Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Wed May 09, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Photoshop this overcast outlook (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(14)
		Cool: Guy hand-forges his own wedding ring. Fark: Out of a meteorite (io9.com)	(51)
		Which way are you goin'? (fark.com)	(136)
		The Harley-Davidson that Bobby Petrino wrecked his marriage, his face, and his girlfriend's engagement on, is up for auction. It is valued at $16,000 but sustained $18,000 worth of damage (al.com)	(13)
		Good: The crack in Amy Pond's wall is gone. Bad: It's now The Nexus. Fark: It's trillions of miles long (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(40)
		Search engine for Over-50s launches, offends everyone (stylist.co.uk)	(40)
		Secret X37B Space Plane a 'Spectacular Success,' except for the Secret part (news.yahoo.com)	(17)
		Family escape blazing inferno by leaping onto trampoline (with bonus pic of terrified one-year-old) (dailystar.co.uk)	(18)
		Rupert Murdoch would like you to know he's totally in favor of a woman's right to vote, even if he lets whack-jobs appear on his TV networks who say it was "the greatest mistake America ever made" (blog.seattlepi.com)	(46)
(Colbert Nation)		It takes a great man to honor greatness, and none more greater than Stephen Colbert to honor the late Maurice Sendak with these previously unaired segments of their time together (May contain some naughty words) (colbertnation.com)	(10)
(CBS DFW)		If you must rob somebody, don't rob a police officer. But if you must rob a police officer, don't rob one in uniform. But still, if you MUST rob a police officer in uniform, don't go into the police station to do it (dfw.cbslocal.com)	(21)
		One more reason to hate the great Pacific garbage patch: It's become a massive breeding ground for scary-looking water bugs (mnn.com)	(32)
		Tonight: Obama to endorse gay marriage Tomorrow: will divorce Michelle. Friday: will marry Biden (guardian.co.uk)	(711)
(Joe The Peacock)		Maybe gay marriage dodged a bullet - check out the bizarre laws in North Carolina for legalized marriage for first cousins (joethepeacock.blogspot.com)	(126)
		Hello, 911? I've been carjacked. BY A GOAT (with pic of suspect) (thesun.co.uk)	(48)
(Some SMRT guy)		Eastern Michigan University sees 12.4% increase in students taking remedial courses. Wait, almost HALF of them? That's unpossible (annarbor.com)	(113)
(Some Guy)		Dollar bill received in change has signatures of WWII B17 crew. All I get is "Where's George" (sj-r.com)	(82)
(Some Guy)		Pit bull mauls owner. Just kidding, pit bull pulls unconscious owner off of train tracks and then lays down between owner and oncoming train. Truly, the world's greatest menace (ksdk.com)	(325)
		Who puts water on cereal? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(175)
(NBCDFW)		It takes nine years for school to be taught how to spell its own name (nbcdfw.com)	(35)
		'They're my dinner,' says lizard smuggler - and offers to bite the head off one as proof (thelocal.de)	(18)
		Health workers are advised that calling overweight patients obese could be seen as "derogatory". Instead it might be better to suggest they obtain a 'healthier weight' (thesun.co.uk)	(164)
		Today is Howard Carter's 138th birthday. Egyptians celebrate by breaking into his tomb (en.wikipedia.org)	(53)
(Some Sicko)		You are a convicted sex offender. Released early do you: A) Right the wrongs of the past, B) Start an awareness campaign against sex abuse, or C) fire up some porn on your laptop in a crowded McDonald's? (wsbtv.com)	(54)
		2012 has been the warmest year on record. This is not a repeat from 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, or 2002, and certainly does not reflect any sort of measurable trend. Besides, it's snowing somewhere (content.usatoday.com)	(267)
(Northern Star)		Rugby player runs down thief attempting to steal his ute. What is a ute? (northernstar.com.au)	(42)
		Some days, being a scientist is pretty dull. On other days, you come up with a plan to air-drop poisoned mice by parachute to wipe out an army of two million snakes (bbc.co.uk)	(96)
		Intellectual property thieves have their intellectual property stolen (theregister.co.uk)	(84)
		Don't go to law school, it's time to drop the fries, and 26 other things new college grads should know (forbes.com)	(265)
		How not to sell new airliners: take 44 customers up on a demonstration flight for a demonstration crash (cnn.com)	(86)
		The old "Sorry officer, that arrest warrant is for my dead identical twin brother" defense ... turns out to be true. Fark: FBI had to come to good twin's aid (wrcbtv.com)	(93)
(Some Pot Farmer)		T'aint corn. It's dope. Take a bushel home for the wife (bnd.com)	(125)
		Another lawyer tries out the "my client is alive so he couldn't possibly have a .41% BAC" defense (bostonherald.com)	(45)
(NBCNewYork)		'Butt dials' account for nearly 40 percent of NYC 911 calls (nbcnewyork.com)	(42)
		Do you like Asian girls? How about bras that resemble small fish tanks? Well then, I have some great news for you my friend (w/ pics) (myfoxdc.com)	(88)
		Photoshop these spiral spies (msnbcmedia1.msn.com)	(19)
(Some Guy)		Pissed off that Spirit is getting all the good headlines, Delta calls cops on VoIP user making a VoIP call above 10,000 feet on Delta's inflight wifi service (thenextweb.com)	(183)
(Geeks Are Sexy)		Discover what the numbers on your credit card actually mean (geeksaresexy.net)	(93)
		Your estranged wife wants to vote for a Democrat. Do you: C) throw yourself in front of her moving vehicle? (jsonline.com)	(176)
		Murdering your wife and then claiming that she shot herself will not hold up in court if your wife is paralyzed and can't hold a gun. You probably should have known this, being a judge and all (cbc.ca)	(28)
		Because a mountain lion attacking your campground isn't [scary] enough, let's give that mountain lion rabies (azcentral.com)	(36)
		What's worse than finding out your soldier husband was killed? Meeting his other wife when you both try to claim his body (dailymail.co.uk)	(107)
		He brings a fist, you bring a train. It's the Sacramento way (sacbee.com)	(33)
		The Catholic League attempts to bully sponsors of The Daily Show for the show's use of "vagina mangers" to express a point. Kellogg responds by "telling Christians to shove it", presumably right in the vagina manger (blogs.ajc.com)	(361)

Tue May 08, 2012

	North Carolina to gays: Equal rights - not yours (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(lots)
	Then: Crazy cat hoarder. Now: Crazy pig hoarder (nj.com)	(41)
(Hartford Courant)	A candidate for the Connecticut legislature spent $59.05 of his own money to set up an Internet website the state would have spent $180,000 on (courantblogs.com)	(154)
	10 things you didn't know about Maurice Sendak. 11 if you slept in today (mentalfloss.com)	(75)
	"...and traffic is blocked for miles on I-35 due to a pudding fire" (desmoinesregister.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop theme: This is your brain on drugs. (LGT inspiration) (pics.livejournal.com)	(27)
	Five-year-old rescued after falling into fast-food grease pit. Doctors declare her healthy and mouth-watering (tennessean.com)	(60)
	Man stabs party-goers after cake dispute. No lie (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(79)
	Working outside can KILL YOU (cnsnews.com)	(101)
	Bowling for abortions (cnsnews.com)	(213)
	Does anyone else see a helicopter and think "Man I really hope some Red Dawn shiat kicks off? Because I am so ready for that (en.wikipedia.org)	(251)
	When advertising low-cost vacations in Portugal to Brits, don't use a photo of a toddler, Madeleine McCann, who disappeared there (bbc.co.uk)	(19)
	Oh shiat, Your Honor (abovethelaw.com)	(44)
	The newest addiction sweeping the globe? Facebook addiction. If you tried to "Like" this headline, chances are you might be addicted (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
(Some Guy)	If you're underage and drinking alcohol, be sure to drink enough so you won't get in trouble (939mia.com)	(19)
	Obama bravely killed Bin Laden, after bravely setting up a fall guy in case it failed (thedc.com)	(367)
(Some Shrimps)	Photoshop these colorful crustaceans (bigpicture.ru)	(19)
	Man digs up woman's dead pet chinchilla and sends photos of it to her. With helpful pic of what a woman might look like after being sent a picture of her recently exhumed pet chinchilla (nydailynews.com)	(46)
	Internet wine vendors are failing to check customer IDs allowing teens to by-pass the guy outside 7-11 (abcnews.go.com)	(57)
	If The Avengers were real, how would you react if they came to your town? (fark.com)	(174)
	SAVE THE DATE - Amsterdam Fark Party on Sept. 29 - Scheduled to appear: Drew (fark.com)	(30)
	Train horn attached to bicycle. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM (boingboing.net)	(77)
	Man stabs his friend after argument about who can have the most sex. Captain Morgan was involved in this incident, probably in more ways than one (thesmokinggun.com)	(13)
	If a reality show is filming your arrest of an alleged car thief, it's easy to disprove your false claim you read him his rights (ktla.com)	(66)
	Firefighters rescue 9 ugly-ass ducklings from storm drain: "When somebody needs help, you got to try to help them as best you can, even if that somebody is a duck." Florida tag ducks out in favor of Sappy tag today (tampabay.com)	(28)
	Nebraska man officially changes his name to "Tyrannosaurus Rex." With helpful picture of what he may now look like (foxnews.com)	(71)
	Female Breasts Are Bigger Than Ever and then the headline goes on about something else (abcnews.go.com)	(lots)
	Naked lady seen on the front of Canadian $20 bill. Dear god, I hope it's not the same lady (upi.com)	(98)
(Some Guy)	Not news: man has patent application for Facebook rejected. News: in 1845. Fark: Abe Lincoln (natestpierre.me)	(105)
	Woman gives birth in a Tim Horton's. This is the first time in years they've had a delivery that wasn't trucked in frozen from Ontario (cbc.ca)	(38)
	What mom really wants for Mother's Day -- an affair (abc2news.com)	(54)
	Check out the 14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People, from MLK hustling to a college-era Bill Clinton (cracked.com)	(122)
	Historians find first evidence of a cult in Judah, also known as Judea, at the time of King David. Sadly, they can't agree if it should be called the "Judean People's Front" or the "People's Front of Judea" (sciencedaily.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)	Judge: "Perhaps you can display 60% of the Ten Commandments at school?" (610wiod.com)	(113)
	UN nuclear inspector in Iran killed in car crash. wink (foxnews.com)	(25)
(Chronicle of Higher Education)	How's that Ph.D. in medieval history workin' out for ya? "I find it horrifying that someone who stands in front of college classes and teaches is on welfare" (chronicle.com)	(460)
	The Pentagon didn't cooperate with The Avengers production because they didn't want to be subordinate to S.H.I.E.L.D.. No, seriously (huffingtonpost.com)	(93)
	On this day in 1886, someone looking for a pain reliever instead found the recipe for the most disgusting pop on the market, Coke (wired.com)	(175)
	New study claims 42% of American adults will be obese by 2030, assuming they live that long (latimes.com)	(91)
(Hot Pennsyltucky Mess)	Woman allegedly beats husband with vacuum over his facial hair (phillyburbs.com)	(22)
	TSA still trying to kill diabetics (thedenverchannel.com)	(117)
	Not news: Hottie finishes London Marathon, News: She's paralyzed, Fark: She does it in a bionic suit (gizmodo.com)	(101)
(Some Guy)	"Sir, for the last time, I will not talk dirty to you. What is your emergency?" (940winz.com)	(17)
	From now on, when asked a question you don't want to answer, just give a presidential response: "My views on this are evolving.". Bonus: Biden gaffes that make Bush look like a rocket surgeon (washingtonpost.com)	(264)
	If you think THIS financial crisis is bad, wait until you see the investment bankers of tomorrow (with bonus dry humping pic) (express.co.uk)	(94)
	Dustin Hoffman should definitely be on the scene if Quantas ever crashes. Definitely. He's an excellent driver, too (independent.co.uk)	(23)
(Some Guy)	"I know that I was going to blow a high number." Judging from the fact her car was in a flower garden, she knowed right (gainesville.com)	(19)
	Bowling alley bandits steal $30,000 in brazen robbery. Article has devastating puns-per-paragraph value and mugshot you can add to your collection (huffingtonpost.com)	(34)
	Details of Helen Keller's secret love life revealed. I did not see that coming (huffingtonpost.com)	(122)
	What is...a stripper's ass? (wptv.com)	(31)
	Four kilos of coke reappear in police evidence locker after auditor notices missing drugs (bostonherald.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)	Apparently, UFOs are refreshing and delicious now (news.gather.com)	(9)
	USA Today speaks out against the 19 states that still permit corporal punishment in schools. That's a paddlin' (usatoday.com)	(219)
	Indians offended that The Avengers depicts their third world hellhole as a third world hellhole (huffingtonpost.com)	(198)
	I'll take my eggs over easy, lightly salted, and lodged inside of a snake, please (wptv.com)	(11)
	Meow, the 39 pound cat, crosses the reinforced concrete Rainbow Bridge (latimes.com)	(74)
(Some Guy)	♪ If you're happy and you know it, rob a bank ♪ (939mia.com)	(14)
(Some Guy)	How does NASA deal with a UFO coverup conspiracy charge? By taking away all those cool toys the public gets to play with (news.gather.com)	(93)
	Asshat starts chanting "choke, choke" while a girl is choking on a piece of food. Guess who got arrested? (nwfdailynews.com)	(207)
	Oh my god, Becky (nytimes.com)	(81)
(Pharyngula)	Yesterday's news: Dinosaurs killed off by their own farts. Fark: The paper did not say that. Über-Obvious: One would think that no one would be dumb enough to get their science news from Fox News (freethoughtblogs.com)	(180)
	Where the wild things were (nytimes.com)	(167)
	The pernicious myth that slideshows drive traffic (theatlantic.com)	(72)
	Playboy model mistakes Mexican presidential debate for every other show on Mexican TV. w/ SFW pic, unless you work at a convent (reuters.com)	(69)
(Some Lizard)	Fotoshp Theem: Life withoot a spllckecher (ops.org)	(33)
	Officials say that several more bombs similar to the "improved underwear bomb" they just intercepted are "unaccounted for". Hope you'll enjoy giving TSA screening agents the newly federally mandated lap dance (abcnews.go.com)	(89)
	"People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves" (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
	Surely those eerie meows coming from the bathroom wall have nothing to do with our missing cat (thelocal.de)	(35)
	When you drink, you pass out in the yard. When you pass out in the yard, your party guests can't see you. When your party guests can't see you, one of them will drive over you. Don't let your party guests drive over you (wrcbtv.com)	(43)
	Fresh from No Shiat Sherlock University, study finds "men tend to be more attracted to their female friends than the women felt toward their male pals." Just another day at The Huff (huffingtonpost.com)	(174)
	Bear decides to try out as the new school mascot (w/photos & video) (dailymail.co.uk)	(17)
(Hudson Register-Star)	NY performance artist plans $15M theatre for long-duration works involving day-long staring exhibitions, plus a levitation hall and a crystal chamber where you can "absorb mineral energy" (registerstar.com)	(40)
	Disabled National Veterans Foundation took in $55.9 mil in donations & gave $61 mil to marketing companies. Vets got chef's coats & coconut M&Ms (cnn.com)	(127)
	Sniffing returned sex toys to see if they've been used: Britain's worst job? (thesun.co.uk)	(58)
	Drunk college student jumps three stories into a pool. Missed it by THAT much (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)
(WANE)	Not News: man gets DUI. News: with four children. Fark: strapped to the hood of a car (wane.com)	(45)
	Checkmate, St. Louis (stltoday.com)	(70)
	Dad pulls son out of school rather than have him attend a forum about how to express one's religious beliefs respectfully (upi.com)	(189)
(Some Guy)	Australia is suffering from a 'man drought'. Women asked to be less selective. Men continue to avoid any woman with sharp knees (globalpost.com)	(131)
	Cops impound stolen van, saying they could not locate the owner. "A number was on the van, but due to the time of day it wasn't considered practical to call" (thesun.co.uk)	(30)
	"I guess I could understand people who aren't twins are like, you have 12 sets? But since we're twins, we're like, nope, it's pretty mainstream over here." High school, like, about to graduate 12 sets of twins (myfoxatlanta.com)	(94)
	San Diego Fark Party, Saturday May 26th 6:00pm at Pizza Port Solana Beach [updated] (fark.com)	(196)

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