What have I been binge watching lately?

Agents of S.H.IE.L.D.-I just finished season one on Netflix and boy howdy is it good.  I love how they incorporated some old school Marvel universe stuff with new characters and made this exciting show.  It's not deathly serious, like most DC Comics shows are.  I also love all the strong female characters.  Bill Paxton makes a great villain. And I could watch Ming-Na Wen, Chloe Bennett, and Elizabeth Henstridge all day every day.  I can't wait for season two to hit Netflix.

Packed to the Rafters-We watched all six seasons of this Australian family dramedy. The characters are usually always enjoyable which makes the family melodrama/sopa opera aspects of the show easier to take.

Chickens-Very funny period comedy about three men who for different reasons can't go off to fight in World War 1.  It's got a few historical errors, but the humor more than makes up for them.

The Americans-We're nearly done with season two of this show about Soviet spies living and working as Americans.  It's just as intense and great as the first season was.  So far the thing that this season has going for it that the first one didn't is they're showing the beautiful naked backsides of Keri Russell and Annet Mahendru.

What I'm watching

This six part show is a gripping adaption of a Martina Cole novel.  It tells the story of two kids who got thrown together at a young age and who manage to take divergent paths but somehow always find each other no matter what.  Toss in stylish British gangsters, drag queens with hearts of gold, and IRA killers, and you've got yourself a neat little series.  I watched this one on Hulu Plus.

 I didn't think they'd be able to top season 2 of this show but holy shit, they did.  I've read the first two and a half books in this series, pretty much what's been covered up to now in the TV show, and they've done a masterful job of cutting the fat and telling the best of the story.  I just finished season 3 and I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for season 4.

I just started watching this show on Hulu Plus.  It's a comedy about a fuck up kind of guy and his buddy and their girlfriends.  It reminds me a lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm.   It's comedy of the uncomfortable where you can only guess to what lows Frank will stoop to, or to what lows others think he will stoop to.  It's funny in an odd sort of way, I'm guessing it's the Danish sense of humor.  The whole series is on Hulu Plus.  And the movie is on Netflix.

Chloe Sevigny plays an Irish male to female transsexual hitman in this six part series that is currently airing on Netflix.  She's really good in this role, and quite sexy too.  At the start of the series she finds out she's fathered a son with a now dead old girlfriend.  She goes to meet her son and she ends up becoming the mother figure for him and his siblings, who share different fathers.  The kids in this series are stand outs, as is Ms. Sevigny.

This charming gem of a show is about an Irish boy with an active imagination.  Chris O'Dowd plays his imaginary friend who helps him navigate his way through his family, school, and life in general.  It's winning, winsome, and a ton of sweet natured fun.  This one is playing on Hulu Plus.

I'm about four episodes into Family Tree and it's a winner.  It's low key comedy that is character, not catch phrase based.  My favorite character is the gal who plays Chris O'Dowd's sister.  She uses her 'talking monkey' to say all the things she wants to say but feels like she can't say herself.  She's hilarious and so is this show.

I'm also making my way through Mad Men on Netflix.  It's good but it's not the greatest TV show ever, like some people make it out to be.  My favorite character is creepy Glenn.

Top TV for the past year

These are my top TV shows for the past year, they may not have come out in the past year but I saw them in 2012.

1. Laid-Brilliant Australian comedy about one woman's possibly deadly vagina.
2. Spy-Sweet and funny Britcom about a spy having custody issues with his ex wife over their wildly intelligently son.
3. Underbelly-Very compelling Australian crime show.  I'm making my way through series 3 after watching the first two series.  Very well done show.
4. Rev-Another in a long line of sweetly amusing British TV shows about oddball vicars with a parish full of oddball residents.
5. Doc Martin-This series just keeps getting better and better.  This round of shows they made ol' Doc Martin a little more likeable.
6. Breaking Bad-I swore I'd never watch this show but they sucked me in and I'm hooked.  Believe the hype.
7. Modern Family-One of the best things on American TV.
8. Slings and Arrows-Being the recovering theater geek that I am, this show is right up my alley.  I finally saw it all last summer and I loved it.
9. Gavin and Stacey-After years of never releasing series 2 and 3 over here in the USA, I finally got to see them on Amazon Prime.  Great slice of life stuff.  I love this TV show.
10. Wild at Heart-Pasty British people running a wild game resort in South Africa...somehow it all worked.  
11. The Librarians- Another screamingly funny Australian comedy about a mildly racist head librarian and her staff at a public library in Australia.
12. Downton Abbey-So much to love.
13. Great Expectations (2011 version)-Excellent adaption of the Dickens novel.  Very very very well done and yes, Gillian Anderson pulled off being the youngest Miss Havisham ever.
14. Raising Hope-I'm not really buying the romance between Jimmy and Sabrina but overall this one is still consistently funny and winning.
15. Curb Your Enthusiasm 8- Another great season of the American king of the comedy of uncomfortableness.

Hey, anybody remember this TV show from the mid '90's?

Yeah, me neither.

What I'm watching

I avoided this series because it was lavishly praised by a blogger who has the polar opposite entertainment likes that I have and the post Taxi career of Danny Devito has left me cold, especially his movie career (I'll never forgive him for making that piece of shit not funny one joke movie with Billy Crystal about throwing his mother from a fucking train.), so he was another reason for me to avoid this show.

But after seeing a few episodes of it, I'm really digging it. All the characters are misanthropic assholes and most every episode is a race to see who can behave the worst. There's nothing remotely redeeming abut any of the characters, Devito included, and it all makes for very funny and twisted TV. If you like black comedy, then you'll like this show.

Another show I've been sucked into it Caprica. Which is odd because I tried to get into Battlestar Galactica but it just didn't happen for me. For those of you who don't know, Caprica is the prequel series to Battlestar.

The storyline and the acting in this series have hooked me and kept me riveted. But the biggest reason I'm loving this show is the performance of Irish actress Paula Malcomson.
She was one of the best things about Deadwood and in that series we all saw a lot of her, she played a whore and she did many scenes topless and a few underwear-less as well. And in Caprica even though she keeps her clothes on at all times, her performances are still very naked, metaphorically speaking. To me she's the glue that holds the show together and makes it worth watching. I tune in each week to see how far into her character she's going to go and how much she'll reveal. As her character battles her grief, mental illness, and drug and alcohol use, it gets more interesting as the episodes progress. She's one hell of an actor and each week her performances are like acting master classes.

Keeping it real

I know you've all been on pins and needles waiting to find out what I think of the reality shows I've been watching this summer, so I will torture you no more. I shall now give you my run down of the reality shows I keep up with.

Next Food Network Star:
What I like about this show because it puts the contestants, who must have some cooking talent to be on there in the first place, through their paces. What I don't like about this show is that they have some of the Food Network people who I hate, that dude with the spiky bleached hair and Paula Deen, on there as well. Thankfully fat bleached hair guy and Paula 'The Queen of Fat' Deen aren't on there every week.

I hate all the male contestant they've got on this go round. I especially hate the fat gay guy with the stupid beard who wears the dumb looking hat all the time. I don't hate him because he's gay, I hate him because he makes my skin crawl and because I cringe when he opens his mouth. I see a public access cooking/gay sex tips show in his future, so if you live in the New York metro area look for that soon.

I think this gal is going to win it all:
And this gal is going to get a Food Network show as well:They are both too good not to have a show of some kind on the Food Network.

The Fashion Show:
I tried to like it but I absolutely hate it. I like Isaac Mizrahi. I love his co host Kelly Rowland, and for my money she was the real hottie of Destiny's Child. And I liked Project Runway. But for some reason I'd rather be forced to take long slow tepid showers with the late Captain Kangaroo, Carol Channing, and Osama Bin Laden all at the same time than watch that show. Seriously, I hate it more than I hate being beaten in the kidneys with sacks of quarters.

Top Chef Masters:
I like it despite the fact that I hate most all of the food critics on there and I think the Asian gal they got to host it is kind of creepy. What I like is seeing big time chefs being put through the same kinds of challenges that the usual chefs go through. I think I'll like it even more when they finish all these preliminary rounds and they get into the usual competition that I've come to know and love from Top Chef.


I'm looking forward to the new Anthony Bourdain shows coming up on the Travel Channel later this month, because honestly, how many times can they run shows with Samantha Brown and that fat bald guy who eats all sort of animal scrotums and asses before we blow our brains out? And maybe, just maybe, Lifetime will actually air Project Runway sometime this summer.

Reviews you can use

I've been having a hard time finding a book to read that I liked lately. I tried a couple of novels from the Hard Case Crime series but the best thing about them were the covers, note to writers of Hard Case Crime books: write faster paced more exciting novels, the ones I tried were deadly dull. I tried reading Cold Comfort Farm but by page 60 I gave up because I didn't like it, call me a Philistine but I liked the film much better. But in the midst of my literature dilemma my friend, who just happens to be the head honcho at my local library, recommended this graphic novel to me:
And all I can say is, holy shit, it's really good.

It's about a USA where something has gone horribly wrong and most everyone has been turned into zombies. And of course the zombies do what they do best, they shamble to and fro and they try to eat the remaining humans so that they turn into zombies as well. But as is often the case there's a small band of humans who survive the zombie-pocalypse and they try to soldier on and make their way in the world.

The thing I like about this series is that, at least in the first book anyway, they don't try to come up with an explanation for why the dead became alive once again and turned into flesh eating zombies. You just have to take it on faith that something happened and you go from there.

All the characters are well written and thought out. They're actually like people you might know and they do things and say things that you might really do and say in a world where zombies not only roam the earth but they out number humans by a wide margin as well. It's very engaging and well worth your time. I recommend it highly. I hope I can get the rest of the books at my library because I'm now hooked on them.


Next up the world of television. Specifically the world of NBC sitcoms. More specifically the awful show Kath and Kim:
This is a re imagining of the Aussie sitcom of the same name. I tried watching the original when it aired on Sundance or IFC but I didn't like it. But I was willing to give the NBC remake a shot. I tried to like it, really I did. I watched all the episodes they ran but by the end I not only did not like it, I've decided that I hate Selma Blair more than the thought of having a lit cigar shoved up my ass.

The show is unfunny, condescending, poorly written, and poorly acted. It's not Molly Shannon's fault, she and the guy who plays her boyfriend try very hard to make this show work but despite their best efforts, it's a no go. The show is being dragged down by Selma Blair. She's awful in it. Her character is whiny, self absorbed, and unlikeable. There is not a single redeeming thing about her character. One tries to like her, or to at least find a reason to not hate her as much as one hates Adolf Hitler or Rush Limbo, but it's impossible. Blair's character singlehandedly ruins this show. But to be fair the guy who plays her husband gives her a run for her money in the 'Oh my fucking gawd I hate these people' department. I hope NBC cancels this show faster than a speeding bullet.

I also tried to like the ABC remake of Life on Mars. And in fact I did like the first few episodes. But when they announced that Fred Thompson was joining the cast I dropped out. And it looks like the rest of the country did as well because the series hasn't been picked up. Oh well, after his stinging defeat in the Republican primaries last year and the cancellation of this show this year, it looks like poor ol' sleepy head Fred can't find a gig he can succeed at anymore. I guess he'll have to stay home and let his bubbleheaded trophy wife change his diapers while he sits in his Lazy-Boy and watches his old movies. Fred Thompson, he's not President but he did play one on TV and nobody gave a shit.

And finally there are a couple of mid season replacements that will be cancelled within weeks of their premiere. And they are both one ABC, one is the new show with that guy from Firefly and the other is that show about the kooky cops that they keep advertising during Lost. ABC, you do have one bright spot in your midseason line up replacement shows, Better Off Ted looks to be a decent show, I caught the last five minutes of it last night and it not only made me laugh out loud, it looked like it was well written and well cast.

That's all for now.

Rating some of the TV chefs

Okay, I admit it. I watch the Food Network from time to time and I've actually tried some of their recipes. It's been a mixed bag when it comes to results though.

Here's my top tier of TV chefs:I find Giada annoying to listen to but she's easy on the eyes and on the palette. I've made two or three things she's made and they've all been great. Clearly she knows what she's doing in the kitchen. But if she's in a non cooking show, I won't watch her because like I said, she annoys me.
We're both Jamie fans here at Monkey Central. We watched all his 'how to' shows, we've watched his other shows (the ones about school lunches, starting his restaurant 15, and the one where he went to Italy), we own a couple of his cookbooks, and despite it costing almost ten bucks, we bought the first issue of his magazine. Everything either one of us has made of his has been good and it's easy to make. I've learned quite a bit about cooking by watching and reading Jamie's stuff. As he likes so say on his shows, "Go on, my son."

The good but not great tier:

When she speaks her voice is like nails on a blackboard to me. I want to make her stop talking forever when I hear Rachel ray giggle and say, "EVOO." But she's made a few things that I've liked after I tried making them myself. But the chicken breast in balsamic vinegar topped with a dollop of sour cream dish she made one night came out nothing short of vile. Basically, I can take her or leave her.

The holy hell these people should be tried for crimes against food tier: I tried to like Marcus Samuelson but I just can't. His accent is freaky and his food stinks. Everything I have made of his has been bad. I made a fish cake dish recipe of his one night and it made our old condo smell like mustardy burnt ass. Seriously, ick. Yes, I know the dark haired one is dead but I'm not about to let the Two Fat Ladies off the hook. These broads never met a piece of string or fat, or small woodland animal they didn't want to deep fry or boil to within an inch of their lives. I made a ricotta and honey pie from one of their recipes one night and it tasted like sweet swamp debris. Maybe I dislike them so much because the one holding the carrots was slagging Jamie Oliver in the British press a while back, or maybe I dislike then because they made shitty looking food that put British cooking back a couple hundred years.

Also in this category are Paula Deen (because she is such a negative southern stereotype who never met a piece of pork fat she didn't want to slather all over something) and that dude with the spiky bleached hair do that does that awful show about diners on Food Network (seriously, Food Network, that guy has all the charisma of a muskrat who's gnawing his leg off to get free from a trap).

And finally the female chef hotties I like to watch but who's food I have not tried to make yet: I find Ina Garten to be inexplicably hot. I like that she's a little round woman who cooks up sinfully rich food. And then there's Nigella. Need I say more?

On today's episode of 'John Builds a Barn'...

John builds more of his barn.

Top Chef run down

They're over half way through the new season of Top Chef and unless anybody has any objections I'd like to throw my two cents about it in the pop culture ring. Anybody have any problem with that? Padma, you okay with that?

Sure Monkey man. I'm fine with it. But before you start can you tell me what happened to my clothes?

No. No, I'm not going to tell you what happened to your clothes.

Hahahaha, look, I found my shoes. Now, please go right ahead with your thoughts on this season of my show Top Chef.

Okay then, I will, but I need you to stop looking for your clothes. Can you do that for me?

Oopsie, look what happened. I found my bikini bottom. I only have to cover my breasts now. Please, go on with your critique of my show.

Look Padma, I will give you my critique if you'll just stop getting dressed. Is that so much for me to ask? That you just sit there in a semi nude state while I blather on about your fabulous cooking competition show?

Well, would you look at that. I found my bikini top. I found it in the hand you had hid around your back. Now my arms can go free since I no longer have to cover up my boobies around you. Now please, you were about to give your impressions of the current season of Top Chef.

I'm sorry Padma, I just can't now. After you got dressed I forgot what I was going to say.

Oh, okay. I better be going if you're not going to share those thoughts with me. I can go just about anywhere and be glad that I don't have Salman Rushdie sinffing around after me anymore, I certainly don't have to do it around you Monkey boy. See ya around Doc!

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( I really was going to write about how the European guys on this season of Top Chef are a pair of over confident tools and how the tall black chick with the bug eyes kind of freaks me out and how I dug the Jersey chick and how I'm rooting for the lesbian with the bad attittude to win but all that went out the window when I saw those pictures of Padma. Padma, hubba hubba.)

Christmas programming changes

Please make a note of the following changes to your Christmas Eve and Christmas day TV schedule:

Country Music Television (CMT) will be airing starting at 7:30 EST A Kick Ass Southern Christmas which will be hosted by Kinston, NC native Jamie Pressley. Her special guests will include Jerry Lee Lewis, Emmanuel Lewis, Richard Lewis, and Louis and Oswald from The Drew Carey Show.

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Spike TV will be running their popular The Twelve Boobs of Christmas marathon again this year.

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Hallmark Channel will run, at various times so check your local listings, the following made for TV movie:

The Cat Who Shaved Christmas

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BBC America will present:Drinking and Driving: A Very Special Top Gear Christmas Special

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Animal Planet will be broadcasting for the first time anywhere:

Where Rudolph Came From.

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A & E offers up two very special episodes of their popular show Intervention. The first episode shows us a celebrity intervention:

and the second shows us the first ever intervention on a person under the age of 4.

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Canadian Broadcasting Company will be showingThe Canadian Bacon that Saved Christmas.

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Sci-Fi network has decided to air It's a Mansquito Christmas! yet again.

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And The Simian Network will air my holiday movie classic Don't Fling Poo at Santa Claus (Unless you want to have your monkey ass kicked you mutha-uckers!).

Happy holiday viewing everybody!

Check your local listings!

That's right kids, check your local listings for my new holiday special A Very Monkey Christmas. It promises to be the best Christmas special I've ever done!! And yes, it's going to be even better than my previous best Christmas special Happy Holidays, From all of us in Rehab!

My special this year will include such highlights as Rachel True and I doing 'Little Drummer Boy' as a duet while we reenact scenes from Last Tango in Paris.
Barbie Benton and I singing 'O Holy Night' while huffing glue and tap dancing. Mia and Nomar Hamm will come by and do a special Hanukkah skit for my Jewish friends. And I promise that it will in no way be anti Semitic like last year's skit with Michelle Malkin and Bay Buchanan was. Oy, I may never live that one down! :)

This chick from an undetermined Scandinavian countrywill drop by to teach me the real meaning of Christmas which I'll promptly forget after we come back from a commercial break.

Next up, I'll go caroling in my new neighborhood with Mummenschanz,
Salt N Pepa,
and the Captain and Tennile.
Then Santa Claus and his elveswill drop by with gifts for me and my guests. And by 'gifts' I mean bottles of hard liquor and some hardcore tranny porn DVDs.

Then after my guests and I get liquored and tranny porned up, the choir from the First Church of We're Whiter Than You will come by to sing a few sacred Christmas songs. They'll also silently judge us all and pray that we get sent to hell because we don't believe the same things they do.So, as you can see, it promises to be a great show. Set the Tivo's, the DVR's, call the kids in off the lawn, and just sit back and soak up the Christmas magic with your pal Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein and his holiday guests.

Do Not Want

The boneheads at Charter Cable added some new channels to my cable line up and they switched around some existing channels as well. As with most everything Charter Cable does, these moves and additions suck worse than Sarah Palin's wardrobe before the RNC wasted $150,000 on it.

We already had 4 or 5 religious channels and they went and added something like 7 more. We already had TBN, which shows those ghastly women with pink beehive hairdo's crying about how much they love it when Jesus bones them. We had the INSP network as well, which shows programs like Zola Levitt Presents! and the Why The Jews Are Going To Hell Even Though They Are "The Chosen People" Hour of Power Fun Time Happy Show. The others that were foisted on us I usually just flipped past, as I did with the aforementioned shows unless there was something laugh out loud funny on them. I figured shit, that's enough religious shows for any Christian, Jew, or whoever else isn't a Muslim to watch and enjoy or whatever it is those people do with those inane shows. I figured that surely all those shows would be enough to keep the sheep convinced that their bigoted stone age belief systems were still vital and relevant in today's world.

Oh but was I ever wrong. Charter went and dug up a slew of new, excuse the upcoming pun, wholly shitty religious networks. They found a Catholic network, a Baptist network, a Mennonite network, an Amish network, a network devoted to all things Anglican, the Episcopal channel, a Reform Jewish network, an Orthodox Jewish network, and a network for the one group that is hated only slightly less than Muslims, Jews for Jesus. Flipping past this bloc of salvation I saw brief glimpses of people in leisure suits imploring me to turn my life to Jesus, to Moses, to the Pope, and to someone named Azroth the Blighted One. I saw priests break dancing, rabbi's kvetching, and stand up comics eating things off the pavement to prove that you can love Jesus, Joseph, and Mary and still have fun by gosh by golly.

It sickens me to see all these new god squad channels and it never ceases to amaze me how much convincing these people have to do to themselves that they are right.

In addition to all the new religious channels the geniuses at Charter also added RFD to our line up. Never heard of RFD before? Oh shit, where have you been? Living a full life full of fun while enjoying exciting and interesting cable channels? Well then partner, sit down for a sec and let me tell you all about the RFD network. Listen close because I'm only gonna say this once: IT"S A FUCKING CHANNEL ABOUT RURAL SHIT. Did you get that? Was I too technical? They show programs about farming, riding horses, how to worm barn cats, how to artificially inseminate cattle, and how to masturbate pigs for fun and profit. Oh yeah, and they also show the televised portion of the old racist Don Imus's radio show. They used to show Green Acres on RFD but they had to cancel it because some fucking hick finally figured out the show was making fun of slack jawed yokels like himself.

Thanks a lot Charter for the new channels, and don't misunderstand me you corporate dumbasses, I mean that sarcastically. You fucking fucks better not try to raise my rates after giving us that new slate of shit. In fact, you ought to go ahead and lower my cable TV bill because now there's even more of nothing much worth watching on your cable line up. I swear if it wasn't for Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, The Daily Show, Stephen Colbert, and a few shows on BBC America, IFC, and Sundance, I'd cancel.

Ah, screw it. I've got to wrap this up now, it's almost time for Mormon Mud Wrestling.

Boob Tube Blather

• I might try but I don't think I could despise Nancy Grace any more than I do right this second. I'm hoping against hope that they sterilized her when she gave birth to the anti-Christ a few months ago.


• That blonde woman on Show Biz Tonight is running a close second to Nancy Grace in my despise-a-thon.


• I could not be more pleased that Rachel Maddow's show is kicking major ass. Go Rachel! I always knew that there was room for and that people would flock to a show that was hosted by a smart funny progressive female. Now if only the idiots who run the free networks would give a late night talk show to someone like Amy Sedaris or Sarah Vowell, then we'd be cooking with gas.


• I love Lost waaaaay more than I should but seriously people, is there a TV network that didn't pick it up as soon as it hit syndication?


• Remember the good old days when Spike TV used to show back to back to back to back episodes of MXC instead of those skeevy UFC shows? I'd rather see Japanese people get whacked on their heads by cartoonishly oversized things and fall off of stuff than see a couple of trailer park rejects battle it out for meth money.


• Note to ESPN: it may be wrong of me to wish that Stu Scott and Chris Berman get stuck in solitary confinement in a Turkish prison for the next 20 years but I still wish it just the same.


• Miley Cyrus makes my ears hurt, my eyes bleed, and she makes the baby Jesus projectile vomit. Oh and is she still dating her dad or what?


• Attention Fox network, Gordon Ramsay isn't the huge asshole you desperately want to make him out to be. I've seen his shows on BBC America and yes, he says "fuck" a lot but he's actually pretty engaging and watchable on his own.


• Hey Little Britain guys, I'm really looking forward to Little Britain USA despite the fact that you're letting that awful 'Emily the rubbish transvestite' live on. That character stopped being funny after series one. Bring back the Scottish inn keeper who played the flute and please kill off Emily.


• Here's my idea to revive Saturday Night Live, make it a fifteen minute show. Just do the opening sketch and forget the rest because the rest of the show sucks, especially Seth Myers.


• One day in the not too distant future Paula Deen will have to trap, skin, and cook Aretha Franklin in order to keep her side of the pact that she made with Satan to be on TV for so long. Trust me, when it happens, it'll be a mercy killing.


• Why can't we have more talk shoes like the Graham Norton Show?


• And finally, are the people who were behind The Kumars at #42 and all those Alan Partridge shows busy doing any shows now? Because if they aren't then they need to be.

The hate list (TV edition)

I'm currently hatin' like crazy on the following people and or shows on TV:

1) I despise this show and every one on it. I have never watched a full episode of it and I resent it's outsized influence on our popular culture.

2) The Travel Channel cannot cancel this guy's show fast enough for me.His whole shtick is he goes all around the country and the world eating shit food and going, "Mmmm, ooohhh, that is good! Animal penises are really good! I love animal penises. Seriously, animal penises, what's better than that? Nothing. Well okay, maybe animal assholes but that's it. Mmmm. Ooooooohhhhhhh."

3) Both incarnations of What Not To Wear and the insufferable twats who host them.If people hate British females it's because of these two "women." I've never wanted to slap the shit out of any one more than I did when the one on the left told a woman, "You shut up and do what you're told."
And these two women are just as bad. Oooo, let's all bow down to the taste police. Let's let a couple of catty gals decide everything fashion wise. Or how about this, let's don't. And while we're at it, let's actively ignore them all from now on.

4) Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, Joe Scarboro, that female they keep drugged and chained to the chair next to Joe Scarboro, Chris Berman when he does "play by play" on baseball games on ESPN, and everyone on every religious TV show on the airwaves.

5) The food harpy Gail Simmons. If this gal was half the hottie she though she was then she'd suck all the sex appeal off the planet. If I was on Top Chef and my fate was in her hands, I'd gut myself on national television and I'd deep fry my innards and make her eat them.
6) I got nothing but love for Obama, Charlie Rangel, and most every other black politician but I'll have nothing but contempt for this turd in the political punch bowl:

Harold Ford Jr, late of TN, would sell us out in a heart beat if he thought it would endear him to corporate America, to "centerist" circles (when I say centerist he hears Republican lite), or to his media overlords. Harry thinks that because he lived and represented a state that voted Republican in the past few Presidential elections that he's got to be a conservative's conservative Democrat. He thinks we all want Bush lite and that we all shun Nancy Pelosi and Jessee Jackson/Al Sharpton/Tom Harkin style liberalism. Well Hank, I got news for you, not all of us in TN think like you do. Some of us don't want bipartisan politics if it means we have to be like Republicans. Some of us still believe in the party of FDR and LBJ, and we don't want people who claim to be Democrats to be like GWB. Got it?

7) Constant repeats of every Law and Order series. Enough. We've had enough. Stop airing them. I'm begging you.

8) The current crap line up on BBC America. If back to back episodes of Top Gear, Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, Torchwood, and that hideous new Robin Hood, represent the best in British TV programming, then it's no fucking wonder why people in England love American TV shows.

9) Can someone please leave Larry King's coffin open in the daylight? Or can someone drive a sharpened wooden cross through his undead vampire heart? Is there no one who will step up to the plate and make him get the hell off the airwaves? Anyone? Please? No? Damn.

10) Note to VH1 Classic, you should have stopped running that same history of heavy metal series after it's seven hundredth showing. There's only so many times people can stomach the riveting story of how Judas Priest and Black Sabbath conquered the metal scene in the UK in the mid seventies. And I'm pleading with you to can the endless showing of Kiss concerts. Kiss stopped being cool back in...oh wait, they never were cool.

That's all for now but I reserve the right to hate on more TV stuff at any time.