Jan17

The Idiocy of the English Language

Posted on by
The Idiocy of the English Language

If you are at all acquainted with the English language, you may have noticed some common sayings and words in there that are really silly, once you come to think of it. For example, why is it called a boxing ring when it is actually a square? Why is the load of the ship referred to as cargo, but when a truck carries a load on land, that is referred to as shipping? Actors recite a play for an audience, but then they play at a recital. See? It doesn’t make sense! But that is English, unfortunately. That is also one of the reasons why English is such a hard language to speak fluently – incorporating all its nuances. Ask me – I’ve been there. There are so many things you simply have to know.

If you want to read more about the silliness of English, there is this poem. It is unfortunately not the original one that inspired this post – that one was printed in my English handbook and I can’t find it – but most of the cartoons of this post are also illustrations from it.

 

Now, without further ado (cliché!), let’s have a giggle!

Cover

*

 

Desert

You would not believe how many “desert peaches” I’ve seen at the grocer. I always wonder if they are all sandy and dry. And I’ve also had several people ask me if I would live in a dessert. “No, I don’t think so. It would probably be very sticky. And sickly.” Then they look at me as if I’ve gone mad.

 

Hot

Cold

What the hell just happened there? Please excuse the language: I just felt that was the only suitable comment to use. Winking smile

 

Humanitarian

Yes. And if fire fighters fight fires, what then do freedom fighters fight?

 

Why do we drive on parkways…

Parkways

Driveways

… and park on driveways?

 

Pineapple

Oh. Well, I just asked the dictionary, and apparently the word “pineapple” is derived from the Middle English word for “pinecone”. The fruit seems to have reminded whoever named it of a pinecone. If you say so. I can’t say I really see the resemblance. Except maybe in the shape.

 

So sometimes the connections do make sense. A lot of the time they do not, however. But no-one can deny that English is a creative language!

 

I hope you all have a great week!

Sig2

232 Responses »

    • It can be, but it is way more frustrating when native speakers of English won’t take you seriously simply because of your status, instead of judging you on your skills.

      Reply ↓

  12. Very cute and quite true. As a writer, I can say one thing: be consistent throughout a manuscript and don’t be afraid to write true to form. When people read a book, most like to read current language–

    Cute blog.

    Val
    http:valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com

    Reply ↓

  14. Here’s one I like (though no artwork to include):

    “Terror” and “Horror” mean about the same thing.
    “Terrible” and “Horrible” are good synonyms.
    So why does this not apply to “terrific” and “horrific”?

    Reply ↓

  15. Don’t worry about this idiocy. It happens not only in English, but also in other language. Just like in Bahasa Indonesia; the word “beruang” could have dual meaning. The first one is “the one who owned (much) money” and the second is “a bear”. So, if we wrote, “Dia beruang”; it will have two ambiguous meaning. Whether He is rich or He is a bear. Confusing enough…

    Reply ↓

  18. Irregular plurals are another great example. Why do people hate *mice* (plural of mouse) getting into their *houses* (plural of house)? Well, the answer to that 1, even though not the point, should be obvious. Why, when driving through Yellowstone NP, do you see a flock of *geese* (plural of goose), and a herd of *moose* (plural – and singular – of moose)?

    Reply ↓

  19. Hi Elana, this is the coolest site I have ever seen to illustrate these points. I teach professional journalists and sub-editors in journalism workshops and these kinds of questions always pop up. Now I can ask them to look at your page. More, please!

    PS, In Asia, we still talk of ‘a warm welcome’ when our visitors would much prefer a cool one in this weather.

    Reply ↓

    • Well, I’ll try. I love thinking about language, so it should be easy! I’ll be very happy if you shared it!
      Ah, I know that one very well. Here in the South we would prefer a cool welcome as well! ;)

      Reply ↓

  21. Hey, in French potatoes are literally “apples of the earth.”
    I love this, and I’m quite thankful English was my first language because learning it now would be extremely difficult, due to all these silly things.

    Great post :)

    Reply ↓

    • Awesome! I’ve also done copyediting, and it’s no fun to explain these idiosyncrasies to someone who has no idea about writing!
      I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while, so I’m glad you like mine! :D

      Reply ↓

  24. I loved this post! I have pondered these questions many a time and enjoyed your humorous handling of them. And you’re right, if you’re not a native English speaker – it is very confusing!

    Reply ↓

  33. It can be certainly confusing and I do wonder the same thing sometimes. There are so many words in the English language that always makes one think why a certain thing is called what it is called.

    But that’s why it’s the English language! ^_^

    Great post.

    Reply ↓

  36. I have a theory about the “cold as hell” expression. Mind you, it is only a theory and not a very good one…but here goes. In Dante’s “Inferno,” the lowest point in Hell is the coldest–Satan is encased in ice. There are the rings that are miserably hot as well, but Hell (according to Dante’s imagining anyway) does indeed have a frozen region.

    Now, do I really believe that the people who originated and use the phrase “cold as Hell” are recalling Dante’s ice-trapped Satan? Hell no! ;)

    Great post, by the way! And congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

    Reply ↓

    • Yes, that is a good theory. (And why do all theories like to incorporate Dante?!) ;) Another theory is that “cold as hell” could come from the Norse and Germanic myths, which had a cold Hell.
      Haha, thank you! :D

      Reply ↓

    • From the point of view of someone who uses British English, maybe I’ll grudgingly admit that, for once! ;)
      I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while, so I’m glad you like mine. :)

      Reply ↓

  48. Most excellent post! Often, I have pondered the English language in all it’s uniqueness only to walk away baffled by it all. Then, of course, throw into the mix people speaking the language, or rather desecrating it. Watch the movie, “Idioacracy” and you’ll really feel my pain. However as you and I are both writers, this does make for some great writing. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

    Reply ↓

  50. Pingback: I people wonder why I just make up my own Shrimping language. « THE PRAWN DON .SPOTLIGHT. RAMBO.

  51. Pingback: Even English Is Confusing | A Bahamian In Austria

  58. I rather enjoyed this. It made me chuckle… a lot.. haha. Great sense of humor and how i can relate to the parking in a parkway.. it made sense right? ‘park’ is in its name.. Hoping to see more :) and if you could please check out my blog with a few of my friends. It seems to have slowed down due to christmas but we’re catching right up back to pace! They better or the administrator and I may have to start kicking people out. x)

    Reply ↓

  59. That is terrific. I majored in English and taught it for a year, and I remember learning about and then teaching certain rules of English that are totally illogical. So when trying to explain the reasons for the rule, I simply said, “that is just how it is. Someone a long time ago made that rule, and we keep following it today because that is what you’re supposed to do.” I mean really: there, their, they’re, what is the point?

    Reply ↓

    • Thanks! It is very true about the rules of English. I’m majoring in it too! :)
      In our French class, our lecturer always used the explanation “It’s there just to annoy you” for silly rules. ;)
      Exactly.

      Reply ↓

  61. How much fun is this post!!! :o ) I Love Love Love the hell (not heaven!) out of it.
    I always liked foreign languages for that reason..less chances to get it wrong. Less words to learn. I have a friend from Mexico and it is funny to try and not speak in slang to him. It is even more funny when he looks at me like I am loco when I say something like “I could really hurt myself on that dessert!”
    Enjoy your Freshly Pressed stay and thanks for the great humor!

    Reply ↓

  66. Wow I must admit, that was really good. You brought up a lot of points that I’ve never thought about. Especially about shipping in a truck and cargo in a ship. Also the one about driving on parkways and parking on driveways lol that was good.

    Reply ↓

  67. If vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what’s baby oil made from?

    Going along with your pineapple is neither a pinecone nor an apple:
    there’s no butter in buttermilk
    there’s no egg in eggplant
    no bread in shortbread
    no grape in grapefruit
    no worms or wood in wormwood
    no ham in hamburger

    Reply ↓

    • Thanks for these! Though in the “buttermilk” case, I have to point out that the “butter” could refer to the thick, lumpy bits in the buttermilk. And that it is formed in a similar way to churning butter. :)

      Reply ↓

    • Thanks for pointing it out. Though some of these are region-specific, I know that a lot of people call the stuff on trucks cargo too. But I have also heard people say “I had it shipped up here from the coast.” Which doesn’t make sense if you look at it literally, and in any case they mean that they had it loaded on a truck. :)

      Reply ↓

  73. That’s funny!! This reminds me a bit of Japan when “Engrish” is added to T-shirts or billboards. I’ve seen the word “Desert” used instead of “Dessert” meaning cake or a pastry slice. There’s another word for you; “Bill-boards”. Isn’t it an “Ad-board”?.

    Reply ↓

    • I always enjoy some Engrish! :D
      I just checked and apparently “billboard” is an Americanism, and “bill” can actually mean “a public notice or advertisement”. This is even though we generally think of a bill as something you have to pay.

      Reply ↓

  74. Pingback: The Idiocy of the English Language « Cartoons & Creative Writing « Nadya Dee :: Independent Copywriter

  75. It’s like that because english is such a mix of other languages, and often times, poorly translated as well. Even the name eng-lish, supposed to be ang-lish, innit?

    Reply ↓

    • I wouldn’t say poorly translated. It’s more how the mix of foreign influences (mostly French and Latin) were transformed to something that sounded understandable to the English. If I remember correctly, “English” comes from the Latin word “angelus” which means “angel”. Apparently, the invaders thought England so wonderful that it was a country of angels. You can also see this connection in the French word for English: “anglais”.

      Reply ↓

  76. The pineapple does have pointy sticklers like the pinecone, so I could see mistaking one for the other if I had never seen one before. Then, finding it was edible, it’s much like an apple.

    Reply ↓

  78. There’s a good one about English language I read days ago:

    In the word “enough”, GH sounds as F
    In the word “women”, O sounds as short I
    In the word “nation”, TI sounds as SH

    Therefore, the word GHOTI, should sound as FISH

    Reply ↓

  88. Love this!! Some of my biggest pet peeves are faults in the English language! I particularly love the ‘humanitarian vs. vegetarian’ cartoon. Very entertaining!

    Reply ↓

  90. You might find Freud’s essay, Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious, and his essay on Parapraxis for some psychoanalytic insight into language and all of its peculiarities. Unless you have already looked at those works.

    Reply ↓

  93. And I’ve heard driveways in Ontario referred to as ‘laneways’…?
    You’ve got some very good points here…enjoyed your comments.

    Reply ↓

  96. In Swedish, the old word for potato is “earth-pear” and the current, actual word for strawberries is “earth-men”. I don’t know if the latter was named by aliens, but neither one of them really resemble the names they earned. I think you guys hit the jackpot with the pineapple there. At least it is vaguely pine-cone shaped.

    Reply ↓

    • In French and Dutch, if you take their word for potato literally it means “apples of earth”. Which I can still kind of get. The same with your “earth-pear”. But “earth-men”? Now where did that one come from? ;) You’re right about the pineapple. It’s vague. People must really have been searching for resemblances when they named it!

      Reply ↓

  109. Great post! My mom used to say this phrase, “I’ve been working as hard as a dog all day.” Until one day I looked out and saw our dog relaxing in the shade and said, “It’s a dog’s life.” But maybe my dog was just “dog tired,” cause he certainly wasn’t “cat napping.”

    Reply ↓

  111. I liked the cold as hell, hot as hell dilemma. I say it all the time, and it makes so sense but it’s just part of our culture. I take for granted how complex the English language really is. Good luck foreigners :)

    Reply ↓

    • Thank you! That’s excellent! :D
      I have no problems with any of those, luckily. You’re not the only one who mentioned that – maybe it should be in my new post! ;)

      Reply ↓

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

Please log in to WordPress.com to post a comment to your blog.

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s