Resist Miss Snark barked, resist

Dear Miss Snark,

This is probably a nit-wit question, but I'm curious, so I'll go stand in the nit-wit corner and ask anyway. Have you ever gotten a creative query? (ie. A query for a pirate book on the back of a treasure map. Or maybe a package with a skeleton key, a shot glass, and a golf ball with the query saying "These were the only clues left for Detective Sly in the case of the missing golfer". Or perhaps a query in a mock up of the book they are trying to sell.) If you do get creative queries, are they annoying or welcome? I'm itching to send a creative query, but wondering if this would make me look bad. If so, I'll stuff my creativity into the trash and force myself into conformity.

Oh yes, I get these. They go directly in the trash.
Do NOT do this.
I don't care if anyone tells you they did it and got published. Don't do this.

First, if you're querying a lot of agents, you're going to spend a lot of money. Save your money for promotion where you'll need it.

Second, at the query stage of the process we're determining interest in your IDEA and getting a sense of your writing. Making this difficult, ie printing something on a treasure map, is counter productive.

Third, at some point in this process you have to write something that can be placed on the scanner of a black and white xerox machine and reproduced 50 times for the acquisitions committee to pick at. It might as well be now.

And don't think of this as forcing yourself into conformity. Think of this as following the directions so that you and your brilliant idea and writing can shine through.

The place for showing your brilliant origianl creative work is when I call you after reading your query letter and start begging for more.

Work for hire as pub credit

Senorita Snark:

Late last year I finished writing a "work for hire" manuscript of a travel guide to Spain, due to be published in the spring of '08. My questions are 1) at what point can I claim this as a pub. credit (i.e. do I have to wait until next year?) and 2) how do I reference this kind of work, as I have no rights as the author?

You can claim it now. You write "I completed the work for hire project Senorita Snark Slinks Through Seville (Publisher: forthcoming 2008)".


You mention it only if you don't have anything else to mention. As pub credits go, this isn't top drawer but at least it's something.

Agents understand your name won't be on the cover or copyright page. On the other hand don't be tempted to embellish. You don't know if I know the publisher or will check up on what you tell me.

Memoir

Miss Snark,
My submission for nitwittery follows:

I am moving towards completion of what I can only describe as a humorous memoir, and as I begin girding myself for the query process I keep stumbling over the question of what to submit.

My problem is, the darned memoir reads like fiction, not a traditional non-fiction work, and a submission of several chapters will present it a lot more effectively than a non-fiction proposal. It’s really more like narrative fiction. Are you going to slap me around and tell me to shut up and send a proposal? If so, is there any resource that deals with constructing a proposal for a memoir? The genre seems to be largely ignored in the “how to query” resources I have seen.

Also, while you’re slapping….in the event that one were to receive a request for, say, three sample chapters of whatever they are pitching, is there a convention on the chronology of chapters that you send? First three? First, middle, end?

Memoir is non-fiction, but it's acquired like a novel. That is, on chapters not a proposal. You'll write a cover letter and include sample pages using the agent's instructions for fiction writers. Don't just send three chapters to everyone cause the not-so-subliminal message there is "sent by a nitwit".

As for order: 1, 2, 3. If you send 1 and anything other than 2 I stop at 1.

Flaming hair-do time

Dear Miss Snark:

I wrote an unusual memoir in the voice of an elderly relative. The preface is written in my voice, which includes my own personal memories of the person who narrates the story. The subject's voice then begins with an introduction that follows the preface.

My question: when a literary agent asks for the first five pages, do I send the first five from the preface (the actual beginning) that is written in my voice or the first five written in the narrator's voice, which is the voice that is carried throughout the book but follows the preface?

My second question: would a literary agent who typically requests on their website that you include the first five pages be turned off by someone who sends twenty-five pages by snailmail? It is written on a subject that the agent is very interested in, and I figure that the first twenty-five will cover an example of both voices.
Thanks for your snarkly opinion.

1. Send the first five pages of chapter one, not the preface. Explain there is a preface in your cover letter.

2. What part of "follow the directions" doesn't apply to you? Alright then: five pages. Not 25.
If I want more, I'm pretty sure you'll be glad to tell me how to reach you and send it to me. If I don't like five, you've wasted paper and postage. FOLLOW THE DAMN DIRECTIONS.

3. Here's the answer to the question you didn't ask: if you write a memoir about someone else, it's not a memoir unless you're the ghost writer. It's biography or narrative non fiction.

Non Fiction proposals

Hi Miss Snark,

I have a handful of technical non-fiction credits to my name, and I'd like to move more into mainstream non-fiction, but I'm not quite sure if the querying differs. For fiction, I understand, you want your manuscript complete, edited, and ready. For non-fiction, which has considerable cost and time requirements, is the process the same? For technical writing, usually a query consists of no more than an outline and pointers to other publications.

With several topics in mind, I don't know if the best use of time is to pick one that I like, and start off on it, or begin querying for interest first.

Querying non fiction is much different. You need to consult some of the very handy books on How to Write Non Fiction Book Proposals. You can find them in your library, or the writing reference section of any bookstore. There are zillions of them. You will have to cough up a sample chapter though; it's not just an outline and a list of competing titles.