Choking down 365 new foods
Choking down 365 new foods
Pork Ribs
Ewwww. This was my husband’s first experiment with a smoker, and they were too smokified. But even if they’d been done to perfection, it would be a thumbs down. Strange texture. Way too animal-like. (I prefer not to think about where my meat comes from. I envision something similar to Santa’s workshop, with lots of out-of-thin-air magic and sanitized-for-your-protection wrappers.) And it was difficult to eat. I was even mocked for using a knife and fork. Pass.
Tabouli
This was a fun, fresh-tasting side — even liked the tiny tomatoes! — though it came in a tub from the grocery store, to my workmates’ horror (foodies and vegetarians to varying degrees. If you imagine our group as a food, I would be the strange, crusty meatball atop an organic mixed-greens salad). So I will try making this myself, as long as I can come up with an appropriately interesting entree to serve it with. Any suggestions?
Whole Wheat Pasta
I bet not many people remember this obscure bit of 1970s music history, but Melanie (just one name, like Cher) sang a song called “I don’t eat animals (and they don’t eat me).” If you are dying to hear a clip, here it is on YouTube. From the story she tells at the beginning, I think she was on something a little stronger than meat when she wrote it. Anyway, my mom listened to the song so much when I was a kid, I know it by heart: “I don’t eat white flour/white sugar makes you rot./Oh, white can be beautiful, but mostly, it’s not.” Thing is, we did eat white flour. And white sugar. And quite a number of animals who never once thought of eating us. And everybody we knew did, too. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that we joined the whole-wheat revolution, with bread at least. And I was pretty far into my adulthood before I made the switch to brown rice. I never even thought about whole wheat pasta until my workmates claimed I could make the switch without my family ever noticing. I didn’t believe them. But they were right. (About this, anyway. Mostly, it’s me who’s right and they should remember that.) I used whole-wheat penne, baked like ziti with sauce and mozzarella cheese. Super good and no one the wiser. Very cool. 
Beef Jerky
It takes so long to chew one of these mummified meat bites that it’s more of a hobby than a snack. I took a sample from a pack that was lingering in our house from Christmas. The bag has a giant Jeff Foxworthy face on it, lending another level of low-brow to an already low-brow treat. Not sure how it got here, and no one is admitting to anything, but smart money is on my husband. Anyway, it was salty and rich and time consuming, both dry and greasy at the same time. You have to really get in touch with your wild side to gnaw off a chunk. One bite was definitely enough. But if I were lost in the woods, hours away from any other edibles, I wouldn’t turn down another taste.
Pistachio Ice Cream
Well, this was disappointing. It wasn’t green. Isn’t pistachio ice cream supposed to be green? That’s one of the reasons I’d always shied away from it: out-of-context green. But when I opened this it looked like a batch of unassuming vanilla. How hard is that to like? Pretty hard, I guess. The ice cream part was too darn sweet. (A standard flaw with these hippie pints from Vermont — although I would happily die in a vat of AmeriCone Dream.) But the nuts made it somewhat palatable. I think with enough chocolate sauce I can get through the carton.
Pesto
Yes, this is supposed to be on something, not in a cup to the side of a meatloaf spread. But I was at lunch at Lake Placid’s Chair 6 Restaurant and I wanted the meatloaf special (it was great). I also wanted to try something new, so I asked for some of their Mediterranean Pesto on the side (a lot like regular pesto, with some red peppers thrown in). This request got a funny look from the waiter, but he complied. It really wasn’t as strange a mix as you might think. It gave a pop of fresh to an otherwise heavy dish (not that I have anything against heavy dishes). So we have another winner. Better try something gross soon or my frowny faces will get lonely.
Crispy Spicy Tuna Roll
I ate sushi! And I liked it. Never would have figured. True, I stacked the deck by ordering a variety where the rice/seaweed roll was deep-fried (always a point in a food’s favor). Then there was just a dollop of tuna on top, with a bit of wasabi sauce. Amazingly good.
Creamed Collard Greens (with bacon!)
According to my friend the internet, it’s traditional (at least in the American South) to eat collard greens on New Year’s Day. Supposed to bring more money in the coming year. I like money, so I decided to give this a try. (Find the recipe I used here.) Normally the word “creamed” would have been a red flag. Texture, you know. But I couldn’t resist a vegetable dish that included bacon. The procedure took me way longer than I consider seemly in a veggie. And I completely wrecked my kitchen. But it was worth it. I think I would have even liked it without the bacon. Go figure. Oh, and I learned that there’s such a thing as a Turkish bay leaf, and that béchamel is just a fancy word for the white sauce I’ve made for years.
Fluffernutter
The internet calls this a “distinctly American” treat. (There’s even a catchy jingle.) Still, it took me nearly four decades to run across one. And I’m pretty sure this nutritionally suspect white-bread snack doesn’t do anything for our country’s reputation. But it’s really not half-bad. Kind of like eating a candy sandwich, if you’re into that sort of thing. Maybe I’m coming around to out-of-context sweet? Baby steps.
Kimchi
This stuff is great. I don’t think I can go wrong with any interpretation of cabbage. I’ll have to experiment with some of this in my soups. But it seems like I’m doomed to stumble a bit as I grope through the dimly lit aisles of culinary knowledge. With Kimchi, I accidentally picked up an extra-spicy version. And, wow, they’re not kidding. So next time I’m going to tone that down a bit. (Although, when I opened the jar, I think my husband found the second love of his life. He’s been hitting it pretty hard.)
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