lust / Robert Wallace (France 58)

Paperback 971: France 58 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Convict Lust
Author: Robert Wallace
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $25-30
Condition: 7/10

Best things about this cover:

• Fishnet headboard. Interesting.
• Bouffantastic!
• Her get-up, despite color clashing, is pretty cute. Those stockings, however, were not meant to be seen below the ankle.

Best things about this back cover:

• This non-centered block of text is oddly common. There doesn't appear to be any particular aesthetic at work. Maybe it adds the aura of "cheap and forbidden" the publisher's trying to create.
• Hemingway's "The Killers" has a main character called "the Swede." I'm guessing this story isn't as good as "The Killers."
• This book should've been called "His Welding Equipment."

Page 23~ (Page 123 being boring and unrepresentative)

A few hours ago I was a happy-go-lucky goof-off going on twenty-seven. Then I run into the best lay in the land and—presto! chango!—I'm an old broken-down jerkhead and frightened stiff.

You tell 'em, Chango! (rhymes with "tango"). P.S. the first sentence of this novel is "She ripped off her panties and hopped into bed." In medias res!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 969: Half-way to Hell / Serg Ross (France F41)

Paperback 969: France F41 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Half-way to Hell
Author: Serg Ross
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $20-25
Condition: 7/10

Best things about this cover:

• Feels closer than that.
• It's like he emerged from the sea just to have his soul sucked out of his face.
• The vibe here is so "Exploitation" that it makes me a little uncomfortable. The horrid decor. The cheesy plaid dude. The alcohol. Nothing good is happening here.
• It's a fold-out cover, but not a continuation of the cover picture (thank god). Not gonna show it, as it is a photo of a random naked woman and you can see her nipple and while I know none of you care and I don't care, I've had my website(s) blocked for harmless stuff like that before. Also, the photo continues the ick vibe of this cover, and I think we've had enough. . . . wait, I can just block out the "offending" nipple ... hang on ... 

Gratuitous nude photo! Enjoy. Or don't.

And now the back cover:

Best things about this back cover:

• I am not "highly stimulated" by any of this, especially with that damn monster-kiss hovering over everything.

Page 123~

"That's the bartendah, I take it?" Tom asked, pointing obviously at Adam. "Those niggahs are always late."

Ugh. This book is the worst. Booo!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 903: Joy Killer / Ralph Brandon (Vega V-4)

Paperback 903: Vega Books V-4 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Joy Killer
Author: Ralph Brandon
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $20 (unread / perfect condition)

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection!]

Best things about this cover:

• I think that's her underwear on the floor wax can there. I think. For their sakes, I really hope the floor wax is for the floor.
• Seaman Apprentice! Subtle.
• I can't get over the fact that together, their names make BABY KILLER.
• Once again, Vega (and Fabian, and Saber) books are the best, that is, the worst, in a good way. God bless Sanford Aday and his short-lived Fresno-based softcore ridicu-porn empire.

Best things about this back cover:

• That first sentence of the second paragraph makes me think the writer hasn't really mastered the art of the conjunction.
• So they're both kinky, but not in compatible ways? Am I reading that last sentence right?
• I believe that the title "Joy Killer" makes absolutely no sense. Unless there is some as-yet unmentioned character named Joy ... nope, even then, no sense.

Page 123~

"An orgy of sensual lust! Oh Killer, that sounds so exciting."
"I'm trying to help you, you depraved female. Now pay attention to what the book says."

There follows several pages of Killer reading aloud from some kind of sex-phobic sex manual for new wives, which is then followed by a marriage consummation scene in which "I plunged my throbbing masculinity into the depths of her quivering feminity [sic]."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 751: The Oddballs / Stacey Clubb (Softcover Library B853X)

Paperback 751: Softcover Library B853X (PBO, 1965)

Title: The Oddballs
Author: Stacey Clubb
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not For Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection


Best things about this cover:

• "I don't think they're so odd," he said, self-consciously.
• So many questions. Such as, where has her right arm got to? Or, why their bed is a parallelogram?
• Remember the fad of wearing two differently colored stockings!? Me either.
• "You awake? … tickle tickle! … alright then, I'm just going to remove your head with my jaws now, OK? Just relax."
• "The only practical sex was unnatural sex!" — Having trouble understanding the use of the word "practical" here. "Well, see, I would just put my penis in your vagina, but … it's really not practical for me ... right now … at this juncture … you know? So, let's just bring in the elephant and the mustard and see how it goes, mkay? It's just easier that way."

Best things about this back cover:

• Shadowy = Lesbiany. In case you're unfamiliar with paperback code.
• INA, ha ha! Calling all crossword constructors, we got a live one!
• I want a business card that reads "Encourager of odd rites and practices."

Page 123~

The sting of his blow had not penetrated.

Nope, sorry, that was just the first thing I opened to. Hang on … OK, here we go:

"Bernice," he called out.

But the bikini-clad goddess who appeared casually at the top of the mezzanine stairs in response to his blithe summons was not, of course, Bernice.

If ever there was a name custom-made for softcore porn, that name is Blithe Summons.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 721: Operation: SEX / Kimberly Kemp (Midwood F181)

Paperback 721: Midwood F181 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Operation: SEX 
Author: Kimberly Kemp
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $30


Best things about this cover:

• Operation: LACK OF IMAGINATION
• I have an alternative title for this book: Naughty Pine.
• This cover manages to be both deeply disturbing and super hot. Indirect evidence of nudity = very effective.
• You have to love the absurdity of the pull-down window shade in the foreground—it's architecturally impossible, of course, but does a cool job of implicating us in the voyeurism.

Best things about this back cover:

• Whoa. Ruby? Tell me more about Ruby. The cover said nothing about Ruby.
• "Anything!"
• Talk about burying the lede—how is the front cover not more lesbianified? I mean, I love the cover, but if lesbian pulp has taught me anything (and it Has), it's that when your book has lesbian sex in it, some visual/textual indication of that goes on the cover. No beating around the bush. As it were.

Page 123~

She visualized the tiny droplets striking the shoulders and then draining down in liquid rivulets, down over those peaked breasts. Down. Across that smooth belly and down into—

End of paragraph. I assume the next words were going to be the aforementioned bush, but who knows?

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 629: Requiem for a Rake / Will Laurence (Intimate Books 704)

Paperback 629: Intimate Books 704 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Requiem for a Rake
Author: Will Laurence
Cover artist: Photo cover

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• The scintillating sequel to Lament for a Leaf Blower
• Whatever she is bringing to this cover (and she is bringing a lot), he is taking away three-fold.
• If you're gonna despoil a stage-struck starlet, there's gotta be a better way than upside-down, fully-clothed footsie.
• Is that camera rolling, 'cause ... if so, two words: niche market.

Best things about this back cover:

• Clan Coulter. There's your Halloween costume for 2013.
• Do they mean "stage" as in TV stage or western stage (i.e. stagecoach)? 'Cause I kind of like the image of Clan riding his bed across the prairie. 
• "Les" is one of those names that is never gonna look right in the possessive form.

Page 123~

Janice Littleton was a girl who would do practically anything for money, a fact she had amply demonstrated to Mari during the months the two women had worked together . Her credo was to smile, not act too smart, try to make herself liked, and always look out for Number One. Her scruples were as limp as last year's girdle.

You're not using the word "credo" correctly here, but that last sentence makes me inclined to forgive you.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 560: The Lowest Sins / Joe Castro (Midwood F125)

Paperback 560: Midwood F125 (PBO, 1961)

Title: The Lowest Sins
Author: Joe Castro
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $25

Best things about this cover:

• Nothing sexier than a barmaid kneeling on a frozen lake, I tell you what ...
• You can't look at this too long because, man, below the waist she looks kind of twisted and broken. It's like she's trying to stand up after a very bad fall. Either that, or she is taking a knee / preparing to do some Tebowing.
• I love the cleavage and the glimpse of garter and all, but this pose is so random and unnatural that most of the sexiness is drained right out of it.
• Can a sister get some context up in here?
• The condition on this book is astonishing. Square, unread, uncreased, gorgeous.

Best things about this back cover:

• Um, yes, same girl. Same picture, even, I'm pretty sure. Is that all? I've got other cases to solve.
• LOVE the existential terror inspired by the question "WHAT WAS SHE?"—"We need to label her, stat!"
• Frank!!!!

Page 123~

It took only a few minutes before Jenny placed her two hands over her ears to shut out the loud snoring of John's slumber.

"That tears it!" she thought. "I'm going lesbian."

~RP

PS thanks to Doug Peterson for sending me this book—and three more books, which I'll feature in the upcoming weeks.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 479: The Torrid Teens / Orrie Hitt (Beacon B294)

Paperback 479: Beacon B294 (PBO, 1960)

Title: The Torrid Teens
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $50

Best things about this cover:

• Home. Run.
• Too many great things to list. The title! The garters! The menacing shadow men! I mean, I realize that this painting depicts what appears to be a sexual assault in progress, and obviously sexual assault is bad, but as sensational covers go, this one is gold. 
• This book should be called "Everyone's Hands Were Awesome." A triad of terrifically expressive hands.
• "You told ma you'd be home for dinner at 6, and as you can clearly see from my visible watch face, it's almost 6:30. Why must you succumb to vileness and the twisted desire to stay out past dinner time?"

Best things about this back cover: 

• One of the ugliest line drawings I've ever seen on a paperback cover. Reeks of Dickensian squalor. 
• I think he's trying to do this trick where he lights a match using only his teeth and her breast.
• Why does honesty always have to be so brutal? What did we ever do to honesty?

Page 123~

"The kids in the gang were pretty good to you," he said. "They could have told the cops you were with them on the rumble, but they didn't. That could have hurt you a lot and I don't think it would have made your mother very happy."

Little did he know that her mother was actually a long-time subscriber to "Rumble Fancier" magazine.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 473: Warped / Michael Norday (Beacon B280)

Paperback 473: Beacon B 280 (PBO, 1955)

Title: Warped
Author: Michael Norday
Cover artist: Clement Micarelli

Yours for: $50

Best things about this cover:

• This is some golden age, bullseye, right over the plate, vintage lesbian paperback amazingness. Fantastic art, cool staggered-letter title design, and cover copy that alliterates like there's no tomorrow. Plus great lesbian code words like "twilight" and "twisted" and "strange" and "tormented" and "warped"; roughly half the vintage lesbian paperbacks in existence have at least one of these words in their titles (I made that stat up, but it feels right)
• I love the dramatic tension between these two women—the knowing, smug, hungry eyes of the tomboyish old pro, and the coy-yet-curious eyes of the frillier girl in the foreground. Her guarded posture suggests modesty, but her exposed and pushed-up boobs and her visible garters suggest ... something else. 
• That is one ugly bed. And pillowcase. They are far too hot to be making out in grandma's bed.

Best things about this back cover:

• Again, great design. A bit text-heavy, but I love the pink touches.
• I applied to Fern Mar, but got rejected. Dames only, apparently. I am, however, only too familiar with the "disgrace of an unwholesome campus weekend."
• Hell yeah, passion-ridden women!

Page 123~

A sudden panic swept over her. She remembered the look in Estrada's eyes when he had talked about Gwen up at O'Keefe's training camp. A sudden fury burst inside her. "Damn you! Where is she? Where—"

"Relax, baby. Relax."

Wait, lesbians have training camps? That's awesome.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 464: Campus Kittens / Joan Ellis (Midwood 32-417)

Paperback 464: Midwood 32-417 (PBO, 1964) (CANADA)

Title: Campus Kittens
Author: Joan Ellis
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: [SOLD! 10/10/11]

Best things about this cover:

• The scintillating story of a buxom young redhead, her gravity-defying towel (or her extremely adhesive nipples), and her collection of remarkably life-like store mannequins.
• Seriously, there's no way that blonde is a living breathing human being.
• Shouldn't it be an "unblushing exposé"?—if it's blushing, then it's gonna be all coy and its sex scenes are going to be all vague and elliptical and annoying. "Blushing" is not "frank," is what I'm saying.
• "Our once-respectable collegiate sorority houses," ha ha. "In my day, we spent our days performing community service and singing songs that expressed pride in our alma mater. Nowadays, it's all cunnilingus this and cunnilingus that!"

Best things about this back cover:

• Spiteful sexual sprees are the best kind!
• What is the "worst possible moment" to be caught in a motel with a married man? You'd think any moment would be pretty bad.
• "Elementary education at the hands of her roommate" made me laugh. Yes, hands are elementary. Later, you might move on to tongue. Only the truly talented graduate to vagina. Hence Andrea's need for personal tutoring.

Page 123~

"Same place, you sexy little wench," he crooned [1]. "If you're still willing to go out with a decrepit old character like me." [2]

"Oh stop it," she laughed. Owen was one of the handsomest men she had ever encountered, and no older than a lot of movie stars [3]. "You'll make me bring along a pair of crutches if you keep up that talk." [4]

• [1] If you are trying to get laid, I suggest that you not croon anything, let alone that particular line.
• [2] This guy is like a bottomless pit of bad come-on lines.
• [3] This is an odd benchmark: "Why, you're no older than Edward G. Robinson or Joseph Cotten." "I'm only 41." "Shhh, I'm pretending our relationship is normal ..."
• [4] Why, so you can reenact scenes from "Double Indemnity?" I think you mean "wheelchair." He said "decrepit" and "old," not "suffering from a sprained ankle."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 419: The Doctor and the Dike / Jason Hytes (Midwood Y176)

Paperback 419: Midwood Y176 (PBO, 1962)

Title: The Doctor & the Dike
Author: Jason Hytes
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $21


Best things about this cover:

• If that is his receptionist's regular office behavior, I'd say she has a bigger problem than (capital L!) Lesbianism.
• Love the expression on his face: "Hmmm, that's odd. My comically large diploma didn't prepare me for this eventuality..."
• Garters are sexy.
• I don't quite understand what she's supposed to be doing. Is that a dress she has just removed? Silk cloth with which she's performing some kind of dance? A space alien that has bitten her hand and won't let go?

Best things about this back cover:

• "Gwenn's breasts were too small" — I'm not sure that qualifies as "interesting"; "Gwenn's breasts spoke to her at night"—that would be interesting.
• I will give this back cover one thing: I *do* want to know what "his own problem" is now. Although if it's something as simple and predictable as "he keeps nailing his patients," I'll be at least a little disappointed.
• "Ow, my core!"

Page 123~

Reed wet his lips (1), suddenly parched, his mind aflame with thoughts of Patricia and her strange behavior (2). "This girl," he rasped drily (3), "what did she look like?" He balled his hands into tight fists as he awaited her reply.

1. First, gross. Second, when I played clarinet, I often used my lips to wet my reed.
2. Come on, just tell us! Between the back cover and this sentence, I've had just about enough of your ambiguity, mister.
3. I really wish I could post an audio file of me trying to recreate what this sounds like. I sound like an aging smoker picking someone out of a line-up ("This girl... [cough]").

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]