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Inside the Hellmouth – ep.3

September 23, 2010

last time on Inside the Hellmouth

BERJAYA

The Hellmouth’s hierachy goes something like this…

BERJAYA

Since the opening of the Hellmouth back in July the Dungeon Master and Ass Man have both been slain.  I haven’t met the new Dungeon Master but I hear he’s about as fun as a rattlesnake in your underpants and I spoke about Ass Man2 in last weeks episode.

Cthulu’s practices are becoming more and more apparent as the days go by.  Her ability to passive aggressively destroy your world seem to be more and more rampant.  Maybe that’s what makes her a good store manager?  Well, not good for regular people but good for a corporation.  If she drives you off then the company doesn’t have to worry about ‘intervening external parties’ as much.  The latest casualty though… someone I like very much.

Saint Nice put in her two weeks notice which makes me extremely sad.  The worst part is that the possibilities for her replacement are a pregnant chick (who’s like 12 months pregnant so she’ll pop that thing out anytime), Tiamat (who just got promoted into the lead of the Dragon’s Den) and Man-Hands.

That aside though… this episode was supposed to be about… Eve.  Think the biblical version of Eve (it might actually be here, she is fucking old as dirt).  She took a rib of my friendship and used it to cast me down to one of the lowest levels of peasantry!

~fade into past sequence~

Angel, Eve, and myself are sitting at the front door waiting to leave (it was closing time and we were waiting on Saint Skeptic)

“I’m so frustrated with this job.  It feels like I work so much harder than everyone else.  I think I might be done with it.”  Eve said.  She was my friend, I wanted to console her and make her feel better.

“You do work really hard but you hate your job.  You need to lighten up a bit or the work will get to you.”  I said.  ”This is my second job, if I worked silly hard at both of them then I’d probably lose my mind.  I get my job done here and I have fun doing it but if they think I’m not working too hard what are they gonna do?  Fire me?  Not like it matters!”

~Jump to next morning~

Eve sits in Cthulu’s chamber… repeating the events of last night in some maniacal manner.

~Present Time~

I check my schedule and… one day.  I have a whole 6hrs scheduled!  That’s right, thanks to Eve’s recollection of past events my hours got cut because Cthulu thinks I just show up to collect a check and I don’t do anything.  Granted she doesn’t seem to take into account the fact that they schedule me for only 2 days a week already but I get called in for the other 5.

I show up at the drop of a hat, rearranging my finely tuned schedule just to help them out.  When I do work I’m usually doing what is called front end supervisor… which means I watch the front.  I make sure people are taking breaks on time and that enough cashiers are at registers.  I delegate people.  I basically raid lead from a grunts position.  I don’t bitch about it, I do it… I’m a control freak anyway so I don’t mind playing along.

I’m angry at Eve for being a conniving bitch (ie. my arch nemesis) and luckily I’m a vindictive bastard so I promise she’ll get payback… but is this a blessing in disguise?  Working two jobs has REALLY drained me.  It’s like I’ve taking up the WoW job again.  I have this second “commitment” that takes up a large chunk of my time and everything gets planned around it.  The reduction in hours though gives me the major thing I want from the job though… the 20% Hellmouth discount!

We’ll see how it goes.

Now begins operation vindictive bastard.


hope?

September 23, 2010

I’ve always wondered why hope is so cruel.

Is it a survival instinct?  Is it what gives us the drive to continue living even when things are at their worst?

Maybe…

But I don’t understand why hope triggers in bad circumstances.

I just flat out don’t get why hope would make someone stay in an abusive relationship for example?  Why doesn’t hope get off it’s ass and push you to get out and find better; to pickup the pieces and solve your puzzle elsewhere.

Why is it people hope to be loved by the people who seem to care the least?  You give and you give and you just flat out don’t understand why that person doesn’t give back.  They certainly enjoy taking what you have to offer… but they can’t or won’t or are too afraid to put forth a commitment.  Why doesn’t hope kick in and tell you to wise the fuck up and stop letting people take advantage of you.  It doesn’t. It makes you think things will get better and 99 times out of 100… it won’t.  It’s that one fucking case that happened somewhere in New Guinea or some shit that makes hope a viable option.

And what happens when you finally stand up for yourself and just lay it all out for them with bullet points and everything.

You tell them, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”  They look at you like a plane from Lost just time warped into their brain and crash landed.  ”What do you mean?” They ask.  ”You take advantage of me, whether you know it or not.  I drop whatever it is I’m doing to hang out with you because I care for you.”  You tell them how you feel like shit when they can’t be bothered to speak to you and then show up a few months later asking to borrow money.

Luckily, hope has you tricked into thinking this time is going to be different.  That they realize just how much they need you in their lives.  Hope doesn’t mention they only need you in their lives as a fall-back plan or a loan company.  It fails to point out that you are going to feel just as shitty this next time around when they crush you like a watermelon at the state fair.

Do you know what else hope does after you go through this long drawn out conversation?

It makes you think they’ll call you later and realize how foolish they have been.  That they will finally grow up or admit to themselves who they are… hope gives you the glimmer of light you need to latch onto and make yourself feel like shit.

Fuck you hope.

Fuck you.

BERJAYA

Comments are turned off.  Thank you for any opinion you might have… but I don’t want them.  I just needed to vent and well… this blog has been my place for that for sometime.  Thank you for your time.  I’ll go turn my emo off now.


Am I Sufficiently Fat?

September 21, 2010
BERJAYA

Kraylessa

This morning marks not only my birthday but the one week anniversary of the new lifestyle. I want to start by showing you a success story.  To the right is Kraylessa, you can see the dates on the bottom of the photo there but she has lost a metric fuckton of weight.  HUGE (no pun intended) grats to her, keep tearing it up hun!

I’ve had a few diet slip-ups here and there but for the most part I’ve done good.  I don’t beat myself up for it and just try to makeup for it later in the day.

We’ve been getting up bright and early and getting to the gym at 7am.  Mon / Wed / Fri is cardio… cardio is French for torture.  I know some people like this stuff but I have yet to find an activity that makes me want to get hot and get all sweaty… cept for… you know…

Any-who!  We got done this morning and I made breakfast for Betsy and me then we did the dreaded photos.

This is the part I was hating the most.  I know I’m fat… do I need to take picture evidence?

/le sigh

I got up for my photo and Betsy asked if I was ready, “Do I look sufficiently fat?” I asked.

BERJAYAThere I am… as of today.  My official starting weight was 250 though from last week.  I weighed in yesterday at 244.  It was just after torture cardio though so I think I might have been a bit dehydrated.  There’s no way I lost 6 lbs. in one week.  That would be like lopping a hand or something (and as you can see I still have those).

I don’t have any pics of Den yet, he’s a ninja.  His starting weight was 200 though and in the last week he lost 4lbs, down to 196.  He’s got the least to lose but he could certainly use some more muscle mass.  He does a ton of walking during the day so the portion control will probably show the most for him.  Some strength training would go along way for him.  I told Betsy he can get all buff and grow out his hair, then we’ll just call him Fabio… she didn’t seem to keen on that though.

/shrug

BERJAYANow we have my partner in crime… Betsy.  Betsy started out at 213 last week and lost 3.5lbs.  That’s pretty impressive, especially since she’s got a vag.  If you have a vag you lose weight slower and because of the lower testosterone levels the muscle growth isn’t as quick.

A big note for Betsy though is that 2yrs. ago she was around 240.  When she got knocked up with Tiny she had the preggars diabetes and had to watch what she ate (plus she was stabbing herself with a needle for insulin… /shudder).

That diabetic diet slash carb watch thing is the healthy eating we are doing.  The 2yrs Betsy was barefoot and pregnant she lost 30lbs… seems pretty good to me!

Bring on the skinny clothes!


Bringin’ The Thunda!

September 20, 2010

And I’m back!  First, let’s get this weeks chef ready to go.

BERJAYAPatrick and Gina Neely, they’ve been on the food network for some time now.  Their bio is a pretty good read and very positive.  They’ve done pretty good with themselves.  I wonder if they fight back stage and throw food at each other?  Ahhhh the drama.  Their recipes can be found here.

Last week I talked about trying to add new things into my routine and adjusting to that.  Well, I’m mostly adjusted now and it’s going pretty good.  Den and Betsy both work for a local school and they have been trying to be very health conscious (the school that is).

The school does a Biggest Loser each year.  It started last Monday and runs until late November.  Personally I think it should run until they come back from X-mas break to see who really has put in the effort but that’s just me.

Because of this ‘contest’ that Den and Betsy are doing she is paying a bit more attention to what she cooks and our biggest problem, portion control.  Most of the stuff Betsy makes is relatively healthy (not lots of fried foods, theirs always a vegetable or two, not a ton of carbs, not a lot of fat) we just tend to eat it to the point of it not being so healthy.  Low fat muffins aren’t low fat after the 5th one!

Granted, Den and Betsy can win like $250, which I can’t, but I’m going along with this as well.  I’ve gotten to a point and I’m sick of being a fatty so now is a perfect time to change.  Change my lifestyle for the better.

The new routine I was talking about working in is going to the gym.  That’s right… I’m one of THOSE people now.  Betsy and I started out trying to do it at 6am.  We’d workout for an hour then she has to be home to wake the animals and get them to school.

Did you know the sun isn’t even awake at 6am?

We’ve switched to starting at 7am and Betsy just has to be home at 7:45.  She wakes the brood and then we’re off!  I’ve been trying to get some stupid starter pictures of our voluptuous bodies so I’ll have some reference but I’ve been failing.  I’ll try to get them tonight (remind me Betsy!)

I’ve also been eating healthier.  I’ve been eating breakfast (did you know it gives you that early morning energy people talk about?)  I’ve been eating a better lunch, ie. no fast food or smarter fast food choices.  Dinner has mainly been about portion control and then there is the big one… no late night eating!

Did you know that people who stay up later are 60% more likely to be fatties?  It’s mainly because you do those late night snacking and then go to bed shortly after.  Dr. Oz (ya know that creepy guy from Oprah’s show) suggests not eating AT LEAST 3 hours before you go to bed.  I’ve been doing pretty good on this.

Our diet isn’t a REAL diet I’d say, it’s not like we are cutting corners or things like that we are simply eating correctly… healthily (that a word)?  Diabetes runs in Betsy’s family and she had gestational diabetes with both Tiny and Gremlin.  She was on a diabetic diet (carb control) and she ended up losing a lot of weight while being pregnant.

I’ll post fatty pics tomorrow and scary specific numbers when I get Den and Betsy’s weigh in numbers.


Quick Heads Up

September 15, 2010

Yep, it’s one of those posts you see on blogs where peeps apologize for being gone.

Minus the apology!

muhahahahaha

I’m workin’ on incorporating a new daily activity into my schedule and it’s thrown me off a bit everywhere else.  Once I’m a bit more on track I’ll get back into some regular posting.

FNCCC is canceled for this week (surprise right)!  You probably figured it out though since I’ve waited until the middle of the F’ing week to post about it.

Anyway, we should be back to regularly scheduled programming soon(ish)!