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Starting in 1996, Alexa Internet has been donating their crawl data to the Internet Archive. Flowing in every day, these data are added to the Wayback Machine after an embargo period.
TIMESTAMPS
The Wayback Machine - https://web.archive.org/web/20131001180703/http://www.sadlyno.com:80/
“Yeah right, in these matters you never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite.”
Lakisha Briggs was a 34-year-old single mom living in the suburbs of Philadelphia in subsidized rental housing. Her boyfriend had attacked her repeatedly in her home, and the police had been called on several occasions to intervene—10 times in the first five months of 2012 alone, according to her legal filings. But because an ordinance in Norristown, Pa., says that a tenant who makes three 911 calls within four months can be evicted and that tenant’s landlord could have his or her rental license suspended.
Blink, blink, blink, blink……………………….In what fucking world is it a crime to call the police in an emergency (Bob forgive one should suffer more than one a month), and what could be the motivation to threaten unrelated parties with a potential lack of income. What fashion of Authoritarian Asshattery might imagine that the following would pass Constitutional muster:
But because an ordinance in Norristown, Pa., says that a tenant who makes three 911 calls within four months can be evicted and that tenant’s landlord could have his or her rental license suspended.
If you wrapped a coil of wire around my head and stuffed a bunch of magnets in my mouth, I could charge at least a dozen cell phones right now.
(Me thinks it time to gather some demographic information on the states of things in Norristown…Initial information places it as a Northern suburb or Borough of Philadelphia and a cursory glance at the city website would suggest that it is a white friendly paradise (not that there is anything particularly worng with that, wrong probably, but not worng) however, the latest census states that the breakdown is 40% white, 35% black and that between 1970 and 1990 the city lost nearly 8 thousand residents (the latter fact might be attributed to white flight if I were a betting man.)
Briggs did not call the police on the night of June 23, 2012, when the same boyfriend hit her in the head with a glass ashtray then stabbed her in the neck with a piece of broken glass. The police had already warned her that she was on her third strike after their last visit. So she didn’t make the call and—just before she passed out—Briggs begged a neighbor not to do so on her behalf.
The neighbor did call the cops, and Briggs was airlifted to a nearby trauma center. The boyfriend went to prison for the assault. Then police served Briggs’ landlord with a notice that said if she and her 3-year-old weren’t evicted within 10 days, he’d lose his rental license. [emphasis mine] Meet the new face of disorderly conduct.
Blink, blink, blink…Mind blown…Blink, blink, blink…There are days, (9 out of ten) when if offered by a Genie three wishes, they would be predicated on making the world a better place. Then there are days like today, which when faced with something that confounds my inner cynic in such a way that I might be inclined to wish that the world be cleansed of humanity as to make room for whatever sentience might follow in the fullness of time.
Norristown Municipal Code § 245-3 states that landlords are responsible for “disorderly behavior” by tenants currently in their rental units, as well as tenants’ family members and guests. Under the ordinance, disorderly behavior includes “domestic disturbances that do not require that a mandatory arrest be made.”
You know with all the foreign scienamatists we’ve been trotting out for the last week or so, I feel we are losing focus on our home-grown nutjobs and fuckheads. I mean, what have they been up to in all that time?
Answer? Not much. You can tell, in the subject matter that there is an ounce of recognition that maybe, just maybe, screaming like crazed baboons about how you’re never ever going to let this shitty society get even the tiniest bit better might, just might look a little bad to the general public. And there’s even some dawning realization that going further and further into a deluded world of conspiracy theories and where guns and corporations are the only real people is not going to make white people magically pop out of the aether and thus make the Southern Strategy viable again.
But beyond that, they’re completely lost. They have the tribal identity, the proper tribal hatreds and rich sugar daddies willing to fund them as long as they stroke that head real slow like Daddy wants, but after that…
So they’ve been mostly throwing up chaff, demanding Obama be impeached because, well, Clinton being impeached over bullshit seemed to help Bush get elected and they’re hoping that at least that magic lightning will strike twice. Jumping from one random made-up outrage to the next and trying to work Benghazi as if it was personally directed by Obama in order to make the CIA look like the incompetent fools they are.
And while it may be amusing to watch wingnuts literally running around like chickens with their heads cut off, I feel today’s shorters cover the more important question of where exactly the fuck they go from here.
Isn’t it interesting that the only time we’re willing to give Africans full credit for their self-actualization is when we tsk tsk them about their backwards morality compared to our recently enlightened asses? As if finishing the race after the kid we tripped and then shanked is some sort of incredibly accomplishment made possible only through our inherent superiority.
Ah Africa, the poor dog strapped to the roof of our proverbial Western World SUV. Whether it’s colonization, enslavement, exploitation, destruction of cultures, medical experimentation, or being used as ground zero for all sorts of insane economic or religious experiments based on what the most fucked-up areality wingnuts can brew up, it can seem like the continent can’t ever seem to catch a full break and self-actualization will always be cut short by racists desperate to “prove the inferiority” of its people by sabotaging any attempts to grow and approach the 21st century while mocking how “genetically” backwards they are.
Which is all well and good, but in our defense, they are very black. And clearly such noble savages from the Dark Continent couldn’t possibly manage to say, founded civilizations, invent brain surgery robots, produce great explorers, great artists, amazing modern musicians, or great mathematicians without the gentle benign racism of white people “helping” them out.
I mean, after all, there’s an old super white proverb that goes:
Give a man a fish and he’ll become a hippie communist freeloader. Teach a man to fish and he’ll steal a job from a white person. But give a man a bible and trample him under its brutal oppression and he’ll die and go to a better place. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Bob, they’re asexually multiplying and not in the fun way.
Which honestly just baffles me. I mean, who looks at Bruce Daniel Blatt, poster child to internalized homophobia and self-loathing and goes “gosh, I really want to cover his lazy ass and assure that the glorious mission of ensuring that life sucks for people exactly like me continues unabated”?
That being said… I’m not entirely sure new whipping boy Kurt is as invested in creative self-destruction as the other two embarrassments to homosexuality.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
Man, wouldn’t it be great if conservatives knocked off this homophobia shit so I could feel fully comfortable supporting them in their war against brown and poor people instead of pissing on myself out of a sense of tribal loyalty to people who despise me for the way I was born. I mean, they wouldn’t have to try too fucking hard, just claim credit for the work of liberals or eeling away on a technicality like they’ve been doing with the civil rights movement and then I could cheer for things that affect my life personally without worrying about my fellow conservatives tearing me apart for being a secret socialist.
Perhaps the Pope of Atheism jokes would be a little more obviously inaccurate if you weren’t recycling their most monstrous arguments.
Gene Whittell, The Times that is not the Motherfucking New York Times, but Rather the Stuffy British What-ho Kind of Times: The World According to Richard Dawkins
Technically, this is the raw source, but for ease of access and correct identification of He-Who-We-Will-Be-Skewering, it’s more:
See, back in the day, when I was just a wee pup of a Cerberus, I really fucking loved Richard Dawkins. Cause, see, way back when, my two strongest passions were biology and writing. So when I first stumbled on the Selfish Gene, an actually well-written biology book that was accessible, informative, interesting, and not the usual watered-down mess or unnecessarily dry and esoteric tome, it was like finding the Holy Grail. It still to this day remains a favored non-fiction book, and certainly near the top of my favorite biology-specific non-fiction books.
Now of course, he’s become way more famous as an atheist (he was the author of The God Delusion) and certainly he had his place in making me an even more god-forsaken heathen than I already was (Hail Satan!). Well, him and Iron Maiden, but heck, I’m willing to throw him a small little bone before I throw him on the sacrificial altar with the goat head accent piece.
So why is he receiving the special dagger reserved only for wingnuts, if he was someone I once respected?
Well, the key is in the past tense there, because see, Richard Dawkins is quickly trying to make a new type of name for himself. A name as a complete reprehensible fuck. I mean, let’s be frank, he always was a bit of a pompous asshole, but these days, he’s been doing his part alongside the various Ayn Rand fetishists to prove that just lacking conservative religion doesn’t make one any less prone to bending at the knees before the holy cross of Stupid Fucking Arguments.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
You kids today, with your newfangled morals, calling child molestation rape just because it involves the rape of children. Why back in my day, we all accepted rape and harassment as our daily bread and we liked it just fine. It never did none of us no damage, not until those uppity feminazis started getting people to talk about things. Also, P.S. the only time I’ll defend religion is to defend the poor Catholic Church who are being pilloried by “modern morals” over such a little thing like raping children for the better part of a century (likely much much longer) while covering it up. Honestly, I don’t see the big deal.
You know who we haven’t checked in on in awhile? Richard Cohen. I mean, he was every back in the day, coming up with elaborate justifications for torture and all sorts of other inhumane projects. But of course, that was back in the day when the security fascist state was being run by white people and before all the neocons started being buried in the closet less they give away the game on the faux outrage machine about Obama’s “unique” transgressions.
And I mean, you just can’t manage the same level of complete inhumanity and what the fuckery on such a sparse budget, right? Right? Um… why are you just staring at me?
Not on the title, no, we’ll get back to that particular flavor of what the fuck in a second. No, rather it’s the fact that once again I have three separate pieces of dumbassery on the same subject which all deserve the same level of vitriol-encrusted smackdown. I mean, my posts are long enough, can I really start a possible trend of extending them even further? By embarking down this road, do I risk eventually drowning in my own effluence? A never ending river of half-muttered rage and poorly worded shit jokes?
… Eh. Worse fates, I suppose. And I’ve already got the river boat ready to travel, so let’s dive in.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
Children! Sex Education! This will make great fodder for our perpetual outrage machine! We just need to make sure we throw out as many dog whistles as possible, not mention what the program actually does, throw up an image of children from before the last church picnic before Father McWanderingHands got to them, and most of all, avoid covering that we have the same reaction to all forms of sex education, because we like to pretend that if we don’t talk about it, it never happens.
You might want to pace yourselves on this one. It’s a bit of a long haul. And keep in mind that I’M saying that.
I hope you all realize you’ve ruined me. Sure, you thought you might have done me a favor by bailing me out of a bad spot and flooding my poor ego with well-wishes, but all you’ve done is completely destroy me.
Because see, you’ve shown with your compassion and your aid that the world is filled with wonderful and compassionate people, and well… that’s just it. I’m so happy right now that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to write anything ever again for the site. All that carefully honed cynicism, bitter resignment, and of course the fires of my rage that stoke the whole half-cracked boiler might as well be a million miles away.
How can I possibly continue delivering the epic smackdowns when all I’m feeling is gratitude and love? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recreate it, but I’ll take a float down the backwaters of Outer Wingnutistan just for old time’s sake, just to see.
Hee hee, that’s just cute. I mean, is there a single pro-gay-rights decision or dramatic coming out that the “proud gay conservatives” at Gay Patriot haven’t straight-up minimized or argued were meaningless or worthless or secretly bad for “true gay people”?
I mean, do you see how you’ve destroyed me?!? I can’t even manage half a shit to give about the dismissive treatment of her name. Fuck… Let’s try the next bend.
Oh Joseph Farah, you and your gay porn moustache are so silly… So what’s this one about?
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
The fact that a prominent subject of a national conversation and the highlight of major news story is trans* is literally destroying this nation. We will not be able to continue with this knowledge added to us. Also, this is what happens when you let queers join the military, even though he joined when we were still banning queers and… fuck you logic!
Meh. I mean, I understand it is deeply fucked up, but it just doesn’t unlock the portal to the Dimension of Venom where I get my post ideas like it used to…
I’m just going to have to accept that I’m washed up and finished. Hanging up my hat while still in my prime. I’m sorry, all, but your generosity has put an end to my…
Subtitle: Pronouns and delusions do not trump biology.
That familiar taste of bile rising in my throat. That way my eye twitches. And the subject matter is so promising, with the ignorance not just being ignorant, but intentionally ignorant. Straight up celebrating in its triumphalist denialism. All from a guy who tried to argue that having manly sperm will give you more male sons.
But the fear remains, will the post be stupid enough to match the impressively awful title?
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
Trans* People are a literally mythic invention by feminists and hippies.
Bring on the slaughtered calf and a hearty mug of grog, we are celebrating with a triple post. That’s right. A full frothy mango blend of ALL THREE POSTS.
Because what better way to thank you all for nearly destroying me with your kindness, than paying it back in kind and trying to destroy you as well (little bit of a vindictive streak)?
How cool am I that I can take a dump on the fiftieth anniversary of the
march on Washington by not only denigrating the topics covered by the speeches, but by
punctuating my dump with a gunshot. /rimshot /fuk you libs /low fives all around…
And on to Howard Kurtz. Actually, fuck him, lets pull a comment:
RioBravoHombre Fed up Fed
• 6 hours ago
He’s worried about revealing attire? Has he seen the Foxtitutes and their
Ailes’ uniform of fuck-me heels, and lowcut microminis?
Foxtitutes, Imma gonna have to steal that one.
Next we will take a look at something that CRA brought to my attention in the previous thread,
which while I have yet to get through promises to be rich vein of Wigger Gold
Shorter asshole:
The President is a Nigger. I suggested that we shoot the Nigger, because the Nigger is not
even a real Amercian, but my suggestion that we shoot the non Amercian Nigger was not a threat, I was just blowing
off steam
Which is to say that the original article that I was exposed to from CRA’s link put paid to the ruse:
…and you’re left with maybe the perfect example of what many, myself included, don’t think is a caricature of the Tea Party movement
This is what they are: a whole slew of white resentment, ignorance and hate.
I would only add that missing from the description is the predilection for the protection of Privilege, which in my mind
Is the foundation of Wiggerism™
Or rather, I have all the words. When I wrote my last post, asking for help in the fallout of a number of kicks to the teeth that we’ve suffered this year, I felt like shit. My financial future was looking bleak, my emotional situation was worse. I felt like a failure.
And then…
You guys and gals and genderqueers and fluberts waving your implanted tentacles. You all reduced me to a bawling baby. So much love. So quickly. So UTTERLY beyond anything I could have ever dreamed. I’m humbled. I’m beyond humbled, reduced to serfdom (oh wait that was capitalism’s fault), by your generosity.
I’m not only fine for this next month, but quite a few ahead. I might even be able to relax and actually give myself some time to start a few things I thought I wouldn’t even be able to think about for another year at least.
Things might be turning around and you, you beautiful, lovely, amazing readers are responsible. I know I’m not the only one who’s hit a grave patch, but those who’ve given what they could, even if it was a couple of bucks. You’ve all helped me out more than words can say.
I know I’m rambling. And I know that I’m repeating myself, but wow. Just WOW!
The funny will definitely resume shortly. I’m currently trying to track down a good bit of wingnuttery to use for Chelsea Manning’s long belated public coming out. But I wanted to take the time to thank every last one of you who put in something to help.
You all know who you are. And you know how very much I appreciate what you’ve done. What you’ve taken from yourselves so that I could… It means so, so much. It has touched me. Reduced me bawling on the floor in joy (hey, novel feeling, right on). Hell, even as I write this now, things are starting to get blurry with the mist in my eyes.
YOU ARE ALL ROCKSTARS!
I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT.
Sincerely,
Cerberus
P.S. My cobloggers insisted I add this to the end.
If you want to email me directly or want to send me snail-mail aid, I can send that to you through my email at cerberussadlyno AT gmail DOT com so that’s also a way for those who want to help further (please do not feel obligated to help further).
And also at their behest (because extra money is good or something, I dunno, it was something about capitalism and accepting help when it comes):
Here’s the link to throw in an extra few books if you want (again, no obligation):
Again, don’t feel you have to. Plenty of people have and WOW. Again, just wow! I love you all so very very much.
Sigh… this may very well be the hardest post I’ve ever tried to write for this site. Not necessarily the hardest post I’ll ever try and write for the site (I’ve got something in mind later that might just eclipse this one), but that’s neither here nor there.
Back on topic, the thing is… I don’t really take to charity easily. It’s just the sort of person I am. I overpay my taxes. I’ll ride a catastrophe curve for a few months. I’ll go without eating for a bit. It’s not out of some individualist bullshit about bootstraps and the pulling thereof or some moral opposition to charity, but rather probably a low sense of self-preservation. I don’t like to be a burden and if I can muddle through I will.
And well, there’s that operative word, “if i can“.
Those of you who have followed this blog and have been my loyal readers probably know that this last year has been… shall we say “fun” for the Cerberus household?
There was the transphobic discrimination that not only threw me out of a job I loved and gave me scars that I promise to emotionally process when I have the time (after the Apocalypse looks free), but also completely drained what meager savings I and my partner had due to their slashing of my hours.
There was the disowning from my family members which cost me a source of familial love, emotional support, and Bob damn I feel like a villain for even mentioning this, but a financial safety net when things got uncomfortably tight. And losing that net meant I couldn’t ever again miss a step.
And hey, not to continue the pity party without stop, I’ve done all right. I have multiple jobs and have had them since pretty soon after I lost the big one and they almost pay my side of the bills.
All things being stable, the Cerberus household might not have missed a step. All things being stable, being the operative phrase.
Unfortunately, my partner’s job decided to dick her around. Maybe it had to do with her being an out queer person or being masculine in behavior in a more feminine office environment. Maybe it didn’t. I dunno, not worth speculating.
But the end result was that they bullied her out of a job, delivering a long series of emotional abuse and impossible standards that when met were regarded with “I dunno, you might still fail me in the future, so I’m going to disregard all of your hard work”. And delivering her one last fuck you out the door by promising her a severance package to buy her a few months to find employment and then not actually delivering it or responding to phone calls or emails about it.
So what does that all mean?
I’m broke. And might be homeless or at least out of a way to pay my bills pretty soon.
And I know. I feel like shit about doing this. About… asking for help from readers who just want to see me rip the throat out of some racist nutbar with a Napoleon Complex and a vocabulary rented out on the cheap as a wind-down from the shit going on in their lives. We all have shit that we’re dealing with and I know that I’m not the only one on the edge of financial or emotional collapse. I get that.
But nonetheless I’m here, because you’re what I got. If you can help, great. If you can’t, that’s cool too. I’m just sorry I couldn’t somehow prevent this post from ever being written. I feel like by writing this post I’m breaking some big rule I should have set for myself. But it’s here now.
Remember when this clown tried to build a conspiracy theory about how it was wrong to even try to run a trial for George Zimmerman after he murdered a kid in cold blood. I do.
Oh, birthers. So… you may be forgiven in thinking that the men upstairs would be having some gentle words downwards to op-dray the irther-bay it-shay now that the re-election of Obama has come to pass and it only serves to show the conservatives’ ass end to the world. And you’d be right. They are trying to stopper up the genie they’ve unleashed and running into the fundamental problem of all right-wing conspiracy theories.
They. Never. End. Still, nearly 20 years later, you get nutjobs whingeing about how Clinton used his secret Satanist mind-control powers to force a bunch of holy religious zealots to try and kill all their kids by setting their own treehouse on fire. Or the various crap about LBJ or FDR being secret communists or their being secret communist infiltrations everywhere responsible for everything progressive ever. Hell, some of them have been recycling old conspiracy theories about how women never had the mental capacity to handle voting or anything Progressive from the 20s. And the less said about the “War of Northern Aggression”, the better.
So, of course the nutbars allowed to run free and keep the Anti-christ Hunters all hot and bothered are still adding to their rich tapestry of denied reality where Obama and his time machine is responsible for everything bad in the last 60 years or beyond. Because he’s black and President and Vampire President for Unlife Robert E. Lee wouldn’t agree to that without secret commie Satanist brainwashing and if he we can just make him illegitimate maybe he’ll go away and stop forcing us to accept his existence and therefore the existence of black people in positions of power.
Needless to say, the strain is making them a little… shall we say, more obvious than usual.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
Nuh uh, nope, no way. He’s black therefore couldn’t have been born. I don’t care that his birth certificate is googleable and has been for years. I am a skeptic and therefore I always deny the evidence of my own fucking eyes. And besides everyone is in on it. You saw. He’s hiding how black he was cause how could he have been elected if everyone could see he was black! It’s a fix, I tell you! A FIX!
Which, okay yeah, on the surface of it looks pretty bad. We here at Sadly, No! pride ourselves in bringing back only the freshest mangos (okay, fine, reasonably fresh, like from the last month tops) from our bi or tridaily safaris into the Heart of Darkness. So what gives?
Has the laziness endemic to our profession finally collapsed to the point where we’re quoting things from the Pleistocene era because we cannot even bother to pretend to keep abreast of the continuous stream of diarrhea that the right-wing calls a river (honestly, I’ve been mostly sending robots for the last year at least)?
Well, okay, yes, but I swear this has nothing to do with that.
See, it all began with this tweet by resident National Review shithead Charles C. W. Cooke Esq. (previously highlighted on this site arguing that contraceptives for people with vaginas must be easy to acquire because he could get some free condoms from liberal sex health services the wingnuts were trying to shut down) made yesterday (See? Ha! Within the last century, score one for me):
Why is "gay conversion therapy" so terrible that it must be banned but physical sex-change operations not? Seems a bizarre double-standard.
So, apparently, I owe Jeff from last post a bit of an apology.
See, what I didn’t know at the time of Jeff’s bizarre attempt at playing “gotcha” with a satire news site was that his post was part of the new marching orders that have apparently trickled down the various ranks of Team Fucknuts to respond to Obama’s recent calling out of Vladimir Putin on his supervillain style attempts to criminalize any means for homosexuals to protest their government by basically changing their long standing rants about how Obama is evil for being too close to Putin to how Obama is evil for daring to argue against glorious conservative Putin and why doesn’t he bomb Middle Eastern countries for being homophobic.
Which I guess is the new attempted liberal-baiting justification for war now that “standing up for the rights of women in the Middle East” is universally accepted as the cruel joke it has always been.
So given the focus it’s no surprise that our old muslim-fearing friend Pamela Geller would be itching to-
Wow, guess being the chief inspiration to Norway’s worst single-gunman mass murderer and publicly supporting a UK neo-nazi organization because they promised to hate “pakis” more than her brood has really faded the poor girl’s star.
Can’t say it’s happening to a more deserving waste of human flesh.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
WAH! Obama’s not allowed to criticize the foreign dickweasel we’ve suddenly decided is ours because he hates the fags unless he criticizes these other foreign dickweasels we claim to hate because they hate the fags… I don’t know why the stupid liberals aren’t buying it. Don’t they care about gay rights?
You know who we haven’t looked in on in a while? Our good friend, B. Daniel Blatt, America’s Dumbest Homosexual™.
And well, I really should. When last we left our dear old love letter to self-hating minorities, he seemed to be on the edge. When he wasn’t bitter that a direct expansion of his rights were forcing forcing, I say, him to write some dismissive blather about how inferior it was to his failed attempt to try and write a book. Well, he was trying to start the saddest radio show in the history of man or sending cries for help disguised as vacation updates.
And well, it seems that the strain of being ol Brucey has gotten to the point that he’s mostly retired to the sidelines to let some new failure who goes by the oh-so-not-compensating for things handle of Jeff (ILoveCapitalism) (yeah, that nym handle is by far the largest thing on him).
Which brings up possibly the most important question of all.
Can Jeffy boy suck (as in being terrible, rather than the sexual act, because frankly, if any of these clowns actually did get some it might cure them of their constant unending hatred for all their kin. Though, I wouldn’t wish that fate on any gay, bi, pan, or allsexual man on the planet) as much as the King?
Only one way to find out.
Shorter* (or the last port before Jungle):
I’m going to try and play a bizarre form of gotcha with a comedy website. I’m sure I’ll definitely come out ahead here… Ah, how could I have lost!
Timothy Birdnow’s life seems to entirely consist of making various conspiracy theory graphics and blaming everything in his life on liberals. Clearly there has never been a more potent source of raw machismo on the planet!
Maybe I’m a bad American (yes, indubitably), but there is nothing funnier to me than the desperate macho culture surrounding Rugby with Pads. I mean, I guess, I can almost understand obsessive sports fan cultures in general (I mean for fuck’s sake FC Midtjylland, do you have to alternate every season between nearly winning a championship and nearly getting yourselves relegated, ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK?!? Lucky game scarf carry me through this next season)… You know, just a little.
It’s just the bizarre attempts by complete schlubs who try and pretend that the grueling practice of sitting down on a soft couch and watching some heavily padded professional athletes play a game that would have smaller scorelines than either baseball or association football (boom, I get my cake and I eat it too) if they didn’t artificially inflate the scores is somehow equivalent to hunting down a triceratops and decapitating it with your teeth.
Maybe it’s because my history with sports fandom has mostly circled around European football, which clearly is completely pussy seeing as how gay families and trannies can feel safe in the stands watching it, or, in my youth, baseball, which must be gay because occasionally pitchers are good enough to keep games close.
Or maybe it’s because I’m not an insecure devotee of toxic masculinity so desperate to avoid anything even remotely feminine that I weep in the middle of the night utterly terrified that evil liberals might pussify the one thing one can brag about at the water cooler without actually having to do something so terrifying as leave one’s house (THERE MIGHT BE BROWN PEOPLE OUT THERE!).
And on that note:
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
Liberals are fagging up the ALL-AMERICAN BLOODSPORT of FOOBAAL! by caring about pussy issues like whether the players I claim to love and support can play the game at 100% and don’t have their careers cut short by stupid avoidable injuries that can have life-long debilitating effects. I mean, what’s more important? Whether the players can walk in their old age or remember their children’s names in their thirties? Or whether or not I can still get a hard-on over how much of a man I am for watching grown men bend over each other and then wrestle each other to the ground? I mean, honestly! Also, because my usual stock in trade is bizarre conspiracy theories, this is cornerstone of the liberal enfagification of America.
From the Last Refuge which will remain a source of laughs for some time into the future as long as writing like the following prospers there. I would like to share the first sentences of some recent posts over there:
This post merely outlines the supporting trail of evidence to follow-up on the original post. Due to prior post length this independent update needed for intellectual absorption.
And:
Then again, now that I think about it, the “We are Trayvon” catch phrase probably does attach aptly to most of the group claiming such a descriptive as their commonality.
All right, old people, we need to have a sit down.
Speaking as someone who is regarded, at least by my students, as an ancient fogey, I understand the impulse to try and connect with the younger generations. To try and figure out their cultural touchstones, the media by which they develop their morals, and possibly most importantly, their attitudes about traditionally oppressed cultures. I get it. Often it’s a noble action, intended to prevent the cruel cycle of blame and envy that often gets heaved downward as each previous generation bashes the one after for “ruining America”.
That all said, there are two ways to go about this check-in. There is the correct way, full of genuine curiosity and a willingness to learn and not judge (after all, nearly all of us listened to shit when we were kids) and allow the experience of being pleasantly surprised.
And then there’s the wrong way.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
You know what the kids these days are all into? Nope, not Black Veil Brides*, nor the beginning of 90s nostalgia. Nope! It’s sweaty old pedophiles babbling about how “jiggy” it is to never have consensual sex for the rest of your life and thus stay pure for your rapist pastor! Yup the Catholic Church is where it’s “groovy” to be young.
So as the overlong and bizarrely descriptive title notes, we’ve made some big changes behind the scenes that we’d let you all know about.
The biggest news?
We have moderators now! Yup, Sadly, No! has finally grown up and put on its big boy pants and upgraded some of you to the super-envious position of mucking out our shit so us glorious front-pagers do not have to stain our royal spats whilst we fop around on our gilded carriages.
So yeah, Big Bad Bald Bastard, bbkf, Oregon Beer Snob, and VCarlson have joined us behind the scenes to help take care of business and so far have been doing a fantastic job that we on the writing team are greatly appreciative of. Who knows, later on, we might even fix the blog roll or our contact page or stop running the site on daily sacrifices to Vishnu. The sky’s the limit, baby!
Additionally?
We might try organizing some meatspace reader meetups for those who are interested in it. The conversation in the last thread about a potential future Chicago meetup makes me think a West Coast meetup sometime could be fun.
Beyond that, we on the front page have been using Google+ Hangouts to confer and plot our dread master Soro’s will, so that’s the cheap and free option sometime in the future if people are interested in doing an e-meetup sometime.
Also, we are planning to update some of the other pages of the site so that they include modern additions.
But enough about all that. Let’s jump straight to the wingnuttery!
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
EEEEEEE! Trayvon Martin wasn’t some kid bringing home a drink and some candy for his little brother! He was a black person! I mean DRUGGIE! Doing vile evil drugs like… cough syrup because… if it turned out he used a traditional young-person method of getting drunk on the cheap and without having to show ID despite their being literally zero evidence this ever occurred then it would mean he was a criminal and therefore perfectly legal to shoot… right?
I have found it on occasions, recently, difficult to breath, to peer throught the veil of tears while processing the loss of one of my betters. The fact that I have to attempt this encomium in a public venue, while choking back tears, adds to the adventure.
Doghouse Riley has shuffled off his mortal coil at the age of 59. I am not sure exactly where I saw his first comment, eventually leading me to his blog, but I have read everything the dude wrote there and it was always brilliant. Born in a retrograde state that somehow managed to produce Vonnegut and Riley, I have managed to find a small measure of solace and pride in the place in which I was born as a result.
There is a pantheon of writers online that I aspire to and realize an unlikliness to join. Douglas Case was one of them. His humour, humility, sagacity and singular brilliance will be missed, dearly.
Another scribe has suggested that Twain would be looking over his shoulder had Riley been a contemporary. I cannot disagree.
