* Sorry, been a bad week for blogging for me. Good news: I’m making some progress on my next book which I promise to be the funniest book ever and solve all our nation’s problems. It might create new problems for other nations, but that’s not my concern.

* Good news: Conservatives still more popular a political identification than moderate or liberal. Of course, I wonder how many “moderates” are really liberals to chicken to call themselves liberals. And fringe liberals love to think they’re moderate and reasonable. So while we shouldn’t trust liberals, we extra shouldn’t trust moderates as they’re probably just confused liberals.

* Obama wants another $1.2 trillion in tax dollars to… I guess to have something to do. I don’t think he knows anything to do as president other than spend money. Maybe people need to just show him a new activity and that would help slow down the deficit. I bet he would be good at… um… maybe people could just send him to the store to fetch things. Just make sure to tell him he’s really smart whether he succeeds or not.

* What’s up with Haley Barbour? It’s like he was all, “Now that I’m done being governor, I’m going to flood the state with murderers so no one can ever rule it again.” I mean, that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with so far as he hasn’t offered any.

* Apparently, American troops are peeing on dead Taliban. Is Obama cutting troop funding so much that troops don’t even have proper latrines and instead have to rely on dead Taliban for relieving themselves? This is an outrage; someone has to hold Obama accountable.

* Kinda odd for the Daily Show to go after someone using harsh rhetoric against the Tea Party, but here you go. Pretty funny.

It wouldn’t hurt for more people to go after liberal hypocrisy on civility. The right might actually might listen to the left if they said things like, “Here’s example of where we went over the line; try not to be like us.” But they’re never that self-aware.

Okay, I didn’t have any random thoughts yesterday — not a one. As I’ve said, it’s been kind of a crazy week, but I’ll think more in the future, I swear. So why don’t we use this space to think about what’s most important in life. Like oxygen.

* If Romney likes firing people, know what he should have been? A religious organization. The Supreme Court has ruled that if someone has any ministry duties, they can be fired for whatever reason and can’t sue for job discrimination. So there’s an actual extra freedom religion has, and it was supported in a 9-0 decision. So we’re always thinking everything is going to hell in a handbasket lately, but there’s some good news here and there. So do you think other businesses are going to become more religious so they can have more control over their own hiring and firing? Wouldn’t be the worst thing ever.

* An Iranian nuclear scientist was killed in a car bomb. But explosions are so common in the Middle East, they consider that a death by natural causes.

So who was responsible? The CIA? Mossad? Teenagers? Yeah, probably punk teenagers. Lou, cancel the prom!

* Warren Buffet said he should be paying more in taxes. So he was told he can just go ahead and write a check and do that. And his response: “No, you do that!” What a little weasel. I mean, he obviously understands giving the government more of his money is basically just tossing it in a black hole and pointless, yet he wants to forcefully confiscate other people’s money for this? I’m starting to think maybe the government should confiscate his money and give it to more responsible, more honest billionaires.

* Hostess has filed for bankruptcy. We all thought Michelle Obama’s healthy eating crusade was funny, but now it’s destroying jobs. Michelle, don’t let your hatred of fat kids destroy the American economy!

* Well, that’s all I have time for today. What did you all find newsworthy today? Hmm. That’s very interesting. Tell me more!

[pic via IMAO reader Laurie]

Has anyone else noticed that Michelle Obama’s eyebrows run at opposite angles to her brow ridges, making it look like she has two x’s above her eyes?

It’s like Beaker was on vacation and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew had a bad accident with her at Muppet Labs.

By the way, from now on, you’ll be helpless to keep from noticing Michelle’s XX problem in every picture you see of her. Sorry about that.

Bonus question: what was originally in the background before they the White House web-nerds photoshopped in the out-of-focus stockings and Christmas tree?

Hostess is bankrupt? Now Michelle Obama’s healthy eating campaign is KILLING JOBS!

We’ve been told by the media, so you know it’s true: Romney is unstoppable!

Have you seen the delegate count?

He already has 20 delegates, 7 of which are binding. And he’s only … let’s do the math real quick … 1,124 shy of securing the nomination. Unless the 13 non-binding delegates jump ship. Even then he’s still only 1,137 delegates shy of wrapping this whole thing up.

Rick Santorum, meanwhile, only has 12 non-binding delegates. That means he has to get all of 1,132 delegates and hope none of those 12 go elsewhere. Unpossible, I tell you!

Look at the numbers! 1,124 is less than 1,132. There’s no way Santorum can get such a large number in so short a period of time. And Romney? That small number he has to achieve and he’s got months to get that total. Unstoppable, I tell you!!

And don’t even get me started on how far Newt Gingrich or Rick Perry has to go. They’re both 20 delegates behind Romney.

Twenty!!1!!!!

But for the rest of the GOP field? Give it up. It’s over. Pack it in, fellas. There’s no way Romney can be stopped. He’s a juggernaut. Which is like an astronaut, but with jugs. Or maybe I’m thinking of something I saw on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Doesn’t matter. Romney can’t be stopped!

The Republican establishment is ready for you to come on board. The media is ready for you to come on board. They are ready to accept your support of Mitt Romney.

[Direct link]

Join them, won’t you?

* Going to have to skimp on the post today as it’s been kind of a crazy week. Anyway, you know what’s going on: Romney won New Hampshire, it’s inevitable he’s the nominee so let’s prepare for Romney vs. Obama, blah blah blah.

* Well, one other thing. Feel like I should link to one of the few times Ron Paul makes sense while the other candidates are talking nonsense. The way the other “conservative” candidate have been going after Romney’s business experience is disgusting.

* Also, I have to mention this.

Citing ongoing threats from nuclear proliferation, climate change, and the need to find sustainable and safe sources of energy, scientists moved the “Doomsday Clock” one minute closer to midnight on Tuesday.

You understand this is like saying “Citing how cute and lovable they are, scientists played with My Little Ponies and brushed each others hair.” It may involve “scientists” (though I haven’t seen their credentials), but it has nothing to do with science. Science is not arbitrarily moving hands on a giant toy clock based on predictions the scientific method can’t even begin to make. We really need more distinction between “science” and “things people called scientists are doing and saying” as the latter often isn’t science but simply “idiocy”.

* Well, that’s it. Be honorable, ronin.

A big advantage of a Republican president is that press will actually hold him accountable.

The primary has given Republicans a lot of choices on how long they want to pretend they’re not going to nominate Romney.

When I was a kid, they spent a lot of time teaching us what racism is. With next gen, spend some time teaching them what racism isn’t.

Fixing my car makes me realize how archaically mechanical a car is. When will they be solid state?

So are we gearing up for Romney vs. Obama or are we pretending a bit longer?

Buttercup has croup. You’ve never seen a more pathetic 15 month year old.

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

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From Arik:

From Arik:

From Kris:

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From Kris:

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

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From Larsinkima:

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From tanstaafl:

From Travelwise42:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From James:

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From Jim:

From me (Harvey):

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From tanstaafl:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

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I’m going with Travelwise42, since I’m guessing not many folk remember that headline.

What say you?

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PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

* Well, I think I’m done and ready to declare Romney our nominee. There is a lot — a lot — I don’t like about Romney, but when the other Republicans are attacking him for being a capitalist, I’m pretty much done with everyone else and ready to embrace the inevitable. I mean, really, the last minute ploy is to come at Romney from the left? And the last thing this economy needs is people acting all uncomfortable with how the free market works. It’s like everyone is going Huntsman and forgetting they’re running in a Republican primary.

* Romney made a statement about how it’s nice to be able to fire people who give you bad service — like a lot of people can’t do with those who provides their health insurance or any service associated with government — and now political hacks (including, again, some “Republicans” running against him in the primary) are piling on. I notice that when Romney gets hit with dumb attacks, I immediately forget all his faults and go into defense mode. Well, that’s a preview of what the rest of the year is going to be like as liberals learn who their target is and come up with every dumb attack they can. It would be nice to have someone to root for, but we’ll just have to satisfy ourselves knocking down twits.

And wouldn’t it be awesome if Romney became president and did nothing but fire people?

* BTW, there is the New Hampshire primary today. Doesn’t seem to be getting as much attention as Iowa because Romney is expected to run away with it. There’s a little bit of drama on who will get second place as it might be Huntsman’s last and only hurrah. Of course, there is no prize for second place in the primary as a lot of Republican candidates don’t seem to understand.

* So Obama’s chief of staff is resigning. I don’t think he probably shoulders most of the blame for why the president is so unpopular, though. If you want to fire who’s really responsible, we can do that in November. Expect a big jump in the president’s popularity after that.

* In 2009, Obama had a big lavish Alice in Wonderland party, but we never heard of it because the press were nice enough not to mention it since they thought a big lavish party held by the Obama’s would make him look bad with a recession going on. And that leads us to a big advantage to a Republican president: The press will actually hold him accountable.

* Obama has banned mining for uranium around the Grand Canyon. Where are we supposed to get our uranium, then? It’s like Obama hates this country. And is uncomfortable with the thought of us having nuclear weapons.

* Wisdom of the Day from John Podhoretz:

Todd Palin endorses Newt. In other news, my daughter just ate a tomato.

* As we settle in to having Romney as our nominee, we might as well work on some more slogans for him. Here’s a new one I came up with:

“Romney: He just seems like a president”

BTW, Romney campaign, I’m available for consulting work. I’m very expensive… which means I’m very good.