Bob McDonnell Scrapes More Shit Off His Shoes

I considered making Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell malaka of the week but I couldn't use this nifty post title so he's getting his dose of snark now. In a word, McDonnell is a moron; no, he's a McMoron. He had a weak and inarticulate opponent whom he'd already defeated in a statewide race so he got away with running as a moderate. Since becoming Governor, he's shown off his right wing bona fides but when he gets bad press he ducks and covers like some little dude in a Fifties nuke drill movie.

McDonnell's primary political talent seems to be climbing out on a limb and sawing it off behind him. First there was his anti-gay benefits move, which he pretended not to mean but didn't cancel. Then there was the revival of Confederate history month fiasco. He didn't cancel it but he had to say, confederates good, slavery bad. I bet that went over really well in Northern Virginia. Here's the latest flap:

For the second time in a week, Virginia Gov. Robert F. McDonnell has angered black leaders and civil rights groups, this time when they learned of his plans to add another step for nonviolent felons to have their voting rights restored.

McDonnell (R) will require the offenders to submit an essay outlining their contributions to society since their release, turning a nearly automatic process into a subjective one that some say may prevent poor, less-educated or minority residents from being allowed to vote.

"It's another roadblock," Sen. Yvonne B. Miller (D-Norfolk), a member of the Virginia Legislative Black Caucus, said when she was told of the change.

Hmm, I wonder if the F stands for Fuckmook?

Anyway, I saw a piece on the Rachel Maddow Show about how McDonnell is now squirming, squealing-n-sweating like a contestant in a greased pig contest (an experiment in rural imagery since he's a cracker) and claiming that the policy is in the planning stages. Unfortunately for Governor McMoron, letters have gone out demanding that felons write an essay telling the Govnuh that they're good boys now and will attend a teabagger and/or gun nut rally to prove it. I made that last bit up but between McDonnell and his Attorney General, it's plausible. Btw, the AG's name is Cuccinelli. I've heard of Italian wingnuts and racists before but never a Paisano cracker. Hmm, I wonder what kind of cheese he spreads on himself: marscapone or mozzarella? Yikes, what a disgusting image. I kinda, sorta apologize for that one, he said, fingers crossed behind his back.

Governor McDonnell has forgotten that while part of Virginia is still as Southern as spoon bread, Northern Virgina is Northeastern or as some of McMoron's cracker supporters would surely put it, populated by YANKEES. I hear the thundering hoofbeats of rednecks grabbing their shotguns and running for the hills at the very thought of Yankees in the Commonwealth; Yankee cocksuckers in Stonewall Jackson country. That's right: baby killing, gay loving, atheistic, gun confiscating, fornicating Yankees. Shee-it. The world has gone plumb crazy, right, Bob? Remember: Virginny is a purple state, Bob. That's why you can't use the far right playbook and never admit to a mistake and lie, lie, lie and then lie some more.

The only advice I have for Gov. McMoron is to heed the sage advice of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards:

A note to the mook who posted this on YouTube, Tokyo is spelled with a Y. Hmm, I wonder if McDonnell is behind this screw up?

Cross-posted at Adrastos since Dr. A grew up in Virginia.

Comments

[whet moser]

I don't know if I approve of the use of the word "cracker." McDonnell was born in Philly, grew up in Germany and Fairfax County, and went to school in Alexandria, for Pete's sake.

(I grew up in SWVA, where we only grudgingly recognize the DC burbs as part of the state, and a part of the South proper, as opposed to being one giant cul de sac of defense contractors.)

[MapleStreet]

Submit an essay ??????? I can see that part of the process could be the person demonstrating that they have reflected on and learned from their experiences. But how High School.

Some folks write better than others. Imagine an essay from Bush or Palin. Independent of syntax, how many know both folk who can make the smallest accomplishment sound worthy of a Nobel Prize and folk who just can't toot their own horn.

I see a booming business for ghost writers, though. Anybody want to join together for a business venture ?

[MapleStreet]

I would also think that this measure and the things I said about it apply more to the parole process than the process of reinstating voting rights.

Frankly, this doesn't seem too far removed from Poll Taxes and the highly misused literacy tests.

[Adrastos]

Perhaps Bob wasn't born a cracker but he's acting like one and pandering to them.

[montag]

This "essay" business sure sounds vaguely familiar... maybe, something like that old standby of Jim Crow, the "literacy test."

McDonnell blowin' on that dog-whistle until his cheeks look like Dizzy Gillespie's....

[The Other Michael]

The mook who posted this on YouTube goes by the moniker "tonyspanish." Going to go out on a limb here and guess that his first language is Spanish. And in Spanish, it's "Tokio."

So, who's the mook now, eh? ;-)

[Adrastos]

You may be right Other Michael BUT he's located in the UK so it's a coin toss.