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Toledo Republican Plays Master Race for Funzies

BERJAYA

Nazi Dress-Up with Rich Iott

h/t Hysterical Raisins

What’s a dad to do when Junior is bored and needs bonding time with a responsible adult role model?


Why not play mother-fucking dress-up in the garb of genocidal monsters!

Yay parenting!  Crack open a can of Adolph Coors Lite and savor that quality time.

Republican candidate from Ohio’s 9th District…

Holy Fucking Toledo!

…Rich Iott used to engage in these Nazi fun-time game antics until Junior lost interest.

Credit Toledo for not having elected a Republican since 1932 (says native P.J. O’Rourke and now O’Rourke understands why.).

The Wiking group sponsors the reenactments that Iott once engaged in as a “history buff.”

I reich it!  Not!

From the Wiking site:

We salute these idealists; no matter how unsavory the Nazi government was, the front-line soldiers of the Waffen-SS (in particular the foreign volunteers) gave their lives for their loved ones and a basic desire to be free.” –Wiking.org

Laissez Faire, Mother Fuckers!

Republican utopia is already realized in Tennessee!

Now here’s Tea Party rapture on Earth.  Firefighters watch a man’s home burn to the ground and absolutely refuse to lift a goddamn finger to help Mr. Gene Cranick.  What makes Cranick unworthy of assistance?  He forgot to pay a $75 fee for firefighting services.

Republican Jesus rejoices!

Generations of family keepsakes and photos are now ashes.  Mr. Cranick only was covered with insurance to pay off his mortgage, but not enough for a new home.

Cranick pleaded he be allowed to pay firefighters anything if they’d only help.

They didn’t respond until the homeowner’s neighbor called because Cranick’s fire spread to the adjacent property.  Then “emergency responders” watched Cranick’s home being destroyed by flames.  Cranick lost a couple of family pets in the blaze. :-(

Christine O’Donnell: Daughter of Bozo’s Understudy

By the power of Xanex and a genetically bestowed Bozo Understudy pedigree (retrieved from human brains found in mice heads in an evil laboratory), Delaware GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell tells her story:

h/t 0whole1

None of us are perfect, but none of us can be happy with what we see all around us.”

She’s almost reminiscent of Shirley Temple with that line…which is so obviously YOU!

I’m in awe for so many reasons.

This Week in Pervy Searches

BERJAYA

Yay!  It’s Friday.  I’ve got two sons with two adorable dates for one high school homecoming dance.  The texts have already hit my phone, last minute details my boys want me to take care of.  I’m a one-woman entourage.

The last 24-hour news cycle has sworn me off news for a few days.  Too depressing.

In the meantime, the chuckleheads and weirdos of the world bolster my confidence in my ability to bring creepers out of the woodwork.

Cue freaky-deaky search items to writechic:

  • gross old lady in bikini (I confess.  I asked for this one)
  • grandma panties (Wondering if this user looks like this guy)
  • massive granny panties (This user definitely does)
  • man panties (Really?  Senator Lindsey Graham must have searched this)
  • large panties (Enough already!)
  • big pantys (Fetish-mongers!!!)
  • normal underwear (okay, this one is a lie.)
  • “bondage bungalow (Freaks.)
  • coitus club (Republicans.)
  • alabama you can be retarded & do it (Tea Partiers.)
  • lori drew fat missouri pig (This search and a bunch like it pegged to recent surge of news stories on cyberbullying)
  • cuckolds hot dogs (WTF?????)
  • melissa king nude (Fuck you, guys)
  • nonnie porn mix (And fuck you guys, again, for Nonnie.)
  • Honorable mention to the honorable Ken Symes (People were searching your name on my site last week.) Coincidence? ;-)

Don’t Do as I Do, Do as I Say When I Govern…

BERJAYA Viva La Meg
Myspace Glitter Graphics

Credit Meg Whitman for not getting by on her looks!  I whitened her teeth for this picture!

Whitman earned her spot as the Republican candidate for governor of California in the Grand Old-fashion way…

Money. Cha-ching!

The billionaire and former owner of eBay employed a Mexican national as a housekeeper and nanny for nearly a decade.

Cuz billionaires can’t fucking afford no minimum wage American hobos, dammit.  Ya judgers!

Nicky Diaz Santillian got the ax before Whitman began her bid for governor.  Santillian says her verbal pink slip went something like this:

From now on, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you.”  –Meg Whitman, heartless, conniving asshole

…and Whitman laughed at Santillian when she asked for help with obtaining legal status.

Whitman claims she didn’t know Santillian’s legal status, and this is a political stunt perpetrated by Jerry Brown and Gloria Allred.

Whitman is the same candidate who used to not vote.

Whitman said in her recent gubernatorial debate that employers should be held responsible for hiring illegal immigrants.

Get a rope!

Daddy Ruined My Birthday. :-(

BERJAYA Father of the Year...NOT!!!
Personalized Glitter Graphics

Baby’s turning 3!  Bring your own booze!!!

It’s all fun and games until…

…Dad beats up Mom’s new boyfriend, and 75 drunken friends and relatives jump in to brawl!!

Seven Cincinnati metro police departments were called to break up the melee at a birthday party for a three year old.  As of right now, officers have filed one charge for their trouble:

See dumbass in mugshot above!

Birthday party ruiner, Roman Marcelo-Hernandez, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct.  He’s the father of the birthday girl.

Injuries sent five people to the hospital.  One person underwent eye surgery because of an assault with a broken beer bottle.  Witnesses say chairs and beer bottles were thrown.  Of the 150 guests, 30 were children.

¿A bilingual officer from ¿Wyoming? is helping with the investigation? (Source)

Contract of Death on America Reloaded Promises More Death!

BERJAYA Contract on America 2.0
Make your own Glitter Graphics

Republicans have rolled out a brand-new, never-before-even-ever-thought-of, metric shit ton of ideas for saving the world a.k.a. America.

Psych!

House Minority leader John’s Boehner of Ohio took to the mike today to announce that he’s never used a tanning bed or tan-in-a-can or fake-and-bake.

Freelz. That stuff hasn’t even been invented yet in Ohio.

And along with that load of crap, Boehner unveiled this beautiful rainbow of totally genius, unthought of shit:

BERJAYASmaller government so that even fewer government workers can watch out for gas pipes that might fucking explode in neighborhoods and kill people, oil rigs that explode and kill people, levees that break and kill people, and bridges that collapse and kill people.

BERJAYAPermanently extend all the Bush tax cuts especially on the wealthy Americans, so America has no money to pay for all of its shit, and poor folks can all die.

BERJAYA Cancel all unspent stimulus money on infrastructure and shit so the economy stops being stimulated and America shrivels up, fails to get an erection, and dies.

BERJAYA Repeal the Obama health care bill so the sick can rightfully die as ordained by Republican Jesus.

BERJAYA Block Obama’s plan to close Guantanamo Bay so the rest of the world will remember we rocked the torture and crazies will try to kill us so that we die.

BERJAYAAsk all citizens of our nation — men and women of good will and good heart — who are scheduled to die under the Republican plan, hurry up and do it so that there will be more shit for the survivors.

No Allowance For You!

BERJAYA No Allowance For You!
Build your own Blingee

Look atcha with your princess crown, your cartoon friends, and your fancy panties hanging out like you were never raised to be a lady.

You think that sense of style I provide for you is free???

Well, it’s not, ya little ingrate!

Little British children think they have it hard walking around with less than $10 a week in their pockets.

(Their parents can afford that because they don’t believe in orthodontics!)

In this Greatest Recession Ever (which is alleged to have ended), this family’s gone communist!

That’s right.  I’m not afraid to say it!  And I’m certainly not afraid to subject you to it!

Each according to her need, each according to whatever the hell I say!

I’m calling it the Mom Manifesto, and you will bow down or lose your video game privileges!

One out of  seven Americans now lives in poverty, and you’re lucky you’re not one of them.

Huckabee Getting His Evil On

h/t Grumpy Lion

The Huckster hustled out his old law of the Christian-Republican jungle for the Values Voter Summit.

Their values?  Sick people are pieces of shit.

It sounds so good, and it’s such a warm message to say we’re not gonna deny anyone from a preexisting condition,” Huckabee explained at the Value Voters Summit today. “Look, I think that sounds terrific, but I want to ask you something from a common sense perspective. Suppose we applied that principle [to] our property insurance. And you can call your insurance agent and say, “I’d like to buy some insurance for my house.” He’d say, “Tell me about your house.” “Well sir, it burned down yesterday, but I’d like to insure it today.” And he’ll say “I’m sorry, but we can’t insure it after it’s already burned.” Well, no preexisting conditions.”  –Mike Huckabee not realizing he’s a total cocksucker at the Values Voter Summit.

The video is Huckabee running his hustle on the anesthetized consciences of Fox News zombies a few months ago.

Moment of silence for Huckabee’s pre-existing condition. (Thanks, Nonnie!)

BERJAYA Huckabee's Preexisting Condition
When Huckster was a fatass.

Ha, Ha. Rove Had to Give Money to the Nutty Lady!

The inmates now control the asylum!!!

The architect of the demise of the Republican party not only has to watch the chickens that have come home to roost, he has to give them money!

OMG, too fucking funny!

Karl Rove puked a litany of criticisms against Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell who won GOP primary in Delaware:

  • O’Donnell’s nomination cuts into GOP chances of getting 8 or 9 Senate seats to 6 or 7.
  • She’s a professional candidate (meaning that’s all she seems to do for a living).
  • She misled voters about her college eduction.
  • It took her about 20 years to pay her college debts and she was sued for it.
  • The IRS has put a lien on her for not paying taxes.
  • She let her house be foreclosed on but sold it just in time to her boyfriend/campaign manager.
  • She sued a conservative think tank which is well regarded.
  • She does not seem to have the character that the GOP is looking for especially in regard to truthfulness.
  • She regularly denies as untruthful and fabricated what is easily provable (usually on tape)
  • She accused Mike Castle of having a homosexual affair with a young aide without any shred of evidence.

Andrew Sullivan rightly suggests Karl merely has no respect for O’Donnell’s less than skilled smear tactics.

Is there an adopted black baby from a prostitute in the house?  And Texas governor Ann Richards suffered gay rumors served up by Karl.  Ah-h-h-h-h.  Memories.

So, conservative tea party weirdos sent Karl hate mail.  And he in turn sent O’Donnell money.  O’Donnell raised one MILLION dollars today.  Republicans really are desperate for the illusion of unity.

Bonus:  Just like Newt Gingrich, O’Donnell has a lesbian sister  .  Awwww.