Dependable Renegade

We're going de facto dark for the day.

Fuck SOPA and fuck PIPA and fuck the congresstwats who think that censoring the Internet is a good idea.

Also, what The Oatmeal said.

--WT & TG

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Sweet mutha of Jeebus, I thought this was Donnie Darko and the bunny rabbit for a moment.

• Recalls - Hey guys, remember when the wall-eyed git and wholly-owned Koch Brothers' asset, WI Governor Scott Walker basically screwed the working people of his state and they threatened a recall? Me Neither!, but anyway it seems that activists needed 500,000 signatures to trigger a recall; they got over 1-million signatures that they turned in today. If they had a little longer, they probably could get enough to not only trigger the recall, but enact it too! (Think Progress)
• Personhood - Four of the five remaining Republican 2012 Goat Rodeo candidates will participate in Wednesday's Presidential Pro-life Forum in South Carolina. Willard, not technically "alive" will not be attending. Newticles believes life begins after he locks the office door, Frothy believes life begins with a whimper and shame, Governor Goodhair cannot remember when life begins ("Um, Cleveland?"), and Goldbug says that market forces determine life, once they've agreed on a profit motive.(Christian News Wire)
• Take THAT, Michele Obama! - Notable corn king Senator Chuck "I Am NOT a Nail" Grassley says that if you want to end childhood obesity, gotta put those kids to work. (Think Progress)

--Tengrain

Just put a little gravy on 'em!

Noted theocratic box of hair bullets, Rick Perry [R-Dumbfuckistan], continues his campaign to destroy history:

MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. -- In response to a question about whether Turkey should remain a NATO ally, Rick Perry said tonight that the country "is being ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists."

Perry continued: “Not only is it time for us to have a conversation about whether or not they belong to be in NATO but it’s time for the United States, when we look at their foreign aid, to go to zero with it.”

Perry's answer to the Turkey question confused observers, since Turkey is a longstanding US ally in NATO, despite American concerns about occasional anti-Israel gestures.

Let me know when we go to war with Canadaria.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

• We really hate them - Guess what fellow haters? We hate Congress! We've achieved a new high in our low esteem for the scurrilous criminal institution: 84% of Americans disapprove of the job congress is(not) doing, and of that 84%, 2/3 strongly disapprove. Another win for Weepy (WaPo)
• God's Will - Hey guys, remember that time when the successful baby mill operator and notable theocrat Michele Bachmann ran for preznint and then dropped out? Me Neither!, but anyway, according to theocrat skid mark Rick Santorum's campaign it's because God doesn't want the ladies to, you know, to run things... (Think Progress)
• Sinking like a rock (of ages) - Guess who is falling in the polls because of Bain Capital? Mitt "Magic Panties" Romney is, that's who! Yup, Willard has dropped about 20 points since the sustained attacks by Newticles started about a month ago. He's still winning, of course, but the attack has legs. (WaPo)

--Tengrain

"Dancing with myself..."

--WT

I hope he has a safe word.

Whoops.

[h/t twolf]

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

Drink up, bitches!

• Recruiting 'em young - Hey guys! Guess what?! That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum has announced his Florida Leadership Team, and Vern Buchanan (R - Sarasota) is a member of it. You may remember Vern from the failed Personhood Florida debacle, you know, declaring fetuses and zygotes as citizens. You might also remember Vern from kick-back schemes where his employees at used car lots donated to Vern's campaign and were then reimbursed. He's a fraud just like Frothy! (Florida Independent)
• Endorsements - Team Anyone-but-Willard is getting desperate! Gay-sex obsessed wing-ding and Family Research Council President Tony Perkins announced on a conference call that social conservatives had officially settled on Frothy as their preferred candidate for the Republican nomination. I guess that they haven't heard that fetus jar Gabriel was an abortion to save Karen Santorum's life. (Think Progress)
• Speaking of Karen - Stockholm Syndrome wannabee Karen Santorum doesn't understand why gays hate Frothy:

  “As Rick’s wife, I have known him and loved him for 23 years,” she said. “I think it’s very sad what the gay activists have done out there. They vilify him. It is so wrong. He loves them. What he has simply said is marriage shouldn’t happen.”

  “As far as hating, it’s very unfortunate that has happened,” Karen Santorum added. “A lot of it is backyard bullying, where people will come up to us and they’ll say something. And we’ll ask them to give us an example, and they can’t even provide one example as to why they took the position they took.”

  I guess all that free-love and abortions in her past has deranged Karen and she has forgotten all the overturning DADT, man-on-dog, and pedophilia, and various other less-than-human comments. (Raw Story)

• Sports- You know that sports guy, you know, that one, the praying one? Teabag, Teacup? Whatever! Anyway, the Concerned Women For America (an anti-abortion front group led by some dudes) wants Tebow to be in their parade! They are like all super-excited to have a vestal virgin to throw into the volcano! (CWFA)

--Tengrain

Um....

Via Arbroath

--WT

Because nothing says "contemplation

of race and equality" like getting 40% off a flatscreen TV.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

• It's MLK Day - How do you plan to celebrate the life of Martin Luther King? If you are Willard, you will be chillin' with white supremacists in South Carolina. (Think Progress)
• Money makes the world go 'round - Notable criminal enterprise Goldman Sach's reveals their bonuses:

  The bank – which will report its final results for 2011 on Wednesday – has already set aside 44 per cent of the $22.76bn (£14.89bn) of revenues it generated during the first nine months of the year to pay staff. The lion's share will be shared by a small number of elite level "partners".

  If pay remains at that level in the fourth quarter, the final compensation ratio will show a significant rise over the 39.3 per cent of revenues handed out by Goldman in 2010, when the total pay out was $15.38bn.

  Analysts expect Goldman's final numbers to show a 62 per cent fall in earnings per share when compared to last year.

  (The Independent UK)

• Perry, The History Buff - Hey guys, remember those Marines who gave golden showers to dead Taliban fighters? Me Neither!, but according to theocrat secessionist nincompoop Rick Perry, “[Winston] Churchill did the same thing.” Winston Churchill was a pee hag? (Politics Now)

--Tengrain

Mom was right:

(BuzzFeed)

Never try to eat anything larger than your head. --Tengrain

"Knock-knock!"

(Alex Thomson on 500px.com)

"I don't get it."

(Whoooo knew that tiny owls were so squee-able? -- Tengrain)

How to surf the web.

Via Buzzfeed

--WT

When Mitt's birthday?

I think everyone should send him a copy of this.

Read it here.

[h/t twolf]

--WT

How to bathe your sloth

...and you think we never read the comments. What? Rgds, Tengrain

PS - bathing baby sloths is about to be a thing.

"I heard that."

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Sounds like Junkie Limbaugh has some competition in the outrage department.

• Cuckolded husband is f***ed again! - Infamous momma’s boy, big-haired, Jeebus-loving adulterer and all around GOP sex-lizard, the sheep with a secret sorrow, Senator John Ensign first had an affair with Doug Hampton's wife, then Ensign tried to pay him off ("Help me, Mommie!"), and then tried to find employment for the entire family, including the teenage son (and that must have been a fun convo to have around the breakfast table, "well Son, you're mother's a slut, but you have a job now thanks to the guy who she shagged!") -- and now Hampton is broke and about to be grilled on breaking lobbying laws. Meanwhile, disgraced GOP sex lizard John Ensign is sitting in Nevada with his family's casino millions. There are no winners here, least of all the rest of us. (TPM)
• Serious Heart Condition - Speaking of Senator's sex lives, skeevy Breck-shampoo spokesmodel and Dave Matthews fanboy John Edwards is in the news. He cannot stand trial because of a "serious heart condition," which seems odd because he clearly has no heart, no soul, and no chance of evading his campaign finance law accusations. (Raw Story)
• Dumb-dumb rides again! - Notable theocrat secessionist dim bulb Rick Perry finally stated the three departments of the federal government he would eliminate! The problem is, they are not the three in his stump speech. Governor Goodhair is a national treasure, and we must keep him on the campaign trail. (Mediaite)

Drink-up, it's Friday! - Tengrain

It's almost too easy.

John Edwards has a "life-threatening" heart condition.

I'll refrain from the obvious nasty joke here.

[h/t res ipsa loquitur]

--WT

Just in time for Martin Luther King Day.

Ron Paul on the Civil War. Nice flag, BTW.

--WT

Priceless.

Thank you, Jimmy Fallon. I can't believe I said that.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

Vivre les Freedom Frites!

• We need some kryptonite - Jeepers! That frothy mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum is now getting questions about his ugly sweater vests. And Frothy replies, that his vests are the source of his power. (LATimes)
• Why are Blam-Blam and Chimpy Laughing - The four Marines urinating on corpses have been identified and now Hillary Clinton is calling for War Crime charges. (CBS)
• Consistency - Noted dumbbell theocrat secessionist Rick Perry still cannot remember the names of the three agencies he wants to eliminate. (Think Progress)

--Tengrain

"I'm FAAAAAAABULOUS!"

Via Reddit

[h/t twolf]

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

The only news of any snarkitude is that the GOP (and by GOP I mean Fox News and the rest of the MSM) totally went balls-to-the-walls full freak-out mode on that old commie, staff-banging serial adulterer Newt Gingrich's sustained attack on Willard.

TPM as always has the goods.

In our ongoing effort to provide an exceptional service for a nominal fee, we also found amusement that the ongoing financial troubles at Focus on the Family--er, James Dobson's little slush fund--has now developed a new enterprise: financial planning and debt counseling for their sheep. And then fleecing them? Yes. (Right Wing Watch)

And while we are on the subject of rats (real ones, with dignity, not James Dobson), NYC Subway Workers are hosting a contest for the subway station with the best rats. The Transport Workers Union 100 is giving away a free unlimited MetroCard pass to whichever rider posts the "best" photo or video of subway rats to their site. We would suggest sending in pictures of whichever subway station is used by that cousin-marrying former mayor Rudy Giuliani. There's bound to be a better class of rat there. Maybe wearing a tiara. (The Sideshow)

(Think I have a shot? -- Tengrain)

And now I must burn

my copy of "Blade Runner: The Director's Cut".

Fox News Channel host Bill O’Reilly‘s latest book Killing Lincoln has been optioned by producer/directors Ridley Scott and Tony Scott. The Scotts will produce a two-hour documentary for National Geographic Channel based on the book, which O’Reilly co-wrote with Martin Dugard. O’Reilly will also serve as an executive producer of the documentary.

Via

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

--WT

This child accurately sums up how

I feel about most everything these days.

I'm so loving this kid. WTF, indeed.

Via Reddit

--WT

Look out, House of Chanel.

You know who else designs clothing, Rick?

Marc Jacobs, for one... See where I'm going with this?

[h/t twolf]

--WT

"Workin' my way up to the half-pipe."

Awesome.

[h/t twolf]

--WT

The Insanely Stupid, it BURNS!

That the New York Times public editor even has to ASK the question is a fucking sad commentary on the state of affairs in journamalism today:

I’m looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should challenge “facts” that are asserted by newsmakers they write about.

HOLY SHIT, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? What the hell do you think journalists are SUPPOSED to do?

This comment sums it up for me:

On a related note, withholding information about potential misdeeds of an Administration because reporting on such might influence the outcome of an election is getting the whole point of having a free press exactly backwards. Congratulations, New York Times, on contributing to the dysfunctional politics of the last 20 years.

Not enough fucking facepalm in the world for this.

[h/t res ipsa loquitur]

--WT

Whoa.

When you have 30 minutes to spare to get enraged, this new film targeting Mitt Romney, "King of Bain," is pretty devastating.

[h/t Elliott]

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Herobuilders) Announcing the Herman Cain Action Figure! Playmate included.

• Starve the beast - Hey guys, you know the long-term GOP strategy to kill the government in a bathtub or something? Guess what? It's working! The IRS does not have enough resources to collect taxes according to the IRS. (IRS)
• Speaking of taxes - The Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby Barack Obama is proposing a tax break for American companies who hire actual Americans! In America! And he's proposing ending the tax break for off-shoring manufacturing. (And yes, there is one.) Now let's see him fight for that. Hahaha. Sigh. (NYTimes)
• Arrest warrants - Hey guys, remember that time when the basement-dwelling, pock-marked wingnut auteur James O'Keefe sent his dimwit minions and toadies off to commit voter fraud to show that voter fraud was being committed? Me Neither!, but anyway, officials of the state of New Hampshire are calling for the activist morans to be arrested and prosecuted. (Think Progress)

--Tengrain

I didn't know anyone

still used Mapquest.

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

(Getty Images) Get the cheese, we found the crackers!

• Words are hard, cont. - Notable S.A.T. failure from Tennessee Diane Black says that President Carebear's recess appointment of Richard Cordray to head the Consumer Protection Agency is patently illegal because Congress is still in (pro forma) session. Black then continues to state that, “I hope the House considers my resolution as soon as we return to Washington so we can send a message to President Obama.” (Raw Story)
• Retracting the retraction - Earlier today notable right-wing gossip rag Politico reported that infamous staff-banging serial-adulterer Newt Gingrich was going to back off attacking Willard's career as a vulture capitalist, you know, for the good of the party. Anyway, it seems that Newticles is going to do his own slash and burn march to the sea. (Beltway Confidential)
• Speaking of Newticles - The thrice-married staff-banging, serial-adulterer and noted Catholic theologian spoke today in South Carolina:

  The challenge we have is anti-Christian bigotry that has forced the Catholic Church to close its adoption service in Massachusetts because it actually wanted to follow the tenets of Christianity. And you look all all around this country and you see again and again, whether its a judge knocking down a cross… I am your President, if you help me win this election, we will not tolerate a speech dictatorship in this country against Christianity.

  What the hell is a speech dictatorship?

  (Think Progress)

--Tengrain

Shorter Mittster:

"You're just JEALOUS!"

QUESTIONER: When you said that we already have a leader who divides us with the bitter politics of envy, I’m curious about the word envy. Did you suggest that anyone who questions the policies and practices of Wall Street and financial institutions, anyone who has questions about the distribution of wealth and power in this country, is envious? Is it about jealousy, or fairness?

ROMNEY: You know, I think it’s about envy. I think it’s about class warfare. When you have a president encouraging the idea of dividing America based on 99 percent versus one percent, and those people who have been most successful will be in the one percent, you have opened up a wave of approach in this country which is entirely inconsistent with the concept of one nation under God. The American people, I believe in the final analysis, will reject it.

And someone's special undies are in a twist over the concept of public debate over our country's financial policies:

I think it’s fine to talk about those things in quiet rooms and discussions about tax policy and the like.

[h/t fourlegsgood]

There's more damning video at the link.

--WT

"Oh, hai!"

Via Arbroath

I got nuthin' today. Feh!

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(@InlawsOutlaws on Twitter) Willard gets his pink slip AND IS LOVING IT!)

• Warm Greetings -- Everyone loves that froth mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum! Listen to Frothy being serenaded as he enters his final NH campaign event of the night. (TowleRoad)
• She-devils -- One of the leading White Supremacists (No, not Pat Buchanan) warns his followers to beware of the charms of the female of the species. It seems that they were successfully infiltrated by a pretty lady and she got them to talk, and BOOM! (so to speak) they confessed their bombing history. Best quote:

  “I always warn these guys, watch out for these women, man,” longtime racist organizer Tom Metzger told TPM last week. “They’ll get it out of a man before a man could get it out of a man.”

  Marcus disagrees. (TPM)

• Randall Terry Update - Non-serious candidate for preznint and BFF of fetuses everywhere Randall Terry is exploiting a loophole in campaign laws which allows him to air his graphic anti-choice commercials during the Superbowl. FCC laws say that commercials from candidates cannot be censored and stations must run ads from any candidate within 45 days of an election.

  “There has NEVER been an opportunity like this since Roe vs. Wade brought us child killing on demand,” he said in a fundraising email. “Because I am running for President, the law to run the political ads I see fit, protects me.” “We will reach TENS OF MILLIONS OF AMERICANS, and get enormous media coverage as well. And THAT, my friend, is what the babies deserve.”

  (Raw Story)

--Tengrain