Family Circus vs. Hi And Lois...

I'm still having trouble swallowing the fact that they're actually making a Family Circus movie. I'm trying to think of what it might take to get me to see a movie like this. One thing that could change my mind is if the movie features a battle royale between the Family Circus family and the Hi And Lois family.  Let's take a look at the match-ups, shall we?

The first bout will finally answer the age-old question:

"Can my dad beat up your dad?"

While I think the edge goes to Bil as far

as ferocity, I think his lack of eyeballs

may prove to be his downfall.

Projected winner: Hi

Not to be confused with the cinematic duo

that drove their car off a cliff,

I think this pairing will not disappoint.

There is bound to be a lot of sweat,

minimal clothing, and tickling.

Projected winner: any male watching

Clearly, Chip has the advantage here in terms

of height, reach, and experience.

However, his pubescent urge to 

masturbate at all times makes 

him vulnerable to a sneak attack.

Projected winner: Billy

Let's face it.

Jeffy is an imbecile.

Projected winner: Ditto

Word has it Dot is planning on 

taking a dive for the Korean Mafia.

If you ask me, it's a guaranteed

one way ticket to Palookaville.

Projected "winner": Dolly

I think this one will eventually devolve 

into a stinky poop-throwing contest,

leaving the ref with no choice but to

disqualify both contestants.

Projected winner: Neither