dickishness

Why haven't I posted anything recently? Well, I'll tell you why: because what I want to post about—e.g., the ridiculous things that happen to me on a daily [fine, weekly] basis—would involve slightly too much trash-talking to be viable when so many folks I know read this blog. Allow me to explain: this blog became boring for me to post on when I started worrying about pissing people off, since I apparently can't write about anything without pissing someone off. And what's the point of blogging if I can't vent about the weird crap that happens to me?

Other than that, here is a list of things that have happened in the past month:

• Blythe visited. Despite having really bizarrely yellowy-colored hair, made out with a random dude on the dance floor. And then I dragged (literally, dragged) a profoundly drunk Blythe 4 avenue blocks across town to get in a cab.
• Went on a date with same random dude the next day (yes, I know, the next day. Whatever, I wasn't doing anything)... to see The Wrestler. Conan O'Brien was sitting next to us. Random dude wants to hold my hand during the movie. I am confused, since the movie is about a washed-up wrestler and occasionally Marisa Tomei trots about without her top. Not really hand holding material, I think? And Conan is sitting next to us, and my hand is sweating, and really, you want to hold hands while Marisa Tomei swings herself around a stripper pole? Anyway, nice guy but didn't hear from him after that evening. Whatever. Rejection is my life these days and I just can't get it up to care.
  
• Got a super-sweet, completely absurd Tshirt in the mail from Michael5000.
• Met crossword sensation (so he tells me. And tells me) Rex Parker in real life, dragged him to the NY Public Library, MoMA, and organicy-good restaurant. He fed me, which earns him 10,000 virgins in the next life.
  
• Obtained a bionic arm. (Next stop: world domination.)
• Drank two bottles of champagne with roommate and her boyfriend. MIRACULOUSLY not hungover.
• Re-read 6 romance novels that I've already read. Realize I have been celibate for longer than is normal. Life begins to lose its meaning. Or perhaps it's just March.
  
• Got funding to go to Florence.
• Successfully avoided doing any work at all today. Excellent.
  

surgery = fun!

Originally posted July 7, 2007.

Documentation of wrist surgery to correct my gimpy Triangular fibrocartilage complex (TFCC):

Yay! Won't surgery be fun?! I've only been waiting for them to get to me for 3 hours and it hasn't made me more nervous or anything! *weak laughter*

I can't wait.

It's now 6pm and I haven't eaten since midnight the night before. GET IN MY MOUTH, SALTINES!

*stretch... streeeeeeetch*

...fuck. I can't reach the saltines because of the IV in my wrist. I try to activate my latent telekinesis, willing the salty crackery goodness into my mouth...

I am unsuccessful.

Back in fifth grade, I thought getting a cast would be really cool.
Other than making you look like a really weeny boxer, however, it sucks.
Also, buttering toast is a real problem.