Paperback 997: The Mask on a Wanton's Torso / John Reade (Venus VV104)

Paperback 997: Venus Books VV104 (PBO, 1964)

Title: The Mask on a Wanton's Torso*
Author: John Reade
Cover artist: a photographer in the anteroom of hell

Condition: 9/10
Estimated value: $20-ish

[newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Looking at this cover is about as close to watching a snuff film as I'll ever come. It's horrifying. I feel like the cameraman murdered her like five seconds after this shot was taken. Or else she was paid in heroin and sent back out into the snow dressed just like that. Most of my sleaze paperbacks are campy fun to look at. This one, no, not.
• If you burn that couch, hundreds of damned souls are unleashed into the world, to torture and haunt the living.
• "Here, put this on"—the world's most negligent art director
• Ah, the world of erotic nonsense phrases—so delicious. Lust game! Sin secret! Wanton's torso!?!?
• *You see how I put an asterisk by the title (up top)? That's because ... well, how to describe it? This book is unique, in my experience, in having a title on the cover that Does Not Match The Title On The Spine (which reads "The Mask *OF* the Wanton's Torso"(!?)). But it's uniqueness doesn't stop there. Forget two titles—this book .... Has Two Authors: WHO IS PHIL BOTNER?!

And the back cover:

Best things about this back cover:

• Stud Hunter! I think I own one of those.
• Shame event! Passion fling!  FLESH GAIETY!!! Beat that ... every other back cover sleaze copywriter.
• That's not how en dashes work.
• Yikes, even the line spacing on this is disgusting.

Page 123~ (brace yourself)

There was a door there. She could not remember how she had come upstairs. Frantically she opened it. There was only a tiny passageway, leading to another door. Frantically she thought it might be a back way down, down and out of this house.

Torn between laughing at Double Frantically and crying at the attempted poetry of that second "down,."

~RP

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Paperback 971: Convict Lust / Robert Wallace (France 58)

Paperback 971: France 58 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Convict Lust
Author: Robert Wallace
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $25-30
Condition: 7/10

Best things about this cover:

• Fishnet headboard. Interesting.
• Bouffantastic!
• Her get-up, despite color clashing, is pretty cute. Those stockings, however, were not meant to be seen below the ankle.

Best things about this back cover:

• This non-centered block of text is oddly common. There doesn't appear to be any particular aesthetic at work. Maybe it adds the aura of "cheap and forbidden" the publisher's trying to create.
• Hemingway's "The Killers" has a main character called "the Swede." I'm guessing this story isn't as good as "The Killers."
• This book should've been called "His Welding Equipment."

Page 23~ (Page 123 being boring and unrepresentative)

A few hours ago I was a happy-go-lucky goof-off going on twenty-seven. Then I run into the best lay in the land and—presto! chango!—I'm an old broken-down jerkhead and frightened stiff.

You tell 'em, Chango! (rhymes with "tango"). P.S. the first sentence of this novel is "She ripped off her panties and hopped into bed." In medias res!

~RP

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Paperback 969: Half-way to Hell / Serg Ross (France F41)

Paperback 969: France F41 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Half-way to Hell
Author: Serg Ross
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $20-25
Condition: 7/10

Best things about this cover:

• Feels closer than that.
• It's like he emerged from the sea just to have his soul sucked out of his face.
• The vibe here is so "Exploitation" that it makes me a little uncomfortable. The horrid decor. The cheesy plaid dude. The alcohol. Nothing good is happening here.
• It's a fold-out cover, but not a continuation of the cover picture (thank god). Not gonna show it, as it is a photo of a random naked woman and you can see her nipple and while I know none of you care and I don't care, I've had my website(s) blocked for harmless stuff like that before. Also, the photo continues the ick vibe of this cover, and I think we've had enough. . . . wait, I can just block out the "offending" nipple ... hang on ... 

Gratuitous nude photo! Enjoy. Or don't.

And now the back cover:

Best things about this back cover:

• I am not "highly stimulated" by any of this, especially with that damn monster-kiss hovering over everything.

Page 123~

"That's the bartendah, I take it?" Tom asked, pointing obviously at Adam. "Those niggahs are always late."

Ugh. This book is the worst. Booo!

~RP

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Paperback 968: Eros Laughed / Bart Mayes (France Books F19)

Paperback 968: France F19 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Eros Laughed
Author: Bart Mayes —credited nowhere on either front or back cover :(
Cover artist: "Cover photo by Sam Wu" ("photo posed by professional model")

Estimated value: $25
Condition: 8/10

Best things about this cover:

• Jesus wept.
• Is that a bare mattress?
• It is at least somewhat remarkable that these books provide a *photographer* credit. Most paperbacks don't give their *fully painted covers* an artist credit.
• This book is immaculate, but for a bent-up corner of the back cover.

Here's the fold-out!:

• "Odd" and "ball" desperately want to be reunited. See also "twenty" and "eight."
• Hey! Hidden lesbian content! That stuff's not normally, uh, hidden where these books are concerned.
• Based on the last two France covers, it appears that what men want in their fold-out covers is a generous expanse of haunch. Nothing wrong with that.

Best things about this back cover:

• Gonna start referring to myself as "on the dark side of thirty." I'm 46, so I think it works.
• Wow this writing is straight terrible. First, it just doesn't got with the girl pictured. Second, the whole last third of the paragraph adds nothing to either the "eros" of the passage or to character development or Anything.
• Oh, Gawd, indeed.

Page 123~

When Louise saw her fully clothed, she dressed, too, and they sat together tiredly, letting the coffee do its beneficial work.

Good ol' coffee. Doing the work. Easing the shame. My best friend.

~RP

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Paperback 949: Play the Sin Field / Drew Deskins (Spartan Line SL134)

Paperback 949: Spartan Line SL134 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Play the Sin Field
Author: Drew Deskins
Cover artist: presumably

Estimated value: No idea. Somehow, I have TWO copies of this, and yet there are NO copies at abebooks. :(
Condition: 8/10

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Holy crap, I only *just* realized that this is supposed to be a pun on the phrase, "play the infield." Before, I thought a. wow, they just threw the word SIN in to a perfectly good phrase and ruined it, how stupid, and b. wow, SIN is a really truly terrible pun for "out."
• I love this woman. We should all be this confident. (i.e. confident enough to wear pasties that clash with our evening gloves).
• Wanton nymphos are the best kind of nymphos. Them prim nymphos ain't no fun at all.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, the Insane Phrase Bookend blurb. I should create a tag for these things. They are a truly great part of American literary history. I assure you Hemingway could never have come up with "SIN GUESTS"; not in his whole, adulturous life.
• P.S. "orgiastically"

Page 123~

"I want you to lay me right here and now," she said softly and he fell on her, his malehood jutting and pulsating, as he inched it within her eager body.

You'd think you'd be laughing too hard to properly masturbate to this stuff.

~RP

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Paperback 947: I Search For Sin-sation / Alvin Browne (Regal Novel 1138)

Paperback 947: Regal Novel 1138 (PBO, 1967)

Title: I Search For Sin-sation
Author: Alvin Browne
Cover artist: Uncredited, unheralded, unloved

Estimated value: $No Idea (lots)
Condition: 8/10

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I haven't stopped laughing since I realized (about 30 seconds ago) that the title is "I Search for Sinsation" and not, as I genuinely thought it was, "I Search for Sin Station"—"Siri, where the fuck is Sin Station? I've been driving around this shitty neighborhood for hours! I'm going to miss my train! Reroute!"
• What kind of giant leaf-based contraption is she wearing around her shoulders!?
• What kind of shitty, wrinkled, ragged, no-backed couch is that?
• She is moments from toppling over—mid leg-cross, her left (fear!) hand hoping to find leverage and support on non-existent couch arm.
• Those shoes make no sense with that ensemble, and yet they are the least stupid thing on this cover.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, this rhetorical style (INSANE PHRASE ... gibberish ... INSANE PHRASE) is typical of many many sleaze paperback back covers of '60s.
• I love the legalistic tone here. "Whereas the full bodied girl heretofore mentioned is in her rights pertaining to the first part of the second sex clause..."
• "Bed-boredom!"
• Let's get Physical (answer)!

Page 123~

Her breasts were basketballs hanging almost to her navel.

OK, I cheated, that's p. 122. But it begged to be quoted. Here's p. 123:

She would have sworm (sic!) there'd been straps on her now naked shoulders when they'd sat down. Her partner was bent down over her breasts. She dismissed her suspicions. No one could be that openly trampish.

There really aren't enough (sic!)s in the world. That typo ... it's not an outlier. Here's something from the opening (teaser) page of this novel:

He kissed her and cupped a breast in his hand she felt a quiver race through her. (sigh, sic)
"It's time we ment to bed," he said huskily. (Sickety sic)
She felt desire mounting within her loins.

And So Forth.

~RP

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Paperback 895: Flame / Joan Ellis (Midwood 61)

Paperback 895: Midwood 61 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Flame
Author: Joan Ellis
Cover artist: [Paul Rader]

Estimated value: $17-20

Best things about this cover:

• I don't know what you're about to do with the cigarette, lady, but please stop.
• She looks like if Lauren Bacall and Satan had a baby.
• I am on fire with burning ambition and a smouldering need for CHAIR.
• Font!
• Heels!
• Scare quotes!
• This book is, like, the reddest thing I own.
• I don't know if this is a Paul Rader cover, but it feels that way, so ... partial credit!

Best things about this back cover:

• HA ha, more scare quotes for all things "school"-related. We get it. It's a racket.
• They're pushing this "FLAME" motif a little hard.
• No cooked facts! Only raw! This is "Talent School," ladies!
• If not a band, Hardened Harlots is at least a roller derby team name.

Page 123~

"Let 'em get all hot and bothered. Do 'em good," he insisted, sliding her robe into a heap on the floor, and then the bikini pajamas she wore underneath.

Google image search of "bikini pajamas" yields mostly ... well, neither bikinis nor pajamas. Is "bikini pajamas" what hep cats used to call "underwear"?

~RP

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Paperback 889: Teen-Age Stray / Arthur Adlon (Beacon B752X)

Paperback 889: Beacon Signal B752X (PBO, 1964)

Title: Teen-Age Stray
Author: Arthur Adlon
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• "She was down to pennies, tears and her bikini…" Is that zeugma? I've been waiting to see zeugma again since I first learned what it was 25 years ago, in my Brit Lit II class, where we were reading Alexander Pope's "Rape of the Lock." And here we are. Zeugma!
• This whole concept is not "erotic" to me. It's depressing. Except the triumphant, happy ending where she joins the erotic world of lesbianism. I approve of that.
• … and her calves never got sunburned again.

Best things about this back cover:

• Texty!
• Rex. That's a great name! Terridy, however … that's not even a plausible name, let alone a good one.
• "...a meal, a buck, and a bed…" It honestly didn't occur to me at first that "buck" might simply refer to money.

Page 123~

"Then talk, Rex. I like you better when you talk. You warm me."

~RP

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Paperback 888: Sex Store / Thomas Vail (Rapture Books 405)

Paperback 888: Rapture Books 405 (PBO, 1964)

Title: Sex Store
Author: Thomas Vail
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $30-40

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• This guy is ready for his Dos Equis and/or Cuervo commercial.
• The '60s were a big time for Co-Ed Eyebrow Pageants.
• This artist was justly famous for refusing to draw bodies. "Just Heads!" he'd shout.
• There appears to have been some kind of mildewy seepage in the floating head storage closet. I keep trying to make sense of the green … to no avail.
• The author's name is Thomas Vail, as in "Please veil my identity. My mom can't ever know I wrote this."
• Sex Store! Buy ten sexes, get one free.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Yeah…"
• Sarah Campbell Italics! (dum dum DUM!)
• "Goodies" omg I just barfed a little.
• Sex Store! Ask about bulk discounts!

Page 123~

Honestly, this page is a little rape-y for my tastes, so … let's go with the teaser text at the very beginning of the book (very first thing you see when you open the cover):

I heard cloth rustling as she stopped there, and then she reached for me, a very beautiful creature who was completely naked in the starlight. Her hand touched me once, hesitantly, and then grew bolder.

"Why, Sir Galahad!" she exclaimed. "You didn't break your lance after all!"

First, always nice to class up your dick references with some King Arthur. Second, all her reaction makes me wonder is What Did He Do To His Lance Earlier?

~RP

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Paperback 887: Replenishing Jessica / Maxwell Bodenheim (Avon 191)

Paperback 887: Avon 191 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: Replenishing Jessica
Author: Maxwell Bodenheim
Cover artist: [Phillips & Troeger / Troeger-Phillips]

Estimated value: $12-15

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Let's see … how to replenish Jessica? Sure, I'd say FIVE MEN oughta do it.
• This appears to be the story of how the Flash got married, settled down, and got a steady job with an insurance company. "Is this what you wanted, baby?" he seems to ask.
• The most reliably informed reseller of vintage paperbacks on abebooks describes this book as a "SEX and HEROIN NOVEL," so … that's unexpected. And brings the total to two—two possible ways to replenish Jessica.
• The only reason I still attend crossword tournaments is so that Doug Peterson can slip me some vintage paperback contraband in a dingy little plastic bag. It's all quite (appropriately) sordid.

Best things about this back cover:

• Shakespeare looks dubious about the literary merits of the publishing enterprise to which he has affixed his mug.

Page 123~

"This new school does away with all of the old qualms and quandaries, and we can certainly accomplish more when we know that sex is, well, is only the violent servant that we've hired for purposes of recreation."

Actually, the violent servant you've hired is named Tony, and it'll be $300/hr.

~RP

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Paperback 815: This Is Elaine / Jason Hytes (Midwood F229)

Paperback 815: Midwood F229 (PBO, 1963)

Title: This Is Elaine
Author: Jason Hytes
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• Whoa. I was never a big "Seinfeld" fan, but maybe I need to reconsider …
• I love how happy is to be warming her bare bottom with the flame of a single candle. It's the simple pleasures…
• I am laughing so hard imagining the sad person sitting on the broken Merry-Go-Round of Sex.
• Hmm. Define "Bestseller."
• "Sex Before Six," the best-selling follow-up to "Fucking Before Five Fifteen."

Best things about this back cover:

• I'd like to speak to the mayor.
• "Jason Hytes has exposed their wanton merry-go-round of sex…" Wait, is this non-fiction? Did he go undercover, as it were?
• At this point, if there is not an Actual Merry-Go-Round Of Sex in this book, I will be very, very disappointed, Jason Hytes.

Page 123~

Clay Brackett moved out of a group of men to block her path, his darkly handsome face flushed and lusting.

"Flushed and Lusting: The Clay Brackett's Face Story"

~RP

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Paperback 805: Nina / Brian Black (Beacon B745X)

Paperback 805: Beacon B745X (PBO, 1964)

Title: Nina
Author: Brian Black
Cover artist: Uncredited [Barton?—see reversed signature, under couch]

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• I wish that, many years ago, I had created a "Women Spilling Backwards Off of Beds and Couches" tag. It's a thing.
• Looks like "twisted pleasures" is a literal statement. "I'm sorry, Burt, but I can't get in the mood unless I'm doing [gets on couch and adjusts herself] … [grunt, awkward dress tugging] … this!"
• I like how this cover is a panel from a Power Point presentation. Bullet list!
• Wow, high heels have done terrible and unnatural things to her feet.
• When were biceps bracelets trendy?
• I like that couch quite a bit.

Best things about this back cover:

• What is *proper* love with strangers? Does it involve handshakes and handwritten thank-you notes?
• "Candid"!? What happened to "frank"!? I miss "frank."
• Unfair to Jet Set! I'm so glad that we as a culture have evolved out of the terrible Jet-Settism that plagued our forefathers.

Page 123~

Nina found only one fault with the rodeo. It happened only once a year.

I knew it. I took one look at that cover and thought, "this is gonna be about the rodeo."

~RP

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Paperback 800 (!!): Monica / George Simon (Chariot Books CB176)

Paperback 800: Chariot Books CB176 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Monica
Author: George Simon
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $21


Best things about this cover:

• "Joe Came to Sell Storm Windows…" Erotic!
• The editor in me wants to remove the absurdly redundant "Blasting" and then put scare quotes around "Love."
• I assume this is a portrait of Monica as viewed through one of Joe's grimy storm windows. Erotic!
• Seriously, it's like the artist did a rather nice painting and then got drunk and angry and depressed and just wrecked the thing with a really shitty eraser.
• The em dashes are slaying me. It's like a bunch of false starts instead of a list of Exciting! Adjectives!
• What did he "give" them? Backrubs? Advice? Chickenpox? … oh … OH! … I think it's sex.

Best things about this back cover:

• SALESMEN BEWARE … sexy ladies might offer themselves to you and then writhe in pleasure … it's horrible.
• SALESMEN BEWARE … some ladies can remove their heads and then underneath they are lizard creatures who won't buy any of your storm windows … it's horrible.
• That "bikini" is, without a doubt, drawn on. Scribbled, more like. And not by a reader. Like … it came that way. That is some pretty low-rent design right there.
• Uh … fear hand? Sure, fear hand. Close enough.

Page 123~

When her purse fell off the night table its contents scattered on the floor. In addition to the usual feminine gear, there was a roll of bills as big as a pound of butter, half a dozen snaps of nude ladies, and [a] .32 snub-nosed automatic. Dear little Monica …

First, I am enjoying imagining "the usual feminine gear," which in my mind includes brass knuckles and a vibrator. And second, I can't wait to use the "pound of butter" analogy in conversation and have people stare at me blankly. Me, after a pause: "FOUR STICKS!" Them: "Ah … yes ... OK. Got it. My, that *is* a large vibrator."

~RP

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Paperback 797: Anatomy of Seduction / Jud Blaine (Softcover Library B856X)

Paperback 797: Softcover Library B856X (PBO, 1965)

Title: Anatomy of Seduction
Author: Jud Blaine
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• The angle of his head … is the best thing about this cover. "Uh … hi, Mrs. Boobs, can, uh, boobs come out and, uh ... boobs?"
• THAT. Not THE woman. THAT woman. Oh, suburban scandal, I love you so much.
• "Uh, I like your hair … it's like the cotton candy they got at the midway."
• "Uh … thanks … I think it's called 'Members Only' …"
• This should be called "Anatomy of a doorknob" 'cause that is some nice detail there.
• The phrase "teen-age innocence" is hilarious.
• You can choose any pseudonym and you go with "Jud"? I really hope that's short for "Judy." 

Best things about this back cover:

• That's a lot of weight to put on a word normally reserved nowadays for a leg syndrome.
• The whole "filthy suburbanite" genre amuses me no end. "Behind the veneer of middle-class respectability: orgies."
• "Sudden froth of lust"! That's the textual equivalent of the money shot right there.
• If the book scorches my memory … then … fuck, I forgot what I was going to say.

Page 123~

"You want a drink, baby?"
"No, thank you. Nor do you."
He grinned at her. "You'd make a nice, nagging wife."
"I've been a wife to too many men ever to be foolish enough to tie up with one."

Well if she doesn't want that drink, I'll take it.

~RP

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Paperback 791: Camera Club Model / James Harvey (Midwood F253)

Paperback 791: Midwood F253 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Camera Club Model
Author: James Harvey
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Armpit fetishists, you're in luck!
• Offscreen mystery hand preserves the modesty. I'm imagining the photographer of this picture directing the photographers *in* the picture: "Little to the right … down … perfect!"
• This is a great angle for the lower half of her body and a Terrible angle for everything else. It's all weird angles and lack of definition. Also, she looks like she's complaining about the fact that she's being arrested. Not sexy.
• Dude in background has mastered the perv-clutch hand position.
• I like how James Harvey is branching out in the kinds of models he is writing about.

Best things about this back cover:

• I prefer to take the big first word in isolation: SOMETHING! Such an intriguingly vague come-on.
• Needs to be a comma after "spotlight."
• I like how the first sentence tells us what we Just Saw On The Other Side Of This Book.
• "The odor of their combined lust" just killed mine.
• And the final bottom word, again, better in isolation. "Now let's try something really different. DIFFERENT!!!!!"

Page 123~

Betty went through her derriere poses. 

She took shadow puppetry to a whole new level.

~RP

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Hardcover interlude: Rented Wife / Jack Woodford (Woodford Press, 1947)

Title: Rented Wife (Woodford Press, 1947)
Author: Jack Woodford
Cover artist: "Artist" is a strong word…

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• Man, hardback covers were (generally) sterile compared to those of paperbacks. Her boobs are prominent but without erotic quality. His mustache is thin but without erotic quality. Her hair is, indeed, epic, but again, without erotic quality.
• She does have a pretty decent "fuck-you" look, though.
• "Monica, can get you some more of these venetian blinds. In beige again, yes. That'll be all."

Best things about this back cover:

• This won the 1947 NYC erotic poetry slam.
• "Unmoral" is a word now?
• Memo to all authors—just start your own f'ing press.

Please also check out the great dust jacket flap copy—first, the ultra-ambiguous, super-dull, completely non-erotic plot description…


Then the hyperbolic, charmingly maniacal author description: "almost satanic powers of penetrating observation"???


Page 123~

Nope, going with Page 133, to which I randomly opened, and which contains this improbable bit of prosemanship:

On impulse she got up out of bed. Threw off her pyjamas … Started for the door, aflame with passion at the thought of putting her warm nudity down beside his muscular, hairy male body without further casuistry.

"Got a delivery here, let's see … [checks clipboard] …  looks like some warm nudity?" "Oh, great, we've been expecting that. Just put it down next to the muscular, hairy male body over there." "Alright. You gonna want any casuistry with that?" "No, just a receipt will be fine, thanks."

~RP

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Paperback 755: A New Kind of Orgy / Con Sellers (Novel Book 6094)

Paperback 755: Novel Book 6094 (PBO, 1961)

Title: A New Kind of Orgy
Author: Con Sellers
Cover artist: "posed by professional models"

Yours for: Not for Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection


Best things about this cover:

• No more togas and vomitoria—it's … a new kind of orgy!
• "OK, people, we're inventing a new orgy here, so … um … First, everyone push your boobs together. OK … that's … yep, get in there … just … ouch! … OK good … alright, this is pretty hot, right? … Now … let's see … hey, wait, don't fall asleep yet, you two!"
• "Feel all strange and squirmy" … Did she drop the pronoun 'cause she's intoxicated? Or is that a command? "I said 'Feel strange and squirmy!' FEEL IT! Don't make me shake my big, now bared bosom at you!"

OK, now for the really good part: Imagine what the author of a book like "A New Kind of Orgy" might look like. Go ahead, imagine it. I'll wait … OK, you got a clear image? Well, did it look anything like this? (warning: brace yourselves):


Best things about this back cover:

• Con Sellers, satanic grave-robbing phys ed teacher.
• Con Sellers, alcoholic sweater fetishist.
• Con Sellers, collector of trinkets, smoker of weed.
• Con Sellers, proud holder of service medals, male fiction writing medals, and other shiny things he keeps in his home dungeon basement.
• "He's done everything from —" HA ha. Fill in the blank! Even the cover's like "Yep, whatever crazy-ass shit you can imagine, Con Sellers has Done It."
• That smile … it stays with you … trust me.
• Count Chocula, retiree.
• I have never not laughed when looking at this picture. Never. Not once.

Page 123~

Mai gave him a smile. "Nothing to nobody—I know that rule, too. I just don't want you to get hurt, Pio."
"Me? Get hurt?" His laugh was high and brittle. "That ain't the way it goes, baby. It's the other guys that get hurt."

"How do you think I got my medallion collection, baby? Service to my country? [high and brittle laughter] Oh, Mai, you adorable kid, you. Go fetch me my lounging sweater. And all the weed you can carry."

~RP

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Paperback 752: French Model / Cecil Barr (Beacon B133)

Paperback 752: Beacon B133 (1st pb, 1957)

Title: French Model
Author: Cecil Barr
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: Not For Sale (part of the Doug Peterson Collection)


Best things about this cover:

As Doug said to me as he handed me the book: "Motorboat fail."
That guy is *totally* a Cecil.
"Starring Darrin's boss from "Bewitched" and a *very* grown-up Marcia Brady!"
His trousers are gigantic.


Best things about this back cover:

• Far, far sexier than the cover...
• ...Until you start reading the words. That's a whole lot of yuck, very very fast.
• As far as future possible aliases go … I call dibs on "Shockproof Daffodil"

Page 123~

"I'm going to watch you dress, Daffodil. Is this what you're going to wear? It's ravishing, of course, but only you could wear it. What arms, my dear, and I say, what legs! No wonder old Amy—don't rush it, darling, have a heart. Do you mean to say no soutien-gorge? But of course not. Let me—don't be a fool, Daffodil, what are you afraid of. Firm as little rocks. Ugh, you darling! I'm not one of Amy's sort, more's the pity, or what a time I should be having."

My French is a little rusty, but allow me to translate: Daffodil's lady friend/maid is watching her dress and feeling her up while wishing out loud that she was a lesbian (like the mythical "Amy") so she could … watch Daffodil dress and feel her up? It's not clear what Amy would be doing, but one imagines she'd be avoiding laughably unsexy phrases like "Firm as little rocks" and "Ugh, you darling."

~RP

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Paperback 751: The Oddballs / Stacey Clubb (Softcover Library B853X)

Paperback 751: Softcover Library B853X (PBO, 1965)

Title: The Oddballs
Author: Stacey Clubb
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not For Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection


Best things about this cover:

• "I don't think they're so odd," he said, self-consciously.
• So many questions. Such as, where has her right arm got to? Or, why their bed is a parallelogram?
• Remember the fad of wearing two differently colored stockings!? Me either.
• "You awake? … tickle tickle! … alright then, I'm just going to remove your head with my jaws now, OK? Just relax."
• "The only practical sex was unnatural sex!" — Having trouble understanding the use of the word "practical" here. "Well, see, I would just put my penis in your vagina, but … it's really not practical for me ... right now … at this juncture … you know? So, let's just bring in the elephant and the mustard and see how it goes, mkay? It's just easier that way."

Best things about this back cover:

• Shadowy = Lesbiany. In case you're unfamiliar with paperback code.
• INA, ha ha! Calling all crossword constructors, we got a live one!
• I want a business card that reads "Encourager of odd rites and practices."

Page 123~

The sting of his blow had not penetrated.

Nope, sorry, that was just the first thing I opened to. Hang on … OK, here we go:

"Bernice," he called out.

But the bikini-clad goddess who appeared casually at the top of the mezzanine stairs in response to his blithe summons was not, of course, Bernice.

If ever there was a name custom-made for softcore porn, that name is Blithe Summons.

~RP

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Paperback 750: Exotic Sinner / Shep Sheppard (Bedtime Books 953)

Paperback 750: Bedtime Books 953 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Exotic Sinner
Author: Shep Sheppard
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not For Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection

Another crossword puzzle tournament, another generous paperback donation from Mr. Doug Peterson. Let's see what he brought:


Best things about this cover:

• Because domestic sinners are not in season.
• Welcome to … The Purplest Room.
• "And introducing … antique chair!"
• I can't believe a woman that hot could talk that stupid to a guy that gee-whizzical.
• I love her dress so much I can't even tell you. 
• This exotic sinner has a cute, girl-next-door vibe that I am finding quite adorable. 
• I think Shep Sheppard *might* be a pen name.

Best things about this back cover:

• Um, I think you mean "locale." 
• Um, I think you mean "wastrels." No, wait—a "wastel" is "a kind of white and fine bread or cake," so … maybe "wastels"?

Page 123~

Suddenly out where the barracuda had last jumped she saw the dorsal fin of a requiem shark.

Just in case you thought you knew what this book was about.

~RP

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