I might be alone on this, but I imagined Scott Walker wandering the halls of power this week, whistling “The Farmer and the Dell” and telling Peter Barca that “I keeps one in the chamber, ‘case you pondering.”
After a titanic struggle for power, the Republicans held on to the majority in the state senate, winning 4 of the 6 races in the recall elections. The GOP margin can only grow later this month if the Dems lose either of the remaining two recalls.
Pundits have been spinning this as giving more hope for bipartisanship and more power to moderate Republicans and more hope for... Oh, spare me. Walker remains unchecked and with his signing of the redistricting bill his party jammed down this state’s throat, he’ll be on Easier Street for the next decade.
The Democrats failed for the same reason they always fail: They played a nuanced finesse game while their opponents hit people in the face with a bag of nickels.
This set of elections set records for ad buys. The money spent here, if diverted directly into the state’s coffers, could have probably put the state in the black. The Fitzgeralds could be lighting state-bought Cuban cigars with taxpayers’ C-notes and we’d still be fine.
The ads were a draw, with the outside interests attacking and attacking and attacking, while the candidates themselves tried to come across like kindergarten teachers: kind, compassionate and your bestest friend in the whole wide world! What they didn’t do, and what they should have done, is shown people a very simple diagram:
Here you are. Here is the set of things Republican X has done. Here is EXACTLY HOW THIS FUCKS YOU. It’s that last step was always the hardest and yet the one that needed to be made the most.
People are self-interested. It’s a fact of life. When they hear “tax,” they never think “good thing.” Thus, the Republicans just drive home the word “tax” and they win. The Democrats talk about goods and services and cuts to funding and education and policy and people fall asleep and drool on themselves.
I would have killed for an ad that said, “Hi, I’m Sandy Pasch and I’m done watching you get fucked over. Here’s EXACTLY how you got fucked if you are in any way connected to education, health care, women or breathing. I promise to unfuck things for you because I’m not a moron. Vote for me and prove you’re not one either.”
The Democrats have tried to spin the two pick-ups as “wins.” At the very least, Randy Hopper won’t be at my parade next year getting his sweaty mouth-breather hands on my car. Yes, a little more sanity is nice, but in the end, you can’t say this was a win. Not. Even. Close.
WisDems, be honest and look at what you actually did.
You knocked out Dan Kapanke, which is like beating a kid with no arms or legs at a game of basketball.
Kapanke essentially admitted he stole from a charity. He ran in a district that Obama carried with 60 percent of the vote and 55 percent of the people polled said they’d support any Democrat who ran. Thus, when Jennifer Schilling won with 55 percent of the vote, it wasn’t as much of a “Yay Jen!” as it was a “Hey, you’re not Dan Kapanke” outcome.
Essentially, Dan Kapanke could have lost to a bag of shit if the shit had run a “I’m not Dan Kapanke” campaign.
Yes, you took out Randy Hopper, and yes, that district hasn’t had a Democratic senator since Pluto was a puppy, but, again, look at the reality of the situation.
Hopper voted for something that crushed medicine and education, two things that play huge in his district. He took a heavy whack at the UW system and his district includes several UW branches.
He was embroiled in a scandal because he was not living in the district. It got worse, when we found out it was because his wife tossed him out after discovering that he was schtuping some 26-year-old sexual trophy. He also managed to get Barbie a job with the state AND get her a huge raise.
When Hopper and Jessica King clashed last time, none of this stuff had happened and King lost by less than 200 votes. This time, she won by about 1,250.
In other words, the Democratic Party took on a cross between Homer Simpson and John Holmes, but only managed to move the needle by about 1,500 votes.
Nearly 27,000 people said, “Hey, we don’t care that he’s a whore, a cheater and a weasel. He’s still our guy!” (At least half of these people, mind you, likely have downloaded an app for their phone that has Bill Clinton’s penis under GPS tracking 24/7.)
The Dems had played for a 6 for 6 strategy, which even the most optimistic person had to know was crap. Cowles and Harsdorf were going to hold on, unless someone found them in a three-way with a gay monkey in a voting booth while burning the Bible and using the American flag to smother it.
And even that might not have done it.
However, they had two legitimate shots to bring home that third crucial vote and blew them both.
Olsen? He’s back.
Darling? She’s back.
And not by cheap margins either.
These recall elections reminded me of ballot initiatives for social justice issues: People say they want change, they say they want to do the right thing and they say they are good and decent people. Then, in the solitude of the voting booth, they quietly mark their ballot with a morally superior sniff and maybe a tiny twinge of guilt. After the initiative fails, they cluck their tongues softly and say, “Oh… that’s too bad…”
The Dems say they’re going to press forward with their plans to recall Walker. Getting the signatures should be pretty easy. Getting the votes won’t be.
The only hope they have is that Walker will continue to be dumber and dumber (safe bet) and that they can show people how it hurts them as individuals (50/50 at best).
When that recall does start gaining steam, they need to keep one thing in mind:
If you come at the king, you’d best not miss.
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