Today is Samhain.  Many cultures have a day when those who have passed away are remembered.  For most people in the US, it isn't today.  For some of us,  it is.  It doesn't really matter when that day is, though.  What matters is that we take a little time to reflect on the people who are no longer with us and the impressions they left in our lives.

I've had a pretty good year since last Samhain.  I've only lost one person, and that was a relative who I didn't really know.  Usually I have a few more, but I'm glad I only had one.  It isn't easy on anyone to lose a loved one, and I've lost too many over the years.  I came entirely too close to losing my best friend this year.  I don't know if I could have handled that.

Instead of focusing only on the one who I've lost this year,  I want to take a moment to be grateful for those who were in my life long enough before passing through the veil to teach me important lessons.

Sherry - I mentioned her in a comment on someone else's blog.  She knew that she would die young.  She had sickle cell anemia and was in crisis at least three times a month.  It was really hard on her.  Every time I would visit her, at home or in the hospital, or call her, she would always make a point to say, "I love you."  I'm from the South.  I'm very openly affectionate.  I hug my friends.  I even hug my minion at least once a day.  I wasn't used to this, though.  I asked her one day why she always said that.  She told me that she knew she would die young, and she wanted to make sure that everyone she cared about had no question of how she felt when it happened.  She was right.  Most of my friends have gotten used to how I will throw in "I love you" while talking.  Most of them know exactly why I make a point to say it, too.  I was blessed to have Sherry in my life.  She taught me to be more open about my feelings, to make sure that people never question how I feel, and to accept poor health with grace.

My Grandmother - My grandmother was one heck of a woman.  She was pretty much the town flirt (and one of the prettiest girls in town) when she was young.  She met a man, married him, and moved north.  They had six kids.  Then, he died in an accident at work.  From that point on, she raised those six kids by herself.  She didn't back down from anyone.  She was a proper Southern lady, but she wasn't afraid to speak her mind.  One day, a Catholic priest came around looking for donations for a widows and orphans fund.  She told him, "If y'all would turn your pants backwards instead of your collars, we might have some fewer 'orphans,' wouldn't we?"  She taught me to never take crap off anyone. More importantly, she taught me to be strong and handle any situation life throws at me.

Rhonda - Rhonda was taken away far too early.  She was only 22 when she was murdered by a drunk driver.  From her death, I learned to hate drunk drivers with a passion.  From her life, I learned to feel and express my feelings to their fullest.  She taught me that when you love, you should love completely and openly.  Be happy for the love in your life and enjoy every second of it.  Revel in the positives in life, don't hide them.  They can't be taken away from you.  Let the little things which are good become huge, and they'll soon overshadow the little things in life which are bad or annoying.  The bad won't ever go away, but that doesn't mean it has to be the focus.  Learn to focus on the good and sometimes you can see the bad in a different light.

The Too Many Servicemen and Women - Our troops are scattered and fighting many fights.  I won't discuss whether or not I agree with the fights.  What should be the focus right now is that these people have passed through the veil while doing what they believe is right.  They've passed through the veil while trying to protect the very concept of freedom.  They gave everything they had to give and more.

That's my list for now.  Who do you miss?  Who has passed away but is still influencing your life?

Samhain (not pronounced sam-hane, but Sah-wen) is just around the corner already. My, how time slips past. Once again, I'm too far away from my friends to celebrate. I can't get out to see them any time soon because traveling costs a lot of money, and I'm hoping to actually be able to move some time by the end of the year. I miss celebrating Samhain with my friends. I miss harvesting the last few fruits and veggies from my garden and taking them to the picnic. I miss walking through the woods and gathering persimmons and getting some wildcrafting done while we're out there. I miss the bonfire after dark and the reminiscing about those we've lost. Instead, I'll just lock myself inside, make sure all the lights are off, and ignore the brats coming around to demand candy.

I'll probably sit here at my laptop and see what's on Netflix that I haven't already watched in the horror section. I've gotten pretty hooked on Asian horror movies lately. There are some really good ones. Not all are good, but a lot are pretty entertaining. I think I'll share some of the better ones I've found lately.

The Victim This Thai movie was really great the first half, but the change of gears in the second half was a bit odd. It still pulled together very well, though.

Art of the Devil series (the first, AotD 2 and AotD 3) These Thai movies are really creepy, scary to some, sometimes disgusting, sometimes a little hard to follow, but always interesting. I really loved these movies.

Demon Warriors This is another Thai movie. It's far more action than horror, and not really too much horror except the subject matter (dead demon-like people who have killed themselves called "opapatika"). Still, I liked it. Of course, I'm usually pretty easily entertained.

Audition This Japanese film wasn't so much scary or gory as it was creepy. This is far more a psychological thriller than a horror movie, but for the gross bits, I'll lump it in with horror.

Apartment 1303 This is a real Japanese horror movie. I really liked it. It's plenty creepy, has some scares, and like in a few other Japanese horror movies, it makes me feel bad for the ghost.

Visible Secret Well, there are ghosts in it, at least. I loved this Chinese movie. It was strange, but had an interesting story to it.

The Heirloom This Chinese movie turned out to be a lot better than I expected. There were a few twists in the story, but they don't seem to come out of left field (I hate that). They all make sense.

Face This Korean movie was really, really good. It's done so very well. Ghosts make it more of a horror movie, but it's also a whodunit and a bit of a love story, too. It's definitely worth watching.

Whispering Corridors series (WC: Momento Mori and WC: Wishing Stairs) These Korean movies are independent of each other. It isn't necessary to watch one to understand what's going on in another. They're really good, though. Personally, I liked the second best of the three, but they're all good.

Well, there are my Asian horror movie suggestions for today. Like I said, I've gotten pretty hooked. I'm always looking for new movies to watch, though. If anyone has any suggestions (preferably streaming on Netflix), I'm more than willing to check them out. I'm easily entertained. I also understand that people have different tastes, so if something isn't to my liking, I won't get mad at the person who suggested it. (Unless someone suggests Eraserhead. If someone suggests that waste of time, I will send my minion after them with his laser death ray gun fully charged and fixing to overload.)

Everyone already knows about my Alice. She's adorable. She's sweet. She's my fur-baby. She's also slightly over-loved. Just slightly.

My brother came to me with a bit of a problem the other day. Alice is from the second litter that his cocker spaniels had. In the first litter, there was another silver who was sold to a loving family. Unfortunately, that family is no longer to keep her due to unforeseeable circumstances. They asked friends and family to take in the dog (who is almost 2 now), but no one could. She called my brother in desperation hoping that he could take the dog back. She told him, "If you can't take her back, I'll be forced to take her to the pound." We all know what happens there.

So, my brother came to me with this problem. You see, he already has six cocker spaniels. He also has a seventh dog, but that dog is staying with the house when we move in because he's too old and blind to handle the move. So, as he said to me, Wizzer stays with the house. (I fear that with his advanced age and existing medical problems, he won't last very long with his new family.)

I have another dog, too, Francis. Francis is my big German shepherd. He's a good dog when he feels like it. He's huge, strong, and was raised with cats, so he only obeys commands when he thinks there's something in it for him. (Yes, actually, those jeans had been on someone who made the mistake of trying to cut through the yard.)

So, back to my brother and the returning cocker spaniel. I'm a sucker. I'm hopeless. When my brother told me this, all I could see every time I closed my eyes was my Alice being put in a cage and rolled into a gas chamber to be killed. I couldn't stand the thought of this poor dog dying. I knew my brother couldn't really take her in with six already in his home. I'm sure that everyone knows where this is going by now.

I agreed to take her in. I was sent pictures of her yesterday and found out her name. Right now, she's called "Miley." I hate that name. It conjures images of a mullet-wearing redneck and the fifteen-year-old daughter he let pose naked for a magazine. I don't want such negativity to be associated with something so cute.

My niece wanted to call her Snowflake, but I don't name my fur-babies after objects. I thought a nice compromise would be Yukiko. Then my brother interjected that it sounds too much like You-dum-fuk. I then remembered that she is a cocker spaniel. She's not too bright, no cocker spaniel is. I changed my mind on that name change and decided to go with something close enough to what she knows to not confuse her too much, but different enough for me to not hate it. She is now Molly.

I know that I can't save every animal from death at the pound, regardless of how much I'd like to. I can at least save this one. I can save this one adorable dog.

It was October 15, 1993. I went to the hospital as scheduled. It was in the 80s outside still, that's pretty normal for this area. The house had no air conditioning, so I was glad to be there that day. I showed up with a few things I'd need and I went to the ER desk to be admitted. I got taken to a room and an IV stuck in my arm. Within an hour, the oxytocin drip had begun. I just lay in the bed, reading a book, waiting for the fun to begin. By fun, I mean utter misery. I was already really miserable. If things worked like they should, I would have been there at least a week earlier. No, not me, things can't function properly. So there I was, hungry, synthetic hormone dripping into my body, and waiting to be even more miserable.

About a half hour later, a nurse came to check on something. Something was very wrong. Of course, something always went wrong. This time, it was a lot more wrong than normal. I was put on my side with an oxygen mask covering my face and keeping me from asking what was going on. I looked at the monitor and saw that it was flatlined. I collected myself quickly. I'm not one to freak out usually. I figured that maybe the little heartbeat monitor had slipped. Maybe there was something wrong with it, and they'd bring another one to fit around my belly. But no, it was working just fine. The problem was inside me and needed to be removed immediately.

From the moment I realized that the heartbeat had stopped until I was knocked unconscious in the operating room thirty-six minutes had passed. I knew that this was very, very bad. I refused to panic, and I refused to stop praying. I knew that the odds were very much against us at this point. Once I was unconscious, I was gutted like a fish, or so the incision made it seem.

A few hours and a drug screw up that could have killed me later, I was finally taken from surgical recovery back to my room. I was wheeled past the nursery with all the little newborns, the sweet adorable newborns. I looked frantically for a little pink-capped bald one. I didn't see any. The nurse finally got my attention, pointing to another nurse inside the nursery. The nurse held up a limp and unmoving little blue-capped baby. The baby had hair. The baby had a lot of hair, and it was curly. I started crying, begging the nurse to show me my baby. She informed me that was my baby. I told her, "NO! That's a boy, and he has hair! My babies are bald when they come out. I was supposed to have a girl. Show me the bald girl!"

No, that one was mine. I was told that if he survived that day (and the odds weren't looking too good since his APGAR was 0 and in the few hours since the C-section, only his color had improved) that he would be severely brain damaged. He would likely never be able to have a normal life. He would possibly have reduced motor control as well as be developmentally disabled.

He's still my baby. I don't care if he's 18 now. He's still my baby. We've always been close. We've always talked openly about everything. He has been helping care for me since he was about seven and I started getting really sick. He's never complained. He knows everything to do and when to take me to the hospital when my migraine is really bad. He washes the dishes after supper just because I don't look like I feel like doing it that day. He takes care of things around the house without complaining because he knows I can't be exposed to chemicals.

He also picks on me for being short. He's several inches taller than I am now. He's still a lot shorter than his brothers, but at least he's hit the six feet mark. He likes to pick on me when I have to call him in to help me with a game (Portal). He's my minion, he's supposed to help without the attitude. Except for those two minor drawbacks, he's an excellent minion.

So far as the reduced motor control and developmental disability go, he's a klutz like me. Otherwise, he gets around just fine, always has. He does have pretty serious learning disabilities, but he's not pervasively developmentally disabled. It takes him a bit longer to learn some things. He has dyslexia and dysgraphia. Some things are a bit harder for him, but with a bit more effort, he does just fine.

He's amazing. I'm so glad that he's been in my life the past 18 years. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. I certainly wouldn't have gotten even half of the things on my "Things to Do to Take Over the World" list if it weren't for the tireless and uncomplaining help of my loyal minion.

Now that he's legally an adult, can I keep him as a minion, or do I have to bump him up to cohort? Partner in Evilness?

I've noticed something about myself. If I like something, i can usually explain why. Even if that explanation is simply "it makes me feel good" (often music) it is still an explanation. I really can't explain that well why I don't like something. I don't know if it's the result of years of being told that if I don't have something nice to say I shouldn't say anything or if I just don't bother thinking about something any further once I find that I don't like it. Why do I love Hepatica? Simply put, I love it because it's beautiful. It stirs so many emotions in me. It's incredibly sad, but there's an underlying feeling of hope in it. I love the vocal work, and I wish I was that talented.

Why do I dislike rap music? I just don't like it. It simply doesn't appeal to me. There is the factor that a lot of it is quite foul, and I don't appreciate that language. I will occasionally use it myself, but very rarely. I believe that anyone who uses it frequently is making him/herself look unintelligent and lacking in basic vocabulary skills. OK, so maybe I can explain that one pretty well. I can't explain why I don't like the style, but I can explain my problem with a lot of the content.

A better example is why I don't like a certain game. I don't play shooters simply because I don't have the eye-hand coordination required to play them. I'm not good at that sort of thing, so I don't play it. I don't like fighting games for the same basic reason, lack of coordination. I play mostly RPGs, and even some of those I don't like. One of the RPGs that I really dislike is Final Fantasy VI.

I know, a lot of people who have played it seem to think it's some Holy Grail of gaming. I just don't see it. That's fine. I don't expect anyone else to love Xenosaga, and I can understand how some people wouldn't. (It is an extremely involved and intense story. The basic story is easy enough to follow, but all the religious references are lost on many people, making it seem odd or even like some religious references are thrown in for the sake of throwing in a religious reference.) Yet, for some reason, too many fans of FFVI are incapable of understanding why someone else might dislike it.

In my personal experience, the typical reaction of a FFVI fan to my statement that I just don't think it's a very good game goes like this:

- Why don't you like it?

- I simply don't. I don't think the music is that great. I never connected with the characters. I find the story to be...just there.

- Why don't you like it?

- I just said...

- What version did you play?

- FFAnthology on PS1.

- Oh, that's why. You need to play a better version. Buy the SNES version or the GBA port.

- I'm not buying either of those. Why do you think I would waste money on another version of a game I don't like?

- Because the PS1 version is the worst with those load times. That's why you don't like it. Those load times were painful.

- What load times? It takes maybe two seconds to load. I play Elder Scrolls games. I'm used to load times long enough to go fix a sandwich and eat half of it before it finishes loading. Only a whiny little immature child who wants everything NOW would complain about a couple seconds of loading.

- How dare you call me immature!! Well, what about the music don't you like?

- I just don't like it.

- Why not? What is it about the music that makes you dislike it?

- I just don't like it.

- Well, what about characters? [Whichever named character] is great because [insert personal reasons for liking character].

- It's nice that you feel that way. I don't.

- Why not? What's wrong with it?

- There's nothing wrong with your opinion. It's a great opinion for you, but not for me.

- Are you saying you don't like [insert character]? Why wouldn't you like [insert character]?

...And on and on and on because they simply cannot accept that someone has a differing opinion. Another example comes from my MSN log during a time when an RPG character battle was on-going:

- Why haven't you voted for any FFVI characters as your favorite?

- Because I don't like the game.

- But why don't you vote for any of the characters as superior?

- Because I don't feel they are.

- Why not? Why aren't you voting for any FFVI characters?

- Why does this bother you? Seriously! Why do you have such a problem with the fact that I don't like the game?

- Just because you don't like the game doesn't mean that you have to dislike the characters.

- Yes, it does. The characters, how I connect with them, and the story are the most important parts of a game to me. I'm not going to vote for characters I don't like.

- Why don't you like them?

- I simply don't. I never could connect with them.

- What do you mean? Why couldn't you?

- You do realize that disliking FFVI is NOT a mental illness, right? It's an opinion, and one that doesn't require justification to you or anyone else.

When someone dislikes my favorite games (Xenosaga Trilogy for anyone who doesn't already know, which may be two people who just started following me), I don't demand that the person justify his/her right to dislike my favorite. I am capable of seeing things in the games that others will dislike. I know that not everyone has to share my opinion. It doesn't bother me. I will, however, offer to help the person understand any of the religious references which got in the way of their enjoyment of the series if they so wish to have the discussion. I leave it at that. If the person asks me to explain some of it, then I will. I don't demand that the person start liking the series once that is explained. I simply share knowledge.

Some things I can't explain even when I like them. Chocolate, for example, is something which I could never explain why I enjoy. I just love chocolate. It's so yummy. I can't break down why I think it's yummy. I just taste it that way.

Speaking of chocolate, the minion's birthday is so close. I'm hoping to move within the next couple days, but have heard nothing from my brother yet. I hope I have my stove by Saturday. I want to bake him a cake.