“But I’m warning you…once you’re grown up, you can never come back.”
- Peter Pan
When I was nine years old, I disregarded my Aladdin video game and entered into Word ’95, typing up my grand plans for the future. There was Plan A which included me being an astronaut, exploring the deepest corners of space and finding the aliens that Fox Mulder so vehemently swore were real. There was Plan B, where I was a figure skater who traveled the world in an elegant maroon dress, outshining the rest of my competitors in the Olympics. Then there was Plan C — I was going to be a lawyer and a mother, and I would love my children and be there for them, and make money. At the age of nine, I had my life planned and since then I’ve been sticking to Plan C as if straying from the path would send me careening into bumhood.
In a rush to grow up, I realize that I’ve passed by my childhood in a blur. I’ve been called an ambitious know-it-all, a domineering controller, a bitch…all as I rush to the finish line. But where is that finish line — adulthood? I’ve crossed that line and now I’ve moved it further back to motherhood – but after that? I’m rushing by my life living in the future, in hopes that growing up changes things. But growing up has caused me to push the fast forward button on my life, with no possibility of rewinding.
Push through High School – graduate early. Things will get better in College. Graduate from College early because things will certainly get better in Law School. My theory is that as you ‘grow up’, life becomes simpler. But the truth is, I’m envious of those with the Peter Pan complex. Those who realize life will never be simpler than it is when you are nine years old. I remember my grandmother pinned my “Life Story” up on her bulletin in her back room, as if it was something to cherish. The future being something to cherish. But isn’t the present supposed to be the times you cherish?
And yet still, I find myself pushing through, sprinting towards a time where things will finally click into place and make sense. But once I get there, I fear that I will realize that the past is where my life made sense. That the moment I’m living in right now is the most alive I’ll ever be. The youngest I’ll ever be. Each second I waste is another second of life that I will never get back, another breath another towards inevitable death, inevitable bad times. And that thought frightens me – that I’m just wasting my life away in attempts to have the perfect life. I’m constantly told by loved ones to stop over thinking every decision I make and just LIVE.
Live? Isn’t that what I’m trying so hard to accomplish…a life where living isn’t a chore, but a pleasure?
What a cute photo. I know what you mean, about wanting to enjoy each moment as it comes. And to think the goal is right over the next hill. Great post!
Beautiful post, and I think something to which all of us overachievers can relate.
I was just thinking this morning about how important “magic” is in the life of a child. I don’t think I had enough, but I’m sure hoping my children do.
Good luck as you search for yours!
I’m waiting for my magic to happen next year.
pretty cliche at this point, but remember john lennons words – “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”
http://dearexgirlfriend.com/
Are you an Aries by any chance? At least born in the spring…can’t sit still, always “on the go”.
Finding a balance – living life for the now and yet planning for the future – is a challenge.
You ARE living the perfect life right now. Maybe not perfect in all ways, but perfect for you.
Every day, I remind myself to enjoy RIGHT NOW. It’s so hard not to push forward faster than you should. Cherishing the now is such a huge part of my day to day. It makes looking forward to tomorrow that much sweeter.
great post!
Great post! I understand your struggle–I too strain against time–always, never arriving. It’s compelling to realize that you will never be younger than you are today–a profound realization really!
Congrats on being freshly pressed–happened to me last week–way to go!
Happy Holidays from Haiti,
Kathy
I like this!! Thanks for sharing
I don’t remember who it was but there is an ancient civilization that believed you were born with a certain number of breaths so that the slower you breath, the longer you live. I like that image and try to remind myself all the time. Just breath. As the Mom of four who still fancies herself a musician and song writer and still wants to be super mom and super wife I get the frustration to rush to fit it all in. We forget that just by being….we are enough. Wishing you happy and peaceful holiday.
Similarly, I’m constantly living each moment as an investment in the future, pushing aside “present” happiness for “future” happiness. I’ve figured out that the assumption I base my decisions on is that you need to sacrifice pleasure today for an easier tomorrow, because “tomorrow you can relax and appreciate it.” I think it stems from a fear that I won’t have any control over my future, but I can control today, so I can set in motion the events today that will lead to a pleasant future. But that just leads to constant pressure to complete everything “NOW”, leaving no time for silence and appreciation of the moment.
So, I sympathize.
It is a difficult task to complete sometimes: living in the present. I write about that very thing often because I don’t want to forget how important it is to just be present in the now, for me and for my children. It doesn’t negate ANY of your successes to just slow down sometimes, everything is a part of who you are. If anything, I think it only shows what an amazing and balanced mom you are when you can work hard somedays, and take time to smell the roses on others. Good luck to you and great post!
- Emily
This reminds me of a text message I received long time ago, which goes on like this,
Read the following line.
lifeisnowhere
How did you read it? Life is no where or life is now here?
Just a simple way to say life is the way you look at it!
I saw “Life I snow here”…. I hate snow.
When you find the secret to slowing down and enjoying the journey, please let me know. And congrats on being “Freshly Pressed!”
totallytawn.wordpress.com
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Life might be more fun if you combine Plans A, B & C – try showing up in court dressed as an alien in a maroon ice skating outfit. Seriously, from one lawyer/writer/mom to another, perfection doesn’t exist and constantly searching for it is a losing proposition. I recently posted some similar thoughts about happiness – please stop by my blog and read The Sisyphus Corporation is Now Hiring (www.bigsheepcommunications.wordpress.com) and by all means, stop trying so hard! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
hmm… we spend a lot of time ‘preparing’ to live instead of just living right… I’m going to go call someone who i wasn’t sure i should call..
At the same time there are a lot of people living in the past, unable to move past something that was, unable to cope with what ever is happening in the present. Most of us can never just live, we’re always chasing something, but what defines the story of our lives is what we’re chasing. And most of time the time we can never really tell can we?
It was lovely reading your blog!
I love this post! Hello there, my name is Jose Miguel and I have the Peter Pan complex. Early on I knew i never wanted to grow up. I eventually found myself feeling like I was falling behind everyone else. Now, I rush to stay ahead to be early not just in time, to know what’s coming around the corner so that I am ready to sprint if I have to keep up. Its insane to rush the way i do. I definitely grew up…
I keep telling myself that its for the sake of my wife and kids, that I must always think ahead. But like you said, once you get to that mark you’ve set…then what? well, I get it. I graduated from college and then what?
I give it my best to live “this moment” and to enjoy the stories of those I encounter. Today, right now, life make more sense than it did for me when I was nine because I am allowed to think about it after reading your post. I am so glad you got freshly pressed or else how would I have read this. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed reading my reply! See you around in the blogging world.
I wonder if people who are telling you to ‘live’ see you obsessing over the next hurdle and not enjoying the “here and now.” We all make choices in our lives. Making sure tomorrow is carefree can be something good but not at the cost of losing sight of today. Thoughtful post and congrats on being freshly pressed.
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An eternal problem of mine, I call it “wishing my life away”, always thinking things will get better when: I start my career, get married, buy a house, my children get older…. There is always something to reach for and aspire to.
Now that I’m older and most of my boxes have been checked, I realize (hopefully not too late) that I need to find the joy in the reaching itself.
What do you do for fun? That’s the live part. If your job is fun then you’re already doing it!
However, I would also suggest you try a bit of Eckhart Tolle. His book the “Power of Now” might give you a few clues about how you might enjoy your current state without having to give up your plans for the future (which seem nice, by the way). Just an idea.
Personally, I have started meditating regularly and it has helped me to enjoy the moment without forgetting about the future or disregarding my past. Chocolate always seems to help too.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Great post. I definitely understand what you’re saying. In an effort to do your best, to be THE best, you definitely rush through other parts of life and miss out. I realized the same thing not too long ago and have really tried just to relax a bit and enjoy where I am, instead of trying to get somewhere new.
http://programmingpoetically.wordpress.com/
Everyone says to “live in the moment.” But everyone’s moment is different. Perhaps your “moment” is the feeling of accomplishment as you meet each life goal and then excel even further. So you ARE living. Just not the way the rest of the world recognizes. And that’s okay.
very true. sometimes, i think i am just not good at living life– with my choices i make, even though i am at a GREAT place in my life. why keep trying to change something that is already great, and just start ENJOYING it!!! i am so indecisive sometimes, but should be happy with whatever decision I make because i’m happy, healthy, and in love. what more can i ask for?
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When we were little, we never really knew what happiness meant. Yet we know, we were happier.
The more we seek what happiness means, the lesser we’ll feel it.
Girl, this is beautiful. Everyday we laugh, cry, or simply look at each other with that, “what the hell were we thinking” face, I know feel this pleasure you’re speaking of. You’ve always been the person to make plans, have ideas…Now It makes sense as to why we’re easy friends. I’m totally not. haha. You’re intelligence astounds me. While you blow through school you think that you are not impacting certain areas of you’re life, well you are impacting me for sure. You may think you are just “living” without actually LIVING think of all that we have experienced together, with friends, and etcccc. We have lived and continue to live; for the past, present, and future.
=]
Great post – I totally feel you. An overachiever myself, I rushed through school, rushed through college, rushed through getting married and having two kids, head-plowed my way through graduate school while still breast-feeding Babe #2, and now, at 27, with a job, AND kids, AND husband, AND education, I am still rushing…somewhere…
When the dust settles after all of this rushing, you start looking around and asking some hard questions. My daughter will start kindergarden next year. She’s already starting to read. Do I want her to skip it and go to first grade? Do I want to rush HER?
I think the key is to learn to slow down. To look around. To loosen that grip on life – just let it go. It’s a challenge for us controling types to let go. But it’s so worth it.
“That the moment I’m living in right now is the most alive I’ll ever be.” I try to remember that every day. Amen.
Thanks for a great reminder.
My sister’s only son was hit by a car and died when he was only seven. She has never been the same since. Work hard and be successful but take some time out every day to smell the roses and love the ones around you. You never know if you will have another tomorrow.
http://www.moneyprovidesfreedom.wordpress.com
So true……so true.
*But isn’t the present supposed to be the times you cherish?*
Great post.
http://lifebehindthemakeupcounter.wordpress.com/
Very nice post. I love the picture too, it looks like my two little ones. Totally get where you’re coming from. I think you’ll enjoy my blog based on this post because its about me doing 30 things I really want to do before I turn 30. Check it out if you get a chance.
I think living might be the variety of things accomplished, not just the quantity or quality.
Working with passion and loving it, hanging out with friends, traveling, meeting people, learning more, being productive, and much more (you can add being a mother). That what I think living each day means and I’m trying it today.
You have to live life as it comes to you…you can’t sit around and wonder what COULD have happened or what SHOULD have happened. You have to take what you get and make the most of whatever you have. For example, I wish that I could be closer to family throughout the entire month of December, but instead, I’m currently in a musical which keeps me busy up until the last week before Christmas. I can’t change this right now, but I can enjoy the people I DO spend time with, and make the moments with my family that week even more special. To change your happiness, you must first change your attitude. Great post…congrats on FP!
Geez! I thought I was the ONLY person who felt this way. It was really nice to read your post!
Wow…can I like this one twice? I have soooo….been there. You know, I have realized that every precious moment counts NOW and life will pass you right by if you don’t slow down and enjoy everything that is going on today, right now. That means the dirt along with the “perfect” moments. The good thing about having kids is that as they get a little older and start to look back on their own young life, they recall moments that stick out in their minds — funny times, happy times, sad times, whatever. And when they do that, it makes you realize that every moment in life is SOMETHING to some BODY and matters. So you begin to see that every day you are making memories and do you want them to be of you rushing by while everyone else is enjoying themselves?
I really enjoyed reading this and the way you expressed your feelings. You really put yourself in there and I could feel the emotion and turbulence.
P.S. Kids are our second chance at life! You can experience your childhood all over again (and even better) with them. Don’t let their, and your second childhood, pass you by. LIVE! Just live…
Great thoughts. I’m at a slow point in my life right now, and I find it hard to remember that I should use this time to answer some of the questions that have come up in my life. There is a season for everything in life.
Beautifully honest thoughts.
Life is short, and now is all that you have.
I was the same way when I was little, I really wish I enjoyed my childhood more. Cheers to living in the moment.
This might seem a bit out there but it can help to write your own obituary. Sounds morbid but the opening paragraph highlights your real priorities. Chances are you won’t open with “She will be remembered for being an awesome lawyer”.
I came across this exercise while trying to work out where my career was going. My fake obituary opened with “Em was a loving daughter, sister, aunt and friend” – it highlighted to me what my real priorities are in life.
very good post. its weird cause i was just watching hook on television a few hours ago. love the peter pan quote
http://enjoibeing.wordpress.com/
I most definitely am a “live in the moment” kind of person, and so I have the opposite problem–sometimes I wish I was better at focusing on the future and setting more goals for myself. But at the same time, I feel like life is for living, so I just try to enjoy every day (while setting some time aside for those pesky things like work and moving forward). If you feel like you’re having trouble living in the now, do something that’ll make you appreciate life. Go somewhere beautiful, or do something you’ve never done.
Either way, good luck, and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
P.S. Hakuna matata!
haha cute pic
Yesterday is the past, tomorrow the future, so take the gift of today. Be present in the here and now. Tomorrow will come with a new day and new challenges. And never forget, your children age faster than you do!
Great post and congrats on FP!
I think you are waiting for life to happen and that’s why you miss out on its joys.
Evil
http://www.evilcyber.com/
A very interesting post. You are right about the opinion that it is not good to rush everything. I believe to savor each moment make a single person appreciate the real beauty of life.
You’re so right. So why are we in such a hurry for our children to be independent? Gotta love snuggly hugs and playtime.
OK, here goes: Have a vision for your life and live that vision everyday. Circumstances are just that-they have no reality. They come and go. Vision is real. I think people get hung up on the whole notion of “time.” (There’s not enough, or I don’t know what to do with it, or it’s passing too quickly.) Take a deep breath, and imagine yourself at the end of your life. What have you created? Who is there? Then start living that vision every minute of every day.
Seems like you’re stuck in a paradox… OH NOOOOOO
I’m pretty sure you’ll figure it out. All the advice you’re getting from all of these wonderful comments are sure to help. All you have to do is find your balance. Just live as much of the present as you can; the future will always be there.
Great post… very honest… I enjoyed it
Don’t stop Howling…
OhKami’s Voice
ohkamisvoice.com
I love it when Fresh Pressed comes through with good stuff like this. I get excited when I see pop culture/meaning of life writing cause that’s kind of what I’m all about.
I am probably more on the Peter Pan syndrome than you, but I can relate to overthinking things, paralysis by analysis. But you want to make each moment count, and that’s the second most important thing. The most important thing is making every second count for what truly matters. Nice post.
http://www.eduClaytion.com
Beautiful. I’m a bit of the opposite. When in high school I couldn’t wait to get out for the same reasons, but from there on forward I found myself trying to recapture what I had, but unfortunately never knew at the time.
Ahh so true. And here’s the next truth, for those of us that rushed our own childhoods…are we rushing our kids along? So many days I wish and have wished we were past the current phase…and then I miss it! http://www.whereserma.com
Today I looked at my baby grandson as he looked outside at the falling snow.
I am with you…
All I could think was, I have to hold this moment.
It’s all I have for certain.
Live in the moment.
Thanks for sending out your thoughts…..Peter….
http://gmomj.wordpress.com/2010/11/25/maybe-there-wont-be-marriage-maybe-there-wont-be-sex-but-by-god-there-will-be-dancing/
so true. we are always wanting the simpler life but we have it in front of our eyes. life cant be any simpler
Great post! We are such complicated beings. We think too much! I am finally figuring out how get my thinker to actually work for me for a change! Rock on!
Great post. I could understand.
Hi there….
Your blog was awesome…It struck me-for real I have that same old thoughts as you way back when i was a child and now I also have the same thought as you being a grown-up…
Wish I could get back time and enjoy my childhood without worries and haste…
Love it…
Can I re-blog your post?
Sure
And thank you for the kind words!
this post hit very close to home.
Woah, awesome! Good job on getting your post on the first page! WOO!
Thanks, Missi!!
You were the one who kind of inspired me to get a blog in the first place, haha!
Yeah I am so scared of wasting any second of my life. But I feel like I can’t help it.
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It’s sometimes sad that when reality dawns on us, we realise that there should have been somethings we should have done, we should have cherished, should have loved, should have sticked to, should have appreciated,…and stuffs like that. I sometimes miss the times i was a little guy but life must move on….now i realise that making the best of every stage of your life is true happiness…nice post.
harkheindzel.wordpress.com
The last paragraph is one of the best phrases I’ve come across in years! ..but I don’t believe that you aren’t living a fulfilled life. This is what you’ve mapped out for yourself, correct? You seem to me like the type of person that strives for something more, something deeper. I envy that! I, on the other hand, am just “living”, kinda following in the path created. I need to veer off and head my own way, create opportunities and open doorways. Otherwise, things won’t come to me.
By the way, your daughters are adorable! Take care!
Thank you!
)
And I really do wish I could embrace the “living” mentality, and let things come to me. Good luck with you!
(And that’s actually me an my sister as children.
so… what’s the problem?
btw, no reason to be envious of ppl with the peter pan complex. they’re idiots
ps: I LOVE the picture. i love it to bits!
Oh man, this has been my biggest issue lately. I have never been the person who had a plan. I have never really known what I wanted out of life. Some suggest teaching some suggest other things… I didn’t want any of that. I’m married with a house and have a crap job that I don’t love. People tell me to be happy…. but i have had unobtainable goals set for myself preventing that happiness. I don’t have to have everything figured out today, no one does. It really is the little things.
I recently started my blog http://www.thestupidme. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Who am I? I am a writer… if thats all i know .. thats ok. The rest will fall into place as i go.
Good luck!!
Sweet baby girls. Life can be simple when we get out of the way. I was reminded of that today when my daughter played in the first snow of the year. Sweet red cheeks, blowing hot breath into the frosty air, oh what a savory moment.
yt,
dd
ohh nice…
Cute girls
I take each moment as it comes and try not to make too many plans, because you never know what might happen. Life is so much better when you’re not worrying about the next moment.
A very inspiring post. I guess its not yet too late for me.
excellent post
Yes, I love the photo too. It drew me in to see what you were writing about. What a good topic to ponder.
its funny . I look at those whom are called the over achievers wondering when can they really relax and enjoy life then I look at those like myself who enjoy every bit of life and worry about possibly being so busy that I wont be able to ….”smell the roses”.
There must be balance…somewhere.
The babies picture is so cute. As you said, we grow up suddenly, but we can not make it stop.
I’ve been thinking about the same thing recently. I always focus on the future and am striving and looking forward to a time when life changes. But one day I realized that life is to be enjoyed in the present too! And I’ve started to find the little things I enjoy about where I am now, especially since I am only living in China for a few more months before I return to the States.
What little things do you enjoy? What makes you smile? Or what would you do if you had a free afternoon?
Reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin also helped give me some perspective. Perhaps it can help you too!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
30 years ago I never really cared for anything –money, career, family or the future which I believed will never come. I just lived my life the way a twenty-something would. Wine, women, nature, song and most of all “doing nothing.” I posted a possibly, possibly related post like this the other day: http://malate.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/the-art-of-doing-nothing/
Today when I contemplate about what people have done with their lives I always remind myself to NEVER ever compare myself with others so I wont regret/be proud of my carefree days. Life is short. Live, dont exist! NIce reading this one!
“a life where living isn’t a chore, but a pleasure” Very Nice…
But don’t try so hard… again, as told by your loved ones— Just Live!
Great Post!
I love reading your post. Indeed life has to be “enjoyed one day at a time and each day to the fullest”. With what happened to yours, it seemed like you’re analyzing it every second you exist. But at least you’re happy with what you’re doing, so still you enjoy it.
Online Parenting Class
I used to think that the future had everything better. But then, once I hit college, it’s like, where had time go? I was thinking that no, that can’t be it. Soon, I would have to get a job then find my true love then get married. That’s when I realized that I should start enjoying the now. Now, I was realizing that when I was a kid, I always tell myself “when I grow up, I want to be an actress.” The dream had changed since then but it’s really here. I want to fulfill what I wanted because I have a long life ahead of me; provided that I don’t get sick and get into an accident, of course.
I rush too. Being in a mad rush for everything. I’m a university student, and I’m 20. I still remember my childhood well. If something that I should have done hits me, then I will always think about the fact that there is still time to do it now. The next thing I know, I’m 20. I’ve passed my teens. I’ve passed my childhood.
And boy, do I miss being carefree and cheerful. Sometimes we have to let go and let life take us the way it wants us to go.
Ashley
Great post. Well done!!! Something i read a little while ago…… “success is our greatest enemy”. There are so many ways to read that. The way I take it is that once we get something done, we are just aiming higher and higher- so we never feel like we have accomplished anything.
xx
http://husbands4hire.wordpress.com
i play also aladin video in my child hood
“Time is a companion that goes with us on the journey, and we should cherish every moment, because it will never come again” Jean Luc Picard -”Star Trek- Generations”. I pray that our loving God will bring you clarity of vision and show you SO MUCH of his blessings that you wont have time to think about the negatives in life, because you will be to busy living each day as it comes and loving every precious moment. (And that is coming from someone who has an Autistic condition).
I’ve been guilty of this myself…waiting until some point in the future to really live. But the future isn’t promised to anyone, especially not the future we tell ourselves we’ll have. Somehow, you have to be happy in the moment that you’re in while continuing to grow and go forward. It’s a hard balance to keep, but the only thing to really strive for. Good luck and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Nice one! Feeling a bit of how you’re feeling recently. Only difference is that I’m at your ‘rushing through college’ period right now, and I really need to slow down. Thanks for giving me a glimpse of my ‘maybe’ future, and hope you can slow down a bit and enjoy the moment as it is. Cheers!
Well done piece! Even I (the grouch that I am), enjoyed reading this.
Have a blessed day,
David
Here’s a bit of poetry that says it all:
Making A Man
Hurry the baby as fast as you can,
Hurry him, worry him, make him a man.
Off with his baby clothes, get him in pants,
Feed him on brain foods and make him advance.
Hustle him, soon as he’s able to walk,
Into a grammar school; cram him with talk.
Fill his poor head full of figures and facts,
Keep on a-jamming them in till it cracks.
Once boys grew up at a rational rate,
Now we develop a man while you wait,
Rush him through college, compel him to grab
Of every known subject a dip and a dab.
Get him in business and after the cash,
All by the time he can grow a mustache.
Let him forget he was ever a boy,
Make gold his god and its jingle his joy.
Keep him a-hustling and clear out of breath,
Until he wins–nervous prostration and death.
—Nixon Waterman
Although this poem describes a boy/man, by today’s standards it has become a girl/woman. Women are having health concerns and heart attacks that at one time were only considered to be ‘diseases’ of men in the fast paced, cut throat, corporate world.
Great post. Wish I had words of wisdom to offer, but at 58, I’m still waiting to see what I want to be when I grow up! (Now where did I put my fairy dust?)
My imagination is my one remaining link with my childhood.