After getting all the extra bad news about my cat Crispy last Monday, I figured I still had a few weeks to be with him. Unfortunately, that will not be the case. He’s deteriorating so rapidly, the tumor, deafness (which is probably another tumor in the brain), kidney, and now he can barely speak, stand-up, etc. I suppose there’s some comfort that it is happening quickly — in the space of a couple of weeks. Still, I had hoped for a few more but, tomorrow I must restore his dignity and memory by taking him to his last visit to the Vet.
My first cat, Jasper, had the terrible slow death of full-blown kidney disease. I had him put to sleep at 10-years-old. He was magnificent with other cats and (along with me) was a volunteer at the local animal refuge in N.J. He befriended dozens of cats: That was his job; can a cat (up for adoption) get along with other cats. He was the final arbiter.
Rainbow, my second cat — God bless her, she was the ultimate ‘Daddy’s Girl’ fuss-over-me cat — lived to be 20 1/2-years-old with no health problems until quite suddenly, in the last couple days, it was like: Okay, I’ve lived my life and now it’s time to go. All of her systems shut down in one day. Quick. Painful for me but not for her.
I lost Samantha a couple of months ago. A dear sweet friend who never ever complained, did anything wrong, and became Crispy’s best friend. She was badly ‘mutated’ in many ways, including the arrangement of her internal organs. But, she was the silent, not demonstrably loving cat (but she was in her own subtle ways) and was - although silent (she only uttered a small sound about once every half-year) a part of the household and the playmate of Crispy.
Crispy, my best friend, had a bad kidney but not THAT bad — it was exaggerated by his thyroid disease (he had one of the two removed last Winter) and was still active and healthy until a month or so ago. But, not now.
In the space of a couple weeks, he has lost everything. Tomorrow, I will lose all of that everything that he represented. Do pet owners have favorites? Well, yes. God made Crispy just a little-bit extra special. Giving him up at 16-years-old might not seem like such a tragedy to you since that is way above the average life-span of a domesticated cat. But, it is to me. He was the most alive, playful, outrageously obnoxious (in a good way) cat that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, interacting with, sharing a home with.
Posting and email response will be light for a few days while I try to get over this. Burying two cat friends in two months is brutal. Meanwhile, Gracie — the youngster — will get what she has probably always wanted: My full attentions. . . .
Tomorrow, after the horrible deed is done, I will be a basket case for several days.
I do know this, though: If there is a God, and somehow he allows me into heaven, I will demand that Jasper, Rainbow, Samantha, Kimo (the outdoor stray I fed for so-many-years) and Crispy (and eventually; Gracie) must be there and existing with me. If not, then “Heaven” is no heaven and I don’t want to be there. I want my best friends, my soul mates - my cats - with me in Heaven or else it will be Hell and just put me back in the dirt on Earth.