Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Sat December 04, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		There's one very simple rule to follow when you're stealing $90 million in gold from Hong Kong: DON'T GET CAUGHT BY THE CHINESE POLICE (cnews.canoe.ca)	(34)
		The story of the Passenger Pigeon. Suck it Al Gore (dailyherald.com)	(57)
		Money, and five other random things other than drugs that reduce pain (cracked.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)		Woman charged with DUI after crashing into beer truck because the arresting officer smelled alcohol (krtv.com)	(31)
		Not News: Local highway bridge plagued by traffic backups. News: Giant Oak visible from local highway bridge lit with 39,760 LEDs for holidays. -- Nevermind the road, look at the tree. Look at it. LOOOK (startribune.com)	(53)
		The next thng that's killing you, your pets and family is ~spins wheel~ YOUR EVIL TOXIC LIVINGROOM (msnbc.msn.com)	(29)
		Remember how China hacked Gmail? It was ordered by a Chinese politician that was upset someone called him a 'meanie head' online. WW3 expected to start moments after first Chinese person creates a Fark account (guardian.co.uk)	(59)
		Judge denies having "nasty, rude, erratic, strange, bizarre, irrational, unpredictable, yelling, demeaning, babbling, rambling, nutty, and crazy" behavior, admits to eating more than one Lay's potato chip (mcall.com)	(33)
		Some people don't know how to drive a stick. Others can't swim. But we ALL know what to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse (nytimes.com)	(109)
		Baker arrested by Dept of Agriculture police, held on $1.5 million bail, for including gluten in the gluten free bread (newsobserver.com)	(157)
		Most beer thieves are happy to get away with a 12-pack. This man got away with an entire van of beer (news.cincinnati.com)	(26)
		♫ The devil went to Dollar General ♫ She was looking for some cash to steal ♫ She was in some strife ♫ And she had a knife ♫ And she was willing to make 'em squeal ♫ (mcall.com)	(27)
		Precious little snowflakes banned from playing in snow because they might get cold and wet (news.scotsman.com)	(79)
		Panel recommends expanding use of stomach bands. Fark Experts™ recommend eating less, exercising more (news.yahoo.com)	(104)
		Smokin' hot funeral director gets jail just because she switched some ashes of a family's dead loved one. Is there no justice? (wlsam.com)	(147)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this surreal chair scene (contemporist.com)	(41)
		Fat Burger twins shocked and upset that Southwest Airlines made them purchase tickets for extra seats to cover the overloading of the plane, gravity well that formed around them (suntimes.com)	(140)
		Teacher admits to having sex multiple times with her 16 year old student, smoked marijuana with him and only gets 30 months probation. Did she get off easy? You'd have to ask her student (wlsam.com)	(50)
		B.C. task force seizes 54,000 pot plants, invents the wheel (cnews.canoe.ca)	(55)
		Rare 12' long serpentine oarfish washes up on Malibu shore, is promptly cleaned, grilled, dusted with lime, sea salt, Malabar peppercorns and served with a bold but casual Alsatian Pinot Blanc (sfgate.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)		If you must discipline subordinates, use constructive criticism. Don't pepper spray them, choke them, and staple them over 100 times. This rule even applies if you are a Navy Senior Chief Petty Officer (hamptonroads.com)	(46)
		Chicago's O'Hare airport voted best airport for third year in a row. LAX demanding a recount (wlsam.com)	(98)
		Moms' smoking in pregnancy tied to girls' puberty. Girls smoking in puberty tied to Dateline NBC specials (news.yahoo.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)		Severus Snape takes time from his busy schedule of killing Dumblebore and harrassing Harry Potter to bring you GQ's Burger of the Year. In-and-Out and Five Guys fanboys express your butthurt to the right (gq.com)	(212)
		Wellington officials do not want to create a "police state" by ticketing jaywalkers, no matter how many of them continue to walk in front of buses (stuff.co.nz)	(35)
		♫ Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam, Wonderful Spam ♫ (news.blogs.cnn.com)	(61)
(Bangor Daily News)		After losing his truck, his weed, and $490, a Canadian man says he never wants to visit Maine again. Then again, who does? (bangordailynews.com)	(87)
(Some Guy)		Unabomber's Montana property for sale. Perfect for extended vacations, quiet reflections and hiding from the FBI (greatfallstribune.com)	(41)
(TDN)		"Speeches, prayer, cheerleaders, a ribbon cutting and a release of doves heralded Monday afternoon's reopening of the Nutty Narrows Bridge for squirrels" (tdn.com)	(31)
		Euphemistically named "power chairs" haul fatties, scare drivers, confuse police, keep Fark headlines rolling in (tampabay.com)	(143)
(Some Guy)		PayPal pulls plug on WikiLeaks payments per political pressure piling up pole to pole (vancouversun.com)	(357)
		You know who else hates people who leave their Christmas lights up all year? (news.bostonherald.com)	(38)
		How is feathered babby dinosaur formed? (io9.com)	(30)
		NY officials say it's not their fault thousands of drivers got stranded in Buffalo - I mean, who knew it snowed there in December? (buffalonews.com)	(126)
		His plan to rid the country of German confectionery manufacturers was derailed in the early stages (beatcalls.com)	(15)
		After being abandoned in the cold in cardboard boxes, eight cats, including one-week-old kittens Freeze and Frost, hope to make a complete recovery in time for Caturday (walesonline.co.uk)	(394)
		Two rare red foxes confirmed in Sierra Nevada, you big dummy (news.yahoo.com)	(65)
		Photoshop this bold bather (online.wsj.com)	(18)
		America's top ten dumbest cities (huffingtonpost.com)	(173)
		The answer to ending childhood obesity: no more bake sales (wlsam.com)	(53)
(wtsp.com)		Man arrested with 83 jars of moonshine. No, this is not a repeat of 1925 (wtsp.com)	(37)
		Mom who proclaimed "My son is gay" and posted a picture of him on her blog is "flabbergasted" when told that she outed him: "He's 5 years old. He's made no sexual conscious choice" (well.blogs.nytimes.com)	(191)
(Some Guy)		Conway Twitty was gay. Apparently, those were fightin' words in the trailer park (baynews9.com)	(98)
		Top ice cream innovations of 2010, as listed by "ice cream artisan." Bacon is there, so's salt and pepper. Black garlic, naturally. Coffee ice cream sandwich? Yes, please (theatlantic.com)	(30)
		Not News: Teen writes offensive phrase on board, gets punished. News: teen is a foreign exchange student and is being sent back to his country. Fark: the phrase? Death to America (nwfdailynews.com)	(242)
		Man who directly killed 100 people and ordered the deaths of more than 4,000 people sentenced to eight years in prison. Wait, what? (news.com.au)	(66)
		UN says by 2030, climate change will cause nearly one million deaths a year. Add to this the deaths from second-hand smoke, smog, tanning booths, E. coli, cell phone radiation, and mounting obesity - and traffic by then should be a breeze (news.com.au)	(250)

Fri December 03, 2010

(Van Sun)	University prepares resident for real world by forcing him to vacate student housing, only 13 years after his last class (vancouversun.com)	(68)
(Some Forward Guy)	Don't you hate it when you're trying to delete a naked lady photo someone sent to your Blackberry, and you accidentally forward it to a female political rival? (northjersey.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this stylish subway car (pics.livejournal.com)	(27)
	Heavy rain and high tides leave much of the historic city of Venice indistinguishable from normal years (telegraph.co.uk)	(41)
	Officials at Arlington National Cemetery are more likely to know who is buried in the Tomb of the Unknown Solider than who is buried under any particular headstone (wtopnews.com)	(36)
	Princeton student body votes against switching hummus brands, in what observers are calling a historic referendum on whirled peas (nj.com)	(60)
	Droid makes guys ear bleed, top that one Apple (abcactionnews.com)	(107)
	High school goes beserk and into lockdown mode over a BB gun. You could shoot your eye out (if it was loaded) (boston.com)	(88)
	WikiLeaks No. 74296142: The Obama White House and Republicans got real bipartisan in an effort to kill the torture probe when Spain considered a criminal case against ex-Bush officials (motherjones.com)	(114)
	Americans fail the climate change quiz, and not surprisingly it's the people that feel the most smug doing the failing (npr.org)	(135)
	Good news, everyone. Chances someone has the same Social Security number as you do are only one in seven (redtape.msnbc.com)	(95)
	Fat bald guys, rude FAQs, tear-soaked mascara shots, and Chuck Norris jokes- it's like this week's Mugshot Roundup is composed entirely of Farkers (thesmokinggun.com)	(139)
	Wikileaks' Assange does not respond well to any non-fawning questions about his motives and actions (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(197)
(post-gazette.com)	Police searching for vandal that carved "Nemo me inpune lacessit." into a dozen cars at local auto dealership. No word if any Amontillado was found at the scene (post-gazette.com)	(95)
	Supreme Court to rule whether disabled veterans should be treated like convicted criminals (usatoday.com)	(86)
	Rest easy, arachnophobes. The nefarious German tarantula smuggler has been arrested (thesmokinggun.com)	(68)
	FBI has to ask for another search warrant after rifling through the wrong Gmail account (thesmokinggun.com)	(48)
	Woman's body found with recycling. It's a sorted story (cnews.canoe.ca)	(51)
	Photoshop this collector (online.wsj.com)	(30)
(Some Girl)	"I don't want to alarm anybody but there's a lot of porn on the internet" (tvnz.co.nz)	(476)
	14 yo sets off from Netherlands in the hopes of being the youngest solo-sailor to be rescued during a round-the-world AW stunt (news.yahoo.com)	(73)
	Chicago area Islamic Center denied building permit for being 810 miles too close to Ground Zero (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(137)
(Some Guy)	Ever get that tingling sensation in the back of your mind? Well, its probably one of these teenagers stabbing you in the back of the skull with a diabetic needle (newsnet5.com)	(37)
	Fark-ready story "The FBI has issued a memo warning that a new Barbie doll could be used to make child porn" (cnn.com)	(138)
	Celebration, FL - the town that Disney built - sees second death less than a week after its very first homicide. It's almost as if it's a real town now or something (msnbc.msn.com)	(68)
(KGOR)	Six-year-old disagrees with mom's music choice...gets dropped off along highway to "learn" a lesson (kgor.com)	(102)
	Maryland State Highway Administration Lays Banana Peels on DC Beltway in First Live-Action Mario Kart Game Ever (msnbc.msn.com)	(65)
	Erskine Bowles, (D-epression) Budget Slasher (csmonitor.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)	So it turns out Julian Assange's warrant for "sexual assault" is actually for "consensual sex without a condom". In other news, the U.S. government can't even orchestrate a decent smear job anymore (georgewashington2.blogspot.com)	(391)
	Pop quiz, hotshot. You just were on Fark for the last week and now you can take the quiz to see how many questions about the stories you can answer. WHAT DO YOU DO? (fark.com)	(102)
	Scott Adams (Dilbert creator) channels his inner Glenn Beck and posts two unsupported "conspiracy theories". 1) Is the stock market being manipulated by computer viruses? 2) Was the Wikileaks fiasco orchestrated by the US gov't? (dilbert.com)	(90)
	Why schadenfreude hurts so good and why you love it (scientificamerican.com)	(66)
	Protip: Do not use a power drill as a hair styling tool (wlsam.com)	(39)
	Not news: Man has a visit from his girlfriend, News: He kills her and hides her body in his room for three months, Fark: He is still in prison when he does this (dailymail.co.uk)	(62)
(KNXV)	Baptist church listed as hate group. "I do hate homosexuals and if hating homosexuals makes our church a hate group then that's what we are" (abc15.com)	(290)
(Adweek)	The 30 freakiest ads of 2010. Obviously includes informercial for military-grade fart-absorbing blanket (adweek.blogs.com)	(48)
(Some Pissed Off Veteran)	Double amputee veteran charged with stalking poor defenseless Westboro Baptist Church members (tag is for the "stalker") (ksn.com)	(107)
	Tom Brady is the Clark Griswold of the NFL (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(89)
(Some Guy)	Woman: I have stomach pains. Doctor: I'll do a blood test. Woman: What's wrong? Doctor: You're nine months pregnant. Woman: Oh (swns.com)	(125)
	Big news: Mexican authorities claim they have successfully captured US-born drug cartel hitman Edgar Jimenez, AKA "El Ponchis". WTFark: he's 14 yrs old (msnbc.msn.com)	(78)
(Some Guy)	You're a dentist on trial for groping your clients. Do you: c) blame it on being a left-handed dentist working in a surgery set up for right-handed people (swns.com)	(40)
	Top boys' names for 2010 include Aiden, Jayden, Caden and two last names. But don't laugh, girls: Names from "16 and Pregnant" are rising on the female side (shine.yahoo.com)	(729)
	Chief of Naval Operations, Admiral Roughead says he opposes allowing gays to serve openly in the military because...hang on. Really? "Rough head"? (news.yahoo.com)	(144)
	NY state to ban "fracking". Great, all Starbuck has left is drinking and smoking now (cnn.com)	(132)
	Tell me if you've heard this one before: Persons living in northern areas support persons living in southern areas (nytimes.com)	(117)
	Quitting smoking actually improves your mood, say scientists who never tried to quit smoking (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)
	South Korea waits at flagpole for Best Korea. Tells everyone he won't dare come fight. With pics of what the deck of a U.S. carrier may look like (cnn.com)	(71)
	4102 ni gnitrats srac no yrotadnam eb ot saremac pu-kcab raeR (google.com)	(95)
	Obama is still seeking ways to cave in to the GOP on tax cuts for billionaires (content.usatoday.com)	(508)
	Helen Thomas still hasn't learned. "Congress, the White House and Hollywood, Wall Street are owned by the Zionists" (freep.com)	(276)
	Cee Lo Green becomes a granddad at 35 and if you judge him for it, well then, f*ck you (dailymail.co.uk)	(104)
	Europe's solution to its ballooning debt crisis and impending member-state defaults? BORROW MOAR (npr.org)	(46)
	How a dead tramp fooled Hitler, helped win the war and created a 10-82 for Ben Affleck (bbc.co.uk)	(32)
(Alex "Tin Foil Hat" Jones)	Feds watching purchases from credit cards, but because Drew is a big-media CIA puppet, this wont get greenlit (prisonplanet.com)	(29)
(Kent Online)	Woman calls police to report snowman theft. Maybe someone just put an old silk hat on him (with emergency responder call audio goodness) (kentonline.co.uk)	(14)
	Happy 50th Birthday, Hello Kitty (npr.org)	(76)
	Bungling police eat pizzas at crime scene which should have been kept as evidence used in court (telegraph.co.uk)	(51)
	Antarctic ozone hole smallest in five years, so feel free to break out the CFCs again (msnbc.msn.com)	(66)
	Arrest of Julian Assange "imminent" according to Wikileaks (bbc.co.uk)	(452)
	Seven modern dictators way crazier than you thought possible. You already know who's number 1 (cracked.com)	(82)
	One question remains, who would answer a phone call from Charles Manson? (latimes.com)	(34)
	C. Krauthammer: "Where are the intelligence agencies on which we lavish $80 billion a year? Assange has gone missing. Well, he's no cave-dwelling jihadi ascetic. Start with every 5-star hotel in England and work your way down" (washingtonpost.com)	(331)
	Helicopter county gives little snowflake dogs their own section of the park's "Doggie Playground" to keep them from being intimidated by the big bully dogs. And lo, the whole moon turned blood red, and the stars fell to earth (mlive.com)	(214)
(Pharyngula)	Old and busted: Porn sites hacking your brower. New hotness: Creationist site hacks your browser. Fark: Code comments reveal that the guy who did it for them knows just how stupid his clients are (scienceblogs.com)	(78)
	Wikileaks gets Lieberpwnd. Now no one will know that the Ambassador to Togo thinks Faure Gnassingbé's dog farts too much. Bwhhahaha (salon.com)	(65)
	The most amazing pictures of "supercell" clouds you are going to see, well ...probably ever (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
	US government says unemployment at 9.8% for November, which means the real number is still somewhere around 17% (bloomberg.com)	(251)
	Hey, I've got an idea, let's borrow money to subsidize tax cuts for the rich (nytimes.com)	(257)
	Photoshop these cameramen on a car (inapcache.boston.com)	(35)
	Your pregnant sister is arguing with you about a shirt. Do you: C) knee her in the stomach? (mcall.com)	(66)
	INVISIBLE ART EXHIBIT (thesun.co.uk)	(69)
	After setting house on fire with her husband still inside, woman goes for style points by driving a screwdriver into her chest with a hammer (startribune.com)	(56)
	Televangelist admits to extramarital affair. This is not a repeat from just about any year out of the last twenty or so. But hey, at least this time it was with a woman (religion.blogs.cnn.com)	(118)
	Mice found in Chinese restaurant's noodles. Great, now EVERYONE'S gonna want them (thesun.co.uk)	(39)
(The Modesto bee)	Soldier just back from Afghanistan suprises his childen at their school. With video goodness...Lotta dust in the air (modbee.com)	(110)
	Never help the police catch a robber. You'll get fired (jacksonville.com)	(80)
(Some Parade Prep)	Photoshop these green goggles (s.wsj.net)	(20)
	Amish romance novels becoming more popular. Churn that butter baby (newsweek.com)	(73)
(Some Guy)	Starbucks' 'peppermint white chocolate mocha' contains 700 calories, or about as much as 6 beers (chron.delish.com)	(113)
	Norway blames China for sweet-and-sour relations (news.com.au)	(127)