Saturday Blonde Joke

This one is from Randy.

Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?

A: She changed her name to JKM345.

Saturday Boobage 12-3-2011

AOTW 12-2-2011

In honor of his announcement of his retirement, I'm gonna give it to the Banking Queen, Bawney Fwank.

I don't know if there has ever been a member of Congress who has done more harm to this country than good ol' Bawney. He was defending Frannie and Freddie two months before they collapsed. He has prolly been wrong on every single liberal idea that he has managed to get through Congress and passed into law. Stuff that would have gotten any congresscritter with even an ounce of shame to resign, like having a boyfriend run a gay prostitution ring out of his town house, didn't bother Bawney one bit. And his constituents had to be a bunch of booger eatin' moh-rons for reelecting this asshole for the last thirty years.

I also hear that on top of everything else he is a mean bitch. He'd just as soon step on you as to look at you. He doesn't give a shit if he's wrong about everything, which he has been. He doesn't even like people. He's a vicious, bitter old queen. Congress will be a better place with him gone. Too bad he's not leaving immediately.

Gummint Literacy

Saw this letter at Boortz

Click on image for a larger version.

This reminds me of a letter sent to our group by our 2nd line manager (My boss's boss) right before he retired. It was pretty obvious as to how he made it that high as it was written in Ebonics. As such, there were many grammatical errors as well as spelling errors. He obviously didn't know how to use spell check, as well. One of the sentences referred to "the hories of 9/11". I remarked to one of my coworkers that this is what happens when you fire all of the secretaries. A good secretary would have cleaned up most of the errors.

I'm sure my sister and her husband will get a kick out of this since they live in South Carolina.

Foreign Aid

Ron sent me this video.

I did not know that all the foreign aid is in one bill. Aid to each country should be considered separately. I agree that we should not be sending aid to countries that hate us or countries that are our enemies. I would immediately cut off all aid to the Paleostinians. They're a bunch of barbarian assholes. Let them get money from the oil rich Arab countries. As for Pakistan, we have to bribe them so we can use their country as a supply line to Afghanistan. We have to bribe Egypt to be nice to Israel. If the Moo-slime Brotherhood takes over they might break off relations with Israel. We'll prolly still bribe them but it won't do any good. It was the Moo-slime Brotherhood who assassinated Sadat for signing a peace treaty with Israel. The Moo-slime Brotherhood hates Jews.

All that being said, foreign aid is really just a drop in the bucket compared to all of our other spending. I would go after a lot of low hanging fruit and cut the budgets of agencies that are not doing the jobs they were designed to do, like the Department of Energy and the Department of Education. Are we energy independent yet? Not even close. We rely even more on foreign oil. Have the schools improved? Nope. Two bureaucracies, two epic failures.

Keep in mind that the Department of Energy and the Department of Education came from the Carter administration. Jimmah Carter. The gift that keeps on giving. At least he is no longer the worst president in our history. That title goes to Jug Hussein Ears Downgrade. It was also Jimmah who created the bribes to Israel and Egypt to play nice together.

And I would really go after the EPA before it totally destroys the country.

More On AARP

Ron has more to say on AARP.

Keep getting junk mail from AARP telling me about the wonderful things they're doing for older people

Actually, it should read, the wonderful things they're doing to people, like supporting ObummerCare which will only make things worse for old people on Medicare. Ain't that wonderful?

. . . AND asking me for money. Since they gave me postage-paid addressed return envelope, I sent 'em this:

As a patriotic senior citizen who strenuously resists the policies of left-wing organizations, particularly inexperienced and inept and probably ineligible socialists such as the one occupying The People�s House on Pennsylvania Avenue, D.C., I have no use for AARP.

Neither do I. Anything from AARP goes directly from my mailbox to my trashcan. This shit started when I was 50 years old before I even found out that AARP was backstabbing the very people it was supposedly helping. This became obvious when they started shilling for ObummerCare.

Your support of the ObamaCare bill, particularly its inherent MediCare cuts for the purpose of your deriving profits from its implementation, runs counter to the needs and priorities of our aging society.

Further, your faux support of and renting your organization�s name to insurance companies as lures to promote their products is a poorly disguised ploy to further exploit and victimize the disabled and elderly in pursuit of monetary profit.

As I said. They're backstabbing the people they claim they are advocating for. Kinda like the Dimocrat Party which likes to keep blacks poor and dependent upon gummint and then when that dependency is revealed as a colossal failure (poor blacks not knowing what to do when Katrina hit and the state and local gummint failing to provide relief) they blame it on Republicans.

AARP�s policies run counter to my convictions and to my opinion of what is needed to restore economic stability to the nation and its silver foxes. Your self-serving organization is interested only in profit, not in protecting the assets and the rights of seniors.

As I have no use for your services and find your business practices duplicitous, your politics distasteful, and your advertising deceitful, further correspondence between you and me seems downright silly. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

My name and street address are on the returned membership application. No other data from me are necessary for removal of my name from your solicitation lists. As a matter of principle, I do not engage in conversation with fonebots.

This response, though unnecessary and likely doomed to the circular file, is made because of your SASE. Time will tell me if anyone has read and acted upon it.

Don't hold your breath Ron.

One of these days, I'll have to arrange to meet Ron in person since we seem to share the same thought processes. Then, I could thank him in person for all the posts he gives me when I don't have anything to write about.

Two Vents

I read the following vents in this morning's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation. The first one is similar to sumpin' I read on a blog a few days ago.

I love Christmas lights. They remind me of politicians. They all hang together, half the suckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright

The second one was from a booger eatin' moh-ron.

Ask anyone who lives in a country with universal health care, for example Canada and the UK, and all you'll hear is how much they love the system and they will fight tooth and nail to keep it.

Golly. I don't even have to ask. A Canadian made the following comment on this post last week.

Hi Grouch, I live in Ontario, Canada where we have 'free' health care.

It works like this.

I am told how much to pay in taxes towards OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan). I am not free to say no or bargain. I am not free to purchase medical insurance so I could pay my doctor directly.

Or to pass go and collect $200. Sorry. Couldn't help it. It is a gummint monopoly.

My doctor is told that for seeing a patient, she will be paid X amount. To make a profit to pay the rent for the clinic and pay her assistants and her mortgage, she has to see one patient every ten minutes. You figure out how thoroughly she can diagnose a patient in ten minutes and do the government paperwork to make sure she gets paid. She is not free to refuse treatment or bargain for a higher payment. She is not free to 'extra bill' me, i.e. asking for a co-payment from me, that is illegal. The doctor is effectively an indentured servant to the state.

A panel of appointed anonymous bureaucrats decides what treatments and tests will be covered by OHIP. Treatments are only approved if they are deemed to be cost effective, not on whether they give a higher chance of survival for the patient. I am not free to appeal their decision were I to need a treatment that is not approved due to high cost. I have to accept the cheaper treatment with a lower survival rate.

Hmmmm. Kinda sounds like a death panel to me, but what do I know. "A rose by any other name..."

In summation, nothing about free government health care is free.

P.S.
The Ontario government will spend $47B dollars on 13 million citizens this year. That's over $3,600 per person. The waiting list for an MRI is 3 months, the waiting list to see an Orthopedic surgeon is 9 months and there is a years-long waiting list to have a family doctor. You are not free to go directly to a specialist, you must have a referral from a GP. Got a sore shoulder? First wait three weeks to see your GP to get a referral. Then wait six to nine months to see the surgeon. Then wait three months for the MRI. Then make an appointment to see the surgeon again, three months this time, since you're an existing patient. If you need surgery wait six months for an operating room. There are months long waiting lists for surgery and people are dying on waiting lists and in the emergency room waiting to be seen. So there is very little good about the system either.

But he's not done. He made another comment on the same post.

Hi Everybody, what I commented last night isn't half of the story. Here are a few more snippets and observations.

In Canada, the Universities where medicine is taught are funded and controlled by the provinces. In the '90s, the NDP * Ontario government decided that to control future costs they would limit the number of medical students. The plan (I won't call it thinking) was less doctors = less patient visits =lower costs. As you might guess there is now a doctor shortage.

I'm shocked! There we go with another example of liberals trying to circumvent that old supply and demand thingy. Funny how that never works.

Many Canadian doctors and nurses 'go foreign' right out of University to make big bucks overseas to pay off their debt. Under the payment schedule that the government imposes it would be almost impossible to pay off their student debt, buy a house and start a family. This is part of what is referred to as the 'brain drain' up here. The local hospital in Hawkesbury put up a $5000 bounty to anyone who could find a doctor willing to work the emergency room. In remote northern communities the municipal governments will offer inducements such as free housing, clinic space and signing bonuses to attract a family doctor.

There was a well known case in the papers a few years ago. A woman was diagnosed with a brain tumour and given six months to live. She was told she had to wait NINE month for the neurosurgery. She went to Texas (I think) for the surgery and requested compensation for the $160,000 it cost and was initially turned down as OHIP only pays for treatment in Canada.

There is now a 'medical tourism' industry in Canada. Canadians with enough money fly to India or Germany to have hip and knee replacement rather than hobbling around on a cane for a year. Package cost including airfare $10-20,000. The USA is another destination but the costs are much higher, due to the legions of ambulance chasers there. By the way, delaying surgery on one knee puts a greater strain on the other leg, ruining that knee so the waiting lists get ever longer. The worst part is the righteous indignation from some twits up here that such people have 'cheated'. A true socialist wants everyone to share in the misery equally, to use your resources that you have earned in order to spare yourself pain is unfair in their eyes.

When I went for shoulder surgery last time I was wheeled into the OR at 11.30 AM and overheard the nurses saying this was the last surgery of the day. I asked the surgeon about that the next time he saw me. He explained that the nurses in the recovery room work until 4 PM and since it takes 4 hours for the patient to recover from the anesthesia, therefore the last elective surgery of the day has to be finished by noon. The hospital is owned and operated by the province, the government administrator does not have the budget to pay for a second shift of nurses in the recovery room until 8pm. Can you imagine any businessman allowing a valuable resource like an operating room to be used for only 4 hours a day when there is a line-up of customers?

If you need glasses the optometrist will see you tomorrow. Laser surgery for your eyes, come right in and sit down. The dentist can see you today if you have a toothache. The physiotherapist will start your therapy today if there's a spot available. Your dog can have an operation today. All these things are not covered by OHIP so the free market reigns and it works well.

My best advice to you is to fight this with every ounce of strength you possess. If you lose in the courts and at the ballot box, pull out the cartridge box and restore 'we the people' to their rightful place as master of the government. If you want the help of a guy with two bad shoulders, I'll come down and help.

* NDP = New Democrat Party, the only major political party in Canada that ever sent money to ComIntern and its successor SocIntern during the cold war. Members in Toronto helped fund the raising of a statue of Lenin there while we had troops in Germany to defend it from the CCCP.

What I wonder, is when ObummerCare is fully implemented, where are Canadians gonna go when they cannot come to the US to get the treatments that they have to wait for in Canada? Looks like even more people will go to India for surgery.

Thanks to my Canadian reader for writing my post today. After 2014 when ObummerCare becomes the law of the land, we'll be able to suffer together.

Y'all do realize that if you like your doctor or your insurance, you'll not be able to keep them. Jug Hussein Ears Downgrade lied through his teeth. ObummerCare is designed to put private health care insurance companies out of business. It's the proverbial camel's nose under the tent. It will mess up the health care industry so much that the people will demand the politicians "do something". That something will be single payer gummint run health care. Mark my words. That will happen within the next ten years if we do not repeal ObummerCare before 2014.

Elections have consequences. Hope and change = We're doomed! But we did elect the first black president. Whoopie! Affirmative action met the Peter Principle. I saw affirmative action and the Peter Principle with IBM so what happened with Oblamebush didn't surprise me one bit.

An aside.

No. Not all black managers at IBM were incompetent, but I did see many who got promoted over more competent whites because of skin color. I saw incompetent black employees moved from one branch office to another because no manager wanted to step up to all of the bullshit required to fire a black and the resulting law suit. It took a year's worth of documentation and even then, IBM would offer the guy severance if he would quit to avoid the court costs. That's why when I went back to work after my accident, I worked my ass off so no one would say I was a "diversity dude." And no one did.

End aside.

He's an empty suit with no experience who is in over his head. His only skill is reading a TelePrompTer. That and his skin color got him elected to be the most powerful man in the world. OMFG! I'm a racist for pointing out that the emperor has no clothes. Sorry. The emperor is naked as a jaybird and we're paying the price. Of course, this just gives me an excuse to wonder how Peggy Joseph is doing.

I see that Instapundit is posting this video a lot now.

Dear Andrew Breitbart: Track down Peggy Joseph and see how she's doing and if her mortgage has been paid off and her gas tank is full.

What The Hell Are We Paying Him For?

Christie nails it!

Saw this on Gateway Pundit.

For the record, I would like to see either Chris Christie or Mitch Daniels in the Oval Office. Both of them are successful governors. I'm reading Mitch Daniels' book and I will review it at a later date.

Who's On Unemployment

Nuttin to post today. Thankfully I have Ron in the bullpen. He sent me a parody on unemployment done by Barry Levinson. Holy crap! It appeared on the Puffington Host of all places.

Unemployment as reported is at 9 percent. But it's actually more than 16 percent. Some smart statistician came up with a distinction. A slight of hand to make the unemployment number tolerable rather than frightening. The concept was simple: 9 percent are unemployed and are actively looking for work. The 16 percent includes those who gave up and are no longer actively looking for work. So those casualties are no longer counted. They cease to exist. The 9 percent is a fake. A sham. And worthy of an Abbott & Costello routine. If that great comedy team were still alive, the routine on our unemployment woes might go something like this. (By Barry Levinson)

COSTELLO
I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.
ABBOTT
Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.
COSTELLO
That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT
No, that's 16%.
COSTELLO
You just said 9%.
ABBOTT
9% Unemployed.
COSTELLO
Right 9% out of work.
ABBOTT
No, that's 16%.
COSTELLO
Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT
No, that's 9%...
COSTELLO
WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?
ABBOTT
9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.
COSTELLO
IF you are out of work you are unemployed?
ABBOTT
No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.
COSTELLO
BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
ABBOTT
No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO
What point?
ABBOTT
Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.
COSTELLO
To who?
ABBOTT
The unemployed.
COSTELLO
But they are ALL out of work.
ABBOTT
No, the unemployed are actively looking for work... Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO
So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT
Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO
The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?
ABBOTT
Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?
COSTELLO
That would be frightening.
ABBOTT
Absolutely.
COSTELLO
Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?
ABBOTT
Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO
Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
ABBOTT
Correct.
COSTELLO
And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?
ABBOTT
Bingo.
COSTELLO
So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.
ABBOTT
Now you're thinking like an economist.
COSTELLO
I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT & COSTELLO did a comedy routine about fictitious ball players called "Who's On First?" The absurdist number of the real unemployed is not a joke.

In other words, we're doomed and it will continue to get worse if we give Jug Hussein Ears Downgrade another term. Look what he's done in only three years.

Unemployment over 9% (even higher if we count the people no longer looking for work or who have part time jobs and want to go full time).

It took Chimpy McHalliburton Bushitler eight years to accrue as much debt as Obungler did in only three years. You're a piker Chimpy. And, there are over trillion dollar deficits as far as the eye can see. Obeengolfing has been AWOL in the budget talks. His last budget was defeated in the Senate 97-0. He's truly an empty suit who is in over his head. Hey asshole! Get your feet off the desk in the Oval Office. Don't you have any respect? Sorry. That was a rhetorical question.

Green jobs. Solyndra is only the tip of the iceberg. How many other failed green energy companies with gummint loans are out there?

An EPA run amok which will cause energy prices to skyrocket. For Obummer, that's not a bug, it's a feature.

Punting on the pipeline from Canada. Canada now sez it's gonna build a pipeline to the coast and sell the oil to China.

Gibson and Boeing.

And the topping on the cake? ObummerCare. Wait until it kicks in in 2014.

If Obozo was trying to destroy this country what would he be doing differently?

As someone wrote: If you voted for Obarky in 2008 to prove you weren't a racist, you need to vote against him in 2012 to prove you aren't an idiot.

So Easy Even A Game Show Host Can Do It

Woody sent me this.

He didn't even go after the Department of Commerce, HUD, or Health and Human Services.

Monday Pun 11-28-2011

Another one from Richard.

Sir Wilber was one of the lesser known Knights of the Round Table. But he was an accomplished furniture maker. His latest creation was a magnificent armoire, which he had covered with pure silver plate. When the piece was polished, it shined like nothing anyone had ever seen.

The medieval hero was not ready to settle down, but Gracie, his girl, wanted to get married right away. She had become tired of waiting and decided to go to Wilber and pop the question herself. When Wilber saw the woman coming, he jumped into the armoire to hide.

Gracie entered Wilber's quarters and looked around. She didn't see anybody and turned to leave. Suddenly Wilber sneezed. Gracie ran to the armoire and flung the door open. There stood Wilber: He was trapped!

The next day, the castle newsletter's headline proclaimed:

Sunday Metal 11-27-2011

How did Megadeth slip under my radar? I didn't discover them until last year. My standard for metal bands is Judas Priest. I like metal bands to have two killer guitarists like Glenn Tipton and K. K. Downing (who has now retired and left the band). Megadeth fits that standard. Mustaine (a good lead guitarist in his own right) has usually had a good lead guitar player to complement his playing. In this selection it's Marty Friedman. I'm glad Mustaine was kicked out of Metallica since he formed Megadeth which is a much better band than Metallica. Megadeth has now passed Judas Priest for most Sunday Metal selections.

This is now my all time favorite Megadeth song. Love the way it starts off with Mustaine playing the 12 string. That opening chord is a bitch! I've been trying to play it but I cannot get my fingers to stretch enough. And I'm doing it with a 6 string. (I'm trying to do an acoustic version of this song.) He's using a 12 string. The nice thing about the 12 string is as he's doing the opening chord progression the third chord sounds like he's chiming which is prolly the effect he was looking for. Then the song just keeps building and getting faster and faster.

The lyrics are really dark. The only thing that I want to know is when did Mustaine meet my ex-girlfriend Jane? This song had to have been written about her since she was a soul sucking bitch and sounds just like the soul sucking bitch in this song. But I'm not bitter. This song was written around 1988, which would have made Jane about 42 when he met her. Knowing Jane, she would have still been hot. Black hair, green eyes, slim figure (which she planned on keeping since she got her tubes tied when she was 25. No stretch marks for her), and a great personality. Plus, she was awesome in bed! The irony here is that she was one of the most insecure women I have ever met. She was worried about losing her looks and figure hence the tubal ligation at a young age. Jane and I were both in love with the same person. Unfortunately for me, it was she.

Mustaine is 15 years younger than Jane. Last I saw Jane was in 1975 when she moved to Chicago. She must have moved to LA to have met Dave. For the record, I dumped Jane. I quit smoking at the same time. I don't know which was harder. Quitting both was good for my health. Smoking for my physical health. Jane for my mental health. It's like the old canard, no matter how hot she is someone, somewhere got tired of putting up with her bullshit. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone who has reached into your chest and ripped your heart out and crushed it, you'll relate to these lyrics.

I chose this version because you can hear the words more clearly. Also Mustaine flips the bird when he sings, "You just laughed. Ha! Ha! you bitch!"

Another good line, "My flesh still crawls as I breathe your name."

You can really hear Ellefson's bass line. Another reason I chose this version. Unfortunately, you can't hear Marty's solo very well. On the 1992 DVD, that CharlieDelta gave me, you can see and hear Marty go wild using the whammy bar. Here's that version with the audience singing along.

Marty didn't write that solo. His predecessor did. I'm curious to how he would have written it. He doesn't usually use a whammy bar on stuff he's written.

This is my favorite Megadeth lineup. Menza really attacks the drums. He can still play one of the bass drums while standing. I like Menza better than their current drummer Shawn Drover, whose brother Glenn was lead guitarist for awhile. He's since been replaced as lead guitar by Chris Broderick, a much better player who is as good if not better than Friedman. Drover really butchers the guitar solo on Tornado of Souls.

Saturday Guitar

Here we have the last movement of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #3 transcribed for guitar. He wrote six of them for the Margrave of Brandeburg. The first time I heard this played on the guitar was by Los Romeros, originally the father and three sons. I immediately bought the album. I saw that lineup live when I lived in St. Louis back in the '80s. The family has carried on the group with the third generation. I wanted to use their version, but the ones I found either had bad sound quality or the video was taken too far from the stage. This one will have to suffice.

No AOTW

Sorry guys. In the spirit of Thanksgiving there was no AOTW. Also, I forgot. Old age sucks!