The P. Morrison Donations #11: TCOT Deumure Defendant / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-323)

The P. Morrison Donations #11

Cardinal C-323 (2nd ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Demure Defendant
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Charles Peitz

Best things about this cover:

• Once again, the breasts act as if the dress weren't even there.
• How much vaseline is on this lens? Everything looks like it's been coated in margarine.
• "Sorry, your honor, I didn't hear you. I was just playing with these marionettes here, and, well ... yes, OK, I'll stop."
  That is one George Washington turkey leg tornado of blond hair.
• This title reminds me that I get "demur" and "demure" confused, which may be why I never use either.

Best things about this back cover:

• Fewer things are sexier than residuary legatees.
• Mosher Higley, who earned his name for his exuberance at '90s punk concerts.
• Erle Stanley Garnder has the signature of an insane person.

Page 123~

"The prosecution expects to prove that the defendant deliberately became a poisoner, a murderess, a blackmailer and became ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity."

Somehow "ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity" is a mess, metaphorically, but it's still awfully fun to say.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #10: Tickets for Death / Brett Halliday (Dell 8884)

The P. Morrison Donations #10

Dell 8884 (1st ptg, 1965)

Title: Tickets for Death
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Best things about this cover:

• "Tickets for Death ... I mean Raffle! Tickets for Raffle. Forget what I said about Death. We are raffling off this lovely couch. You like?"
• When throw pillows attack!
• What is that amorphous green splotch in the right foreground? Another throw pillow (suspended in mid-air)? A very very puffy ottoman? The back of a man who is doubled-over and heaving on the carpet (head toward the center, out of frame)?
• I love how she was clearly painted nude and then some purple came along and hopped on as a kind of afterthought. It's a rare evening gown that allows you to see every contour of the navel area.

Best things about this back cover:

• So is that MAME or MAMIE, pronunciation-wise?
• "This racket, she is encrusted with diamonds and rubies. You like?"
• "But with a girl like Mayme, you just want her to shut the hell up and do the sex."

Page 123~

His belly shivered gently, like a protuberant bowl of jelly, each time he breathed.

A nice hard-boiled riff on "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #9: Blood on the Stars

The P. Morrison Donations #9

Dell 0626 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: Blood on the Stars
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Best things about this cover:

• This is one of the most horrifying covers I (now) own. Seriously, every time I look at it I recoil in "oh my god" fright. It haunts my dreams.
• It's like her face is floating, its spatial relationship to both the equine mass of hair and the torso seemingly coincidental. You know at, say, a carnival, when there are scenes painted on large pieces of wood and you can step behind them and put your face through a hole, and then your mom or whoever can take your picture ... whimsical stuff ... well, it looks like that's what's happening here, only for "carnival" substitute "utility closet in hell" and for "your mom" substitute "Satan himself." 
• What. Is. The. Background? Cork meets mangled animal pelt meets feathers meets dirty rug meets barber shop floor sweepings meets sadness.
• Was McGinnis depressed when he did this? Angry? Going through a bad break-up? All I know is: it's the ugliest damn thing I've ever seen. 
• Lastly: where's the blood? Where are the stars?

Best things about this back cover:

• Aaaagh. Jebus, quit scaring me like that, lady?
• Good tagline, or Greatest Tagline Ever Written?

Page 123~

Shayne said, "Go ahead. And keep your mouth buttoned up. This is a Secret Service investigation."

"Secret Service? Jeez. Is he one of them communist spies or somethin'?"

"Something like that." Shayne stepped back and waited until the milk truck had made one more stop, then turned the corner.

Mike Shayne did not consider his morning complete until he had impressed at least one milkman.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #8: The Seven Deadly Sisters / Pat McGerr (Dell 412)

The P. Morrison Donations #8

Dell 412 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: The Seven Deadly Sisters
Author: Pat McGerr
Cover artist: Paul C. Burns

Best things about this cover:

• "Hey, man, have you ever looked at a spider web? ... I mean really looked at it man? ... it's crazy."
• No matter how her more "modern" peers mocked her, Sheila preferred to ride her bed sidesaddle.
• Honestly, this cover is a conceptual mess. I have no way of understanding how any of the parts (title, lady, letter, killer list) are supposed to relate to each other. It's like a grab bag of stock mystery features.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wow, this is the least ambitious mapback I've ever seen. Lazy-ass illustrator unintentionally invents the street-view map!

Page 123~

"The doctor says I'll get my full strength back. And if he touches my wife while I'm out here, I'll make what happened to him before look like a dress rehearsal."

Why do you continue to employ the services of a doctor who is hitting on your wife? Why!?

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #7: Steve Bentley's Calypso Caper / Robert Dietrich (Dell First Edition B182)

The P. Morrison Donations #7

Title: Steve Bentley's Calypso Caper
Author: Robert Dietrich (pseud. of E. Howard Hunt)
Cover artist: Tom Miller

Best things about this cover:

• Quite a nice female figure, but unfortunately crowded and partially obscured by garish text.
• Her hair is gorgeous, from a painting perspective. I mean, you wouldn't want hair that actually looked like that (the "color" alone is frightening), but that's some nice, fine, confident brushwork.
• The more I look at that title font, the more it looks like it was created by a toddler with dull scissors. Terrible.
• Who gets this made up and spangled while also getting practically naked? Seems like a lot of work.
  I should start tagging books that use the hackneyed "—to murder!" / "—of murder!" / "—by murder!" finish.

Best things about this back cover:

• "They found the naked body of Victor Polo!" Oh sure, tease me with the near-naked body of that woman on the cover and then bait-and-switch me with the naked (and dead) body of some guy named Victor Polo. He's probably not even hot.
• "And me, Steve Bentley." HA ha. Least meaningful name drop ever.  "And me—Steve Bentley ... [cough] ... [tumbleweed] ... you know. Steve Bentley! ... come on! ... [crickets] ..."

Page 123~

The bartendress uttered a laugh like the caw of a robber crow.

First, some words were not meant to have feminine forms. Second, I wondered for a split-second what a rubber crow was supposed to sound like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #6: Beware the Curves / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 75598)

The P. Morrison Donations #6

Title: Beware the Curves
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner ("writing under his famous pen name A.A. Fair")
Cover artist: Well, hello there ... aren't *you* a tall drink of water ...

Best things about this cover:

• Sometime in the mid-60s, the quality of pb covers started to go downhill—art gave up its real estate to text, usually the author's NAME or a detective's NAME. Cover paintings get smaller and then eventually disappear, leaving only stock photos behind.
• This cover is designed to do one thing: make you wonder "is that her nipple showing through the lacy dress, or just a shadow...?"
• Gardner was exceedingly prolific and, in part because of that prolificness, artistically underrated. He writes a good story, and I prefer these Lam and Cool detective stories (for which he used the pseudonym "A.A. Fair") to anything else he did.

Best things about this back cover:

• What design! ... is what I'd say if I were looking at a different book. As I say, the '60s bring about the slow uglification of paperbacks until we're left with ... this.

Page 123~

She pursed her lips. "I can usually size up character," she said. "And if I can't, well, if anyone gives me a double cross, Donald, I'm ruthless, absolutely, utterly ruthless."

"Most women are," I told her, "but few of them admit it."

"Dames," he added with a shrug. "Whaddyagonnado? ... Seriously, what do I do? They keep walking away from me every time I try to talk to them. Ruthless bitches, why won't you talk to me!?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #5: Case of the Duplicate Daughter / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4504)

The P. Morrison Donations #5

Pocket Books 4504 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: The Case of the Duplicate Daughter
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert McGinnis]

Best things about this cover:

• "OK, who threw egg at the wall!? I'm going to sit on these scones until somebody tells me!"
• Love the feather-fringed teddy, but it would be much hotter without the ornate pantaloons, which make it look like a giant tulip is swallowing her leg.
• "Come now, darling, you're far too old to be smearing the floor and wall with marmalade and then throwing flowers everywhere."

Best things about this back cover:

• Does this "down arrow" mean something, "duplicate"-wise? It's on the front cover, and the back cover, and the title page?
• OK, so now we know his client did *not* murder Vera Martel. Also, that his client is fond of giving his daughters slightly odd names. The only other place I've seen the name "Glamis" is in Macbeth (title character is "Thane of Glamis" at beginning of the play; he's promoted to "Thane of Cawdor" in Act I).

Page 123~

Judge Boris Alvord excused the witness and regarded Perry Mason with thoughtful speculation.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter or Tumblr]