Whiskey Fire

Super Sunny Christmas

Yah.

No Need for Further Questioning

Teachers ought not to have sex with their students. This is well known. What is less well-known is that until the invention of Twitter, teachers never had sex with their students.

Faced with scandals and complaints involving teachers who misuse social media, school districts across the country are imposing strict new guidelines that ban private conversations between teachers and their students on cellphones and online platforms like Facebook and Twitter.

This is an interesting sentence. The "scandals" in question involve teachers either having sex with their students, or else propositioning or coercing their students into sex. "Misusing social media" is an odd way of describing such behavior.

But Thers! You exclaim, don't we know for a FACT that there is a Terrifying National Epidemic of teachers having sex with students?

While there is no national public database of sexual misconduct by teachers, dozens of cases have made local headlines around the country this year.

DOZENS.

Meanwhile, there are how many American students, and how many teachers?

These "dozens" of cases ought to be perceived by anyone even dimly acquainted with math as "extremely rare." There's a reason these "cases" are so shocking. They almost never happen.

Enacting Strict Policies as regards Twitter or Facebook won't do anything to "protect kids." Look:

“My concern is that it makes it very easy for teachers to form intimate and boundary-crossing relationships with students,” said Charol Shakeshaft, chairwoman of the Department of Educational Leadership at Virginia Commonwealth University, who has studied sexual misconduct by teachers for 15 years. “I am all for using this technology. Some school districts have tried to ban it entirely. I am against that. But I think there’s a middle ground that would allow teachers to take advantage of the electronic technology and keep kids safe.”

OK... "Gosh, I never would have had sex with that 13 year old student of mine, but Facebook was just so darn boundary-crossing."

MAS. Lots of media attention paid to extremely rare Facebooky/student/teacher sex, rather less paid to homeless schoolchildren. Yay, us.

Fuck Haiku

I never met Chris Hitchens.

Based on what he wrote, I hate him.

The end.

I came of age in that magic time when Hitchens was deliberately acting like a lying shithead about Bill Clinton. In that time, Hitchens swallowed whole a pack of idiot lies, and then gave them a megaphone.

And then a decade later, Hitchens was enthusiastic about a stupid war, and he made us "debate" torture. That sure honed our forensic skills! How salutary.

Hitchens seems to have had a gift for making anyone who ever met him personally forgive him for talking horseshit. Well, fuck him anyhow.

MAS. This should end it.

And The Shaft Goes Deeper

Hooray for Washington "grand bargains." The immensely rich won't face a surtax. College students, on the other hand, have to Make Hard Sacrifices.

Republicans and Democrats agreed on much of the budget early in the week, but conflicts over policy riders and extending a payroll tax cut has postponed passage so far. Late Thursday, Congressional budget negotiators were reported to have reached an agreement, with little time to spare: if Congress could not compromise, the government would have shut down at midnight Saturday.

The bill, HR 3671, draws from ideas put forward in Republican and Democratic spending plans earlier this year: it would preserve the maximum Pell Grant at $5,550, but change the program’s eligibility criteria, making at least 100,000 of its 9 million recipients ineligible. The grants could be used for a total of 12 semesters, not 18, as in the past -- a change that would affect an estimated 62,000 beneficiaries and take effect July 1, 2012....

The maximum amount families could earn and automatically contribute nothing toward an undergraduate education would decrease from $30,000 to $23,000. Students without a high school diploma or the equivalent would also be barred from receiving the grants, so students could no longer qualify by taking the controversial "ability to benefit" tests....

To help pay for the grants, the “grace period” on subsidized undergraduate direct loans -- when the government pays the interest for six months after a student graduates or leaves college -- would be eliminated for loans made between July 1, 2012, and July 1, 2014.

I suppose it's good that the Obama administration won out on its "priority" to keep the Pell Grant maximum at $5500. But "it could have been worse," yet again, does not mean "it doesn't stink."

One thing the Occupy movement deserves credit for is that the nastiness of the student loan business has at least, and at last, become a blip on the national-conversation radar. And, predictably, the response from the government is to make student loans a little bit rottener.

This isn't even close to the worst thing in the budget/payroll tax Grand Bargains, but it's nevertheless depressing. The function of our government is to make life worse for everyone except the absurdly privileged -- we knew that already, but they're determined to keep hitting us over the head with it.

Christopher Hitchens Is Dead

Will I ever feel anything remotely charitable towards anyone who was a cheerleader for the Iraq war?

Someone who at the time was a perfect shit towards the people who were, you know, right? And who never apologized?

(Rummaging through conscience)

Nope.

On the whole, Hitchens was contemptible. Sorry he's dead, I guess, but, fucking spare me the hagiobullshit.

I hate him worse for writing well. You should too.

 

Submarine Teams

The things you learn from reading Townhall.

Pro-abortion? Why not use Tim Tebow's success to fund abortions for millions of women who "need them?"

Huh. Well... why not?

I would not have read this if it were not for Townhall, so, uh, thanks, Townhall?

if you’re a sports fan that also thinks women should be able to do what they want, when they want, and how they want it with their uteri, you can join in this too. For every touchdown Tebow throws next week (when the Broncos play against another famous QB, Tom Brady) , donate $5 or $10 to your local pro-choice organization. If the Broncos make the playoffs (I haven’t checked if that’s even a possibility at this point), I plan to continue the pledge.

I figure this is indeed the best way to enjoy football, support Tim Tebow (more touchdowns, mannn!!!), and give , give, give to pro-choice organizations earning little to no glory, yet desperately in need of funds.

Fair enough, but I'll just give the money. If Planned Parenthood gets five bucks for every TD pass Tebow will ever throw in his career, they will someday make three hundred dollars.

Time Wounds All Heels

Andrew Sullivan ♥ Ron Paul. Why? They do have a few things in common, racism being the primary commonality. And now that Sullivan has made his move, he is very self-righteously angry at FOXNews's Chris Wallace, because the Republican Media Establishment mentioned Rep. Paul's racist past. Close to home, Sully?

Notice how Wallace is entirely of the Republican Media Establishment. They (and his boss, Roger Ailes) have decided quite consciously to erase Ron Paul from coverage, or have discussion of him (as with Hannity's dredging up the old racist newsletters as the first item when discussing Paul last night) loaded immediately with scorn, and derision.

After all, racism disappears w/ time. Indeed, anything that may have been said or reported way back there in the '90s is over & should be forgotten. How dare they bring up someone's past, as if it had meaning? Like that Bell Curve stuff, which Andy has completely forgotten. Oh, he hasn't? He's still beating that horse? (Perfectly OK when Andy brings it up himself, of course. Because then it's not racism, it's sciencism!)

— M. Bouffant (Also here.)

Bob Cratchit Had an iPhone

The new American century.

Squeezed by rising living costs, a record number of Americans — nearly 1 in 2 — have fallen into poverty or are scraping by on earnings that classify them as low income.

The latest census data depict a middle class that's shrinking as unemployment stays high and the government's safety net frays. The new numbers follow years of stagnating wages for the middle class that have hurt millions of workers and families.

"Safety net programs such as food stamps and tax credits kept poverty from rising even higher in 2010, but for many low-income families with work-related and medical expenses, they are considered too 'rich' to qualify," said Sheldon Danziger, a University of Michigan public policy professor who specializes in poverty.

"The reality is that prospects for the poor and the near poor are dismal," he said. "If Congress and the states make further cuts, we can expect the number of poor and low-income families to rise for the next several years."

But the real problem?

Robert Rector, a senior research fellow at the conservative Heritage Foundation, questioned whether some people classified as poor or low-income actually suffer material hardship. He said that while safety-net programs have helped many Americans, they have gone too far, citing poor people who live in decent-size homes, drive cars and own wide-screen TVs.

You Expect Me to Approve

So the other day we discussed a Canadian woman who bills herself as a Sassy Christian Wife who offers Sassy Sexy Christian Wife Sex Talk about Sexy Sassy Christian Wife Marriage Sex-Talking, and also Jesus. She's written books about these sorts of things, and these books allegedly appeal to people who pay cash money to hear these sorts of things. Hence, she is an Expert. Sort of precisely like St. Augustine, only sassy.

We were hardly the only site with nothing better to do than to take a bazooka to this low-hanging pinata filled up with sassy Christian sex talk about why even though modern sex toys can give women fantastic orgasms because of anatomy, as our Canadian friend conceded, scientific studies show by science that you have to be married, ladies, to truly enjoy a right proper orgasm. And Jesus approved.

But we are the first site to actually have the patience (I was procrastinating) to try to figure out just what Our Canadian friend meant by a Scientific Study.

And that’s where I feel sorry for people, because as much as they may think Christians are boring, the truth is that we’re having more fun. In the largest scale studies of relationships ever done, Maggie Gallagher and Linda Waite found that married people had better sex than any other category of relationship, including cohabiting couples. Cohabiting couples had more frequent sex, but they didn’t enjoy it as much. Marriage matters.

SCIENCE!

Anyway, here is our Canadian friend explaining why -- as part of, I shit you not, "Wifey Wednesdays" -- if you are a Christian wife, and your husband wants to fuck, and you don't want to fuck, you are a selfish shit and you should fuck anyhow, you nasty teasing whore: "if you don’t have a good reason for saying no tonight, why not say yes? You’ll sleep better, your relationship will improve, and you’ll be happier. So jump in!"

Jesus...

White House Will Not Veto Banana Republic Bill

Surprised?

If you imagined that it was Joseph Isadore Lieberman who was sworn into office on Jan 20, 2009, then nothing this Administration has done would come as a surprise.

P.S. Scott Horton

And now for some relief:

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.)

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Clown Two

So neither Donald Trump nor the feral badger that lives on his head are hosting GOP debate #784,231.

What luck for the GOP. They just narrowly avoided making their entire presidential nominating process look foolish.

Now they can have a Very Serious Debate that is sponsored by... Newsmax.

(This, by the way, is the cover of the current issue of Newsmax Magazine, available today at newsstands everywhere. That's some cutting edge analysis, right there.)

MAS. Also from Newsmax, one of the Greatest Sentences Ever, from a generic thumbsucker about how Ivory Tower Liberals Have Ruined Everything by banning Western Civilization Courses:

From the triumphs of the West, e.g. individual rights, the rule of law, minority rights, free markets, the search for truth, the separation of church and state emerged as a form of curriculum apologetics for racism, imperialism, sexism, colonialism. The course that stood as the foundation stone in the curriculum was shattered like pie crust by an ideological bandwagon.

I think the worst crime perpetrated by Leftist Academic Elites was how they forcibly rounded up traditionally separate-but-equal metaphors and, at gunpoint, compelled them to miscegenate. Oh the humanities.

Moose

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.)

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Like Rockets through Molasses

Here is a FUN Mental Exercise CHALLENGE. Play along at home, or at work, or even while driving! It is not only fun, this fun mental exercise challenge, but also challenging, and exercisingly mental, plus fun. Also it involves orgasms. And Jesus.

STEP ONE. Imagine that you are a woman.

Note. If you actually are a woman, this part of the Mental Exercise Challenge ought to be relatively easy. But these are early days yet. Don't get cocky. As it were.

Note. If you are not sure whether you qualify as a woman according to Established Professional Standards, examine the picture below, which Top MIT Research Scientists agree constitutes a woman. Procure a mirror. Compare!

STEP TWO. Imagine that you are a woman who enjoys fantastic orgasms.

Note. "I got this covered!" you may be saying to yourself, be you an actual or imagined woman: "Categorically, NO! Fantastic Orgasms suck! As do fantastic orgasm sucking related activities!"

If, uh, if this is your response, you can, like, stop reading. The rest of the Fun Mental Exercise Challenge is sort of biased towards the debauched minority amongst us of fantastic-orgasm-enjoyers. Just thought you should know.

So, surely, most of youse don't much care for fantastic orgasms and have thus quit reading this post. However I shall soldier on. Such is my dedication to my craft.

Note. We hates fantastic orgasms, Precious.

STEP THREE. Imagine that right up there with fantastic orgasms, you enjoy Jesus. It's, like, a tie.

Note. Who doesn't enjoy a tasty Jesus every now and then? It's been a rough week. Come Friday night, all you want to do is go out for cheeseburgers and just unwind with a tall, cold, delicious Jesus.

Note. Sweet frosty Christ, yum.

 

STEP FOUR. Who is going to win, ladies -- your desire for a fantastic orgasm -- or your fear that IF YOU USE SOME SORT OF ORGASM MACHINE TO HAVE AN ORGASM, THAT MIGHT PISS OFF JESUS, WHO IS YOUR BOYFRIEND? IT IS A FIGHT!

Note. Uh, what....?

STEP FIVE. YOU FUCKING HEARD ME.

Note. No, you lost me.

STEP SIX. If you are a WOMAN, Jesus should be your boyfriend. ONLY HE SHOULD DELIGHT YOUR LADY BITS, and His Instrument is your Husband.

Note. Holy shit, you've been reading that crazy Canadian goof!

STEP SEVEN. YES. WE HAVE BEEN READING THAT CRAZY CANADIAN GOOF!

Note. Have you noticed the Amusing Contradictions here? Observe:

Yes, God designed us to be orgasmic

Note. And... interestingly...

And interestingly, studies have shown that the people who actually enjoy sex the most, and the women who are most likely to orgasm during sex, are those in committed, religious marriages.

Note. (STUDIES! Magical studies published by Sexy God Unicorn Press!) But...

Most guys aren’t that big. And they can’t vibrate like that. Do you really want to get reliant on something your husband can never be for an orgasm?

So, uh, the clear conclusion is, non-cited citations of "studies" aside...

STEP EIGHT. Exactly! Jesus wants women to get married so as to have orgasms inferior to those they can get through inexpensive sex toys.

Note. Jesus sounds like kind of a jealous, insecure asshole.  

Note. But let us be charitable. Shorter Jesus: "I could totally make your pubes quake, Mary M, if I weren't NAILED TO THIS FUCKING TREE."

Note. "But actually that feels kinda nice, honey... er, yeah, it's, uh, part of My Plan...

A little more to the left...

Oh yeah...

That's it...

Sweet... fucking... ME....!!!!!"

[I'm almost halfway 100% ashamed of this joke, but not quite. --Thers]

STEP NINE. Clearly, Jesus wants you to come, if you are a woman. Just only when hubby induces it. On the three or four occasions, lifetime, when you''re trying to make babies.

Note. Here is why, according to this Canadian loon, Christian women have orgasms:

Because they’re the least likely to feel divorce is an option, so they’re with this person for life. And commitment is the best aphrodisiac!

STEP TEN. Oh, baby, you are so the only choice for genital pleasure I have before Death's Sweet Carress.

Note. Uh... yeah... Lou Rawls ain't got shit on that...

 

 

Higgs boson versus the G.O.P. Primary

Jeff Forshaw

I have been waiting more than 20 years for this. Personally, I am most excited by the possibility that there is no Higgs particle and that nature has chosen a different path. If that is the case, then we are going to have to be patient for a little longer. It will be worth the wait. Jeff Forshaw is a professor of theoretical physics, University of Manchester, and co-author with Brian Cox of The Quantum Universe: Everything That Can Happen Does Happen (Allen Lane)

Mary and Ian Butterworth, Imperial College London, and Doris and Vigdor Teplitz, Southern Methodist University, Dallas, Texas, USA

How Particles Acquire Mass The Higgs boson is a hypothesised particle which, if it exists, would give the mechanism by which particles acquire mass. Matter is made of molecules; molecules of atoms; atoms of a cloud of electrons about one-hundred-millionth of a centimetre and a nucleus about one-hundred-thousandth the size of the electron cloud. The nucleus is made of protons and neutrons. Each proton (or neutron) has about two thousand times the mass of an electron. We know a good deal about why the nucleus is so small. We do not know, however, how the particles get their masses. Why are the masses what they are? Why are the ratios of masses what they are? We can't be said to understand the constituents of matter if we don't have a satisfactory answer to this question.

Rick Santorum:

Discussing controversial classroom subjects such as evolution and global warming, Santorum said he has suggested that “science should get out of politics” and he is opposed to teaching that provides a “politically correct perspective.”

Any Questions?

Summary: CERN operates the Large Hadron Collider.

The G.O.P. operates the Large Hardon Collider.

UPDATE: I finally got around to trying to fix the suet feeder.

I'm guessing Downy.

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.)

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The Useless Fade in Time

Rick Santorum, who is an idiot, decided that he would tell the sort of morons who would vote for him something stupid.

The Des Moines Register reports from a Santorum campaign stop at the University of Northern Iowa, where he talked about education:

Discussing controversial classroom subjects such as evolution and global warming, Santorum said he has suggested that “science should get out of politics” and he is opposed to teaching that provides a “politically correct perspective.”

Here is a test. If you read this and think, "gosh. That is very peculiar" -- congratulations! You are not Ann Althouse!

TPM follows up with a cute Simpsons reference — "A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion!" But what was Santorum really saying? "Science Should Get Out Of Politics" is the kind of provocative line that can work in a speech precisely because it has a bad interpretation. The listeners perk up, and the speaker proceeds to lead them to a very good interpretation. I'm sure there's a Greek name for that rhetorical device.

I'm likewise sure there is a Greek term for this sort of comical assplay, but damned if I can figure out just what it might be.

MAS. This from Althouse is even more fascinating. "That campaign is affecting web searches on his name that it's hard to Google for anything serious about Santorum."

The worst Dan Savage ever did for this tit is to give him one particular clown hat; the git was always going to embarrass himself uniquely somehow...

You Realize, Climate Scientists, They Rape Children

TownHall has published an article drawing a moral equivalence between Jerry Sandusky and Michael Mann.

This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen online.

Santa's Idiot Helper

I have long been of the opinion that even by the dismal standards set by his fellow Congrisscritters, Ed Towns was an isufferable twerp.

Everybody hates telemarketing. That the GOP wants to pass a bill to allow corporations to send horribly annoying robocalls to your cell phone ought to be seen a delightful holiday present by any Democrat with even a vestigial political instinct. Say want nasty things you want about Charles Schumer, and I have, he knows how to play this.

But Ed Towns? The lone Democratic co-sponsor? And this is his explanation?

During the hearing, I thought it was especially interesting to hear how this 20-year old law prevents consumers from getting useful information about their accounts using technology that did not exist when the law was originally passed.  Do we really want to stop FedEx or UPS using modern technology to deliver your holiday gifts on time?  Of course not, but that is what we heard at the hearing is one consequence of this 20-year old law.

Right. That's precisely why the nice corporate lobbyists want their clients to send you constant robocalls -- they just want to make sure all the good little boys and girls get their Christmas presents on time! Why don't you want little children to get  their Christmas toys? Why do you want to make Santa cry?

Or perhaps the True Meaning of Christmas is that Ed Towns wants to make people's lives more annoying in order to make more money for rich people.

Oh Fuck Me

Really? The New Republic, arguing for why we should root for Obama/Gingrich:

we would have a fair chance of having a true contest of ideas and ideals between two smart men.

Fuck fuck fuck you fuckitty fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK YOOOOOOOO.

Fuck.

Really?

YES. FUCK.

Fucking hell...

Opologists Cheered by Startling Reappearance of Campaign-Mode Obama

President Obama gave a speech yesterday in Osawatomie, Kansas, the site of Theodore Roosevelt's New Nationalism Address on August 31, 1910. (Full text at the Guardian.)

And now for some shorters.

Bob Reich: The Barack Obama for whom we voted in 2008 IS BACK!!!

The New York Times: Obama promises change if elected President.

The Washington Post: All very well, but let's hear more about cutting Social Security.

Glenn Kessler, Fact Checker at The War Criminal Post: OMG Obama is so mean to rich people!

And now for something completely different: A dose of facts from Yves Smith at naked capitalism:

The misdirection is blindingly obvious. The claim is that the Administration needs new tools to get tough on banks. No, it has plenty of tools, starting with Sarbanes Oxley. As we’ve discussed at length in earlier posts, Sarbox was designed to eliminate the CEO and top brass “know nothing” excuse. And the language for civil and criminal charges is parallel, so a prosecutor could file civil charges, and if successful, could then open up a related criminal case. Sarbox required that top executives (which means at least the CEO and CFO) certify the adequacy of internal controls, and for a big financial firm, that has to include risk controls and position valuation. The fact that the Administration didn’t attempt to go after, for instance, AIG on Sarbox is inexcusable. The “investigation” done by Andrew Ross Sorkin in his Too Big To Fail (Willumstad not having a good handle on the cash bleed, the sudden discovery of a $20 billion hole in the securities lending portfolio, the mysterious “unofficial vault” with billions of dollars of securities in file cabinets) all are proof of an organization with seriously deficient controls.

But more broadly, it’s blindingly obvious this Administration has never had the slightest interest in doing anything more serious than posture.

Finally, a blood pressure-reducing video:

UPDATE: Here's a couple of items I forgot to include yesterday, and one from today.

Tengrain suggests changing your registration to a third party or Independent.

Last, from Micah Sifry's Twitter:

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.)

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The Terrorists Are Winning

LAPD, terrorists.

Yeah, I said it.