The media coverage over the last week would have one think that Americans are racing to trade in the clang of wedding bells for the sweet sound of independence… or at least cohabitation (“shacking-up”). A Pew Research study released Thursday documented the continued decline of traditional marriage and a rise in cohabitation and remaining single. The study also found that when asked ,“Some people say that the present institution of marriage is becoming obsolete—do you agree or disagree?” about 39 percent of survey respondents agreed, 58 percent disagreed, and 4 percent did not know. This statistic garnered national attention. Writers and radio and television personalities asked experts and lay persons alike what this meant for the way Americans conceptualize themselves, their goals and values, and their intimate relationships.
I agree that the institution of marriage is undergoing a change in America but let’s back-up: are we are attributing too much significance to a single indicator? Almost 40 percent of Americans say that marriage is becoming obsolete but if we flip that figure 6 out of 10 Americans assert that it is not. Further, in a rush to embrace the narrative that marriage is obsolete or that marriage is swiftly becoming obsolete some commentators have ignored other figures within the study. For instance only 1 in four Americans said that they did not want to get married and 61 percent agreed that a child needs a home with both a father and a mother to grow up happily
How do we reconcile these drastically different responses? Even though the “marriage is becoming obsolete” question seemed targeted at marriage’s role in American society I cannot help but wonder if respondents considered the question on a personal level. For instance, when respondents thought about the institution’s place in their lives they discovered that, in the abstract, the act of marriage was not absolutely essential to their success or happiness. In that way marriage was “becoming obsolete.” Yet when it came to wanting to get married or the general importance of a two-parent household for children they felt that marriage had greater significance.
As the Pew researchers noted the finding needs to be interpreted with caution, certainly more caution than has been taken by the media thus far:
“For one thing, ‘becoming obsolete’ is not the same as ‘obsolete.’ When the World Values Survey posed a similar question in 2006 that used a more starkly worded formulation…just 13% of American respondents agreed. In addition, respondents who doubt the durability of marriage appear to include a mix of those who are comfortable with the change and those who are troubled by it.”
Above are figures from the World Values Survey 2005-2008, the study described in the quotation. Only 13.2 percent of Americans agreed with the statement “marriage is an out-dated institution.” Moreover, the U. S. is about 4 percentage points below the international average and over 25 percentage points below the world leader.
As American society has matured so has the institution of marriage. Since the inception of civil marriage married women have gained the right to own property independent of their husbands, anti-miscegenation laws have been ruled unconstitutional, marital rape was made a felony, and today more and more states are extending the rights and responsibilities of marriage to same-sex couples. Perhaps marriage’s next transformation is a slow march toward obsolescence. However, the findings of the World Values Survey 2005-2008 coupled with other figures from the Pew study suggest we are not there yet. It is crucial that we have a public conversation about the changing definition and place of marriage. But as the statistical trends continue to shift we must consider all the dynamics of marriage – children, love, faith, finances, community, legal rights, legal responsibilities and others – and the implications they have for us individually and our society as a whole. Above all we must resist the tendency to let a single flashy stat take over the conversation, regardless of how great it plays for television and radio segments or how well it reads in the headlines.
Unfortunately, the focus on maintaining a good marriage has shifted. Too many people are too quick to give up on marriage the second things go wrong. With the rise in social networking people aren’t as quick to get married or stay in marriage because they know there are hundreds of fish in the sea and now they can see them all.
http://www.runtobefit.wordpress.com
I couldn’t agree more.
I live in Nigeria and there is an unprecedented rush to get married especially as one approaches early twenties or as soon as you graduate university, better still. Mothers are eagerly awaiting the marriage of their princesses and ladies will do virtually anything to get hooked.
Question then is, how many of these marriages last? The number of divorces, seperation and unhappy unions has indeed spiked.
Marriage vows should be taken more seriously and couples should be determined to sail through; thick and thin.
Nice post! Well done.
The institution of marriage is definitely going through changes.
When I married 30 years ago it was for better or worse and it has been a work in progress.
With my kid’s today I get them married then take cover.
Commitment has undergone some profound changes.
http://gmomj.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/our-fondest-hopes-and-dreams/
Wow. Interesting times in Andorra, to be sure.
Of course, marriage as an institution is changing, I believe. Gone are the days of “til death do us part,” replaced by, “until I get tired of ya, we’ll give it a shot.”
Bitter? Sorry…my own divorce and aftermath is the material for my blog, and right now, he’s trying to sue me to get me to stop blogging. Nice. And he was, I thought, my “til death do us part”!
Interesting post — thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for writing about this and posting the World Values Survey findings. For the record, I’m from Indonesia and there’s alot of pressure to marry here–especially for women. Indonesians are obsessed with marriage. It’s interesting how you point out “American society has matured so has the institution of marriage.” It makes me wonder how far Indonesian society has “matured” and the concept of marriage in Indonesia has “matured”. Weddings in Indonesia are rarely about the bride and groom–it’s mostly a “family affair”. It’s pretty common for brides and grooms to not recognize their own guests at their own wedding reception: most of the guests are friends of the couple’s parents, extended family you could barely recognize if you ran into them on the street, neighbors you barely know, your parents’ business partners… It just not about the bride and groom. I don’t think women have much personality in Indonesia: they just exist, get a job for a while, marry, have children, die. The end. Rarely notable. Marriage hasn’t become obsolete in Indonesian society. They’re not ready to let it go because some women wouldn’t know who they are without it…
As a lesbian American who blogs from Haiti, I haven’t been exposed to the media coverage in the US, and I certainly feel excluded from the marriage equation as it currently stands back home. Those of us hoping to overturn the “defense of marriage act,” in the US are fighting for marriage to become more than what it currently is. For us the notion of marriage needs to be broadened and deepened, so that more of us can do so much more than merely think about marriage in the abstract and actually get the chance to live it. Thanks for raising this important issue and congratulations on being freshly pressed!
considering i just dedicated an entire blog to my ex girlfriends in the hope that i find some common thread to find the ‘right one, i sure as sh*t hope marriage isnt outdated!
http://dearexgirlfriend.com/
This is one of irresponsible idea which is strongly getting its roots in materialist society where career, money making and enjoying life are ultimate goals of living beings.This trend would surely get its peak and then come back to its favor.Marriage is one of beautiful human bond between two people who stand with each other as strong human support and its importance is only felt in difficult and harsh times of life.Marriage is strong shield of men and women who give due respect to this responsible relation and it doesn’t allow many immoral, unethical and inhumane acts pass to them through system.
Perfectly said Nazia… As a man who’s been married for 23 years to the most beautiful woman on Earth, I am so thankful we forged our bond many years ago, raised two wonderful kids (although sometimes I considered strangling them) LOL… For some, perhaps living together and loving each other works, but as a species that revels in ceremonies, parades and percessions the event of marraige, the spectacular uniting of souls in front of the people that mean the most was an event I would never trade…
And for those that live for themselves never considering the sacrifice it takes to save a marriage when trials befall you, you miss the stronger bond that it creates…my wife and I could have called it quits a few times, but we hung in there, talked, cried worked it out and are stronger today for it.
And on my death bed she will be there and life will come full circle for me…I can’t imagine it any other way…
this is such a great post! I always appreciate when someone takes statistics and puts them into perspective. And your call to action is spot on. The world is changing and we need to keep up with it to ensure our continued “civil” existence.
“…a rise in cohabitation and remaining single.”
This idea drives me nuts. There is a big difference between “cohabitation” and remaining “single”. Single means you are alone, not in a committed relationship. Cohabitation, presumes that you *are* in a committed relationship – even if the legal establishment doesn’t recognize that relationship. From a legal perspective, anyone not married is “single”, but that label does not apply to *any* other context. My partner and I live together, we have for some time. So when people ask, I clearly cannot just tell them that I am single because it suggests that I am available. I am *not* available , I am *not* single – I just don’t have a legally bound relationship.
I agree! I know many committed, cohabiting couples, some with children who are bringing up their kids in a home with a mother and a father. Some have eventually gotten married, but that legal status does not make them any more or less committed to one another. I am newly married now, but when I was with my ex-partner of 8 years, I always felt strange having to check “single” on legal forms, since I definitely wasn’t single!
I never THOUGHT I’d get married.
” …but if we flip that figure 6 out of 10 Americans assert that it is not.”
In other words, 6 out of 10 Americans are women or feminized beta males. There is absolutely no reason for a man with options to put 50% of his pre and post marital assets at risk, much less risk losing access to his children.
Smart men know the only thing they get by being married that they cant get by being single is the risk of having their testicles removed through their wallet in court.
I think the biggest problem our country could worry about was how we stacked up against other countries in the “morals” department simply because of the way our founding fathers set up our country with it being one Nation under God.
Marriage is one of God’s greatest vows. To dishonor that vow, is indeed dishonoring God himself. For some people being single is a choice and that is also ok.
Blessings,
Ava
xox
“One Nation Under God” post-dated the Founding Fathers, February 12, 1948 to be exact. There are conflicting reports of a somewhat alike sentence in Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, although, if it was in there, had no relation to the Pledge of Allegiance and also post-dated the Founding Fathers. Religous freedom was a point of great concern for them with Thomas Paine being most outspoken on it. I have found no reference to the expression, concept or sentiment in the publications of any of the Founding Fathers.
Absolutely. So much hub-bub over one portion of a statistic.
One of the problems with this kind of “sensationalistic journalism” is that the facts get lost in the fanatic’s rhetoric. It’s all about getting readers, or watchers, to buy into the media’s hype, and not so much about actually delivering the FACTS of a situation.
One of the many reasons that I don’t read a lot of the headlines of the so-called “news media” especially online. If I want to know about something, I do my own research. Online – and off.
Thanks for a really good post, and Congrats on Freshly Pressed!
I agree, one poll does not a nation make! Like you said 6 out of 10 still agree with marriage! Puulease! Let’s not get crazy here! I happen to be HAPPILY married and am all for it…marriage that is. So if you can find the RIGHT person, go to it! There is no reason to feel forced to marry, as in feeling like an old “spinster” but a happily married couple is nice basis to raise children!
evelyngarone.com
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Marriage exist because there are people mature enough, independent and team oriented enough, willing enough and certainly understanding enough to make their marriage first. Above kids, above social life, above daily petty issues, above work and looking above to thank for the blessings they do have. You don’t have to be a staunch anything to understand this.
If anything is obsolete in regards to this subject, it is simply because society today over expects, wants the grass on the other side of the fence and wants something without working for it. Unfortunately, not all relationships have two people who believe in the same purpose. That is why marriage should not be taken so lightly.
Happily married a second time with four kids.
Every week I work with couples who believe in marriage. I have yet to see a bride or groom who have not become emotional when declaring their vows. Marriage is still important and is not going out of fashion any time soon!
Yes marraige is completely obsolete these days. Nobody cares about tradition at all, thats how you end up with shows like Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant. I don’t completely understand how getting married means you have to trade in your independance. Isn’t getting married just having someone to be independant with?
I would agree with your question. In marriage you should not cease to exist as an individual. A healthy marriage is also a marriage where each individual is mentally and physically healthy. Don’t rely on your partner for your feelings and outlook. Share those things with them. Perhaps, it is then that your strength in one another is found. In addition, couples sometimes forget that your marriage partner should also be your best friend. A companion. A lover. Walking beside that individual next to you as a couple can help you appreciate just what the other gives to the relationship-if they are truly giving. If one falls, someone is there to pick the other up. Share and mature in your experiences.
There is a difference between not caring for tradition and just simply making bad choices. “Teen Moms” simply happens because some of these guys and girls make bad choices. Then they have to grow up fast. Considering I have one of two daughters who made unwise choices twice in her late teen early adult life. She has two great kids, a good job and partner. She believes in tradition of relationships and understands values. Unfortunately, some of us don’t understand the maturity needed for such choices and we have to grow up faster and take on the learning curve and responsibility of making the best of an initial hard situation.
“Almost 40 percent of Americans say that marriage is becoming obsolete but if we flip that figure 6 out of 10 Americans assert that it is not.” This psychological technique is called “framing” — paraphrased from my psychology textbook.
Excellent points. As you noted, when people focus on the 40% who say it is, they ignore the 60% who say it is not. Odd that the emphasis is placed on the minority.
Interestingly, such questions about marriage have been around for a long time. For example, Mary Wollstonecraft (who was married) was rather critical of traditional marriage.
It would actually be surprising if marriage did not continue to change as society changes. While some folks think that the traditional marriage (as they define it) has been around since the beginning, a look at history reveals that this is not the case.
I still want to get married. But I don’t want my parents’ marriage. I even think marriage is useful: http://wp.me/pY8MO-kg. Of course I don’t have it all figured out yet. Maybe I’ll change my mind after I get married.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
I don’t think marriage is becoming obsolete, it’s just changing. There are many couples who choose cohabitation without marriage, and that does not make the relationship any less committed (and in many places, cohabitation is legally recognised). And don’t forget about the people who simply get married later in life. I fall into both of these categories – I have lived with my partner for 10 years and we have two children together, and next year we will be getting married.
As they say, there are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Thanks for this post.
If marriage is not viewed as an equal partnership with mutual respect and love, then it is going to fall apart. It takes a lot of work.
Too many people rush into marriage and discover it was not for them. The pasture over the fence may look greener, but it is still fed by the same water supply.
Happy holidays!
The question asked was “Some people say that the present institution of marriage is becoming obsolete—do you agree or disagree?” With the changes we are seeing in our world there is no doubt that the idea of marriage is becoming obsolete. Same-sex unions would provide something to people who don’t have it; domestic violence and addictive behavior no longer has to be tolerated just because you said “till death.” That said, I think people want to get married, want to make that life-long pact because there is something wonderful about sharing your life with another person. Marriage as we know it might be shifting and changing, it is not ending or becoming obsolete.
The world will never see marriage through God’s eyes until they recognize
that it is His design and He is very specific as to how to maintain it. John 3:16 describes the ultimate love and once people believe this to be true, marriage will be held to a higher standard and regarding as a treasure unlike no other!
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22
http://rejoicebeloved.wordpress.com/
It seems to me that marriages are changing because of the way our culture has changed, especially in respect to technology. I think a lot of people carry over our culture’s expectation for instant gratification (in terms of the internet, particularly) to their married lives. Maybe it’s also because of the media’s widespread coverage of celebrity divorces. People give up when the going gets tough, because it’s widely “approved,” or sensationalized at least. I’m not married yet, but both my parents, and my fiance’s parents are still together, and I’d really like to follow their good examples.
Sad to say, this is a spill over of moral deprived society, where utilitarian way of life is sought. Marriage and relationships in the first place is hard work and a serious matter to begin with.
i personally have never been married but it seems like the media, famous people and the like have shown people mainly kids these days that having a spouse/wife/husband etc is a drag. everyone’s business is out there now with cheating and i think that teaching kids this stuff at an early age is what messes up marriages. I am not saying marriage is something everyone should do. I am sure people have other reasons not to get married too, like being successful and other concerns especially in rough economic times. good read and nice graph though
http://enjoibeing.wordpress.com/
I read the report in Time Magazine, what I found surprising was the difference between college and high school graduates in relation to the age at which they married, cohabitation, and divorce. People without college degrees are more likely to live together before getting married because they don’t feel financially stable enough to marry or cannot afford to live apart, they marry later in their 20s due to those reasons, and are more likely to divorce. College graduates are more likely to live together usually after an engagement, they see it more of a practice run before tying the knot, and have lower rates of divorce because their marriages can be insulated from problems that other couples face. I found it shocking how accurate it was when compared to my marriage and the marriages of my friends and family. Great post!
oh and I forgot – I do think marriage is important – for many grey reasons.
People who do not get married and co-habit just want to use one another and there is no real commitment. Its a tragedy *sigh*
http://www.loyaltothemagisterium.wordpress.com
I do not think that marriage is becoming obsolete. I wish I knew the other options the people were given when asked this question. I have 3 children and with the same person ( who is their father) for nearly 18 years and I have no desire to walk down and isle or sign a paper. For me, every day I stay in my relationship is because I chose to, not because I made a promise or signed a form. This frees me from that trapped feeling. The feeling that I may be letting people or God down if our relationship goes to hell in a hand bag. We have suffered through many crisis’s with a couple quite major, we stayed together through it all though it was tough. I don’t think we would have made it through if we were married because of the added trapped feeling and pressure I despise. I don’t think I am alone in that feeling.
oh I should add – we fell in love and are still very much for in love and still have the same amount of passion now as we did when we first met. That’s a lot of passion. To respond to one other person, we are not using each other for anything. We are still together after nearly 18 years because we are still in love and for no other reason than that.
Relationships are hard so it’s nice to have the idea of a commitment. But maybe it’s just that ‘an idea’.
Hmmm…nice post and got me thinking.
Kudos on being freshly pressed, may everyone be as blessed as you and follow their true passions in life.
http://bigbangbang.wordpress.com/2010/11/24/quality-of-life-a-guide-to-live-the-life-of-your-dreams/
Much love,
Shan
I’ve been married for about three years and I can say that it has not been the easiest thing living together, tolerating each other, taking care of our children, etc. but I choose to stay as well. Before I got married, I did not know all the problems that would come along but you learn to work through them together. That’s the main word: together…Many people are out for self and not thinking about working together as one. Marriage is not something I take lightly and others shouldn’t either but that is not always the case.
Strange that the World Values Survey that you mention didn’t survey the UK, with a 60 million population, but did survey Andorra, with an 80,000 population! And they were the ones with the most anti-marriage views… For the record, I’m in my 30s and most of my friends are not married, so I guess there is a definite change in attitudes. Could it be that we won’t accept bad relationships, like dating a ‘princess’? http://thislittlethingcalledlife.com/2010/11/11/dating-royalty-is-no-fun/
I think the marriage is very important to us.I see any society must have
law to regulate marriage.Husband and wife must be faithful so they have to educate their chidren to be a good man and being useful for society.
Hmmm, very interesting points here…. Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!
Great work in bringing forth those pivotal points. I think that the important thing in determining where the general view of marriage is headed is an comparing these results to those of at least 50 years prior. Then we can better understand where the marriage train is headed.
Again, thanks for the post.
I don’t know about obsolete, but I might add that that people are waiting and getting hitched at older ages, like late 20′s early 30′s. All my friends got married in their early 20′s. My kid’s friends are getting pregnant at 19-22 and only one has gotten married out of about 6 or 7. But from what I’ve been observing around me, the overall age seems to be 28-33.
My personal opinion? Marriage is overrated.
the whole concept of marriage has changed since back when are grnadparents were alive….I do believe that majority of people get married not really thinking of the “til death do us part” because divorce is so simple people dont care to try and make thier marriage work!!!!
Marriage is hard work. As all of us married folk know, it’s hard work to get to the point of marriage, and even more work to sustain a marriage.
With this “facebook” generation, I am afraid that these youngsters won’t even be able to hold onto viable relationships due to a lack of desire and ability to communicate effectively. I hear so much about teens “hooking up,” and hooking up does not mean nurturing a relationship.
Without marriage, there is and will be a further breakdown in the family structure, and that’s sad–real sad.
I think a lot depends on where you are in your life, too. Like your age, if you already been married, if your children are younger or older, etc. I do believe in marriage, but I don’t think people take it as seriously as the generations before did as far as when it comes to working things out till some longevity has occured in your marriage so you can get to the point where you realize what’s really important. People have to grow, and they have to grow together as well, not apart. I wonder how many know how to do that without having a good example to follow.
I personally don’t believe the marriage is becoming “obsolete” I believe the reasons people find to get married have blurred the actual concept of marriage and what it should be about. Getting married is not a decision that I plan to make lightly and I think more often then not people do it without understanding the consequences or having all of the information needed to make a decision of that magnitude.
My father once told me a funny story about a conversation he overheard between two of his friends. One guy (who was divorced) told the other excitedly “Hey I’m getting married!” “What???” said the other guy (who was also divorced), “Are you crazy? Why don’t you just find a woman you hate and buy her a house?”
I’m confused about this whole topic having spent most of the summer in a country (Afghanistan) where the marriages are all arranged and where the poorest families spend upwards of $15,000 for weddings and each family has about 10 kids (the boy pays for the wedding). The partners are chosen by parents, people may only meet their spouse-to-be a few times in strictly chaperoned situations, they may exchange only a few words, and a man may not be allowed to see his prospective wife’s face till they’re married. Nonetheless many people seem to be devoted and committed (I’m not talking about extreme conservatives), and people’s lives revolve totally around their families. Think about it!
I like the mention of Facebook from one of the commenters, since in Facebook all you have to do is click a radio button to change your relationship status and wait for your partner to confirm it.
Marriage is not dead or dying, but the purpose of getting married (from simple procreation, extending your family and its power, to the merging of finances and peaceful co-existence) has changed dramatically. It goes without saying that our definition of being married and the customs that go with it must change as well.
I think some of the changes to marriage have been good. Some people are not meant to be married or aren’t meant to be married young–my dad has been married three times and it hasn’t worked out for him yet. He is happier as a bachelor, I think; he certainly seems to be more tolerable as a boyfriend than as a husband. And people are marrying for love instead of property, wealth, or the gain of a business partner now; yes, the ebb of passion does mean that fewer marriages work out and that people are more willing to give it up, but that also means that more people are seeking satisfaction in their lives rather than making an unhappy marriage work for the sake of appearances. A couple that wants to get divorced probably should–they may not be ready for the responsibility of marriage or able to make it work, and staying together for the sake of the children can have some seriously bad side effects. Couples that choose to be together and choose to make the commitment of marriage, even in a time when it is becoming less fashionable, can make very strong family units.
I really appreciate you bring this up- when I read the same type of article on line a few days back it said 39% and I thought well doesn’t that mean 61% don’t believe it’s obsolete. . .which begged the question why is the media so quick to proclaim it, as if those minority numbers are some sort of victory? It was really weird for me. Thanks for the post and the world stats were interesting to read.
I think that as long as people want mutual exclusiveness, marriage is here to stay. Marriage is made by God, not man. If man chooses to disregard God’s institution, then so be it for them. You can choose the road you travel on, but not the consequences at the end of the line.
I am married to the same woman for 20 years and have four children. I have decided to work to keep it good rather than let it deteriorate and fall apart.
As I see the ‘hooking up’ going on, it is a sure sign that my generation has dropped the ball and our kids are going to suffer in all the ways a generation falls apart: spiritually, socially, economically, psychologically. Sorry about losing trust in other people, kids, and knowing how to live right. Remember, God still hears those who call on Him for help.
Excellent post and questioning of media’s overexaggeration of a statistic given too much weight, though I haven’t seen the media reports myself! Change happens slowly and with one change, other shifts occur, eventually. Womens rights are still not that old. Imagine in a 100 years from now how our social worlds may shift in all sorts of ways.
I liked the way that you flipped the stats to show the truth, 6 in 10 still believe in marriage. Marriage is the bedrock of society and if we destroy the foundation then the rest will crumble too.
http://erikbrewer.wordpress.com/2009/06/12/cohabitation-modern-or-sin/
Hi I just got married and it was certainly the most meaningful day of my life. With great commitment comes great frredom in my opinion.
I believe the reason marriage is becoming obsolete in the minds of my generation (I’m 29) is a direct consequence of the infantilizing reality of living in the linear growth system we do, the materials economy.
As a consequence of living in a linear growth system and the lack of any meaningful transition rituals we are totally divorced from the natural cycles of growth.
As a result no one wants to let go of the maiden and prince archetypes anymore. Why because they are ones we associate with youth and being young and carefree and that is what we prize most highly as a culture.
The elderly are rendered obsolete in a linear growth system which makes aging all the more terrifying and youth all the more alluring.
and the ever increasing idolization of youth.
So many valid points above, so little space or time to get them all right. So kudos on being freshly pressed. and I wish we in the USa would stop enabling poor behavior like “single parents”…there should be no such thing as this and a severe penalty if people have children out of wedlock – on the female as well as the male. “this single parenthood” thing is the greatest threat to marriage. The gay marriage thing is the second-greatest threat. At end of day, when you find the right person who compliments you, you will know it intrinsically.
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The world is loosing its mind.
I do not want to get married I would prefer to remain independant!
I do believe marriage is out-dated. Seeing so many marragies in my family go wrong I do not have the need or want for it. I do believe marriage is something that shouldn’t be stepped into lightly and is a life-long commitment between two lovers.
Thanks for the post.
Best wishes
X
Marriage has a quality to it that is undeniable. As others have said, I think many give up too quickly. There isn’t a willingness to still through thick and thin. There isn’t a willingness to compromise. And really the bottom line is that many of us fall in love with a feeling and not with the person we actually married. So when the feeling fades we end up despising our mates. This is not an every case scenario but, it’s pretty popular. We like to feel good and be happy. And if we’re not, we’ll give up on people for the sake of our own happiness. It’s a tendency we are all prone to.
trevauhn.wordpress.com
married people have less time and interest in answering surveys. obviously if you ask a ‘random’ sample if marriage is outdated…who is going to respond to such a question? married people have better things to do than voice their individualistic world views.
Marriage NEEDS to be different today, for many reasons. I still believe in it, and wish to walk down the aisle someday with the love of my life, whoever he may be. But, as I look at the married couples around me who are miserable and suffering, I realize that sometimes marriage needs a renovation….it’s more accepted nowadays for people to get divorced and find happiness in a second marriage. If you could poll the couples who got married in the 60s/70s who stayed together merely for the sake of the children, you’d probably find a large number who would say they would have chosen divorce if it wasn’t so taboo. I cherish the idea of marriage, but I also firmly believe that if it gets to a point where it is creating unhappiness and doubt, you should and can change it.
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I agree with yossazola, the world is literally going mad. And it’s not a very good thing…..
I have been married for 42 years. No it hasn’t been a bed of roses all the time. I feel that most people in our world today take the easy way out of a marriage when something goes wrong or they are unhappy. What ever happened to the word “Committment?” All marriages have their ups and downs. Its staying through the down time and coming out on the other side that gives you character and growth. Marriage is an instiution from God. It is to be sacred. What ever happened to the world “Sacred.” What ever happened to the vows “until death do us part?” Yes, granted there are instances when divorce is the best of the choices to make. But most people are “jumping” into divorce when someone else comes along that seems to be better or more fun. We are a self-centered people. The children suffer the most. Yes, I have heard the argument that its for the “children’s best interest.” What is really for the childrens’ best interest is to have a stable home with a mom and dad present.
I don’t think it’s becoming obsolete. But people should know their reasons for getting married, and also that it’s not a fairy tale. Happy Ever After doesn’t happen without a lot of work. To stay in love, you have to keep falling in love. I think that’s the misconception most people have about marriage and why they get divorced. There are all kinds of families these days. If people want to marry or just live together is their choice. Marriage won’t become obsolete because there will always be people who want to give it a shot. Kind of like the paperback – it will never completely be wiped out by digital books because there will always be people who prefer it to any other kind.
This was quite interesting. l don’t believe marriage is outdated, but I do believe people are more scared of the idea. It’s the divorce rates, the publicity of cheating, He’s Just Not That Into You; marriage seems to take a hit under the media.
My daughter and her partner of six years found themselves expecting and decided to have the baby and then the wedding. I might have agreed that marriage was out of date before I saw and heard how many people were waiting for the engagement. These were friends and family of all ages – her’s and mine.
And even Prince William wanted to wait with his engagement until British courts finally accepted prenuptials: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2010/11/16/engagement-prince-william-kate-middleton/
I’m saddened by this downward trend marriage is having around the world, not surprised but still sad. I’m also saddened that the more this trend goes the way it is going, the more society in general also get a little more violent every day. In general people aren’t as friendly and open as they used to be when I was small. It seems to me that people are generally less nice to other people.
I believe it is a mixture of “being afraid” of what the other person might say or respond, or because of some unseen “harm” that the other person might do to them. People are less prone to helping his/her neighbor than before just because “I might get sued by some strange reason and I simply don’t want to bother with it”.
I think it is a stinker any way I see it. It is a cancer that society is getting, like some “invisibly-accepted” disease people are getting, but we are too SELFISH to admit.
I firmly believe God was the one that actually instituted marriage as the first Building Block of society and the more people go “their way”, the more society will get, well, just weirder and wayward, where values are “relative” and SELF is “all in all”.
I close with this thought and I know some may not agree but there will always be some of us who, at least in our own lives, that is, in the PRIVACY of our own personal lives we will STILL “Love our neighbor as ourselves and serve him/her in whatever way we can” and we firmly REFUSE to turn the other way when our neighbor (as the good Parable speaks of) calls for a F-r-i-e-n-d-l-y hand.
Ice-cold selfish hearts are melted by Warm Hearts embracing it.
martin
http://modeandlife.wordpress.com/
nice!!! spain
I do agree that the institution of marriage is definately changing.
Years ago, the focus was on for better or for worse but today it has become easier for people to stop trying to keep a marriage alive and thats because of the changes in society and popular culture influences. It has become a trend to get married and divorced and when celebrities and public icons make the concept of marriage seem frivolous, it impacts the newer generation who will have an altogether different view of marriage than the traditional concept.
I have written a piece on it as well-http://chandnis2.wordpress.com/2010/11/16/quickie-marriage/