From a Man’s Perspective: Women LOVE the Bad Guy
Here’s another write up from @ThaFamousNobody about women being in love with the bad guys. Have you ever been told that you seem to fall for the okey doke from each and every guy you’ve dated? Are you a nice guy who always seems to finish last? Check out with Dizzy had to say and post your thoughts!
I know a lot of women and all of them have the same problem, MEN. Women love assholes and hos. Well most of them anyway. Women seem to be so intrigued by guys who don’t give a sh*t about them and even more intrigued by guys who f-ck a lot of women.
Women often want to see what the big fuss is all about with a ho so they have lunch with the guy or even f-ck the him. Other women want to change the guy into a house wife from a ho. It’s like a challenge. “Girl my p-ssy so good he will stop having sex with them other bitches and f-ck with me only!” I know females who haven’t actually said that line out loud but have thought it. Well then they can’t turn the guy into a housewife and get heart broken and say all men ain’t shit. Be mad for a couple weeks, claim they bout to start “doing them”, meet another ho and do it all over again.
Women don’t date new guys. They date the same exact men with different faces. Women are so smart when it comes to other things like school and their career but are the dumbest creatures when it comes to protecting their hearts and falling in love.
Every woman has a sweet guy in their phone that wants to take them out and treat them nice but they will never notice him because their too busy chasing someone who doesn’t want them. The classic game of cat and mouse that can’t seem to be put to rest.
I don’t like that nice guys actually finish last aka lose but they do. I don’t know how to change this or if it will ever change. Ladies just be sure your not looking for a challenge when looking for love cause like challenges, you can’t win them all. You fall victim in believing that love happens like it does in the movies. Well it don’t and you will become bitter towards love from thinking that.
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:05 am
Not all nice guys finish last(I'm a good fella and I'm happy with my lady), but I get the gist. I also notice this among my female friends and among many women I've come in contact with. "The men ain't shit" conversations and "I'm always running into losers" talks or "There aren't any good black men left" quotes. The from the "good guy" side you'll hear things like, "I'm gonna be a ho, cuz thats all these chicks seem to want". "These bitches go and have 4 kids with a thug, but then want the nice guy after they're used up". The perception is strong when it comes to comments like that.
I'm very interested in hearing what the women of this blog have to say?? I'm not going to highlight anyone in particular but there are some amazing and bright women who comment on the subjects here and I'd like to read their take.
sidenote:
JBO had some nice videos on the topic on youtube for the good guys who always feel slighted.
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:35 am
I will admit, when I was younger; I would seek out Bad Boys. The one with the dopest rims and the money falling out his pocket. That was in my early teen years and up til I fell in love for the first time with one of these guys. Then the cycle kept repeating itself over and over. Same nigga, different face. What women have to do is look inside before blaming all of the black male species. In the words of Katt Williams…'Bitch what is it about you that keeps attracting these ain't shit niggas?" lol I had to do that, and admit to myself that it was partly my fault that I kept getting my heart broken. I was expecting too much from a man that didn't know how to give me what I needed. And I'm all for the nice dude now. I cringe when a dude I know is a "Bad Boy" tries to talk to me. I will admit that I still like a lil rough neck in em. You don't necessarily have to be a thug per se, but every woman wants a man that will protect them from Whatever.
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:44 am
I always loved the bad guys. Immature thing to say? Well, at least I'm growing & slowly but surely getting out of that stage. It was fun in high school, but now? Thanks but no thanks.
November 22nd, 2010 at 10:03 am
Wow it depends how you were raised I have never been into the bad boys or ho type men, one of the reasons for this is because I am quite private and I don't want to be walking around with my dude and be hearing from strangers that my man is a ho it's embarrassing and will have me thinking that he is probably still whoring around. So when I hear shit like that it will turn me right off and I won't deal with you. Plus I am not the treat them mean keep them keen type if you start to act fucked up I will show you the damn door. Bad boys and hoes cannot do shit for me but just give me good sex and the reason for this is because they have nothing better to do but just be sexing up women.
November 22nd, 2010 at 10:12 am
Black women love the bad guy.
Look how they root for convicted felon Fist Brown.
He tried to murder Rihanna and they could care less, SMDH.
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:09 am
I’m cool on the whole thug thing. Now that I’m 21 I see that is just not whats up. 9 times out of ten the women saying “men aint shit” making these bad decisions when it comes to these men.I’ll take a regular WORKING respectful guy any day…
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:26 am
I don't believe anything sticks to a definite rule…with every situation..there will be problems and no one rule..will define them all..
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:36 am
I'm sorry to say that @ThaFamousNobody did not bring it this time. Yes, I slightly disagree with the opinions expressed, but the writing also seemed rushed and uncohesive. The topic is such a cliche and twice I saw this idea of making a man a "housewife". If that's some sort of slang, then uh…'kay. But shouldn't the phrase be to make the man a husband or a househusband?
Anyhoo, why do we focus on rinky dink dumb @ss chicks all the darn time? There are many of us looking for decent and good men. We aren't all thugged out. We can f!ck with a thug but hold out for a good man. It's as if there's this movement to justify thuggery by suggesting that most women prefer them. SOME women like thugs. And? So? What's the big epiphany? This is yet another example of "blame women" 'cause there are men who can't get their sh!t together.
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:39 am
This post comes across as ignorant. "girl my pussy so good he will only want to f-ck me only." He doesn't know any women that said that but he knows women that think it? Illogical, apparently bruh man can read minds. See thats the importance of logic! I am not taking this post seriously because he offers nothing new in terms of knowledge or helping women make better choices in men or helping women change those "bad" boys.
DivaBabyTX
And what is a "bad boy" going to protect you from space aliens? Best way for a bad boy to protect you is with an education (not necessarily a college education) A stable income, and LOVE.
Why are we stuck on these issues?
Interracial dating
Black women being single
Who is or is not gay
Gold diggers
Goodman vs. i suppose badman
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:48 am
What about the good girls who get looked over for the hood rats
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:57 am
Far too much in the media its potrayed that all black women want thugs… not the case at all. granted some do but I kno i always hear the whole black women only want thugs etc thats why they cant find a man. To each its on.
" I know females who haven’t actually said that line out loud but have thought it".
And how do you know this??
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:57 am
Equally yoked. I'm not religious but doesn't the Bible say find someone who you are equally yoked with?
Except for the rare exception I don't say that men ain't sh!t or question where the good men are. If a man (or a woman) keeps bumping into so-called losers, then their karma is for sh!t. I'm not concerned about thugs, low-lifes, and losers because I don't deal with those types of people. If you keep running into liars, its 'cause you make yourself easy to be lied to.
Folks need to start setting standards and sticking to them. I don't mind if I misconstrue who a dude is as long as I walk away when I find out he ain't it. No harm and no foul because he wasn't the only one I was dating anyway.
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Okay, that just sounds weird. It makes sense that good girls are looked over by the hood rats. Hood rats are smart enough to date other hood rats. If a good girl is smart that's a blessing. Also, if you are running in the right direction, then how do you bump into someone running in the wrong direction?
What hood rats use bravado to make up for the deficiencies that good guys don't have.
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:15 pm
I've never been impressed by the flashy cars, clothes, jewelry, "I'mma beat your ass in the streets when I see you" type dude. Amazingly enough that has never excited me.
The type of man I HAVE fallen for time and time again seems to be the "smooth-talker", the "charmer". I like a guy with good conversation, seemingly educated, and we can talk about more than just the latest rap music video. I get these guys. Everything's good. Until I begin to notice that I'm paying for most everything. Since 16, I've always had a job, even while in school. It ain't much, but I like having my own money, being able to buy things when I want, and not having to be dependent on anyone else for shit that I need. I have no problem with guys that have dreams, ambitions, that really want to go places and make something of their lives. But I seem to always find the guy that's stuck in the dream phase, content with "what he has", and I'm stuck hauling the load for both of us trying to get there.
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I have heard men say time and time again that they don't come checking for the "good girl" until they're ready for someone of wifey status, someone that they can take home to their mother and not be ashamed, someone that hasn't been around the block letting all the homies have a go at her.
So in essence, it's AS IF good girls have to wait until bad boys decide they are ready to be good men.
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:27 pm
well when you put it that way….Damn LOL Good point
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I wasn't speaking on the bad boy protecting me, cause his protection is more out of Control than it is love. I was talking about a man with a slight edge to him.
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Cosigning BKNYC…
Equally yoked. I’m not religious but doesn’t the Bible say find someone who you are equally yoked with?
Except for the rare exception I don’t say that men ain’t sh!t or question where the good men are. If a man (or a woman) keeps bumping into so-called losers, then their karma is for sh!t. I’m not concerned about thugs, low-lifes, and losers because I don’t deal with those types of people. If you keep running into liars, its ’cause you make yourself easy to be lied to.
Folks need to start setting standards and sticking to them. I don’t mind if I misconstrue who a dude is as long as I walk away when I find out he ain’t it. No harm and no foul because he wasn’t the only one I was dating anyway.
November 22nd, 2010 at 12:38 pm
PREACH!!!
November 22nd, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Why do we fixate on the bad boys? Why wait for them at all? Waiting for anyone else to mature is an exercise in futity and the accumulation of self-contempt.
I'll say this, the baddest men are the ones who have it going on, not the ones who find it easier to work outside of the rules rather than inside. Maybe its just me, but I've always considered thugs to be works in progress, and I've never wanted to deal with less than everything I can have from a man.
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Man whatever *flips back my hand*!
@bknyc, I def agree w/ & cosign your comment 1000%.
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Man, this letter (from begining 2 end)….My thoughts exactly, & I couldn've said it better myself!
I've seen this type of foolishness happen so many times….I think I've lost count, but I don't say anything, I just do what Capricorns do best, sit back, relax, have a Big Mac (lol) & observe. So because I keeps my mouth shut & try 2 stay out of folks buisness, I'll just tell y'all what I be thinking (I know that was ghetto, but oh well). I too feel that most women are like animals chasing their own tails, when it comes 2 relationships. You look past the "good guy" 4 the "bad guy," & then when the "bad guy" ends up treating you like sh*t (as they always do), you end up left in HIS dust singing that same ol annoying "Men Ain't Sh*t" jingle, along w/ ur other bitter a$$ girlfriends ——> i.e., An animal chasing it's own tail.
As a woman myself….& this goes 4 both women & men, I believe that if you keep ending up with Mr./Mrs. Wrong (CONSTANTLY), then chances are, it's Y.O.U!
Plain & Simple.
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:31 pm
What? Protection out of control?? Please offer some clarity.
"I will admit that I still like a lil rough neck in em. You don't necessarily have to be a thug per se, but every woman wants a man that will protect them from Whatever."
Im not getting what you or any woman mean when the state that they like a lil rough neck, what is a rough neck? Is the man neck made out of leather? What do you mean by Control? *concerned* at all levels.
Someone once told me high blood pressure causes you to be hot, because blood pressure "somehow" presses against they vessels in the body making them hot. What is disturbing this person was conscious alert human being.
Be aware of your world, thinking and observing and listening is one way to learn but it has it limits.
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Im new to this dating game (2.5yrs in now) but i learned REAL QUIK, tht those "bad guys" aint sh1+. They will leave u broke, heart broken, pessimistic, looking like a fool, with an STD case, or even worse PREGGO
Give me a nice guy anyday. A HANDSOME nice guy, but a nice guy who is RESPONSIBLE
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I agree. It's a shame that this is how it is because it's so many that don't have their shit together, as opposed to the number that do.
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:48 pm
I understand that, but you are over-thinking, over-reaching and all the above. All I was saying is that I still like a man with a lil Edge to him. I don't know why you are concerned. I'm single and prefer it that way. I was speaking on The "Thug's" mentality for Protection. It's not Protection out of love, its is Protection out of trying to control that person. I was saying that I fully understand the difference between the two.
November 22nd, 2010 at 3:08 pm
When I was younge rmy mom told me a very true saying that applies to girls 13-30: If a guy treats a girl like dirt, she'll stick to him like mud! As sad as it is, for some reason women do get drawn to men who are "projects." There is an excitement about being able to "change" somebody for the better, even if it is at your own expense. Glad, to say I've finally gotten out of that phase.
http://accessalex.com
November 22nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm
I need to find a way to spark a discussion about this.
November 22nd, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Hmmmm. I don't know …. I think that both women and men both go through a phase in which they go after what they think they should be going after, because we are young and immature and don't know what we want. That is the purpose of dating, it is to determine what you like. If some women like the "bad boy" type, then more power to them. It's the same thing with men, they go after the hoe, or the goldigger, or the woman who has no real interest in them. The part of growing up is figuring out what really matters, what is really important to You as a person. With growth, I know what I like, and I like a brotha with a good head on his shoulders and will settle for nothing else. But at the same time, I can't knock my sister if she wants a bad boy, that just leaves more of my type out there for me.
November 22nd, 2010 at 4:25 pm
That dont have shit to do with how you are raised. There are many of women who were raised in two parent households, went to good school, taught to be a lady who out there getting their back tapped out to a "bad boy". It is more like allure of something different. To try some shit you have never had before.
November 22nd, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Ok, cut this "black women" shit out. If you went to college at a white school, or been around enough white people, you will learn fist hand how white girls get down. In case you havent been looking, white girls date "bad boys" too especially black "bad boys". Sometimes people need to remove the race shit and look at women and what we do as WOMEN! Sometimes it doesnt have a thing to do with race.
November 22nd, 2010 at 4:39 pm
I am quite sure that I have experienced most of this in my life. Some of it has affected me but not in the bitter "men aint shit" manner. I am a fixer, a planner. The minute I realized that I was in a cycle of bad men, I stopped and thought about everything I did to warrant this treatment. At the end of the day, only you can stop the way others treat you. I have read all the responses and replies and instead of people talking about what you can do to fix the problem most have just reiterated the negatives.
Start by looking at yourself, the company you keep and your insecurities that causes you to attract these kind of men. I love nice guys, but I need one with a backbone. I dont like any man that it is easy to just run over. I have an A-type personality that causes me to do just do. I will stay single until somebody comes along respects me and my flaws and still likes me afterwards. Because at the end of the day, that is what you do. Accept somebody with their good or bad and strive to do better.
November 22nd, 2010 at 5:22 pm
It's just how Quest is. We ignore him. lol
November 22nd, 2010 at 5:24 pm
I was gonna email you about it!
)
But yeah we should have a discussion on this!
November 22nd, 2010 at 5:34 pm
I'm confused. On one hand you say we need to figure out what the problem is and in essence come up with a solution, but then you say you're waiting to find someone that accepts you flaws and all. You have a type-A personality; you don't want a man that you can walk over. Well the only other man that will accept that type of personality is usually the extreme Alpha male because he has a bigger personality than you and is assured that he is able to "keep that in check" so-to-speak. Alpha males are usually seen as "thugs", btw.
Really, we all did what you say you're doing. We posted our responses and kept it truckin, i.e. waiting for someone that comes along to accept our flaws and all. No need to change anything.
Yet if nobody changes, how do we accomplish anything and move forward?
(I hope my response made sense. I know how it sounds in my head!)
November 22nd, 2010 at 6:41 pm
if this shit doesn't go both ways, then idk what does lol.
now i can safely say that i've fallen prey to the "bad guy" thing, but i've gotten over it to the point where i'd rather be by myself than do that again. unfortunately, i've been prone to attracting bums of all kinds. i choose to not give them any play cuz i already know what's up. in keeping with the theory of "you are what you attract", i've tried to work on the insecurities i possess without being involved in anything.
on the other hand tho, i've always noticed that some of the nicest guys seem to be with some of the most trife females. i'm talking the most dramatic, slap you upside the head, buy me this and that kinda females. i think it boils down to the fact that a lot of decent people are not as aggressive (like myself). so we end up losing out on some of the good things because the other good people are busy getting caught up in the fascination of the crappy ones.
November 22nd, 2010 at 8:55 pm
I lived in a community full of bad men and never had sex or any other kind of relationship with ANY of them.I really hated them.My dad was the ONLY hardworking black man in my communit.I grew up in a two parent married family and my mom,also black, was a stay at home mom.My dad made sure that my mom and my siblings and I had a good life.I saw how good my father was to us in every way,and I saw how those bad "men"/evil cretins left children and women devastated.Their behaviors were downright satanic.I say that and i'm not even extremely religious.I can't see how women fall for bad men.I was in a sea of bad men once upon a time and NONE of them EVER got to touch me or ruin my life.
If you want me to keep away from anything just sit a bad boy next to it. They are a repellant to me.I am repulsed by them and I question the minds of girls who grew up seeing how awful those men were and the trail of tears,diseases,and unwanted impoverished babies they left behind and still thought it was a good idea to deal with them.
I will never understand that.
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:01 pm
I like the bad boy characters in books, TV, and movies, but not in real life. Hell no. I saw my dumbass ex-friend do that. She got pregnant by a drug dealer, he stayed in and out of jail, did drugs, and beat her. Yet she loved him. I asked her if she was stupid. She said it was her type. Then one say she goes "I love the drama in my life from it". Dumb bitch.
Yeah that's why we're not friends anymore. You can have the ass beatings and going to jail to visit a guy with your baby in tow. I don't want it. Oh and she thought I wanted this since I'm black. She's white. Classic racism at it's best huh?
November 22nd, 2010 at 11:55 pm
Lawd Jia why you giving a platform to 19 y/o cornballs? This argument is tired and sounds like the rant of a guy who is a "2" who's mad that he can't pull a "10" so he makes up some bullshit about women wanting thugs. One minute black women's standards too high and we want too much and the next minute our standards are too low and we only want thugs. Gtfoh…he needs to go find himself a "2" on his level and get over it!
November 23rd, 2010 at 4:43 am
Oooh Kiesh lol.
I just wanted to do something to give you guys a different perspective on things, even if you don't agree. Trust me, I won't agree with the majority of the stuff the fellas write about but it's good for dialogue!
You are a mess though! LOL
November 23rd, 2010 at 5:24 am
PREACH sister, but I fear that most of the women that do like bad boys may have never had a father or a good father figure to look for what is good in a man. This is why I believe that it is really important that fathers set a good example not only for their sons but also their daughters. There are a lot women that do not know what a good man is due to not having an influential loving father in their life, someone that shows them how a man is supposed to treat their women. People go on about how boys need their father more than girls but I say that is bullshit. There are lot of lost women out there walking around with unhealed wounds due to the absence of their father and what happens is that the cycle then repeats itself.
November 23rd, 2010 at 10:39 am
I agree to a certain extent. Niggas are real good actors these days portraying to be a good guy but end up being like the rest so what about women in this instance? Sure I’m attracted to them BUT no way in hell would I ever expect anything more than just a quick fuck from them. At that point I don’t even continue talking to them. This is just another blame game for women but both parties need to take responsibility in this instance. Be upfront with that person and this can all be avoided and nice guys don’t finish last. It just takes a little more time to get what he deserves. It sucks but that’s just the way it goes
November 23rd, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Great point.
November 23rd, 2010 at 9:07 pm
I've always wanted to know what a man thought about this type of situation. I have many male friends who are nice guys and who strongly feel as if they finish last. I honestly feel bad for them, because the girls they try to seek are the ones who don't appreciate nice men. I also have some female friends and acquaintances who don't know what the fuck they want in life. They claim they want to "meet the right man," fall in love, etc., but they always end up with the same "ain't shit niggas" (quoted from DivaBabyTX who quoted Kat Williams). Honestly, I'm tired of trying to argue to women that seeking love in the same area is stupid and insane. As a matter of fact, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
November 23rd, 2010 at 9:07 pm
I've never really been a big fan of bad boys. I just always happened to "fall" for a guy that wasn't right for me. I've had my heart broken a couple of times, because I try to see the good in other people, but I finally stood up for myself and realized that I deserved better. Now, I'm with one of the nicest men I have ever met, and I'm thankful that God brought him to me at this place in my life.
November 25th, 2010 at 12:25 am
I read this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert and this summed up my life until it clicked for me:
"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
sometimes, we try our hardest and hope for the best, not realizing (or wanting to realize) that this guy isn't the best for us. It's sad, but we'll get it together, and then raise our boys to be great men