Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Fri February 18, 2011

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(New Statesman)		"Not to say that the demonstrators are secular; but they are operating in a secular political space, and they do not see in Islam an ideology capable of creating a better world" (newstatesman.com)	(4)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this fiery peek (bigpicture.ru)	(8)
		Presidential candidate wants to legalize polygamy. No, not Mitt Romney (mnn.com)	(21)
(WSOCTV.com)		Charlotte bar named "Most Arrogant Bar in America." They had a party to celebrate, but you weren't invited (wsoctv.com)	(14)
		TSGs Friday Photo Fun. Who stole what? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern. (Please say A=A) (thesmokinggun.com)	(4)
(Some Tit)		Michelle Obama's breastfeeding advocacy reveals cleavage between U.S. right, left (ottawacitizen.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Pop-up Fark party tonight in SF 730pm, Irish Times - Drew's in town. Be prompt cos he's getting hauled off around 1030. May get there earlier (sfirishtimes.com)	(11)
		Author promotes "radical homemaking" such as making your own bread, cloths, buying secondhand. Yeah, you and every other dirty hippie (burlingtonfreepress.com)	(83)
		LOL push LOL push LOL push (seattlepi.com)	(13)
		Obama enacts rule shredding your right to deny care to sluts or gheys (washingtonpost.com)	(75)
		Dear Abby: My friends tease me about my conservative clothes and attitudes even though I never bring up the fact that they are fat, ugly, whores, what should I do? (news.yahoo.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)		Authorities did not initially say who the owner of the abused dog was for fear for his safety, and 48 year old Michael Jenkins of Utica, New York is pretty thankful about that (y100.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)		Kayaker snaps close-up picture of English lake monster, promptly fills kayak (thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk)	(56)
(Some Guy)		Cousins caught with stolen beef jerky. Looks like this case is (puts on sunglasses) cut and dried. YEEEAAAHHHHH (post-gazette.com)	(34)
		Accidental crossbreeding in guy's greenhouse produces world's hotest chili, measuring 1.17 million on the Scoville Scale. Suck it Bhut Jolokia (telegraph.co.uk)	(64)
(Some Guy)		Guess which state still has day time and night time speed limits? Difficulty: Not Florida (1035superx.com)	(59)
		Not news: Restaurant dine & dash News: Chuck E Cheese Fark: One year old's birthday party (freep.com)	(44)
(Courier Press)		Police find $30,000 on suspect in drug bust. Immediate check the $12,000 into evidence. With pics of what $8,000 might look like (courierpress.com)	(29)
		Saudi Arabia risks unrest after Bahrain. Oh Shiite (bloomberg.com)	(72)
(Some Guy)		Iranian President Ahmanutjob says the American president "doesn't even know how to spell his own name properly." Proper ways to spell both Presidents names to the right (ynetnews.com)	(100)
		Google Earth optics are dead on (space.com)	(40)
		Techno-Facebook nun who was booted out of her monastery after digitalizing 100-year-old records has over 2000 on-line fans and counting (eitb.com)	(37)
		Obama hates his dog, America (huffingtonpost.com)	(82)
(Some Guy)		You know your drug trial is not going well when your attorney shouts at judge "This is utter crap. Never in court have I seen this." shortly after his cell phone goes off and just before he is kicked out of the courtroom (mankatofreepress.com)	(32)
		Bottom-feeding Atlantic tomcod in the notoriously polluted Hudson River develop a gene that renders them immune to the toxic effects of PCBs - making them one of the world's fastest evolving fish populations. Still no gene for dead bodies (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(58)
		Emory University sets world record for "longest line of tacos." This was made easier by the fact that there was no previous world record (with "you'd eat it" pics) (blogs.ajc.com)	(53)
		Columbia Law dean, by sharing embarrassing grades received by current law professors and successful lawyers, reassures 1Ls that grades aren't everything and that high-profile connections and improbable luck still count for something (abovethelaw.com)	(104)
		The unrest in the middle east is now spreading to countries that international experts stongly suspect are completely made up as protestors reported rallying in Djibouti to demand the ouster of their president (news.yahoo.com)	(85)
(dailytech)		Please copy and paste this into your status if you know someone, or have been killed by someone, who posts on facebook while driving (dailytech.com)	(65)
		My father is who? Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (news.yahoo.com)	(89)
(Post Star)		Wrestler arrested after damaging dressing room. Apparently that wasn't in the script (poststar.com)	(32)
		New for Caturday: automatic LOLcat detector (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(24)
		Wisconsin Governor's "war on the unions" won't save any money. But that's ok, because the state didn't have a budget shortfall to begin with. Wait, what? (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(684)
(Some Facehugger)		Sacramento man survives alien...URGGH...tumor found growing...GGLLLAAARRGGHHH (sacramento.cbslocal.com)	(35)
		Your son has a 1.22 GPA. Do you A) Make him study for four hours every night; B) Ground him; or C) Make him stand on the side of the road wearing a sign telling everyone how stupid he is? Eh, multiple choice is hard (tampabay.com)	(122)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Kid goes to principle's office to tell him that he's going to get beaten up. Still not news: Kid gets beaten up. Fark: Kid is suspended for 10 days for participating in a fight (journalpress.com)	(147)
		Remember that aggressive swan panhandling in a liquor store parking lot? It's back and it's brought its friends to get in on the action (boston.com)	(32)
		Outlook man given life sentence for killing teen. Word (seattlepi.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)		Family: Your stairs at the bar killed my son. Jury: Not the bar's fault. Judge: Forget them, here's $6.7 million (big1059.com)	(111)
		People are saving too much, let's start a national lottery to entice them to stop (ft.com)	(28)
(Hi, everybody)		Reserchers from Hollywood Upstairs Science College are surprised when the hole they drilled into a volcano begins to fill with lava (ouramazingplanet.com)	(25)
		"Canada's dumbest criminal" goes up against the Calgary police department. Guess who's winning so far? (cnews.canoe.ca)	(40)
(Some Guy)		It's bad when a day care gives a grandfather the wrong kid to take home. It's Fark when the grandfather doesn't realize he's got the wrong kid until he gets home (ktar.com)	(14)
		Firm buttocks, curvy breasts and the sexiest little Fark Weird News Quiz you've ever seen (fark.com)	(89)
		Yet another way for "hipsters" to tell you how great they are without ever having to converse with an actual human being (boston.com)	(99)
(Some Guy)		Owner of llama who attacked man and head butted his car says "Henry just likes to smell new people" (wsoctv.com)	(20)
		FCC investigating whether Fox "intentionally provided material factual information that was incorrect" or is guilty of "intentionally omitting material information" (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		Love is all one needs. Excuse subby as he sulks over the fact that he fails at life and will die alone (khaleejtimes.com)	(54)
		Only an evil genius could come up with such an insidious plan to melt Earth's ice caps... oh, wait (straightdope.com)	(27)
(AsiaOne)		After uneventful flight, pilots escape unhurt from inferno in... van shuttling them from the airport to the hotel (motoring.asiaone.com)	(4)
		Bad: There is a natural gas explosion. Worse: You lose everything you own. FARK: The cable company bills $170 for cable box destroyed in the fire (consumerist.com)	(48)
		Tech news roundup: your cellphone is a computer, Zynga is worth $7 billion, and Groupon is a load of shiat (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this white sock wizard (bigpicture.ru)	(23)
		Even the occupied buildings in Detroit are falling apart, dozens narrowly escape injury after a 600 square foot ceiling collapses at a government building (wxyz.com)	(21)
		Shots of horse semen? Damn, you Kiwis are weird (news.yahoo.com)	(59)
		One of the Real Cheap Housewives of New Jersey brought a $5 million lawsuit...over 80 cents (nypost.com)	(59)
(Bolingbrook Patch)		Woman knees officer in groin, charged with aggravated battery in a pubic place (bolingbrook.patch.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		DEA agents mistakenly raid law prof's house, prof will sue: "There will not be a better litigated case this century" (sfweekly.com)	(205)
		Dear Foodies: you're more of a glutton than Joe Six Pack who gulps Mountain Dew and stuffs Doritos into his face (theatlantic.com)	(96)
		Haley Barbour, you've just been asked to denounce an effort to commemorate a KKK leader on Mississippi license plates, and your answer is, "I don't go around denouncing people?" Really? (thedailybeast.com)	(223)
(Some Guy)		It's not Halloween for months, but that doesn't mean you can't make this mask and scare the hell out of your friends. Warning: mask is extremely graphic (savings.com)	(99)
		Reporter who had grererfg on air was due to sshfhfhlsl arre binndddaa migraine ssshlllop (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(146)
		It's the old "your honor, my client was too drunk to understand his Miranda rights" defense (mercurynews.com)	(30)
		Study shows that stretching before exercising does not prevent serious inju- AAAAA , CRAMP (reuters.com)	(36)
		Gas prices rise faster in Indianapolis in last two days than any other city. Reason: Low supplies? No. Unstable pipelenes? No. Middle east unrest? No. No one drove on icy roads last few weeks and you lost money? Yes (indystar.com)	(75)
		Kyrgyzstan uses last remaining vowels to name mountain Vladimir Putin (news.yahoo.com)	(18)
		Tiny dogs behind record number of NYC dog bites. Death from the ankles down (nypost.com)	(121)
		Sexting has officially jumped the shark: The FoxNews guide to sexting (foxnews.com)	(116)
		Photoshop actor Bill Murray during an interruption of his golf game. This contest is not a repeat from 1980 (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(45)
(KOTV)		Parts of Oklahoma experience 100 degree temperature swing in one week. OK (newson6.com)	(104)
		Like to eat while shopping? Researchers find mall food trays as dirty as gas station toilets (upi.com)	(101)
		Online coupons make you spend more (news.cnet.com)	(69)
		Hospital: so sorry, but next time write "I do not need a kidney" on your abdomen when you come in for a check up. On the bright side, you have a new kidney and it's a close match that won't kill you (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(61)
		Photoshop this allegorical David (online.wsj.com)	(19)
(Cellular News)		For those of you keeping score, it's 1,203 yes, 1,204 no in the studies that cellphones cause/do not cause cancer (cellular-news.com)	(79)
(Some Guy)		Official job description: mop floors, clean toilets, empty wastebaskets, erase blackboards, peel gum from underneath desks, spy on teachers who may be abusing students (woai.com)	(29)
		"I'm insane," man exclaims after he tries to burn down Miami (sun-sentinel.com)	(43)
		Guy gets involved in a play "slap fight" with some other guy, gets angry and turns it into a real fight, resulting in a beatdown. Then it gets weird (news.cincinnati.com)	(74)
		A series of cool pictures from each and every snowstorm that has ever occurred in the history of San Francisco -- five storms in all, one each in 1882, 1887, 1951, 1962, and 1976 (sfgate.com)	(66)

Thu February 17, 2011

	If you don't think a painkiller will work, it won't. The same cannot be said, however, of roofies (bbc.co.uk)	(94)
	Browsing Fark at work may be beneficial after all (physorg.com)	(28)
	Defense Secretary Gates, on closing Gitmo: "No hope for that change" (cnn.com)	(146)
	From the people who brought you Global Warming, Climate Change, and Climate Disruption, comes a brand new product. Climate Chaos (usatoday.com)	(205)
(Denton RC)	Pitiful coward found guilty of murdering his wife. "The laws of Texas don't reward someone just because he got rid of her body real good" (dentonrc.com)	(102)
	It's not news, it's Fark.com (kentucky.com)	(72)
(Some Guy)	According to a "well placed source", Mubarak is in fine health, was "strong enough" to have breakfast on the beach yesterday, and does not want to go on the cart (english.ahram.org.eg)	(23)
	Photoshop this ninja bug (mnn.com)	(22)
	Forget about that little President guy Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket, the Iranian protesters are aiming straight for the country's "Supreme Leader" himself: Ayatollah Ali Khamenei (foxnews.com)	(114)
	Lobbyists being required to sign confidentiality agreements (i.e., don't talk to the press or the public) in exchange for policy input (politico.com)	(40)
	Thanks to the Valentine's Day solar flare, Aurora Borealis could be visible tonight across northern USA (usatoday.com)	(79)
	28 year veteran Tucson firefighter refused to respond to Jan. 8 shooting spree citing 'political differences'. Gets nod of approval from tea party (azstarnet.com)	(210)
(Some Guy)	Homeowner wants to tear down heavily damaged historical home where his daughter died and plant a memorial garden, but the city denies him a demolition permit. Tag is for the city (postandcourier.com)	(93)
	Anti-circumcision activists get all snippy when they are tipped off about new studies that show that circumcision is beneficial after all (chicagotribune.com)	(342)
	Runaway Wisconsin Dem Senator Posts On Facebook: 'brb' (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(375)
	Friends say Congresswoman Giffords is laughing at jokes, admit some of them went over her head (huffingtonpost.com)	(62)
	Police officer tells law students that "women can avoid sexual assault by not dressing like sluts." Hilarity does not ensue (thestar.com)	(680)
	Wisconsin GOP dispatches police to round up boycotting Democrat legislators (hosted.ap.org)	(637)
	Study: Fox News viewers twice as likely to fear Sharia law, robots (rawstory.com)	(98)
	Even if the flares hit, future generations will be able to count to potato (bbc.co.uk)	(53)
(WPRO)	In an effort to cut the national vehicle accident rate by half, Rhode Island DMVs to stop issuing driver's licenses (630wpro.com)	(33)
	/\ \o/ /\ (azcentral.com)	(105)
	Two, Two deposed presidents in comas.. ah ah ah (jpost.com)	(36)
	Today's Fark-ready headline "Judge postpones ruling in beauty queen 'tacos' flap" (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(34)
	Couple has sex every day for a year (dailymail.co.uk)	(179)
	Jehovah's Witnesses and Seventh-day Adventists growing at a faster rate than Mormons, according to ... wait, there's someone at the door (sltrib.com)	(141)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop theme: Merge and consolidate two countries (i.imgur.com)	(31)
	Canada hit by Chinese cyberattack. SAVE THE BACON (news.yahoo.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)	" but I guess because a horse is higher off the ground it leaves a little more to the imagination" said the lawyer for the horse rapist (stamfordadvocate.com)	(52)
	Rare frog reappears in India a century after experts thought it had croaked (mnn.com)	(26)
(The Post and Courier)	That'll teach 'em: Woman drives into crowd of middle schoolers, police say, when they refuse to move from in front of her car (postandcourier.com)	(138)
	Brazilian police arrested in 'vigilante death squad.' Here in Seattle, we let them do that on the clock (bbc.co.uk)	(37)
(The Daily What)	Idiot uses American Red Cross twitter feed to share plans of "getting slizzered" that night. Dumbass tag would have fit but brewery decided to use the opportunity to urge people to give blood (thedailywh.at)	(28)
(CDC)	From the south? You or someone you know is probably teen pregnant (cdc.gov)	(117)
	Lesson: Take on NASCAR fans, and you'll get a death threat at your office within 48 hrs (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(138)
	Hillbilly attempts theft of copper wire from 24K volt transformer with expected results. Bonus pic of exactly how you expected hillbilly to look (indystar.com)	(110)
	Republican lawmaker argues that coal mining be allowed to resume because God will provide unlimited natural resources. Yes, he really said that (huffingtonpost.com)	(247)
	Money mysteriously bleeding out of your tiny backwoods town's general fund? Blame it on Russian hackers (pennlive.com)	(11)
	Maybe the South won't rise again (usatoday.com)	(319)
	Ponzi Fail: Sell $1M worth of fake air travel vouchers. Cover vouchers with pricier real tickets paid by credit card (cnn.com)	(32)
(NBC 4)	Having solved all other problems, the city of Manassas, Virginia now wants to make it illegal for anyone under 18 to walk their dog (nbcwashington.com)	(71)
	Sarah Palin to answer questions in front of mainstream media. Notice I didn't say "from mainstream media" (huffingtonpost.com)	(140)
(Some Guy)	Even the President of the National Homeowners Advocate Group thinks your HOA sucks (y100.com)	(125)
	Of course: Immigrants live longer than native-born Americans (healthland.time.com)	(34)
	"And it was Mubarak who invented umbrellas. And one night the Sphinx collapsed and he rebuilt it with his bare hands, and didn't tell a soul because he's shy. And he won Egypt's Got Talent" (independent.co.uk)	(18)
(Some Guy)	Even if sinking all your money into silver seems like a good idea, keeping it in your home probably isn't (theprovince.com)	(42)
	Freeze reveals $1 million in cold cash (elpasotimes.com)	(46)
	Lollipop Guild may hold cancer cure clues (foxnews.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)	Texas: where "you can go to jail for importing orchids without the proper paperwork, shipping lobster tails in the wrong packaging, and even for failing to return a library book" (1035superx.com)	(55)
	Winter's almost done / The most serene pics of trees / That you'll see today (cnngo.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)	How to blow a good moment "I would say it was like a 13-year-old girl meeting Justin Bieber," (mmafighting.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)	Drunk man shows up at jail pretending to be an attorney in order to speak with an inmate. Somewhere, Lionel Hutz is smiling (clevescene.com)	(9)
	Not News: Legal foul up forces Texas man to serve 18 yrs in prison, 14 of them on death row before being released. FARK: Another legal foul up costs him the compensation he would have received due to the first foul up. Tag is for Texas justice (news.yahoo.com)	(96)
	Live the dream of decorating your hair with an ink-jet printer (blogs.forbes.com)	(28)
	Slideshow of top dogs at Westminster Dog Show. No photos of a frantic search for "Busy Bee" toy (galleries.heraldtribune.com)	(74)
	Hello police? Someone stole a picture I took of me duct taping my child to a chair. I've been watching Law and Order a lot and this has to be a clear case of identity theft, right? Hey whats with the handcuffs? (ohio.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)	Cutting-edge medical software offers a preview of duck lips (modernmedicine.com)	(14)
(Some Guy)	HA HA Quakers welcome gay marriage. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT (ekklesia.co.uk)	(111)
	U.S. falling behind other developed nations in alcohol consumption - this is our sputnik moment (theatlantic.com)	(97)
(Some Guy)	Woman, who is suing former employer over unfair dismissal, says it hasn't affected their sex life (swns.com)	(21)
	Photoshop this giraffe relocation project (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(17)
	Iraqi people: "Thank you America for granting us our freedom. Now, about the bill" (news.yahoo.com)	(196)
	In a dramatic shift in policy, the US will support a UN censure of Israel. Yes, you read that right. The US... will support... a UN censure of Israel (rawstory.com)	(251)
	Sorry South Dakota, there's still a bag limit on obstetricians (nytimes.com)	(104)
	Hot deals in the Walmart toy department cause a stir (wesh.com)	(46)
	Bad: You get pulled over. Worse: Dog helps cop find your stash. Fark: It's YOUR dog (wtop.com)	(47)
	Miguel Cabrera pulls a "You know who I am?", promptly gets arrested (freep.com)	(76)
(NYU News)	After mocking Lara Logan's rape, NYU law professor resigns his position to spend more time with his family, who promptly resign their position as his relatives (nyunews.com)	(314)
(Some Guy)	City un-bans smoking "after numerous people said they preferred bars and restaurants to make their own rules regarding smoking". Suck it, Nanny State (y100.com)	(613)
(Some Guy)	Old and busted: dead people voting. New hotness: dead policeman signing red light camera tickets (autoblog.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)	Nanny State tickets mom (who loses her job) for placing her 14 year old into a nanny state over his 3 year old brother for half an hour in a nanny state that states a nanny must be 16 (parentdish.com)	(82)
	The value of human life is getting in the way of profit. The really sad part is the value of human life hasn't kept pace with inflation for a decade (nytimes.com)	(125)
	Now that Congress has made exporting horse meat illegal, it's time to give wild horses birth control to curb their population. Don't worry Title X, subsiding human birth control will be cut to pay for it (politico.com)	(205)
	It's illegal to fork your sister. Even in Florida (nwfdailynews.com)	(86)
	Photoshop these rare white lions hanging out in a Netherlands zoo (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(36)
	Doctors now say Steve Jobs has about six weeks left on his operating system (cnews.canoe.ca)	(364)
	Model feels pressure to stay plus sized, sometimes bigger really is better. w/pics (shine.yahoo.com)	(849)
	Are employers discriminating against the jobless, or are the jobless just less desirable? (huffingtonpost.com)	(370)
	Canadian inmate suing for injuries caused by dangerous cow. Prison officials feel he's just trying to milk the system (torontosun.com)	(23)
	Mugging victim, a feisty 96-year-old codger who was thrown down and robbed by a whippersnapper half his age, wants a rematch so he can wear a larger onion belt (nypost.com)	(16)
	If you're suffering from migraines, they could be caused by that knife blade buried in your brain four years ago that doctors never noticed (dailymail.co.uk)	(45)
	Why almost everything you hear about medicine is wrong (newsweek.com)	(151)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 302: "Farktography Classic: Software Hootenanny 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest (farktography.net)	(150)