PLAY BALL!

I personally wish that Bettie had put some pants on, but I still admire her enthusiasm

And then...

And then, at the end of the performance, the host comes out dressed as Napoleon and addresses everyone in German.

And now, since we're fooling around with mind-bending cross-cultural disco antics, enjoy some Boney M singing "Rasputin". Yes, that's right--a German-produced disco band consisting of 4 Jamaicans singing a song about Rasputin: "rah rah Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine..."



Why? Because it's Monday, so you might as well put on your shiny clothes and platform boots and dance. (Bonus points for fake beards or red, white and blue glitter.)

If Republicans had their way

Judging from the rhetoric I've been hearing as the health care vote approaches, it would look something like this:

• Cant afford health care? Get a job!
  

• Health insurance too expensive? Blame trial lawyers and liberal politicians! (Note: let the market forces of unrestricted competition take care of it! is also an acceptable choice.)

• Food contaminated? Toxins being dumped into your drinking water? Let the market handle it! (Note: Move! and/or Caveat emptor! are also acceptable responses.)
  

A gentle reminder--spring forward!

Courtesy of Lileks Twitter feed

Florida provides more proof that nature hates us

What kind of proof, you ask?

Rabid otter mauls Venice walker, 96

The otter is normally thought of as a reasonably adorable creature. Except in Florida, where they attack the elderly. Yes, a 96-year-old man was brutally savaged by a rabid 3-foot-long otter.

Fortunately for the victim, instead of being discovered by your average sun and crack-addled Floridian, a good Samaritan came to his aid. Here's the money quote from the 911 call:

"There's a man on the ground with an otter on him..He's lost a lot of blood. This otter is nonstop...Please hurry."

They finally beat the otter senseless with a shovel. The victim survived; the otter's condition is unknown.

Florida--if it's not the alligators, it's the g*ddam otters...

Sunday morning

Tonight we're taking my mom to see Kris Kristofferson and Merle Haggard. I've listened to their music for years, since I was a little kid, but I've never seen either one of them live.

Today was the first Sunday of Lent, and it's put me in a pensive mood. I've been thinking about all the ways in which I've been blessed, usually through no effort of my own, but instead by the goodness and grace of people around me. I'm a very grateful man, but I have a lot of work to do. There are times, I think, when we all feel separated from the person we know we should be or the life we want to be living.

For whatever reason, this song always comes up at times like this.

It's head-shavin' time again

Well, let's give this a try. It's time to raise money for the St. Baldrick's Foundation, and I've volunteered to get my head shaved again if folks will pay good money to see it happen.

What is St. Baldrick's Foundation and why should you give them some money?

St. Baldrick's Foundation funds more in childhood cancer research grants than any other organization except the United States government. 74.5% of the money they raise goes to research grants, 21.8% goes to fundraising, and only 3.7% goes to administrative costs. That's pretty good.

The dye is out and my hair has long since returned to it's natural gray, but there's still plenty of it to be chopped off.

After last year's unfortunate realization that I look less like Travis Bickle and more like Bert or one of those pinheads from Freaks when I have a mohawk, I won't let the barber stop this year until I'm bald as a cue ball.

Anyway, if you have even $5 to spare and you'd like to donate to a good cause, please visit my fundraising site here.

Thanks!

Mayor gets freaky at Waffle House & a huffer sues everybody

Happy New Year everyone!

Meet Joel Napier and his female acquaintance Cynthie Casper:

Joel Napier is the mayor (at least for now) of Taylor, Alabama, population 1,898. The couple was arrested for public lewdness after they were caught getting busy in a car parked in front of a local Waffle House. The article mentions that it was also next door to a Days Inn. I guess fooling around in back behind the dumpsters and grease trap, while more discrete, just wasn't romantic enough.

When the officer rolled up and witnessed what the article said was "serious foreplay" Ms. Casper was naked, and Mayor Napier was in his Pooh Bear costume: shirt only, no pants. The report does not indicate whether alcohol was involved.

_____________________

Longtime readers of this blog (and fans of hilarious mugshots) may remember gold-faced Patrick Tribett:

Mr. Tribett recently celebrated 8 weeks of sobriety by retaining a lawyer to file lawsuits against several businesses that used his mugshot for commercial purposes:

Nation's most famous huffer sues everybody

_____________________

That's all for today. See you later, alligators.

December 7: a day that will live in infamy

Today is the 68th anniversary of the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor.



If only we had responded as well to the sneak attack of September 11th...

Law enforcement quote of the week

"He has made some statements. They didn't make much sense..."

-Morrow, Georgia Police Captain James Callaway, commenting on the arrest of William C. Caldwell III.

You can read more about five foot tall bomb hoax elf William C. Caldwell III in the latest post at Arresting Tales.