• Kerry Campbell, the mother who said she gave her her eight-year-old daughter Botox so she could compete in beauty pageants, now claims she made everything up. In fact, she says her name isn’t even Kerry Campbell! A woman named Sheena Upton claims she is an actress who was offered $200 by The Sun, a tawdry British tabloid, to “play the role of Kerry Campbell” for an article. Upton/Campbell’s daughter was removed from her home by Child Protective Services, then returned after the girl was examined by doctors. Media outlets who interviewed Upton/Campbell, like “Good Morning America” and “Inside Edition,” are now scrambling to figure out her true identity (and the rest of the truth!). [TMZ]
• Victoria Beckham is reportedly booked to deliver her daughter via C-section in Los Angeles on July 4th. Is Victoria too Posh to push? (Get it? Ha ha.) Also noteworthy: Victoria and David Beckham have denied reports that they are naming their new daughter “Atlanta.” [Daily Mail UK]
• Every issue of Playboy, dating back for the past 60 years, is now available on the iPad’s new iPlayboy app. In other words, it just got 700 percent more likely that you’re going to catch someone looking at porn when you don’t want to. [Mediabistro]

• A record number of female filmmakers — four! — are competing for the top filmmaking prize at the Cannes Film Festival. [Washington Post]
• What do we think of this “gender neutral” beer commercial for Copenhagen, a Danish beer? [Tres Sugar]
• This five-year-old child prodigy speaks seven languages and plays six instruments. Reading about Mabou Loiseau of Queens, New York, is guaranteed to make you feel like a slacker. [The Grio]
• Selling breast milkl: it’s a big industry. [Wired]

“I know it seems extreme from the outside, but I’ve always kind of operated this way. When I know, I know, and why mess around? I had a friend who had a big family when I was a kid. I just loved the chaos around the breakfast table and the fighting and the ribbing, and the mom making pancakes for everyone or the dad making pancakes. And I just decided then if I was ever going to do it – this left some indelible mark on me – if I was ever going to do it, that’s the way I was going to do it.”

—Brad Pitt talks about going from zero kids to six kids, three biological and three adopted, all in the span of just a few years. During a press conference for “Tree of Life,” Brad said he’s always wanted to have a big family. Oh, and he also let it slip that he and Angelina Jolie are hoping to do another movie together. Here’s hoping they go for a fresh idea rather than, say, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2.” [Huffington Post]

Never in my life did I think the words “David Lynch” and “nail polish” would end up in the same post, but there you go: here we’ve got some “Twin Peaks” nail art. Whatever screwed up, Lynch-ian things you choose to do with these nails is your business. [Flavorwire]

Henry Allen Fitzsimmons has some explaining to do. The 54-year-old restaurant owner reportedly paid college tuition and a $200 allowance per week to three young women who agreed to his “Spencer Scholarship Plan,” which required following a set of rules like telephoning him and not drinking alcohol. The crux of the plan? Fitzsimmons administered spankings to these women if they broke the rules.

Okay, fine, I’ll admit it. I’m a little mad at The CW for canceling “Hellcats,” the show starring Aly Michalka and Ashley Tisdale as competitive college cheerleaders that happened to be loosely based on my book, CHEER!. That said, I’m getting over it because they are bringing two of my favorites—Sarah Michelle Gellar and Rachel Bilson—back to the small screen after years off the air.

After the jump, check out the network’s new offerings that we will absolutely be DVRing.

Last week, Sarah Ferguson announced on “The Oprah Show” that her daughter Beatrice would be putting her crazy lady octopi fascinator up for sale on eBay, and that proceeds would benefit UNICEF. The auction doesn’t end until May 22, but bids are already up to more than $30,000. So what might one do if you won the famous fascinator? Well, you’re going to want to get a lot of use out of it, obvs. For $30,000, it better do my taxes and clean the litter box. I’ve come up with some creative uses for Beatrice’s hat after the jump.

“It was the most incredulous moment that you’d never want to happen ... I couldn’t find [my teeth]! Did they fall into the soup? These things are so expensive they could feed a small village. I was like Lucille Ball on crack, diving under the table like a porpoise ... Age sucks. And thank God my boyfriend wasn’t there.”

—Janice Dickinson, who we so wish would return for the next season on “America’s Next Top Model,” tells Page Six an amazing story about losing two false teeth while at a super shmancy restaurant in the Hamptons. In the end she found her teeth on the floor, washed them off, and popped them back her mouth. I dunno, I think her boyfriend—who is 24 years her junior—might have been amused. Maybe he would have sung a round of “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth?” [NY Post]