Republican Congressvarmint Michael Burgess is an old white man who represents north Texas.  He is very afraid of the Affordable Care Act.  He’s just almost sure that it’s a tool of the devil.  So, he got butt cement sucking scared on opening day when a boatload of people went to the website.

“I think if you subtract out members of Congress and their staff and reporters who called in those first 48 hours the numbers will be considerably lower,” Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX), who is also a medical doctor, told CNN. “We will have an opportunity to dissect these numbers in our subcommittee of oversight investigations later this month or next month.”

Oversight investigations?  What the hell?

Okay, I counted the members of congress and members of the press who might give a flip about it and and I didn’t even come up with 5,000, much less 6 million.

And we’ve been trusting this man with our money.  He cannot freekin’ count.

Thanks to Lizbeth for the heads up.

Well, there’s about 200 of us in Austin training to win elections a year from now.

There’s standing room only for a two day all day campaign training for candidates and campaign managers.  The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. has five people here learning to be experts, so if we say it’s Christmas, you better go buy some little twinkling lights because we’re damn experts and have a certificate to prove it.

What we are learning is that we better get used to living in a blue state and we should thank Ted Cruz in large part for that but Louie Gohmert, Rick Perry, Steve Stockman, Randy Nuegebauer, Joe Barton, and a whole mess of other old white guys for turning Texas blue.

Okay, so it’s one thing when Texas Congressvarmints make fools of themselves in Texas, but, Honey, when they do it in the Washington Post, it makes my butt itch.

Blake Farenthold and a “Friend.”

I’ve introduced you to Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold before.  He represents the Corpus Christi area and is well known for being goofy as a duck on … I dunno, pajamas?

He’s not terribly bright.  He got elected accidentally and then kept his seat through underhanded redistricting.

So, the Washington Post did a nice think-piece on the shutdown and used this sterling example.

So Boehner is keeping Tea Partyers happy as long as possible. This anecdote captures it perfectly:

“We’re more united in the conference now than we’ve ever been,” said Rep. Blake Farenthold, a second-term lawmaker. Eighteen months ago, the speaker “couldn’t pick me out of a lineup,” Farenthold said. “He now blows me kisses.”

So what Farenthold is telling you that he only gained attention and fame by being a total jerk and hurting America.  And as you can tell from the picture, attention is very important to him.

But now the bigger question becomes, will his constituents be able to pick him out of a ballot?

And y’all, the thought of John Boehner throwing kisses makes me … somebody grab a garbage can quick!

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

He’s not running for Governor.  He’s running against Barack Obama and “California Style Government.”

Seriously.

Okay, so everybody in Texas is white and so old they shouldn’t buy green bananas.  And they love Fast Cars and Firearms and the Freedom to kill innocent bystanders with them.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

As promised, The Wendy Store brought to you by the Texas Democratic Party .

It is never too early to order for Christmas!

I do not care where you live, you need this stuff.  You do.  And it’s cheap.  And all the profits go to the Texas Democratic Party, where I serve on the State Democratic Executive Committee.

We will be adding stuff all the damn time.

Let the swagging commence.

Texas Republican Congressman Randy Neugebauer (pronounced buht-heeead) added to his resume of Let Them Eat Cake yesterday by attempting to humiliate a United Damn States of America park ranger in front of people who were on furlough from their jobs.

Need I remind you that Randy, who lives in a desert in west Texas, spent his campaign contributions from big pharmacy and big business on a stinkin’ yacht.  He has Dyess Air Force base in his district, where airmen with families generally qualify for food stamps and Randy is tooting around on a yacht in the damn desert.  Okay, he keeps his yacht in Washington, Dee Cee, but it beats the hell outta me how that is a campaign expense or how he justifies it at home.

Now, I’m gonna stop here and tell you something.  God gave Randy a pointy head.  I’m serious.  His head comes to a little pointy thing, reminding me of a Dairy Queen ice cream cone.  That doesn’t have much to do with this story, but I thought you should know why he stays off camera as much as possible.  Well, that, and he drools.  Okay, he really doesn’t drool.  I just made that up.  But, it’s flat amazing that he doesn’t.  If he could figure out why he doesn’t drool, he could market that stuff over at the bowling alley and he’d be really rich.  I’m talking Oprah Winfrey rich.

Anyway, everybody was pretty upset about this old fartin’ codger trying to shame a female park ranger for not doing his job.  Yeah, HIS job.  She wasn’t doing Randy’s job for him and she should be ashamed.  And then he told everybody to get off his lawn damn when they tried to stop him from winning the Somebody Please Stop Me Because I’m Not Driving My Brain Anymore Award.

Well, the good folks over at CREW did more than just get upset.  They did something.

Today, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) filed a complaint with the Office of Congressional Ethics against Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-TX) for conduct that reflects discreditably upon the House.

I know.  It’s hard to believe that he hasn’t been be brought up before on “conduct that reflects discreditably upon the House.”  Of course, Tom DeLay and Louie Gohmert lowered the standard on that pretty good.

“Rep. Neugebauer’s demeaning treatment of the ranger reinforces the commonly held belief that members of Congress are arrogant and have an over-inflated sense of superiority,” continued [CREW Executive Director Melanie] Sloan.  “The House cannot permit its members to berate federal employees for a government shutdown for which Congress is responsible.  Rep. Neugebauer needs to be held accountable for his reprehensible conduct.”

At the very least, he should have to borrow and wear Ted Cruz’s DUNCE hat for a day or two.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up and the $5 Chicken Fried Steak lunch special.