10/02/2013
Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Turn Dogs and Fire Hoses on House Republicans:
You know, you can have your World War II vets, egged on by the very asses who shut the government down, storming the barricades with walkers and canes so they can have a gathering at their memorial in DC.
For the Rude Pundit's money, Martin Luther King's statue being blocked off, gated, imprisoned, is the more poignant image, especially with African Americans being put in the position of setting up the metal bars.
What could be more symbolic? White Republicans are blocking a black leader from doing good for the poor in the nation.
What could be more ironic? Even in death, King must be jailed.
We are sailing this stinking ship of state very quickly into uncharted waters. A nation that cannot pay homage to its iconography is a nation that is doomed.
(Note: The Rude Pundit is traveling. More extensive rudeness tomorrow.)
You know, you can have your World War II vets, egged on by the very asses who shut the government down, storming the barricades with walkers and canes so they can have a gathering at their memorial in DC.
For the Rude Pundit's money, Martin Luther King's statue being blocked off, gated, imprisoned, is the more poignant image, especially with African Americans being put in the position of setting up the metal bars.
What could be more symbolic? White Republicans are blocking a black leader from doing good for the poor in the nation.
What could be more ironic? Even in death, King must be jailed.
We are sailing this stinking ship of state very quickly into uncharted waters. A nation that cannot pay homage to its iconography is a nation that is doomed.
(Note: The Rude Pundit is traveling. More extensive rudeness tomorrow.)
10/01/2013
In Brief: Shutdown Polls That Prove We're Really Not That Insane:
Dear World,
Rude Pundit here. We know that right now we here in the USA look pretty fucked-up. And, mostly, we are. Not Greece fucked-up, but still. However, when it comes to the government shutdown over defunding the Affordable Care Act, we really aren't as crazy as you think. Check this out:
According to a Quinnipiac University poll (those of you who don't care what polls say - looking at you, Syria - can move along), 72% of Americans think this is a terrible thing to do. That includes 74% of independents, 90% of Democrats, and even 44% of Republicans. Only 49% of Republicans support their own members of Congress on this.
Yeah, yeah, these are a lot of numbers. Such things matter, though. Because, see, one thing that Republicans in the House of Representatives keep claiming is that they're doing the will of the people in trying to get rid of the Affordable Care Act. If that's true, if the polls matter, then either the GOP needs to back the fuck off or they are a bunch of cowards and liars.
If you know anything about this country, you know it's the latter.
In fact, when it comes to defunding Obamacare (that's the cutesy name Republicans gave the law), only 34% support that.
See? We're not a stupid country when it comes to this. We're a lazy-ass bunch of fuckers because too many people thought that a candidate who scrawls manifestos in his or her own shit is worthy of being in Congress and too many others didn't vote or run for office.
Yeah, sorry, China, we can't just line the anarchists up against a wall and shoot them. We gotta suffer through this, although it's seeming more and more that people are sick of this shit.
Let's hope the message is received by the bizarre combination of zealots, opportunists, and backwards ass country fucks who are controlling the situation before the debt ceiling nightmare that'll plunge all of us into darkness (perhaps, just perhaps). By the way, 64% already oppose that hostage situation.
All is not lost. Until, of course, it's lost.
Kisses,
The Rude Pundit
Dear World,
Rude Pundit here. We know that right now we here in the USA look pretty fucked-up. And, mostly, we are. Not Greece fucked-up, but still. However, when it comes to the government shutdown over defunding the Affordable Care Act, we really aren't as crazy as you think. Check this out:
According to a Quinnipiac University poll (those of you who don't care what polls say - looking at you, Syria - can move along), 72% of Americans think this is a terrible thing to do. That includes 74% of independents, 90% of Democrats, and even 44% of Republicans. Only 49% of Republicans support their own members of Congress on this.
Yeah, yeah, these are a lot of numbers. Such things matter, though. Because, see, one thing that Republicans in the House of Representatives keep claiming is that they're doing the will of the people in trying to get rid of the Affordable Care Act. If that's true, if the polls matter, then either the GOP needs to back the fuck off or they are a bunch of cowards and liars.
If you know anything about this country, you know it's the latter.
In fact, when it comes to defunding Obamacare (that's the cutesy name Republicans gave the law), only 34% support that.
See? We're not a stupid country when it comes to this. We're a lazy-ass bunch of fuckers because too many people thought that a candidate who scrawls manifestos in his or her own shit is worthy of being in Congress and too many others didn't vote or run for office.
Yeah, sorry, China, we can't just line the anarchists up against a wall and shoot them. We gotta suffer through this, although it's seeming more and more that people are sick of this shit.
Let's hope the message is received by the bizarre combination of zealots, opportunists, and backwards ass country fucks who are controlling the situation before the debt ceiling nightmare that'll plunge all of us into darkness (perhaps, just perhaps). By the way, 64% already oppose that hostage situation.
All is not lost. Until, of course, it's lost.
Kisses,
The Rude Pundit
9/30/2013
Random Observations Regarding How Very Fucked We Are in Our Politics Right Now:
1. This is a headline from the right-wing outhouse known as Townhall.com. It is like The Daily Caller or The Blaze, but even stupider. To wit:
The idea that it would be a "surprise" to anyone that the public would mostly blame Republicans for a shutdown demonstrates a level of delusional thinking that you ordinarily see in people who talk to lampposts and shit in alleyways. It also shows that there is a dangerous lack of understanding of history: when Newt Gingrich took his great stand against a budget deal and shut down the government twice, Americans blamed the guy who refused to compromise.
If this is what right-wingers believe, that it's shocking that Americans aren't standing in lockstep with them, we are well and truly fucked beyond fucked.
2. As Greg Sargent and Kevin Drum point out, Republicans seem to have forgotten the actual meaning of the word "compromise." Let's explain this with another playlet, a sequel of sorts to last week's:
Crazy Person: Okay, let's compromise. If you want to borrow my car to go to the store, you don't have to punch yourself in the balls until you vomit. You only have to punch yourself in the balls until you double over in pain.
Sane Person: But I still have to punch myself in the balls. I don't see how that's a compromise.
Crazy Person: I gave a little. See? You used to have to punch until you vomited. Now just until you nearly collapse. So we're agreed, right? You can use my car and get us some food.
Sane Person: But all I get out of the deal is a bit less ball-punching.
Crazy Person: That's right. I compromised. Why won't you agree? You also get to buy some food.
Sane Person: But you'll eat the food, too.
Crazy Person: Exactly. So we both win. See? Compromise.
3. As we travel into the depths of Tea Party depravity, even as Senate Republicans keep trying to convince alleged GOP "moderates" that Ted Cruz is leading the House into an electoral pit of angry sodomy with sharp objects, the lowest of the low responses might be from Marc Thiessen, the torture advocate and Lumpy Space Princess of the Washington Post opinions page. In his latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the inane babblings of a faux insider who would still be picked last for the company softball team"), Thiessen chides House Republicans for threatening a shutdown over Obamacare. Why? Because it's wrong? Because it's harmful to everyone? Because it's unprecedented to try to get a law overturned through this method?
Oh, no. It's because this fight fucks up the next one, the one over the debt ceiling. Yeah, Thiessen says that the House should have kept its powder dry and forced Obama and the Senate to capitulate over raising the debt ceiling: "If Republicans had taken their stand on the debt ceiling instead, there would be no weeks of bad news coverage — because the Democrats would be capitulating instead of celebrating."
In other words, this fight isn't bugfuck insane enough for Thiessen. If crashing the economy isn't on the table, it's all a waste of time.
4. Gotta say: we're kind of in uncharted territory here for the next couple of weeks. It's kind of scary. In another age, this would be civil war-igniting shit (although, luckily, Americans are too fat and lazy to bother fighting anywhere but on anonymous comment threads). Barack Obama has been holding the line so far, but, if necessary, he needs to take it further, perhaps to that 14th Amendment solution he has adamantly opposed using. Listen to Bill Clinton, who said he would do it "without hesitation and force the courts to stop me."
Obama needs to push the right-wing radicals over the edge, to get them to completely lose their shit so their flesh dissolves and they can be revealed for the monsters they actually are.
1. This is a headline from the right-wing outhouse known as Townhall.com. It is like The Daily Caller or The Blaze, but even stupider. To wit:
The idea that it would be a "surprise" to anyone that the public would mostly blame Republicans for a shutdown demonstrates a level of delusional thinking that you ordinarily see in people who talk to lampposts and shit in alleyways. It also shows that there is a dangerous lack of understanding of history: when Newt Gingrich took his great stand against a budget deal and shut down the government twice, Americans blamed the guy who refused to compromise.
If this is what right-wingers believe, that it's shocking that Americans aren't standing in lockstep with them, we are well and truly fucked beyond fucked.
2. As Greg Sargent and Kevin Drum point out, Republicans seem to have forgotten the actual meaning of the word "compromise." Let's explain this with another playlet, a sequel of sorts to last week's:
Crazy Person: Okay, let's compromise. If you want to borrow my car to go to the store, you don't have to punch yourself in the balls until you vomit. You only have to punch yourself in the balls until you double over in pain.
Sane Person: But I still have to punch myself in the balls. I don't see how that's a compromise.
Crazy Person: I gave a little. See? You used to have to punch until you vomited. Now just until you nearly collapse. So we're agreed, right? You can use my car and get us some food.
Sane Person: But all I get out of the deal is a bit less ball-punching.
Crazy Person: That's right. I compromised. Why won't you agree? You also get to buy some food.
Sane Person: But you'll eat the food, too.
Crazy Person: Exactly. So we both win. See? Compromise.
3. As we travel into the depths of Tea Party depravity, even as Senate Republicans keep trying to convince alleged GOP "moderates" that Ted Cruz is leading the House into an electoral pit of angry sodomy with sharp objects, the lowest of the low responses might be from Marc Thiessen, the torture advocate and Lumpy Space Princess of the Washington Post opinions page. In his latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the inane babblings of a faux insider who would still be picked last for the company softball team"), Thiessen chides House Republicans for threatening a shutdown over Obamacare. Why? Because it's wrong? Because it's harmful to everyone? Because it's unprecedented to try to get a law overturned through this method?
Oh, no. It's because this fight fucks up the next one, the one over the debt ceiling. Yeah, Thiessen says that the House should have kept its powder dry and forced Obama and the Senate to capitulate over raising the debt ceiling: "If Republicans had taken their stand on the debt ceiling instead, there would be no weeks of bad news coverage — because the Democrats would be capitulating instead of celebrating."
In other words, this fight isn't bugfuck insane enough for Thiessen. If crashing the economy isn't on the table, it's all a waste of time.
4. Gotta say: we're kind of in uncharted territory here for the next couple of weeks. It's kind of scary. In another age, this would be civil war-igniting shit (although, luckily, Americans are too fat and lazy to bother fighting anywhere but on anonymous comment threads). Barack Obama has been holding the line so far, but, if necessary, he needs to take it further, perhaps to that 14th Amendment solution he has adamantly opposed using. Listen to Bill Clinton, who said he would do it "without hesitation and force the courts to stop me."
Obama needs to push the right-wing radicals over the edge, to get them to completely lose their shit so their flesh dissolves and they can be revealed for the monsters they actually are.
9/29/2013
Today Is the 10th Blogiversary of The Rude Pundit: Giving Himself the Gift of Naval-Gazing Self-Indulgence:
Ten years ago this very day, almost to the minute, the Rude Pundit started this here blog thing. It was a heady time, 2003, before YouTube, before iPhones, before Huffington Post, before An Inconvenient Truth, before the Tea Party, before most of us knew who Barack Obama was. It wasn't a more innocent time, oh, no, and, indeed, we wondered if things could get any more insane than watching the nation happily march into war while we Cassandras who waved our arms and said it was based on lies were just ignored. We had just an inkling that the country might actually enter a murder-suicide pact, not realizing that the tipping point would be electing a black man president, that the racists and fascists would align to put that gun to America's head and say, "Kneel or die."
Honestly, the Rude Pundit had hoped he would end this thing before now. He thought that, perhaps, maybe, some sanity would prevail when the Bush administration was gone, that we would realize what we had done to the nation and want to work together to heal, like some goddamned happy ending in a shitty movie that you watch on a hungover Sunday, too tired to change the channel, caught up in the sentiment despite your better judgment. The Rude Pundit would have happily receded into the miasma of the internet swamp if he thought he was leaving a better place behind.
But there are bastards to be defeated. And if the Rude Pundit contributes, even in a small way, to giving people the vocabulary and metaphors to call out the motherfuckers for fucking our mothers, then the great work continues. As will the sodomy jokes.
So he's thrown himself this fundraiser, a bit of a paycheck for a new computer and some whiskey, the good stuff, shit that doesn't fit into the regular household expenses. He thanks everyone who has contributed and everyone who thought they'd like to contribute but couldn't fit it into their budgets in this savage time in which we find ourselves. After today, unmolested scout's honor, no hustling for cash from you for a while.
If you want to throw some money away on a semi-worthy cause, click the button down there or on the side:
He thanks everyone who bought The Rude Pundit's Almanack (still available, still relevant), who bought the CD (still available for digital download, a bit dated), and came to the shows. He thanks Stephanie Miller and her crew for the weekly radio orgy sessions. He thanks regular and irregular readers. And, if you're someone who glances at the blog and thinks, "Fuck that guy," well, he thanks you, too. Your intolerance and ignorance has given him plenty to write about over the years.
The Rude Pundit doesn't know if he's got another ten years in him. But he's here now, fighting the good fight with bad words.
Ten years ago this very day, almost to the minute, the Rude Pundit started this here blog thing. It was a heady time, 2003, before YouTube, before iPhones, before Huffington Post, before An Inconvenient Truth, before the Tea Party, before most of us knew who Barack Obama was. It wasn't a more innocent time, oh, no, and, indeed, we wondered if things could get any more insane than watching the nation happily march into war while we Cassandras who waved our arms and said it was based on lies were just ignored. We had just an inkling that the country might actually enter a murder-suicide pact, not realizing that the tipping point would be electing a black man president, that the racists and fascists would align to put that gun to America's head and say, "Kneel or die."
Honestly, the Rude Pundit had hoped he would end this thing before now. He thought that, perhaps, maybe, some sanity would prevail when the Bush administration was gone, that we would realize what we had done to the nation and want to work together to heal, like some goddamned happy ending in a shitty movie that you watch on a hungover Sunday, too tired to change the channel, caught up in the sentiment despite your better judgment. The Rude Pundit would have happily receded into the miasma of the internet swamp if he thought he was leaving a better place behind.
But there are bastards to be defeated. And if the Rude Pundit contributes, even in a small way, to giving people the vocabulary and metaphors to call out the motherfuckers for fucking our mothers, then the great work continues. As will the sodomy jokes.
So he's thrown himself this fundraiser, a bit of a paycheck for a new computer and some whiskey, the good stuff, shit that doesn't fit into the regular household expenses. He thanks everyone who has contributed and everyone who thought they'd like to contribute but couldn't fit it into their budgets in this savage time in which we find ourselves. After today, unmolested scout's honor, no hustling for cash from you for a while.
If you want to throw some money away on a semi-worthy cause, click the button down there or on the side:
He thanks everyone who bought The Rude Pundit's Almanack (still available, still relevant), who bought the CD (still available for digital download, a bit dated), and came to the shows. He thanks Stephanie Miller and her crew for the weekly radio orgy sessions. He thanks regular and irregular readers. And, if you're someone who glances at the blog and thinks, "Fuck that guy," well, he thanks you, too. Your intolerance and ignorance has given him plenty to write about over the years.
The Rude Pundit doesn't know if he's got another ten years in him. But he's here now, fighting the good fight with bad words.
9/27/2013
John Boehner Will Not Compromise, But You Must Compromise:
Here's the entire strange, ominous, and enraging place we find ourselves in our politics right now, boiled down to a simple conversation, a playlet, if you will:
Sane Person: We need food. Can I use your car to go to the store?
Crazy Person: We do need food. However, you can use my car only if you punch yourself in the balls until you vomit.
Sane Person: That's ridiculous. One thing has nothing to do with the other. How would that accomplish anything?
Crazy Person: It's what I want.
Sane Person: Well, I guess we'll just starve.
Crazy Person: Yes, but remember that if we starve, it will be your fault because you didn't punch yourself in the balls until you vomit.
Aaand...scene.
Yesterday, House Speaker John Boehner said of the coming battle over raising the debt ceiling, "Now the president says, 'I'm not going to negotiate.' Well, I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way." The House Republicans had just released a conservative wet dream about the stuff that Obama needs to agree to or the debt ceiling won't be raised. It's an odd strategy, considering that not hiking the debt ceiling will fuck up things for everyone, not just Democrats.
That list of shit what'll pleasure teabaggers? If you thought the GOP was filled with motherfuckers before, now it's just a bunch of motherfelchers. They want it all: like approving the Keystone XL pipeline, tax "reform" a la Paul Ryan, gutting every regulation on everything, delay that Affordable Care Act, stripping the president of the power to make rules on...you know what? It's the whole thing. In other words, it's calling on Obama to surrender his presidency to the Tea Party (pretty close to the kind of ante-upping that a certain blog-based pundit predicted a mere week ago).
So Obama has proclaimed he will not negotiate on any debt ceiling deal. He said, "This is not a time for compromise, and I can tell you that we will not compromise on our principles."
Oh, wait. That quote wasn't from President Obama. No, that was from House Speaker John Boehner, vowing to never negotiate on repealing Obamacare back in October 2010. Apparently, it does work that way when Boehner says so.
Barack Obama has compromised and compromised on every piece of legislation, on every appointment, on everything. And all it has gotten him is to a point where his opponents think he will fold again. At some point, he's gotta look in the mirror and say, "I don't have to win any reelections. Time to let Republicans hang themselves and laugh while they twist in the wind."
Here's the entire strange, ominous, and enraging place we find ourselves in our politics right now, boiled down to a simple conversation, a playlet, if you will:
Sane Person: We need food. Can I use your car to go to the store?
Crazy Person: We do need food. However, you can use my car only if you punch yourself in the balls until you vomit.
Sane Person: That's ridiculous. One thing has nothing to do with the other. How would that accomplish anything?
Crazy Person: It's what I want.
Sane Person: Well, I guess we'll just starve.
Crazy Person: Yes, but remember that if we starve, it will be your fault because you didn't punch yourself in the balls until you vomit.
Aaand...scene.
Yesterday, House Speaker John Boehner said of the coming battle over raising the debt ceiling, "Now the president says, 'I'm not going to negotiate.' Well, I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way." The House Republicans had just released a conservative wet dream about the stuff that Obama needs to agree to or the debt ceiling won't be raised. It's an odd strategy, considering that not hiking the debt ceiling will fuck up things for everyone, not just Democrats.
That list of shit what'll pleasure teabaggers? If you thought the GOP was filled with motherfuckers before, now it's just a bunch of motherfelchers. They want it all: like approving the Keystone XL pipeline, tax "reform" a la Paul Ryan, gutting every regulation on everything, delay that Affordable Care Act, stripping the president of the power to make rules on...you know what? It's the whole thing. In other words, it's calling on Obama to surrender his presidency to the Tea Party (pretty close to the kind of ante-upping that a certain blog-based pundit predicted a mere week ago).
So Obama has proclaimed he will not negotiate on any debt ceiling deal. He said, "This is not a time for compromise, and I can tell you that we will not compromise on our principles."
Oh, wait. That quote wasn't from President Obama. No, that was from House Speaker John Boehner, vowing to never negotiate on repealing Obamacare back in October 2010. Apparently, it does work that way when Boehner says so.
Barack Obama has compromised and compromised on every piece of legislation, on every appointment, on everything. And all it has gotten him is to a point where his opponents think he will fold again. At some point, he's gotta look in the mirror and say, "I don't have to win any reelections. Time to let Republicans hang themselves and laugh while they twist in the wind."
9/26/2013
10th Anniversary Hobo Hat Fundraiser Continues:
Yes, the Rude Pundit has been hacking away at the conservative weeds for a full decade. And so he's put out the bowler hat to collect enough money from readers to buy a new laptop and some excellent whiskey. So far, the response has been fuckin' amazing, from $1 to $250, dozens and dozens of awesome rudesters have tossed in some coins into the saxophone case on the sidewalk to make him play even sweeter. If you wanna show some love, just click the shit out this button:
The kingdom of the rude is not limited to bloggery. There's, of course, the Twitter, the Facebook page (where people argue, kvetch, and sometimes love), and, yeah, even YouTube, which started with this simple video about a certain columnist.
Yes, it's been a great ride so far.
Oh, and he's answering questions from readers this week, like Dan, who asks, "WTF? Am I right?" Yes, Dan, you are right. WTF indeed.
Yes, the Rude Pundit has been hacking away at the conservative weeds for a full decade. And so he's put out the bowler hat to collect enough money from readers to buy a new laptop and some excellent whiskey. So far, the response has been fuckin' amazing, from $1 to $250, dozens and dozens of awesome rudesters have tossed in some coins into the saxophone case on the sidewalk to make him play even sweeter. If you wanna show some love, just click the shit out this button:
The kingdom of the rude is not limited to bloggery. There's, of course, the Twitter, the Facebook page (where people argue, kvetch, and sometimes love), and, yeah, even YouTube, which started with this simple video about a certain columnist.
Yes, it's been a great ride so far.
Oh, and he's answering questions from readers this week, like Dan, who asks, "WTF? Am I right?" Yes, Dan, you are right. WTF indeed.
Family Research Council: Pray for the Death of the Affordable Care Act:
Oh, shit, Obamacare lovers. You're fucked beyond fucked now because you've got a powerful enemy. According to the evangelical Christian Family Research Council (motto: "Remember: It's okay for laws to be based on religion as long as it's ours"), God hisself is agin' it, which must mean God, Jr. (or, you know, Jesus) ain't too happy about providing health care for the needy, which you might think is completely the opposite of what the "Bible" says, but that's because you're reading it with your thinking brain and your beating heart and not with your ass, heathen bitches.
How does the Rude Pundit know what the Lord wants? Well, that's because for the better part of the last ten years, he's been a member of the FRC's Super-Duper Prayer Team, a Justice League for people who look terrible in tights and who fight crimes not by confronting them directly but by asking an Invisible Sky Wizard to beat up the bullies for them. Every week, the Rude Pundit receives, through the magic of the email, his autoerotic prayphyxiation orders, listing things for which he needs to get on his knees and work that holy crank until Jesus blows his holy load all over the nation, nay, the world. Usually it has to do with the gays and the abortions, but this week, oh, praise him, we have been called to pray away the Obamacare.
Why is making health insurance affordable for millions of people, along with allowing people under 26 to stay on their parents' insurance and not discriminating because of pre-existing conditions, against God's will? Well, "Progressive activists have long taught socialized medicine is the first major step toward their goal to transform America into a socialist state." Oh, and "Add to all this abortion and the violation of religious conscience!" Yeah, 'cause obviously giving help to the helpless and comfort to the poor are clear violations of every religious belief of the Family Research Council.
Besides, the FRC's got facts that would be correct if they weren't totally wrong. For instance, "The IRS suggests that the average annual cost for a family of five in 2016 will be $20,000." That's expensive and shit-yourself scary-sounding, even if it's a total lie. Lies aren't evil if they're spoken to do God's will, motherfuckers, like all those fake family planning "clinics."
So we gots to, gots to, gots to pray: "Help Lord! Give the American people the knowledge, inspiration and determination to urge the demise of Obamacare." God's gotta inspire people to use their smart phones for more than sinfully crushing helpless candy: "May Americans make the Senate phone lines ring off-the-hook from now until Obamacare is defunded. Please change the hearts and minds of those who are intimidated, afraid to take a stand for what is right or who are simply deceived. May they fear God and not man!"
In case you don't take the FRC's word for it, Bible verses are helpfully provided to back up your prayers. Like Hosea 4:6, where God puts down some whoop-ass: "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Fuck, yeah, atheist bitches. Get some knowledge. What's the rest? "Because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children."
Whoa, wait, that last part there seems to say that the religious leaders are the ones leading the people astray. What's it say further down, at 4:8? "They eat up the sin of my people, and they set their heart on their iniquity." This member of the SDPT is confused. He doesn't want to listen to these sin-eating frauds. He doesn't want his heart set on iniquity. He's not even sure what that means. Whatever can he pray for?
In his timewaster of a speech yesterday (and, shit, Tuesday), blithering cockknob Ted Cruz offered, "We have talk radio. God bless talk radio."
Oh, right.
Oh, shit, Obamacare lovers. You're fucked beyond fucked now because you've got a powerful enemy. According to the evangelical Christian Family Research Council (motto: "Remember: It's okay for laws to be based on religion as long as it's ours"), God hisself is agin' it, which must mean God, Jr. (or, you know, Jesus) ain't too happy about providing health care for the needy, which you might think is completely the opposite of what the "Bible" says, but that's because you're reading it with your thinking brain and your beating heart and not with your ass, heathen bitches.
How does the Rude Pundit know what the Lord wants? Well, that's because for the better part of the last ten years, he's been a member of the FRC's Super-Duper Prayer Team, a Justice League for people who look terrible in tights and who fight crimes not by confronting them directly but by asking an Invisible Sky Wizard to beat up the bullies for them. Every week, the Rude Pundit receives, through the magic of the email, his autoerotic prayphyxiation orders, listing things for which he needs to get on his knees and work that holy crank until Jesus blows his holy load all over the nation, nay, the world. Usually it has to do with the gays and the abortions, but this week, oh, praise him, we have been called to pray away the Obamacare.
Why is making health insurance affordable for millions of people, along with allowing people under 26 to stay on their parents' insurance and not discriminating because of pre-existing conditions, against God's will? Well, "Progressive activists have long taught socialized medicine is the first major step toward their goal to transform America into a socialist state." Oh, and "Add to all this abortion and the violation of religious conscience!" Yeah, 'cause obviously giving help to the helpless and comfort to the poor are clear violations of every religious belief of the Family Research Council.
Besides, the FRC's got facts that would be correct if they weren't totally wrong. For instance, "The IRS suggests that the average annual cost for a family of five in 2016 will be $20,000." That's expensive and shit-yourself scary-sounding, even if it's a total lie. Lies aren't evil if they're spoken to do God's will, motherfuckers, like all those fake family planning "clinics."
So we gots to, gots to, gots to pray: "Help Lord! Give the American people the knowledge, inspiration and determination to urge the demise of Obamacare." God's gotta inspire people to use their smart phones for more than sinfully crushing helpless candy: "May Americans make the Senate phone lines ring off-the-hook from now until Obamacare is defunded. Please change the hearts and minds of those who are intimidated, afraid to take a stand for what is right or who are simply deceived. May they fear God and not man!"
In case you don't take the FRC's word for it, Bible verses are helpfully provided to back up your prayers. Like Hosea 4:6, where God puts down some whoop-ass: "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Fuck, yeah, atheist bitches. Get some knowledge. What's the rest? "Because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children."
Whoa, wait, that last part there seems to say that the religious leaders are the ones leading the people astray. What's it say further down, at 4:8? "They eat up the sin of my people, and they set their heart on their iniquity." This member of the SDPT is confused. He doesn't want to listen to these sin-eating frauds. He doesn't want his heart set on iniquity. He's not even sure what that means. Whatever can he pray for?
In his timewaster of a speech yesterday (and, shit, Tuesday), blithering cockknob Ted Cruz offered, "We have talk radio. God bless talk radio."
Oh, right.
9/25/2013
10th Anniversary Collection Plate Still Being Passed (and More Questions Answered):
Yup, this week marks 10 years of this here blog, The Rude Pundit. It's almost entirely a solo operation, but, as we trip down memory lane, let's remember the weeks of guest writers, like in 2006, when a group of female bloggers took over the joint (including a couple who are now writing for big-time things like The Guardian and Slate). This was followed by weeks of African-American bloggers, LGBT bloggers, New Orleans bloggers, and bloggers with disabilities. This is not to mention theme weeks from writers getting rude about the workplace and about abortion rights. The Rude Pundit is truly grateful for them all (and especially for Pam Spaulding, who was featured several times because she contains multitudes - much love, Pam).
Mostly, though, it was and is just a one-rude-man show. And so he's putting out the collection plate, like a church full of buskers, angling for the funding for a new laptop and some quality booze, looking to make a little scratch for all the years of free, free rudeness. You can join the dozens of people (damn, thanks) who have already donated and show your love and affection at the PayPal:
And he's answering your questions (which require no donation to ask - he's not a total dick). Like this one from Chris in, well, shit, Illinois, same state as yesterday: "Your site came to life just before the much-missed mediawhoresonline.com site ceased postings. Did you ever have any contact with the mysterious creator(s) of MWO?"
The Rude Pundit was well aware of and also much misses Media Whores Online, one of the earliest incarnations of blogging impoliteness. While he had no affiliation with the writers of MWO, they were definitely an influence on getting into this crazy-ass game of online masturbation for the joy of millions. Other early blogs that piqued the Rude Pundit's interest and drew him like a siren to the interwebs were Billmon's The Whiskey Bar, the great absurdist Fafblog, The Daily Howler, and Atrios's Eschaton, which started a year or so before the Rude Pundit. He blames them all.
There's a history here, people. And the Rude Pundit is goddamn proud to be a part of it.
(Note: This was bumped up from earlier. Scroll down to read mean things about Ted Cruz.)
Yup, this week marks 10 years of this here blog, The Rude Pundit. It's almost entirely a solo operation, but, as we trip down memory lane, let's remember the weeks of guest writers, like in 2006, when a group of female bloggers took over the joint (including a couple who are now writing for big-time things like The Guardian and Slate). This was followed by weeks of African-American bloggers, LGBT bloggers, New Orleans bloggers, and bloggers with disabilities. This is not to mention theme weeks from writers getting rude about the workplace and about abortion rights. The Rude Pundit is truly grateful for them all (and especially for Pam Spaulding, who was featured several times because she contains multitudes - much love, Pam).
Mostly, though, it was and is just a one-rude-man show. And so he's putting out the collection plate, like a church full of buskers, angling for the funding for a new laptop and some quality booze, looking to make a little scratch for all the years of free, free rudeness. You can join the dozens of people (damn, thanks) who have already donated and show your love and affection at the PayPal:
And he's answering your questions (which require no donation to ask - he's not a total dick). Like this one from Chris in, well, shit, Illinois, same state as yesterday: "Your site came to life just before the much-missed mediawhoresonline.com site ceased postings. Did you ever have any contact with the mysterious creator(s) of MWO?"
The Rude Pundit was well aware of and also much misses Media Whores Online, one of the earliest incarnations of blogging impoliteness. While he had no affiliation with the writers of MWO, they were definitely an influence on getting into this crazy-ass game of online masturbation for the joy of millions. Other early blogs that piqued the Rude Pundit's interest and drew him like a siren to the interwebs were Billmon's The Whiskey Bar, the great absurdist Fafblog, The Daily Howler, and Atrios's Eschaton, which started a year or so before the Rude Pundit. He blames them all.
There's a history here, people. And the Rude Pundit is goddamn proud to be a part of it.
(Note: This was bumped up from earlier. Scroll down to read mean things about Ted Cruz.)
The Huckster Filibuster:
So the latest Republican huckster, Republican Senator Ted Cruz from Texas (motto: "Believe us, many of us here are really, really sorry that Ted Cruz is in the Senate"), who is essentially Sarah Palin with a dick and some Ivy League sheepskin, took to the floor of his workplace and yammered on for 21 hours about how terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad Obamacare is going to eat your children's souls before performing analingus on your wife. He received an occasional assist from desperate-to-be-relevant-again Marco Rubio, Floyd-the-barber-voiced Jeff Sessions, and the corpse of James Inhofe, among others. But it was the Ted Show (or, ha, ha, "Ted Talk"), a chance for Cruz to drop his pants and jack it in front of the fat faces of his slack-jawed teabagging worshippers so they could fight to the death to get a chance to gobble his righteous ejaculate. Rand Paul wept.
It wasn't a filibuster, oh, no, despite what some have said. A filibuster disrupts things. A filibuster causes bills to fail, like Wendy Davis's in, hey, look, Texas, even temporarily. No, Young Ted Cruz got his permission slip signed by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who allowed him to make his mighty stand of mighty nothingness. Why? Either so Reid wouldn't have to listen to Cruz whine about being silenced or because Reid is a sadistic motherfucker who wanted to put Cruz through his paces.
And what a speech it was. You've heard, perhaps, about his reading Green Eggs and Ham to put his kids to sleep (no worries about that). Or perhaps his Star Wars and Ashton Kutcher references (not in the same breath). But that's the blatantly crazy shit. There was so very much more that was actually on-topic that sank like rhetorical turds in a toilet of Cruz's own making.
Here he is positing what TV pundits would have said about the American Revolution: "I guarantee that all of the pundits we see going on TV and intoning in deep baritone voices: This cannot be done–if we were back in the 18th century, they would be writing messages in dark ink and sending it by carrier pigeon, saying: This cannot be done. You can’t stand up to the British Army. It can’t be done. It is impossible. Accept your subjugation. Accept your taxation without representation. Accept that this is impossible."
You know, the Rude Pundit just got his degrees from public universities, but he's pretty sure that political pundits and analysts have been around since, oh, some dude first told everyone in the cave that Ug-Ug's monetary plan of rocks and twigs was not going be enough to stimulate the Neanderthal economy. There were newspapers in the 1770s. They didn't have to use pigeons. They did have editorials. And some of them were pro-revolution and some of them were royalist.
And Cruz is proud of his friendship with Representative Louis Gohmert of Texas (district motto: "Suck on our Gohmert, Umerka"): "Congressman Gohmert is a very close friend of mine. We have been together on a lot of things. I was visiting with him. He is in the Chamber right now and would like to share some of the things that are happening in his district, which is eastern Texas." Yes, the people of Rape a Raccoon, Texas are so fucking wise that they sent Louis Gohmert to DC.
The peak of Cruz's construction of Horseshit Hill was not that he didn't even come close to his pledge to speak until he could no longer stand up. No, it was his constant drum-beating that "the people" are against the Affordable Care Act. As far as Cruz is concerned, unheeded millions are crying out to him: "I want to stand and fight for the more than 1.6 million Americans who signed a national petition against ObamaCare and to the millions more who did not because they were told by a politician it is not possible–don’t even try to fight because it is not possible."
So Senator Ted Cruz wants to change the law of the land because he believes a majority of people want it changed? And where was he when polls showed that 90% of people, including a vast majority of Republicans and gun owners, wanted expanded background checks on gun purchases? Was he trying to get his fellow Republicans in the Senate to go along? Was he telling Louis Gohmert to pause while sodomizing a donkey in order to vote for such a bill?
Nope. Motherfucker was attempting to filibuster it. When Sean Hannity asked Cruz about it on Fox "news," Cruz didn't say, "Obviously, few issues have unified the country as much as universal background checks, so obviously I will be for it." No, instead he was dick: " I think it's wrong that politicians try to take advantage of their [the families of Newtown's victims'] suffering not to actually fix the problem, but instead to push the same anti-gun agenda they had before this tragedy." Or, in other words, fuck what everyone wants.
Apparently, it doesn't matter that the Affordable Care Act was debated and passed by the House and Senate. It doesn't matter that Republicans couldn't defeat Barack Obama in 2012 despite so many people being so very against the care that bears his name. It doesn't matter that the ACA was almost entirely upheld by the Supreme Court. No, what matters is what Young Ted Cruz wants. Now it's his push to deny people access to health insurance, desperately trying to stop the achievement that will render his party and his beliefs irrelevant.
Within a couple of hours of Cruz finishing his wanking, the Senate voted to go ahead with discussion of the continuing resolution the House sent over, as if Cruz hadn't sucked in a breath.
So the latest Republican huckster, Republican Senator Ted Cruz from Texas (motto: "Believe us, many of us here are really, really sorry that Ted Cruz is in the Senate"), who is essentially Sarah Palin with a dick and some Ivy League sheepskin, took to the floor of his workplace and yammered on for 21 hours about how terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad Obamacare is going to eat your children's souls before performing analingus on your wife. He received an occasional assist from desperate-to-be-relevant-again Marco Rubio, Floyd-the-barber-voiced Jeff Sessions, and the corpse of James Inhofe, among others. But it was the Ted Show (or, ha, ha, "Ted Talk"), a chance for Cruz to drop his pants and jack it in front of the fat faces of his slack-jawed teabagging worshippers so they could fight to the death to get a chance to gobble his righteous ejaculate. Rand Paul wept.
It wasn't a filibuster, oh, no, despite what some have said. A filibuster disrupts things. A filibuster causes bills to fail, like Wendy Davis's in, hey, look, Texas, even temporarily. No, Young Ted Cruz got his permission slip signed by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who allowed him to make his mighty stand of mighty nothingness. Why? Either so Reid wouldn't have to listen to Cruz whine about being silenced or because Reid is a sadistic motherfucker who wanted to put Cruz through his paces.
And what a speech it was. You've heard, perhaps, about his reading Green Eggs and Ham to put his kids to sleep (no worries about that). Or perhaps his Star Wars and Ashton Kutcher references (not in the same breath). But that's the blatantly crazy shit. There was so very much more that was actually on-topic that sank like rhetorical turds in a toilet of Cruz's own making.
Here he is positing what TV pundits would have said about the American Revolution: "I guarantee that all of the pundits we see going on TV and intoning in deep baritone voices: This cannot be done–if we were back in the 18th century, they would be writing messages in dark ink and sending it by carrier pigeon, saying: This cannot be done. You can’t stand up to the British Army. It can’t be done. It is impossible. Accept your subjugation. Accept your taxation without representation. Accept that this is impossible."
You know, the Rude Pundit just got his degrees from public universities, but he's pretty sure that political pundits and analysts have been around since, oh, some dude first told everyone in the cave that Ug-Ug's monetary plan of rocks and twigs was not going be enough to stimulate the Neanderthal economy. There were newspapers in the 1770s. They didn't have to use pigeons. They did have editorials. And some of them were pro-revolution and some of them were royalist.
And Cruz is proud of his friendship with Representative Louis Gohmert of Texas (district motto: "Suck on our Gohmert, Umerka"): "Congressman Gohmert is a very close friend of mine. We have been together on a lot of things. I was visiting with him. He is in the Chamber right now and would like to share some of the things that are happening in his district, which is eastern Texas." Yes, the people of Rape a Raccoon, Texas are so fucking wise that they sent Louis Gohmert to DC.
The peak of Cruz's construction of Horseshit Hill was not that he didn't even come close to his pledge to speak until he could no longer stand up. No, it was his constant drum-beating that "the people" are against the Affordable Care Act. As far as Cruz is concerned, unheeded millions are crying out to him: "I want to stand and fight for the more than 1.6 million Americans who signed a national petition against ObamaCare and to the millions more who did not because they were told by a politician it is not possible–don’t even try to fight because it is not possible."
So Senator Ted Cruz wants to change the law of the land because he believes a majority of people want it changed? And where was he when polls showed that 90% of people, including a vast majority of Republicans and gun owners, wanted expanded background checks on gun purchases? Was he trying to get his fellow Republicans in the Senate to go along? Was he telling Louis Gohmert to pause while sodomizing a donkey in order to vote for such a bill?
Nope. Motherfucker was attempting to filibuster it. When Sean Hannity asked Cruz about it on Fox "news," Cruz didn't say, "Obviously, few issues have unified the country as much as universal background checks, so obviously I will be for it." No, instead he was dick: " I think it's wrong that politicians try to take advantage of their [the families of Newtown's victims'] suffering not to actually fix the problem, but instead to push the same anti-gun agenda they had before this tragedy." Or, in other words, fuck what everyone wants.
Apparently, it doesn't matter that the Affordable Care Act was debated and passed by the House and Senate. It doesn't matter that Republicans couldn't defeat Barack Obama in 2012 despite so many people being so very against the care that bears his name. It doesn't matter that the ACA was almost entirely upheld by the Supreme Court. No, what matters is what Young Ted Cruz wants. Now it's his push to deny people access to health insurance, desperately trying to stop the achievement that will render his party and his beliefs irrelevant.
Within a couple of hours of Cruz finishing his wanking, the Senate voted to go ahead with discussion of the continuing resolution the House sent over, as if Cruz hadn't sucked in a breath.
